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Your spouse wants to take a 2 day vacation with one person of the opposite sex...


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Would you be okay with it? This was asked on Quora. Most people said they would not be okay with it and would divorce the person if they were to do that. Like, I get why they would be uncomfortable. It's 2 people of the opposite sex going on vacation where alcohol is involved. At the same time, though, what if nothing really happens? Sure your inhibitions go right out the window when it comes to alcohol and drugs, but like, what if it was an old childhood or university friend? I have 2 friends of the opposite sex who are very attractive whom I've been plastered around a good # of times. Didn't make us want to have sex. If it was my girlfriend or wife I would probably be a bit uncomfortable but I don't think I'd tell them not to go. Because what if she was on vacation and I couldn't go with her because I had to work? Am I really going to tell her not to go on vacation simply because she might cheat? There are drunk people everywhere, especially in vacation setting. It would just seem unfair to her if you ask me. Even if she was alone or with people of the same sex, she could easily meet a guy at the beach or the bar and bring him back to the hotel just like that, you know? Idk what do you guys think?

 

PS: Hope my hypothetical questions aren't annoying any of you. :p

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RecentChange

It depends on the person. There are a handful of women that I would be okay with my husband traveling with. People I know, and our mutual histories etc. And I am not going to say that I straight do not trust my husband. I do trust him, he has cheated and I trust him (call me crazy). But these are women that I would send him off on a trip with - and have zero anxiety. Any ol' female? Naw.

 

Now me? Once upon a time he totally trusted me to travel with one of my life long friends. Nothing has ever happened, or ever would happen with this guy, but since I have cheated, I wouldn't even ask to do such a thing - I trust myself not to make a mistake, but I wouldn't ask him to take that on.

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It depends on the person. There are a handful of women that I would be okay with my husband traveling with. People I know, and our mutual histories etc. And I am not going to say that I straight do not trust my husband. I do trust him, he has cheated and I trust him (call me crazy). But these are women that I would send him off on a trip with - and have zero anxiety. Any ol' female? Naw.

 

Now me? Once upon a time he totally trusted me to travel with one of my life long friends. Nothing has ever happened, or ever would happen with this guy, but since I have cheated, I wouldn't even ask to do such a thing - I trust myself not to make a mistake, but I wouldn't ask him to take that on.

 

Are any of those females (in your eyes personally) more attractive than you? I feel like that would add onto the anxiety. Not saying that that would make him cheat. Like I said I have attractive female friends that I respect as a woman and not as a piece of ass, but yeah. I feel that would make people more anxious if they viewed that person as all around more attractive. If you didn't know the girl he was going with, though, I can definitely see that adding onto some anxiety for you. Because even though your husbands intentions may be genuine, hers may not be....

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CaliforniaGirl

No, unless it was Jennifer Lawrence, in which case I'd pretty much have to slap him if he DIDN'T go.

 

Because come on. Jennifer Lawrence.

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Wouldn't be comfortable with it. The issue isn't necessarily the cheating (or at least, not the sexual aspect of cheating). I would wonder why he feels the need to vacation with another woman instead of with me - there is pretty much no reason to go with a "platonic" friend of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. There is no such thing as a "platonic opposite sex friends weekend". I wouldn't travel with another man either.

 

On the other hand, if it was a mixed group, same sex buddies, solo trip or a family member - eh, sure, go for it!

Edited by Elswyth
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Wouldn't be comfortable with it. The issue isn't necessarily the cheating (or at least, not the sexual aspect of cheating). I would wonder why he feels the need to vacation with another woman instead of with me - there is pretty much no reason to go with a "platonic" friend of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. There is no such thing as a "platonic opposite sex friends weekend". I wouldn't travel with another man either.

 

On the other hand, if it was a mixed group, same sex buddies, solo trip or a family member - eh, sure, go for it!

 

People have different schedules. Maybe you had to work while he got his vacation time. Y'know? And from what you said opposite sex friends can't be platonic? Well then that makes me wonder why me and my friend who is very attractive were able to drink together, SLEEP IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER, and not wanna have sex....hmm...

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People have different schedules. Maybe you had to work while he got his vacation time. Y'know?

 

Yes. But then why with just her rather than with a group of friends, or another guy, etc?

 

I mean, if I wanted to go somewhere and my SO couldn't go, I'd either go alone, with family, or with a female friend (or a few friends of any sex). Not with one other man.

 

And from what you said opposite sex friends can't be platonic? Well then that makes me wonder why me and my friend who is very attractive were able to drink together, SLEEP IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER, and not wanna have sex....hmm...

 

I have never said that opposite sex friends cannot be platonic, just that platonicity is in doubt if the two of them want to vacation together, IMO. And I don't necessarily mean in the sexual aspect, either.

 

What point are you trying to make exactly?

Edited by Elswyth
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Yes. But then why with just her rather than with a group of friends, or another guy, etc?

 

I mean, if I wanted to go somewhere and my SO couldn't go, I'd either go alone, with family, or with a female friend (or a few friends of any sex). Not with one other man.

 

 

 

I have never said that opposite sex friends cannot be platonic, just that platonicity is in doubt if the two of them want to vacation together, IMO. And I don't necessarily mean in the sexual aspect, either.

 

What point are you trying to make exactly?

 

It just sounds to me like you don't think that 2 opposite sex friends can enjoy a vacation weekend together without something more happening. Am I reading you wrong? If I am you're more than welcome to point that out. :)

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It just sounds to me like you don't think that 2 opposite sex friends can enjoy a vacation weekend together without something more happening. Am I reading you wrong? If I am you're more than welcome to point that out. :)

 

You are absolutely wrong. Repeating myself for the 3rd time here - I would wonder why he feels the need to vacation with another woman 1-on-1 instead of with me (or with a male friend, mixed sex group, etcetcetc). Whether or not they have sex is irrelevant.

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Maybe this female friend was a childhood friend of his and they just wanna catch up? If he can bring you along then cool that would definitely be more appropriate. But maybe your schedules are different and that just isn't possible at the time. I have like 3 best friends that are female. I would love to catch up with them over a 2 day vacation.

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Maybe this female friend was a childhood friend of his and they just wanna catch up? If he can bring you along then cool that would definitely be more appropriate. But maybe your schedules are different and that just isn't possible at the time. I have like 3 best friends that are female. I would love to catch up with them over a 2 day vacation.

 

Why would he need a 2-day vacation with that woman to the exclusion of all others just to catch up? Why not just lunch or coffee? IMO, traveling with someone 1-on-1 implies a certain degree of closeness. I'm not okay with that degree of closeness with an opposite sex person while in a LTR. Others' opinions might differ, obviously.

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Well a lot of my friends don't live in the same state as me, so just going out for coffee wouldn't be an option for me. If other people could come to, then great. Sometimes just having that 1 on 1 time makes it more authentic, though. Not in a romantic sense, but just a personal "you're one of my best friends" sense. Sometimes when other people are there it takes away the catching up aspect because the other friends will just wanna go out, go drinking, watch tv, listen to music and all that stuff. Doesn't mean you can't all converse with each other, but if there was more than one person involved, then all the "Oh do you remember when that happened?!" moments wouldn't be brought up. And those moments are the best if you ask me. Nothing like reliving old memories.

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Well a lot of my friends don't live in the same state as me, so just going out for coffee wouldn't be an option for me. If other people could come to, then great. Sometimes just having that 1 on 1 time makes it more authentic, though. Not in a romantic sense, but just a personal "you're one of my best friends" sense. Sometimes when other people are there it takes away the catching up aspect because the other friends will just wanna go out, go drinking, watch tv, listen to music and all that stuff. Doesn't mean you can't all converse with each other, but if there was more than one person involved, then all the "Oh do you remember when that happened?!" moments wouldn't be brought up. And those moments are the best if you ask me. Nothing like reliving old memories.

 

You are single, right? In that case, no issues. Also no issues if you and your future partner feel the same way about this.

 

Personally, I need certain boundaries with the opposite sex when I'm in a relationship. My partner is the same way. Lunch 1-on-1 with the opposite sex = okay. Sleeping in the same bed with the opposite sex (regardless of whether or not sex happens) = not okay. Flying long distance solely to meet ONE friend of the opposite sex = not okay.

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If you're not comfortable with that, that's fine, but that tells me that you wouldn't trust him with another woman. If you're comfortable with him getting lunch, what makes going on vacation any different?

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If you're not comfortable with that, that's fine, but that tells me that you wouldn't trust him with another woman. If you're comfortable with him getting lunch, what makes going on vacation any different?

 

For me, it's about the time, effort and money expended on the behalf of the other person, as well as the emotional investment/closeness that it implies. The majority of guys wouldn't be happy with their gf/wife flying across the country to spend a weekend with one male friend, or with her sleeping in the same bed with them, either.

 

You have to have been in a LTR to understand this.

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If you're not comfortable with that, that's fine, but that tells me that you wouldn't trust him with another woman. If you're comfortable with him getting lunch, what makes going on vacation any different?

 

Well, I can see her point and I am a man myself. It makes no sense for someone to go on a 2-day vacation with someone of the opposite gender to a remote location especially if I don't know this person myself.

 

Unlike most people, I am realistic. People are typically greedy and selfish. If there is an opening for a person to cheat and get away with it, they would take it and run. Even I would admit that if the opportunity presents itself and it is tempting enough, I would take it. Of course, when that happens is when I know my current relationship is coming to an end.

 

Besides, Elswyth has her opinion and you have yours. She isn't changing her opinion and I don't see anyone trying to change yours. Why don't you just agree to disagree? To me, you could just want to start up some unnecessary drama for no reason.

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Unlike most people, I am realistic. People are typically greedy and selfish. If there is an opening for a person to cheat and get away with it, they would take it and run. Even I would admit that if the opportunity presents itself and it is tempting enough, I would take it.

 

I personally don't agree with this, but am agreeing to disagree with you. :p

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heavenonearth
Would you be okay with it? This was asked on Quora. Most people said they would not be okay with it and would divorce the person if they were to do that. Like, I get why they would be uncomfortable. It's 2 people of the opposite sex going on vacation where alcohol is involved. At the same time, though, what if nothing really happens? Sure your inhibitions go right out the window when it comes to alcohol and drugs, but like, what if it was an old childhood or university friend? I have 2 friends of the opposite sex who are very attractive whom I've been plastered around a good # of times. Didn't make us want to have sex. If it was my girlfriend or wife I would probably be a bit uncomfortable but I don't think I'd tell them not to go. Because what if she was on vacation and I couldn't go with her because I had to work? Am I really going to tell her not to go on vacation simply because she might cheat? There are drunk people everywhere, especially in vacation setting. It would just seem unfair to her if you ask me. Even if she was alone or with people of the same sex, she could easily meet a guy at the beach or the bar and bring him back to the hotel just like that, you know? Idk what do you guys think?

 

PS: Hope my hypothetical questions aren't annoying any of you. :p

 

Why is alcohol involved? What amounts? A glass of wine or a tequila all night bender?

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I personally don't agree with this, but am agreeing to disagree with you. :p

 

That's fine. I typically don't give opinions that would be popular among society these days. :)

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Why is alcohol involved? What amounts? A glass of wine or a tequila all night bender?

 

Yes why the need to highlight that there would be alcohol?

 

I can't answer this question as it would really depend on the details. It would really depend and be very person specific.

 

My husband, when we were dating, had traveled with his ex and kids for a sports tournament and they all shared a room. I was okay with that.

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RecentChange

Umm, yeah, out of the "I would trust them together" friends, I would say they are at least as attractive as I am if not more.

 

I didn't concentrate on the why. For vast majority of situations we travel together.

 

But I can think of a vacation where me and "old pal" day tripped together while Mr Change did something else.

 

And he has gone on some work shop / clinic trips for his hobby (which wouldn't make any sense for me to attend) with his guy pal, but I would have had no issue if it was one of the females "on my list".

 

He also goes to concerts occasionally with one of our mutual female friends. It's a genre of music I can't stand, they both like it, I say go! Have fun. She is one of the ladies "on the list".

Edited by RecentChange
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I will never have that problem as I would not marry someone that is still in his phase of getting drunk and going away without his spouse.

 

If my husband/boyfriend wants to go on vacation with a female friend, in a type of resort with alcohol, than he wants to be single. I would arrange that for him.

Edited by Gaeta
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Well, I can see her point and I am a man myself. It makes no sense for someone to go on a 2-day vacation with someone of the opposite gender to a remote location especially if I don't know this person myself.

 

Unlike most people, I am realistic. People are typically greedy and selfish. If there is an opening for a person to cheat and get away with it, they would take it and run. Even I would admit that if the opportunity presents itself and it is tempting enough, I would take it. Of course, when that happens is when I know my current relationship is coming to an end.

 

Besides, Elswyth has her opinion and you have yours. She isn't changing her opinion and I don't see anyone trying to change yours. Why don't you just agree to disagree? To me, you could just want to start up some unnecessary drama for no reason.

 

I'm just picking her brain that's all. I feel as though people give temptation too much power. A lot of people do cheat, though, so I guess it really can't be helped.

Edited by ZayKayWill
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Whether or not I'd be okay with it would depend on our relationship, trust, boundaries, and knowledge (if any) of the other person.

 

 

I would sometimes go away for a weekend to visit a female friend, and my wife at the time didn't have a problem with that. I never cheated on her, despite having a sexless marriage at that time as well.

 

 

My current wife would let me go away with another woman - and I've done so. She's gone away with another man - and old friend. No sex involved in either case, and no problems. Now, we also have an open relationship, but to act on it, we have to be in agreement in advance. We can honestly discuss such things, and decide if we're okay with a particular situation, or not - and then we'd act according to that mutual decision. And we have agreed in certain cases that we could go away for a night or two and have sex with someone else if we wanted.

 

 

It's all about jointly agreeing to boundaries suitable for the situation at hand, and trusting each other to respect those boundaries. So far, there has never been a violation - I really don't expect there will be after all these years of successfully dealing with these issues together.

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I have a much more realistic (some would say pessimistic) view of human nature than many.

 

 

A Chinese friend I had once said, "It's the confident swimmer that drowns".

 

 

It's great to be a confident person and all but a healthy dose of mistrust of yourself and others is also a positive.

 

 

I believe people in general have way to much confidence in themselves when it comes to their abilities at self control and wind up putting themselves in situations they can't handle.

 

 

And add a little alcohol to the mix and I trust myself and others even less.

 

 

I think you get what I'm saying.

Edited by bachdude
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