How far is too far?

[Shanex]

Yes, we have a pretty big forum dedicated to LDR around here, but this is sort of a survey. I'm wondering how far you can go for a single date, or to maintain a relationship if both of you have no intention to move in together within the first 6 months, a year... ymmv.

 

What are for you the pros and cons of dating someone living pretty far from your place? I'll say that - 150 miles, to give a number - is a lot. After all this also depend if you're living in the countryside, or have to drive through a major metropolitan areas and red lights.

 

I'm expecting you folks to have very different responses, and we probably won't reach a consensus but this might be interesting for people in these situations. Though, to be clear let's not talk 'catfish' or scammers, I am talking about people you are willing to make a long drive, or people you have already met, so real people. Skype and exchanging numbers make it easier to unmask theses fake accounts/scammers but it need to be reminded.

[central]

7957 miles. Nearly 20 hours travel time. We dated for a year - only a few dates, but each was 2 to 3 weeks long.

 

There are no pros to LDRs, but if you are falling in love, you may want to attempt it anyway. Lots of cons, though - you seldom see each other, it's difficult to get together, you're sexually frustrated and lonely, which makes it likelier that you'll break up or cheat. Given the international component and some other constraints, it couldn't work out; eventually, we had to accept that and move on.

 

I ended up dating (and marrying) a women only 100 miles away (less than 2 hours by car - we could even see each other during the week if we really wanted to). I moved to her town after a year, but was telecommuting and working from her house for the 6 months prior.

[basil67]

I reckon 20-30 mins travel time. I live in a capital city, so that's around 5-10 kms LOL

[road]

About one hour by car. Because you'll have to drive another hour to get back home after the date.

 

 

Dinner two hours, movie two hours, picnic in the park two hours, visit museum, day at the beach, etc. The point is not to spend more time traveling to her house and then back to your own house then the time you spend with her on the date.

 

 

When dating someone you should want to and they should want to see you every day.

[Shanex]

Relationships and marriage are sometimes rough, I don't show jealousy for my friends wedding, don't fake a smile, I'm genuine. But there's a bit of a social pressure that want us celibate from either sex., especially coming from an educator.

 

J'ai plus bcp de manger de ne veux puis trois jours... ah, je vais finir par aller la bas paris dedans les catacombes avec mes potes à moitié ces entracte.

 

Road: the odd thing he has never asked her number, je lui disais fermement mais courtoisie ''What do you expect..et pis suis timide etc...) c'est rare la chance pour les hommes de notre hommes que la libération sexuele dont les parents étaient aussi pas moi,

[Gloria25]

Although I don't need to see the person I'm dating every day, if I was in a serious RL with someone, I'd at least like them to be closer.

 

I mean, what if you wanna have a spontaneous roll in the hay?

 

IMO, it's just hard to really get to know someone organically when they are so far away. I mean, even if the you both spend like whole weekends together, it's like you only see a fraction of that person - which is probably them on their best behavior not to ruin the "visit".

 

Where I live, you can easily "commute" one hour just to get to your job - but still, making that drive on the regular? I don't know. I had a gf who literally lived about an hour driving and I hated the drive; and, only went to her like once every so many weeks.

 

So, I'm flexible - depending on the guy, type of RL, etc.

[Shanex]

Relationships and marriage are sometimes rough, I don't show jealousy for my friends wedding, don't fake a smile, I'm genuine. But there's a bit of a social pressure that want us celibate from either sex., especially coming from an educator.

 

J'ai plus bcp de manger de ne veux puis trois jours... ah, je vais finir par aller la bas paris dedans les catacombes avec mes potes à moitié ces entracte.

 

Road: the odd thing he has never asked her number, je lui disais fermement mais courtoisie ''What do you expect..et pis suis timide etc...) c'est rare la chance pour les hommes de notre hommes que la libération sexuele dont les parents étaient aussi pas moi,

 

God what a goof, I was writing the above in French to someone and didn't even realize on LS. Sorry.

 

I'm wandering tonight probably too much. And I am exhausted.

 

Thanks Gloria.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Shanex

[carhill]

I'm wondering how far you can go for a single date

These days, not far, maybe twenty minutes down the highway but I think the longest I went for a first date, driving four wheels and a seat, back in the crazy days, was about 250 miles around the back side of Sierras.

or to maintain a relationship if both of you have no intention to move in together within the first 6 months, a year... ymmv.

Oh, I'd never consider long-distance, back then anyway, if moving, getting together and getting married wasn't on the roadmap.

 

What are for you the pros and cons of dating someone living pretty far from your place?

No real pros I can think of other than some adventure.

I'll say that - 150 miles, to give a number - is a lot.

Yeah, that is a lot, one way. I'd never do that again. My exW lived 60 miles away and we were doing that weekly for a couple years until we got married.

After all this also depend if you're living in the countryside, or have to drive through a major metropolitan areas and red lights.

YMMV, for myself it was 20 miles to humans of any quantity, then whatever to date. Where I am now, humans are only a few miles away. Still, population of any size, if desiring a a dating 'pool', it's a good 20 miles.

 

I'm expecting you folks to have very different responses, and we probably won't reach a consensus but this might be interesting for people in these situations. Though, to be clear let's not talk 'catfish' or scammers, I am talking about people you are willing to make a long drive, or people you have already met, so real people. Skype and exchanging numbers make it easier to unmask theses fake accounts/scammers but it need to be reminded.

I've done the gamut; the furthest, like another poster, being pretty long distance, basically from LA to Odessa, UA, as example, and multiple times usually for 2-3 weeks per trip. Of all the experience, I think I only ran into one scammer and my driver caught them up right away and steered me clear. None that I can recall domestically, at least overt scammers. All were unknowns prior to first meeting. Only one who met me halfway was my exW.

 

Too far IMO is when one looks at the whole picture and goes 'meh'. Romance should be exciting and energizing, even if at a distance. If it isn't, don't go.

[Shanex]

Exactly, carhill. The motivation to meet someone possibly on the other side de such and such nation subsides over years. Personally and the only pros I may find is, you're free most of the time but this would be in FB or FWB scenarios and arrangement. Gloria is correct. I cannot be in love with someone and see each other once a month at best for a Netflix and chill.

 

Oh that's personal but I will give myself away, I once took a 6 hours fly to meet up with a woman, and I would never do this again. You know, we are more careless at 20 year old...

Edited January 3, 2017 by Shanex

[Els]

We did 5000+ miles. There was an intention to close the distance, but it wasn't possible within the first year, which is part of your criteria. I had to finish my degree first.

 

There were no 'pros' to the situation in and of itself. LDRs suck, period. Long distance is something you put up with because you believe that a future with that person could be worth it, not something you go seeking in and of itself (as you said, catfish don't count). It's like having a partner who is diagnosed with cancer - you remain together despite the diagnosis, you don't go looking to find a partner with cancer.

 

That said, enduring the distance was more than worth it IMO. We've had 6 happy years together (and counting) after closing the distance.

[angel.eyes]

One hour max each way.

[Larryville]

This is a good question, for me the older I’m getting the less likely I am to want to drive a long distance and I don’t make the kind of money to be flying places to meet someone.

 

I guess it depends on how into the person you are.

 

But I also know that distance in the end does not matter it is the commitment to each other that matters.

 

I have no highway or traffic issues so driving an hour or more is not a big deal but several people I dated where the drive was that long eventually I grew tired of driving. My second wife when we started dating lived 2 hours away I drive to see her every weekend but I knew she was special to me at the time.

 

On the flip side I have dated people who literally lived around the corner from me and I did not see them any more often because of their work schedules, family, community, personal activities and other commitments.

 

On the OLD sites I use to limit myself to someone one hour away, but I have started considering searching greater distances. My local pond is dried up

 

Bottom line commitments are more of a mental distance than a physical one.

[BikerAccnt]

My GF is about 25 minutes away, all highway. That's as far as I'm willing to go these days, and honestly, even that gets tiring. Probably due the the fact that I am 35 minute drive from work so, if I want to see her on a work day, Ii'm spending over 2 hours total of my day driving. Not a lot to some, but more than plenty for me.

 

Additionally like someone else mentioned, it's hard to be spontaneous if you are much further out than that.