Apparently, I suck at relationships

[DrReplyInRhymes]

So, teach me.

 

How do you keep a woman you love. I know they are all different, and different strokes for different folks.

 

Give me some generalities, from both genders. I know how females say what they want when they mean the exact opposite, but what are some ways that can be universal?

 

How do you keep a woman you love for as long as you can before you inevitably lose them to someone better or tragedy?

[Redhead14]

So, teach me.

 

How do you keep a woman you love. I know they are all different, and different strokes for different folks.

 

Give me some generalities, from both genders. I know how females say what they want when they mean the exact opposite, but what are some ways that can be universal?

 

How do you keep a woman you love for as long as you can before you inevitably lose them to someone better or tragedy?

 

Women want and need 5 basic things: Respect, trust/honesty, comfort, affection and security. Some women might want a couple of other things and you'd just have to know her well enough and communicate well enough to know them.

 

As long as you keep all of those things in mind with everything you say and do, it will not be any failure of yours if the relationship fails.

[elaine567]

... I know how females say what they want when they mean the exact opposite,

 

Try not referring to women as "females" for a start.

[gaius]

You need to be intimate with her for one. I fell in love with the love of my life talking and sharing with her. I remember the first time I saw her on here, when she posted a thread about how people had abandoned her after her husband died. She wrote this beautiful, heart filled expression that connected with me. And when we started talking I laid bare myself as well. No bull****. Both the ugly and beautiful parts. The many sexy and the few unsexy ones too. And we connected and fell in love.

 

You know I like you Rhymes, but honestly after 1,000 posts I know almost nothing about you. Except for the stuff about your family kind of abandoning you. I don't know where you live, where you grew up, what you do. What your opinions are about most things. You just come on here and rhyme most of the time to entertain people. You rarely inject yourself, who you are into the conversation. And yeah, LS ain't real life but if you're just performing for people most of the time there too that's probably it right there.

 

It also helps as a man to be strong, to be in reasonable shape and to have some money in your pocket. Stop with the stuff about her finding someone better than you. You've already lost if you go into a relationship thinking there's someone better than you out there for her. Good luck man.

[basil67]

So, teach me.

 

How do you keep a woman you love. I know they are all different, and different strokes for different folks.

 

Give me some generalities, from both genders. I know how females say what they want when they mean the exact opposite, but what are some ways that can be universal?

 

How do you keep a woman you love for as long as you can before you inevitably lose them to someone better or tragedy?

 

I asked my hubby for advice on this.

 

You need to ditch your cynicism. He says you've got no hope if you have a cynical outlook. I agree with him. Just on these three paragraphs alone, I would not date you.

 

Hubby has also never experienced "females saying what they want and meaning the exact opposite". Sure, it can happen, but it's not the norm. And if it did happen to him, he would dump the woman. If you think this truly represents the majority of women, then you are making yourself undateable.

 

Your final paragraph about *inevitably* losing a woman to tragedy or someone else? Gimme a break. Why would a woman want to date a man who doesn't see a long and positive future with her?

 

The problem is your outlook.

[basil67]

Try not referring to women as "females" for a start.

 

DrReply, if you don't understand this - let me give you a lesson in grammar.

 

Female is an adjective,not a noun. An adjective is use to describe a noun. A female passenger. A female co-worker. A female politician. A female cadaver.

 

If you want to connect with women, start using nouns to describe us.

[elaine567]

How do you keep a woman you love for as long as you can before you inevitably lose them to someone better or tragedy?

 

Sounds like you are catastrophizing here

What is Catastrophizing?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Ok, so far, this is what I've heard:

 

Use women instead of females for terminology.

 

Don't count on dying, but enjoy living in the moment.

 

Be honest when being intimate, the good with the bad.

 

Have a better outlook when I have a girlfriend texting the guy from the gym who is interested in her.

 

If all else fails, find a new relationship.

 

So basically, don't get a girlfriend, have fun, and hope for the best?

Any other noteworthy advice?

[thecrucible]

For me, whenever I've fallen out of love it's because I've felt that there wasn't enough affection or proper intimacy (having real conversation occasionally where I'm feel like I'm connecting, not just talking to a friend). I'd also want to feel secure in his affection and that he'll be there for me through all days, good and bad. I'd want to spend a little bit of quality time together even if just setting aside a day month (I know life can get busy) to go out somewhere - doesn't have to be expensive either. I think it's consistency you need. If either of you fall out of making an effort and leave it too long, it's often too late to restart and build feelings again from scratch.

[RecentChange]

How do you keep a woman you love?

 

Find one that loves you.

 

There is nothing you can do to make someone stay when they do not want to, and you have to mess up pretty good to cause one to leave when they love you and don't want to go.

[basil67]

Use women instead of females for terminology.

*correct.

 

Don't count on dying, but enjoy living in the moment.

*we will all die. But don't expect that the love of your life will leave you for someone else (which was the actual bit I was referring to in your paragraph). Though if you do expect them to leave for someone better than you, they almost certainly will. Have you heard of a 'Self Fulfilling Prophecy?'. Look it up.

 

Be honest when being intimate, the good with the bad.

*honest but sensitive

 

Have a better outlook when I have a girlfriend texting the guy from the gym who is interested in her.

*Epic fail in missing the point and prime example of your ongoing cynicism. The statement should be "IF I have a girlfriend who texts a guy". And the answer is: "IF it happens, I dump her. And I will be confident in finding someone better"

If all else fails, find a new relationship.

*Yes

 

So basically, don't get a girlfriend, have fun, and hope for the best?

Any other noteworthy advice?

*where did "don't get a girlfriend" come from? But yes, have fun and hope for the best. Positive outlook at all times.

Edited December 29, 2016 by basil67

[basil67]

Elaine is also onto something. As well as ditching the cynicism, you need to stop catastrophizing. Neither trait will attract a good partner.

[bluefeather]

Yeah you need to stop catastrophizing bruh .

 

haha jk..

 

So basically, don't get a girlfriend, have fun, and hope for the best?

Any other noteworthy advice?

 

 

That sounds pretty good, actually.

[Poutrew]

My advice is don't be so needy. You are acting as if getting a girlfriend is the only important thing in your life. It isn't. Get out and enjoy things on your own. Don't be anti social, but don't be afraid to do things alone either. If you find yourself enjoying something which involves others, you will find friends, and some of them will be women, and maybe one of them will gravitate to you au natural... and one day you will stop yourself in mid conversation and smack yourself on the head with the realization that you have a girlfriend, and you didn't even realize it!

[whichwayisup]

Ok, so far, this is what I've heard:

 

Use women instead of females for terminology.

 

Don't count on dying, but enjoy living in the moment.

 

Be honest when being intimate, the good with the bad.

 

Have a better outlook when I have a girlfriend texting the guy from the gym who is interested in her.

 

If all else fails, find a new relationship.

 

So basically, don't get a girlfriend, have fun, and hope for the best?

Any other noteworthy advice?

 

Why assume this is going to happen? Going in thinking this isn't good at all.

 

Life is short and if you can find someone you connect with and loves you, go for it. Just love and respect her, be kind hearted and have faith that things will work out.

[Satu]

Ditch the cynicism.

 

It's a very unattractive trait.

[Nowty V]

Be aware:

 

1. That you are male, your gender gives you a totally different life experience and attitude to a member of the opposite gender. You have your own.

 

2. You did not grow up in her family so you have a completely different familial experience, politics, morals etc. You have your own.

 

3. You did not grow up in her society, you have a completely different societal experience to her, integration, school, work etc. You have your own.

 

Your own life experiences will colour your outlook, develop your prejudices, your ideals and your hopes.

 

When you meet a woman who flicks your switch, and you initiate contact, you invest her with your prejudiced expectations and hopes for her.

 

It is called falling in love.

 

After awhile, when you realise she does not live up to your prejudiced expectations and hopes ... you fall out of love.

 

When you start becoming aware of a woman, admire her and respect her for who and what she is; Not what you subconsciously hope and expect her to be.

Edited December 29, 2016 by Nowty V

[Gaeta]

How do you keep a woman you love for as long as you can before you inevitably lose them to someone better or tragedy?

 

Maybe you should put your efforts in finding someone that loves you back as well instead of focusing on your feelings only.

 

When there is mutual love there is no someone leaving, there is no one texting others from the gym.

 

To keep someone you need first to pick the <right one>. Know what you want and only seek those. Don't put up with BS and discard as soon as you see a couple of red flags. The right one does not come with red flags and doesn't come with drama. It's smooth and unfolds effortless.

[GoodOnPaper]

For me, this turned out to be a no-win scenario. The only way to keep a woman (going over 20 years now) was to be the partner who's less attracted/interested - not bad but also not that satisfying. With the few girls who would date me when I was single, I was always the one more interested - and ultimately, always the one dumped.

 

Although, to be honest, everything was really more about getting the relationships than the women themselves. My loser-with-women self image and other "nice guy" inner demons have always loomed large. Deep down, slaying those is what I really hoped for - not exactly the healthiest approach to things. If you have similar issues, I definitely recommend trying to work through them before getting entangled in an LTR.

 

As some posters have pointed out, if you come across a partner who really likes you at least some of the work will be taken out of your hands. There was nothing I could do or say to make those other girls more interested in me and there was nothing I could do or say to make my wife less interested in me, so there you go.

[Els]

For me, this turned out to be a no-win scenario. The only way to keep a woman (going over 20 years now) was to be the partner who's less attracted/interested - not bad but also not that satisfying.

 

I feel terribly sorry for your wife. Does she know how you feel about her?

[GoodOnPaper]

I feel terribly sorry for your wife. Does she know how you feel about her?

 

She knows about the issues I struggle with and she matches each one with a weight-related insecurity of her own. She knows she did the heavy lifting in moving the relationship forward - but it seems to be the woman who is doing that in many relationships, anyway. When I look at what we have in the context of what I read on LS, I'd rate our day-to-day compatibility, affection, and just liking each other as very high. On the other hand, the physical connection is much more challenging - not that I don't have sexual feelings toward her, but our respective issues really get in the way.

 

But this is just a small sample of the possible pros/cons that the OP will face if he just goes with someone who really likes him, as some have suggested. I will say that one thing I may have had in common with the OP is that when I was single, if any competition reared its head, I always lost out ... Always. Not having to worry about that anymore has been a relief.

[spiderowl]

I don't know about other women but for me it's about connection, respect and security:

 

By 'connection', I mean being honest, heart to heart, wanting that kind of emotional intimacy, being vulnerable with each other - emotional intimacy is pretty intoxicating.

 

Respect - knowing he values my opinion, that he can learn something from me, that I am worthy of proper acknowledgement in the relationship, treating me with kindness and consideration.

 

Security - knowing he wants me, feeling he is not likely to wander, knowing he will be there for me, knowing he is constant and reliable. Finally, not expecting me to bear all the practical burdens, jobs, money.