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How do you romance a guy?


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Alright Love Shackers, I need some ideas.

 

The Mr. has been really stepping his game up lately and I feel like I am falling short!

 

Between bringing home my favorite foods for dinner so I didn't have to cook (which required stops at several stores), to flowers....

 

To waking up one morning to find a long love note, and hand made thoughtful gifts..... OMG, I don't deserve such treatment!

 

Have always been bad at "romance". And I don't even know what to do for a guy.... You don't buy him flowers!

 

Before you say reward him with sex - while he certainly enjoys sex, I am the one with a higher drive, so I often feel like that isn't so much for him. I'll dress up and send him racy pictures as well - but again, I feel like I am just revving him up for my benefit, not so much that it's a selfless thing to do for him.

 

And I cook him his favorite meals regularly etc - that doesn't feel "special" enough.

 

So guys, what does your lady do that makes you feel special? I want to spoil him. Let him know I appreciate him. I say it with words, but I want to show it with action.

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How 'bout giving him a massage?

 

And, while sex is already great - why not make the encounters a bit "interesting"....like, having wine glasses set in front of a roaring fire. How 'bout drawing him a warm bath and serving him a beer or wine to go with that bath?

 

Is he into sports or a particular music venue? Why not get some good tickets and give him a night of food, entertainment and you pampering him?

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And I cook him his favorite meals regularly etc - that doesn't feel "special" enough.

 

Why do you think this isn't "special" whereas him buying you your favourite foods is? I mean, personally I think dropping by the store is much lower effort than cooking - if I had to pick between doing either of the two, the former would be a no-brainer. When I was single, I'd get takeaway for myself all the time, because it was so much simpler than cooking. Unfortunately, my guy views cooking as more "special", so cooking it is. :p Not to disparage what he does for you at all, just curious why you view your own efforts as 'nothing'.

 

I like the suggestion of a massage, aside from that I think just carry on with what you're doing.

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First off, even if your drive is higher, don't think for a second that he does not love you reving him up for later that night. Also, don't take for granted that he does not "LOVE" the fact that you want him as much as you do. He is only too happy to "Try and keep up", you can trust me on that.

 

The woman that made me work to keep up with them, always got my best and made me feel like a king. So a pic of his favorite part of you sent to him while you know he is in a meeting will bring a smile to his face, guaranteed.

 

Gloria had some great ideas that I think would work as well. A lot of that sounds great.

 

Does he have any hobbies that he likes? Buying him something that he would not but himself is always a good idea. A new socket set always gets my motor running.

 

But you know what, what a great problem to have. Trying to out do each other in the ways you show that person how much you love them.

 

You are a lucky woman...

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Alright Love Shackers, I need some ideas.

 

The Mr. has been really stepping his game up lately and I feel like I am falling short!

 

Between bringing home my favorite foods for dinner so I didn't have to cook (which required stops at several stores), to flowers....

 

To waking up one morning to find a long love note, and hand made thoughtful gifts..... OMG, I don't deserve such treatment!

 

Have always been bad at "romance". And I don't even know what to do for a guy.... You don't buy him flowers!

 

Before you say reward him with sex - while he certainly enjoys sex, I am the one with a higher drive, so I often feel like that isn't so much for him. I'll dress up and send him racy pictures as well - but again, I feel like I am just revving him up for my benefit, not so much that it's a selfless thing to do for him.

 

And I cook him his favorite meals regularly etc - that doesn't feel "special" enough.

 

So guys, what does your lady do that makes you feel special? I want to spoil him. Let him know I appreciate him. I say it with words, but I want to show it with action.

 

 

Seems as though you see things as a contest and he's winning the "game" and it's overwhelming you.

 

It's obvious from your post that you don't feel you deserve to be treated as someone special and maybe you don't trust his love for you.

 

It seems you prefer to have the upper hand the game, and he has scored more points so far and you're skeptical of his true feelings for you.

 

My advice is to relax and just be yourself and don't panic that you need to do more than you are already doing.

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Hum - I don't think that I am competing with him. And I also trusts he loves me, I have absolutely no doubt about that. I have noticed he is going out of his way to do thoughtful things, and I do not feel like I am necessarily doing the same. I have learned part of what makes a 15+ year relationship work is putting in an effort.

 

I am not always as considerate as I would like to be - it's something I am trying to improve upon. For example I am terrible about giving compliments - I try to for him, but in my day to day - it's something I want to change - everyone likes their day being brightened in that way.

 

I want to brighten his day the way that note on my dresser does.

 

As for ideas - thanks!

 

He already gets massages, and our bathtub sucks :(

 

But - that gives me an idea! Been eons since we have gone to the spa / massage place. I should book an evening.

 

Concert / sporting event tickets are good suggestions as well, he is a junky for both (we have a joint account, but it's the thought that counts right :lmao:)

 

Blues - point taken. I'll stop feeling selfish about chasing his tail.

 

And I keep it pretty damn spicy, even if it's not wine by the fire.

 

Something for his motorcycle would really surprise him, and I know he has been eyeing some parts.

 

And as for cooking / verses buying. Well I do the grocery shopping / cooking any way, so it's not a big deal to grab a bone in ribeye for one night. But I very much appreciated him driving way out of his way to get to a particular shop to pick up one item (best curchuri shop around) . Then across town for another (best bakery), then to another (favorite winery), plus favorite chocolates. I hate running all over town to run errands and love to cook. It was a bunch of stuff I loved, but would never go out of my way to get like that.

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GorillaTheater

Even though I think it's valid stuff, I feel a little nerdy bringing it up: do you know what his love language is? You know, acts of service, touch, recreational time, etc. What sort of thing makes him feel loved the most?

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I once gave an ex of mine a little pot full of bits of paper with reasons why I admired him or was proud of him... It also had small copies of photos from happy times.

 

You could take him out on a date to the movies.

 

You could find a daft silly poem that will make him giggle.

 

You could write a message on the mirror for him to find when he goes to shave in the morning.

 

Just googled love languages and I agree with Gorilla that would be a good place to start.

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Even though I think it's valid stuff, I feel a little nerdy bringing it up: do you know what his love language is? You know, acts of service, touch, recreational time, etc. What sort of thing makes him feel loved the most?

 

Eh, it's not nerdy and a very valid question!

 

Truth is, I am not sure. I don't remember them all of the top of my head, but I seem to remember "words of validation" or something along those lines being one - and if I had to pick, that is probably tops for him.

 

He can be a hard nut because I will ask him what can I do for you?! I ask him what sorts of things make him happy - because I do express my needs to him clearly (flirt with me / give attention etc). And he always bounces it back that "making you happy makes me happy" - I tell him dittto! That's why I want some feedback.

 

So perhaps the bathroom love note would be a good one too. It's one of those things that is out of my comfort zone, feel like I am bad at it - but I bet he would like something like that.

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Even though I think it's valid stuff, I feel a little nerdy bringing it up: do you know what his love language is? You know, acts of service, touch, recreational time, etc. What sort of thing makes him feel loved the most?

 

GT this is an excellent question and more people here should indeed understand that because we all have them, this goes to someone having a high EQ

 

I know mine is touch (Non-sexual touch) with quality time being a close second. I’m big on communication too.

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Eh, it's not nerdy and a very valid question!

 

Truth is, I am not sure. I don't remember them all of the top of my head, but I seem to remember "words of validation" or something along those lines being one - and if I had to pick, that is probably tops for him.

 

He can be a hard nut because I will ask him what can I do for you?! I ask him what sorts of things make him happy - because I do express my needs to him clearly (flirt with me / give attention etc). And he always bounces it back that "making you happy makes me happy" - I tell him dittto! That's why I want some feedback.

 

So perhaps the bathroom love note would be a good one too. It's one of those things that is out of my comfort zone, feel like I am bad at it - but I bet he would like something like that.

 

If he likes words then the pot of reasons why you love and admire him would be good too. Also sending random texts, random phone calls to tell him what you admire or like, tip though always keep it true. And don't forget to praise him to others...

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