Midlifecrisis1 Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 So an ex boyfriend from college friended me on Facebook and then messaged me. We had a few messages back and forth and then he asked if he could call me sometime because the messaging back and forth isn't efficient. We are both married and haven't had any contact since college...25 years. Is it inappropriate if I say it's fine for him to call to chat? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 (edited) A lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, but I am of the belief that it is perfectly okay to still remain cordial with past lovers. I actually prefer to have a partner that is friends with her exes as it shows great emotional maturity. I say go ahead and go for it. I would talk to your husband first, though. He may not like it or may react improperly but I would just assure him that you're just catching up and that it's not a means to meet up with him or something like that. Also would probably be a good idea to let him know that he is also married. PS: If he does react to you poorly (which he may), either he's insecure (which can be normal since a LOT of people do end up cheating especially with past lovers) or it's a sign he doesn't trust you. Just thought I'd throw that out there so you might have an idea of how to respond. Good luck. Edited December 16, 2016 by ZayKayWill Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 If you are happily married, I see no reason why you would want to crack open that door....so to speak.... I'd probably just send a message/greeting, but then leave it at that... I'm old enough to remember the days when technology like this didn't exist....When someone was gone......they were pretty much gone...If you wanted to track someone down after 25 years backthen, you might have to hire a P.I. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 (edited) If you are happily married, I see no reason why you would want to crack open that door....so to speak.... I'd probably just send a message/greeting, but then leave it at that... I'm old enough to remember the days when technology like this didn't exist....When someone was gone......they were pretty much gone...If you wanted to track someone down after 25 years backthen, you might have to hire a P.I. TFY Because she wants to catch up and see how he's doing? It's no different than reconnecting with an old friend. Not sure why it's so wrong. They had a thing before, and now that's over and done with. No reason why they can't be adults about the whole matter. Edited December 16, 2016 by ZayKayWill Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 If you have a good relationship with your spouse, I’d suggest that you check this over with him at length before you decide to do anything. However, if yours or your ex-boyfriend’s marriage is struggling, the answer is a definite no -- you most certainly do not want to tolerate outside temptations at this time. Hope this helps! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Bad move and nothing good will come of it. Seen this play out too many times. He's fishing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Bad move and nothing good will come of it. Seen this play out too many times. He's fishing. You don't know that for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
DannyCA Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Im probably gonna catch flack for this but I think you can only remain friends with ex's that you never really cared about or maybe (better phrased) can't see any future with anymore. To each there own though, however I don't really see reconnecting as a problem whether you were a past lover or strictly friend. However, your name is midlifecrisis?? Surely you can't not expect us to see that as a red flag? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Because she wants to catch up and see how he's doing? It's no different than reconnecting with an old friend. Not sure why it's so wrong. They had a thing before, and now that's over and done with. No reason why they can't be adults about the whole matter. Nowhere did I say it's wrong... And to say it's "no different than reconnecting with an old friend" is ludicrous...I never fcked any of my friends... Its not about being an adult or not...Anyone is entitled to do what they want and sure, there are people that successfully reconnect....I just happen to be in the same camp as the other poster..He's likely fishing.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midlifecrisis1 Posted December 16, 2016 Author Share Posted December 16, 2016 Im probably gonna catch flack for this but I think you can only remain friends with ex's that you never really cared about or maybe (better phrased) can't see any future with anymore. To each there own though, however I don't really see reconnecting as a problem whether you were a past lover or strictly friend. However, your name is midlifecrisis?? Surely you can't not expect us to see that as a red flag? lol...good catch Danny. Although I have no interest in this ex boyfriend at all, i did have an affair which ended 4 months ago. dh does not know. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 I have no interest in this ex boyfriend at all And yet you do have an interest in the validation his attention brings. Lots of energy being wasted there that could either be put into getting your M back on track or moving on to something more healthy... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Terry8889 Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 lol...good catch Danny. Although I have no interest in this ex boyfriend at all, i did have an affair which ended 4 months ago. dh does not know. Oh so you had an affair and your husband doesnt know? mmmh Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 lol...good catch Danny. Although I have no interest in this ex boyfriend at all, i did have an affair which ended 4 months ago. dh does not know. You have enough interest to ask strangers on the internet what they think. If you really have "no interest", then what's the big deal? You either have "no interest" enough to go or not to go. Either way, it's just lunch or dinner or drinks or a snog in a taxi. What's the big deal? Clearly not your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 So an ex boyfriend from college friended me on Facebook and then messaged me. We had a few messages back and forth and then he asked if he could call me sometime because the messaging back and forth isn't efficient. We are both married and haven't had any contact since college...25 years. Is it inappropriate if I say it's fine for him to call to chat? Because she wants to catch up and see how he's doing? It's no different than reconnecting with an old friend. Not sure why it's so wrong. They had a thing before, and now that's over and done with. No reason why they can't be adults about the whole matter. lol...good catch Danny. Although I have no interest in this ex boyfriend at all, i did have an affair which ended 4 months ago. dh does not know. Your just hunting for your next game.. Link to post Share on other sites
sassyunicorn Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 So an ex boyfriend from college friended me on Facebook and then messaged me. We had a few messages back and forth and then he asked if he could call me sometime because the messaging back and forth isn't efficient. We are both married and haven't had any contact since college...25 years. Is it inappropriate if I say it's fine for him to call to chat? In my ideal world, I'd say make sure to tell your husband so you aren't hiding anything and it's totally okay to be friends. 25 years is plenty long to just be adults and have a friend of the opposite sex. In my personal experience, getting close to that friend, despite the plan for being "just friends" can be a slippery slope. For me, the close friendship that we should have is littered with things that wouldn't be there if it wasn't an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 The "calling" thing would give me pause. FB friends - sure, why not, as long as he's behaving? But I would wonder about jumping right into calling. Why so eager? How lonely is this guy? He has no friends already? I'd assume he might be fishing and would politely state I was glad to keep in touch via FB but that I was not comfortable taking things to the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
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