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Have you ever forgiven someone who called you a bunch of names to hurt you?


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Not gonna get too detailed here. My ex did this to me when we broke up. Yet she still wanted to be friends....which made me resent her even more. I just can't bring myself to not hate her for it. Once the damage is done, it's done...right? Sure they can apologize and show remorse for their actions, as in they say they didn't mean what they said or that they take back whatever it was that they said, but so what? At the time, you damn well meant it. So why should I accept their apology? She hasn't done this we're not even talking anymore, but I guess in my mind I wonder, "What if she did apologize?" The way I see it once you say something, you can't take it back. At the time you meant it and I can find a woman who wouldn't have tried to put me down regardless of how awful she felt. Idk. Am I looking at this the wrong way? I know a lot of people do things in the heat of the moment and all that stuff, but still. That doesn't make it okay.

 

I guess it wouldn't be impossible to forgive her, but she would have to really go out of her way and really put forth some effort into it. She'd have to do something really big.

Edited by ZayKayWill
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I don't know...

 

I mean, if someone did something really f-d up, how can you not wonder if they're capable of doing it to you again.

 

Dude did something to hurt me recently and part of me thinks he didn't realize how serious it is what he did...but part of me doesn't trust him anymore.

 

I'm battling big time. I don't know...

 

My friends/family are like don't ever speak to him again.

 

He did say he was sorry, but, I don't know. I don't know. Cuz, what he did took me by surprise. It really did.

 

I believe if you're gonna forgive, you shouldn't forget. But the person has to rebuild your trust again - big time.

 

With him, I'm not sure what to do. I mean, while I think I put him into a corner where like a scared animal he struck to protect himself, I still am wondering why he felt he had to resort to that.

 

So, I don't know what to do. I don't know.

 

For me to move on, I have to see the person rectify the situation and he already said sorry so that's one good step - I think. But I'm still scared to trust him, and I already have problems trusting people.

 

So, I don't know. I believe a sincere apology and the person taking steps to rectify the situation - along with doing things to reestablish trust is what I'd be looking for. :(

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I did forgive them in order to move on but I broke up with those guys first. It wasn't just the names - in both those people it was a deeper problem I wasn't willing to take on.

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If you want to grow as a person you need to look beyond the shallow, meaningless comments made during the heat of an argument, by a person who is in pain. So yes, it's easy to forgive when you consider the source, and why they might have said what they did.

 

In other words, learn to take the high road, it keeps you out of those dirty trenches.

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Calling me names and putting me down in the heat of the moment argument?

 

Uh, yeah, I'm inclined to forgive.

 

Even if she meant what she said and didn't apologize for it?

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"I forgive you. Go with God. Go with God, but go far and do not return."

 

- Only kidding, I'd never say that to anyone :)

 

I forgive, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll spend any more time with that person.

 

 

Take care.

Edited by Satu
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It all depends on the names used and the context of the argument and how personal it all got.

General cursing and swearing in anger probably OK, as long as not oft times repeated and apologised profusely for afterwards.

Individually targetted name calling and words designed to wound and hurt deeply cannot really be forgiven easily. However if it is known that person is deeply hurt and is lashing out in distress, then perhaps it can be seen as sometimes understandable.

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DrReplyInRhymes
Even if she meant what she said and didn't apologize for it?

 

If she meant what she said and didn't apologize for it, why would there be a need to forgive? She meant what she said, and if she meant it, then that's what she thinks.

 

Am I missing something? What is there to forgive?

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Even if she meant what she said and didn't apologize for it?

 

If the person won't apologize, then how can you move forward? I mean, if they won't acknowledge that they did you wrong, then there's no resolution.

 

I mean, everyone's entitled to his/her beliefs. So, if she believes all the nasty things she said/done to you - then she has a right to. But, then, since she believes that about you and won't apologize for expressing it (especially "how" she expressed it), then you gotta decide if you still wanna be with her.

 

Like I said, for me the key to forgiveness and moving on is: 1) Sincere apology (not the "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"); 2) Reparation/fixing the bad thing said/done; and, 3) Working to regain your trust.

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My ex told me to eat sh*t and die infront of our daughter. She did this because I tried to explain to her that her smoking was bad for our infant child to be around. Of course it was dismissed as me being too paranoid and it's not as dangerous as I think. To this day I've not gotten any apology from this evil woman. She's told me worse things and I've not gotten an apology for those either. She actually believes it's acceptable to behave this way. I love my daughter but I can't stand the mere thought of this woman.

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I guess it partly depends on whether or not I deserved it. If I did, then, yeah, sure. What are friends for? I sometimes deserve to be called out on things.

 

If you mean someone calling me names to try and hurt me, to push my buttons, that's happened before. I feel sorry for them, and the name calling doesn't bother me in the least. I might even agree with them while they're doing it and call myself the same name. Like "yeah, that's right. I'm a ********!"

 

I can't really remember a time when somebody called me a name and it actually hurt my feelings. Sticks and stones, you know? It doesn't really bother me, so nothing much to forgive.

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It may be just words but to me it's a big sign or degradation and disrespect

 

Exactly. And this girl still was like, "It's okay if we're friends."

 

The f*** outta here with that s***.

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