the_entertainer1 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 In The Great Gatsby, something I like to call 'The Gatsby Effect' always resonates with me ... Gatsby tries so hard to get Daisy - he idolises her and his whole being is consumed by his desire for her, for years. When he finally does get to be with her, it's not enough. The idea of Daisy was greater than the reality of being with her, and both of them end up dissatisfied; it's futility is heart-breaking, really. This aspect rings true with me because of a situation I'm in. This guy and I have been flirting on and off for nearly five years. We used to work together, which is why we're still just flirty friends (for want of a better definition!) We've dated other people but still, in between times, found ourselves drawn back to each other. We've talked about the possibility of taking our friendship further, but earlier this year, the guy said to me (while flirting with me) that if something was going to happen between us, it would have happened years ago. I disagreed and said that it had just been a matter of timing. We're at a stage where we'll probably see each other again before Christmas and something might finally happen ... but I'm worried that it'll turn out like Gatsby and Daisy - that the actuality won't be as good as the imagined. How does one prevent that from happening? Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 How does one prevent that from happening? Cynicism... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_entertainer1 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Share Posted December 4, 2016 Cynicism... You mean, don't be hopeful like Gatsby? Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 You mean, don't be hopeful like Gatsby? Don't put people on pedestal's, lest they don't live up to your expectations. Incidentally The Great Gatsby is one of my favourite novels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Half Of What We Know Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 I think it's important to know and to get information about whether you put this guy on a pedestal truly I thinking he's amazing and thinking that the relationship is going to be the best one you ever had. I think that if you didn't put this guy on that kind a pedestal and you didn't think oh my gosh my life would be so much more meeting if I was dating him or that he would be such amazing boyfriend and he would have no faults, I think then in that sort of situation that makes that relationship unattainable. However, if you just thought man I'd really like to be with this guy and it would be Nice to take that shot but I think it's OK I think it might work out fine. But, I would trade with caution and just feel things out and keep in mind he's not going to be perfect he's human and take things as they come. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 Hi Entertainer, I think your dilemma stems from the fact that you are idealizing someone who, like you, is just a plain and simple human being. You may just be over thinking things and investing a lot of emotional energy into a fantasy situation. How old are you and this beau of yours? If you are late twenties or early thirties then I guess you would have the maturity level to see things with a realistic point of view. The kind of thinking that you are talking about sits better with people who are late teens or early twenties. I think your beau is more realistic when he says that if something was to happen it would have happened by now. Do some introspection and think in a practical and logical way about your situation. It seems to me that your fear that the reality will fall short of the fantasy in your mind is your gut telling you that everything is not Tickety boo! Just the way I seem to see it. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackCherry Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 The fact he said 'nah, if it was gonna happen it'd have happened already' indicates to me that he's not all that interested in taking this beyond flirting and being pals, sorry. If he was into you and you were both single he'd be making his moves and trying to get with you. He's trying to gently let you down as he can probably tell you're more into him than he is you (evidenced by the fact you're still thinking something could happen, and are here talking about him and hoping something might happen before Christmas). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 I think a guy who really wants a woman doesn't spend five years flirting with her, even when they are both single. You have a crush on him but I don't think he has a crush on you. People flirt for different reasons. I once knew a guy who was both narcissistic and terribly insecure. He was also very good looking and couldn't resist female attention even when it was coming from women he had no interest in and would never date. It was just so validating and ego stroking. I think this guy likes flirting with you and likes the attention you give him but doesn't want anything beyond that. A guy who seriously wants a woman doesn't tell her, if something was going to happen it would have happened years ago. That was akin to saying ain't gonna happen. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted December 5, 2016 Share Posted December 5, 2016 You never know unless you try. What do you have to lose? If it doesn't work out, break up and move on. If it does---amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
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