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What's the difference between being infatuated and being in love?


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Whenever I ask my friends about this, they can't differentiate. It's like the are both similar but the duration is the main difference. Infatuation is short-term and being in love is a little longer than that, or so they say.

 

Thoughts?

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honestyrightback

This is a good question and neither real and that's the truth. Infatuation is based on an illusion or what you think the person is. Love is when the person is in front of you and you love what is. I am so sick of hearing about love personally. Life and break ups!

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Imo, infatuation is more about physical appeal, of short duration. Love is more physical and emotional, a bonding experience, and of long(er)-term duration.

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honestyrightback
Imo, infatuation is more about physical appeal, of short duration. Love is more physical and emotional, a bonding experience, and of long(er)-term duration.

 

 

 

Well written. Those with less social experience, tend to not realize when it's infatuation and love. This is true. you have to be accepting that the love you feel is not real enough to act on. Truth. It will not last! You'll also set yourself up for disappointment since love at first sight is not real. It is so irrelevant to your life. In my case, the guy is such an arrogant **** that rather then assume to leave me and my life. He tried to manipulate me into this thoughts. It took a long time to stare this in the eye and say "charges''

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Infatuation is the chemical pull and draw to a certain person. It's the chemistry we hear about. The connection, its blocking out the bad qualities and elevating the good qualities. It's being in love with the way the person makes YOU feel.

 

Love is what happens after all that chemistry and chemicals wear off and you see the person for who they are, faults and all, and you love making THEM feel good. Even when hard times come.

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I asked this question because I wanted to know the difference between True Love, Infatuation and the feeling of being "In Love."

 

I believe the lack of our true understanding of these three is the main culprit of why Infidelities happen. Well, factor in physical attraction, too and the feeling of brand new but, I guess my main point is, how do you say "you have fallen out of love" with someone because you fell "in love" with another? How can someone be so sure that it's really love, not infatuated, or just "in love"?"

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Infatuation is the first few weeks or months when everything is perfect. The butterflies, the whole nine yards.

 

Then the reality sets in. You see the person flaws, the shortcomings, how you both fight and on what issues , the ego etc etc. Its these rough patches and the reality , that will decide if the infatuation turns into love or not. If reality is still sweet , in spite of everything, you've moved from infatuation stage to love. This takes time. If after the rose colored glasses have come off , you still want to kiss them and cuddle up and smile together, it's love.

 

Love is happens over time and the ' in love ' stage gets more ingrained.

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When you love someone you for the most part ignore the flaws, when infatuated you discover the flaws and then question why you are with them.

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For me:

 

infatuation is "I love him!'

 

Love is "I would die for him"

 

Perhaps not literally, but at times it certainly feels like it. It's about depth, his joy is my joy, his pain is my pain.

 

Infatuation is loving them, and the way they make you feel. Love is a deeper bond, an intertwined life, a vastly deeper level of caring.

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I know this is corny, but the fact is when it is love, you know it. You don't wonder, it just is.

 

Does not help to differentiate between the two, but IMHO that is the way that it is.

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DrReplyInRhymes

Infatuation is being stuck on someone or something.

 

Love is the all encompassing word that we try to understand with the limitation of language. It's like trying to describe life on earth with 1 adjective.

 

But then again, "I'm the village idiot", so, yeah.

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This is a good question and neither real and that's the truth. Infatuation is based on an illusion or what you think the person is. Love is when the person is in front of you and you love what is. I am so sick of hearing about love personally. Life and break ups!
I'd differentiate between LOVE and being IN LOVE.

 

To me,

 

Infatuation is where you barely know the person, or you know them but nothing has really developed between you yet. You're hopeful, and you want to get to be with that person, but it hasn't happened.

 

Being IN LOVE is where both of you feel the infatuation, and you're feeding off of each other and it escalates like 10000000%. You will know when you're in love.

 

LOVE is when the IN LOVE goes away, and whatever is left makes you feel lucky that you know that person, that you're better for having that person in your life, and that you wouldn't trade that person for anything. Even with all the faults that you can now see, you still care deeply for them, and you want them in your life above all others.

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I asked this question because I wanted to know the difference between True Love, Infatuation and the feeling of being "In Love."

 

I believe the lack of our true understanding of these three is the main culprit of why Infidelities happen. Well, factor in physical attraction, too and the feeling of brand new but, I guess my main point is, how do you say "you have fallen out of love" with someone because you fell "in love" with another? How can someone be so sure that it's really love, not infatuated, or just "in love"?"

 

Ok, I think everyone did an excellent job on explaining the difference between inflation and love...

 

But to answer your question of "falling out of love"?

 

That one is kind of a toughie cuz some people who passed the infatuation stage and developed actual "love" for each other (even after years of marriage, kids, ups/downs) they say 'Oh, we just fell out of love'...

 

When I hear people say that they 'fell out of love', IMO, they either:

 

1. Chose poorly. Like that whole 'infatuation vs. love' thing we were discussing? IMO, people get serious too soon without either knowing what they want or knowing that person (which takes about 1 1/2 - 2 years of "dating" - not "friends, shack-ups, LDRs, coworkers). So they hop, jump and skip into the RL, may even marry and have kids then wake up one morning and realize that the really didn't want that person.

 

2. They stop working on the RL. Relationships take work. Remember when dating the effort put into planning dates, getting dolled up, being on best behavior? Well, people get complacent and sit around waiting for a "feelings" (probably the same infatuation they felt upon first meet/dating) to breathe life back into the RL. What they fail to understand is that "action" creates "feelings".

 

3. Lastly, the "grass is greener" syndrome. They meet someone else and maybe there's a lull in their RL at that time, so they start leaning on that "new" person - when they need to water their own lawn (see #2 above).

 

4. Oh, and lastly lastly...some people 'fall out of love' cuz people change. Like I was watching ID last night. Dude and gal were picture perfect until years into their marriage she fell into depression over her parents' death and husband strayed. So yes, sometimes we actually do fall out of love cuz the person we once loved changed and/or we changed too.

Edited by Gloria25
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I remember being infatuated with my now husband. Under the influence of a bit of wine, I told his mother "I think he's perfect, so I guess I still have to get to know him better". She thought my comment was hilarious

 

But it does kind of sum it up. When you're infatuated, you don't see the faults. And of the faults you do so, you're not thinking straight enough to recognise that they may actually be a real incompatibility.

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Ok, I think everyone did an excellent job on explaining the difference between inflation and love...

 

But to answer your question of "falling out of love"?

 

That one is kind of a toughie cuz some people who passed the infatuation stage and developed actual "love" for each other (even after years of marriage, kids, ups/downs) they say 'Oh, we just fell out of love'...

 

When I hear people say that they 'fell out of love', IMO, they either:

 

1. Chose poorly. Like that whole 'infatuation vs. love' thing we were discussing? IMO, people get serious too soon without either knowing what they want or knowing that person (which takes about 1 1/2 - 2 years of "dating" - not "friends, shack-ups, LDRs, coworkers). So they hop, jump and skip into the RL, may even marry and have kids then wake up one morning and realize that the really didn't want that person.

 

2. They stop working on the RL. Relationships take work. Remember when dating the effort put into planning dates, getting dolled up, being on best behavior? Well, people get complacent and sit around waiting for a "feelings" (probably the same infatuation they felt upon first meet/dating) to breathe life back into the RL. What they fail to understand is that "action" creates "feelings".

 

3. Lastly, the "grass is greener" syndrome. They meet someone else and maybe there's a lull in their RL at that time, so they start leaning on that "new" person - when they need to water their own lawn (see #2 above).

 

4. Oh, and lastly lastly...some people 'fall out of love' cuz people change. Like I was watching ID last night. Dude and gal were picture perfect until years into their marriage she fell into depression over her parents' death and husband strayed. So yes, sometimes we actually do fall out of love cuz the person we once loved changed and/or we changed too.

Or it could be that the illusion bubble popped, and now they see the person without all the hyperbole that initial love adds. It's not that they're a bad person, or even undesirable. It's just that they are not FANTASTIC, and so, especially when you're young, people will leave you to go find FANTASTIC again. As you get older, most people will realize that's a fool's game, and, depending on your point of view, either they get smart, or they'll settle.
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Love = Caring about someone else's feelings and wellbeing deeply and often willing to do anything for them. Includes friends, family and lovers...

 

In Love = The above plus sexual attraction.

 

Infatuation = Obsessive thoughts about someone or something and often includes anxiety. When will they call?? Do they like me as much as I like them??

 

In healthy relationships people are in love, but they can start out infatuated. People that chase infatuation (and there are more than a few, mostly female on LS), usually have emotional problems and don't really understand what a long term, healthy monogamous, relationship, entails.

 

And of course way more likely to cheat...

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Justanaverageguy

For me infatuation is simply strong attraction to someone. Love on the other hand is more then simply attraction - it is also attachment.

 

Attraction is formed quickly - it is essentially what causes us to fall in love. The strong pull towards someone when we meet them and wanting to get to know them more. Its essentially the building block that makes us pick our mate initially. Its why we choose one person over another.

 

It also allows the longer lasting emotion of attachment to develop. Thats essentially the main function of attraction - to keep you interested in someone long enough to build a longer lasting attachment. Attachment is much more of a slow burn and takes time to develop and its what keeps people together in the long term.

 

Either one on its own is not love. Infatuation would be closer to lust .... and attachment without attraction\infatuation would be the age old "i love you but I'm not in love with you".

 

Love is both these emotions attraction and attachment combined.

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Yeah, can't really differentiate the two but I'd just say that infatuation normally develops into being in love

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I don't think anyone actually knows just what love is, despite centuries of philosophers and poets and songwriters trying to figure it out and crying over it. But you always know when you're in it.

 

If it ends I'd say it was never actually love.

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Whenever I ask my friends about this, they can't differentiate. It's like the are both similar but the duration is the main difference. Infatuation is short-term and being in love is a little longer than that, or so they say.

 

Thoughts?

IMO, it's different for everyone. IME, infatuation has been more of a 'rush' where love has been more of a 'slow burn'. I've found, with the very few people I've really loved, they're always on my mind, maybe not at the forefront of thought in the moment, but rather as an conscious image and presence in the area between conscious and subconscious. They're always, to a degree, felt. Infatuations, OTOH, are big bright pictures that fade quickly to nothing, especially as life proceeds and interaction lessens or ends.

 

If I had to put a description to 'in love', related to people anyway, it would be a elemental socio-psychological emotional pair bonding that stands the test of time and life experience. Without a partner, while desires and feelings can still exist, their fruition and growth are denied. One can be 'in love' with life as an experience but that is markedly different than 'in love' pair bonds. Frankly, I think it's pretty cool that humans get together 'in love' as much as they do. Amazing.

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