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Do some men really do this?


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Cookiesandough

Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

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Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

Of course.:o

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When a guy finds the "perfect girl" for him, he would never risk letting her go. He will move mountains to be with her.

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I have seen many women do the same. Actually the phrase "I am not going to settle" is primarily a female quote.

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Cookiesandough
If you were a priority, he would be committed to you.

 

By priority I mean he respects you, courting you like a gentleman, you come first, but in times he's not seeing you his eyes are wandering and he's still picking up/having ons with girls because he feels it's not all out his system and he wants to get in some last experiences before he has to give it up for a long time..I have some friends whose husbands did this before they married...idk if that's a bad sign or normal

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You can't really be a priority to a guy if he's out messing around with other women and keeping you on the back burner. The tool who wrote that Yahoo question probably didn't like that girl as much as he thought he did or he wouldn't feel the need to keep messing around with other women.

 

But even If this were common behavior, who really wants to be that girl? If she's on the back burner while he gets it out of his system then perhaps he'll put her on the back burner again while he gets it out of his system after they've been married for several years.

 

But I suppose if a woman was truly desperate, and many are, they would sit around and wait for a guy to finally take them seriously. And a small amount of those women eventually do get a ring. But I doubt the relationship is the happily-ever-after they really wanted.

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By priority I mean he respects you, courting you like a gentleman, you come first, but in times he's not seeing you his eyes are wandering and he's still picking up/having ons with girls because he feels it's not all out his system and he wants to get in some last experiences before he has to give it up for a long time..I have some friends whose husbands did this before they married...idk if that's a bad sign or normal

 

That is NOT normal.

 

A guy who prioritizes and is in love with a woman will NOT be picking up other women and will NOT need to get anything out of his system. That is ridiculous.

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'Some men' really do anything....if you're talking about more than 1 and any kind of behaviour. There's just no point asking questions like this and then extrapolating it across the entire population. Some men may never do this at all, I suspect most.

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By priority I mean he respects you, courting you like a gentleman, you come first, but in times he's not seeing you his eyes are wandering and he's still picking up/having ons with girls because he feels it's not all out his system and he wants to get in some last experiences before he has to give it up for a long time..I have some friends whose husbands did this before they married...idk if that's a bad sign or normal

 

There are some guys that do this because the girl is dumb enough to let him. For me, I imagine the woman spends a lifetime waiting for him to make decisions on everything.

 

I had a guy that really liked me but wasn't in the right place in life ... didn't have to do with sex. He just didn't want to waste my time, so he didn't try to date me when I expressed an interest (he was way interested first).

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If your friend's husbands did it, then you have the answer to your question. I certainly wouldn't imagine that it's a common thing.

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IMO, yes, these guys exist. They just are good at playing the shell game.

 

I was watching ID the other day. This guy, both were middle eastern, but different religions. He, from a child, already knew he was set up in an arranged marriage with what one would consider the "priority" woman. But you think that he sat at home waiting on her? Nope, he was messing around wih the girl from the different religion who was intelligent and a hottie. She even switched religions cuz practically that's the only thing that they didn't have in common.

 

Well, the day came where dude had to fulfill his childhood promise to marry the frumpy virgin and he didn't even tell the girl he was messing around with about the "priority" girl. He said he had to go onto a trip and never contacted her again. It took the girl chasing him down to find out he got married. She begged him to allow her to be his 2nd wife, but he just kept her as a mistress until he got tired of trying to juggle the two women and with "priority" woman and him expecting their first child, he decided to finally call it off with the other woman.

 

So, yes, he had a "priority" woman the whole time and played around while he could. Guys like him make "no" woman a priority. They just put women in "categories" and work them as such. They know they got the main woman who they wanna lock down, but they make sure that they play around and get their fill. They work every angle.

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Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

Way back when I was in college ... two of my course mates were dating. They were so into each other and I was part of a conversationwith the guy (she wasnt there at the time)., when he said he really loved her, she's the kind of girl he'd want to marry, that she was definitely wife material, but he wishes he'd met her later in life when he was about 24. He was just 18/19 at the time and nowhere near ready to settle down.

 

He wasn't ready to commit at that young age, but he was very much in love with her and he was genuine. So I get what you're asking. I always wondered whether they ended up with each other.

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Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

These are the guys who tell a woman . . . "I don't know what I want" so the woman keeps hanging around until he figures out if he really wants her. She strings herself along.

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Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

Maybe if she is 18 and the guy is 20. He may want to leave her and sew his wild oats and hope she will be available when he's ready to settle down. This rarely happens. When a guy is in love with a girl and knows she's the one for him he will do everything to hold on to her because he doesn't want her to be free for other men to have sex with her. Men are territorial when it comes to a woman they love.

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GunslingerRoland
Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

Sounds like a myth to me... I mean there are situations where a girl seems "perfect" but isn't as into her as she wants to be, and then this happens.

 

But in a case where the guy actually meets his perfect girl and keeps her on the backburner like this... no I don't really believe that, and I can't think of a couple I know that's relationship evolved this way.

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By priority I mean he respects you, courting you like a gentleman, you come first, but in times he's not seeing you his eyes are wandering and he's still picking up/having ons with girls because he feels it's not all out his system and he wants to get in some last experiences before he has to give it up for a long time..I have some friends whose husbands did this before they married...idk if that's a bad sign or normal

 

As a man, of course you notice other women BUT I would never wander from the woman I love. No way. I don't understand why people fear being with one person. If a woman treats me right, I have no problem being with her for the rest of my days. Why? Because it is rare to find someone like that. People play too many games, like the guy you're talking about.

 

My philosophy is that if you proclaim you're committed, and then come with the I'm confused/ I need to find myself crap...ok. But mark this location off your map when you realize it was a mistake. I don't do the throwback Thursday relationships because I don't want someone who comes in and out of my life when they feel bored, or an issue arises.

 

But the guy in question isn't being a gentleman. You shouldn't need your gf/wife right next to you to have some sense, respect, and self control.

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Do some men find a 'perfect' girl they can see themselves settle down with in future, personality,looks,values wise, but they're not ready to settle down or give up the "strange", yet? so they keep her on the hook/backburner, keeping her as a priority, but not committing because they still have some oats they wanna sow/sleep around some more. Or is this a myth?

 

Myth.

Women perpetuate this myth to convince themselves the men they're interested in actually love them (not some other chicks that come after them), but that they met at the wrong timing, so things didn't work out. Classic denial syndrome (that I also had once upon a time).

Men perpetuate this myth so that they can keep a so-called "good girl" (read: someone who's willing to bend over backwards for them) on the backburner while still looking out for better (read: more compatible) options.

It works perfectly for both genders, doesn't it?

 

The sarcasm aside, I can't stand these types of stereotyping. They all tend to make women look like poor (but dumb) victims and men like assholy jerks. And in my experience, most women aren't dumb (neither are they victims, but many somehow like to be seen as such), and most men aren't jerks.

 

This is coming from someone who grew up believing that most men were jerks until proven wrong :confused:

 

BTW, if they like to sleep around despite you not being OK with that, you're not a priority. Unless the word "priority" means, when he picks options among his concubines, you'll be the first one he picks, then yeah I guess that's priority.

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Hi cookie, I think the quetionn posed by you is more hypothetical than anything else. There may be a few men of the kind that you have in mind but I would they would be the exception rather than the rule. Besides, these men appear to be more in the ranks of players rather than the common run of good decent men. Men like that are going to be cheating on their'perfect' wife a few years down the line once the inevitable staleness in the marriage sets in. Such men are shallow, possibly narcissistic and of course very selfish. In fact once they feel they have their version of the perfect wife locked in by marriage, their eyes start roving again. All one can say is be careful in making your selection of a life partner( for women and men) before you tie the knot. If there are men of this predatory kind then there are also women of the same kind. This is a characteristic which is not limited to men alone. Cheers.

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My husband said he knew when he met me in high school (1991) that he wanted to marry me. :love:

 

As a young guy, of course he noticed other attractive girls, but none compared to me (his words). He said once he found me, he didn't care what else was out there, though. He couldn't risk waiting because some other guy could've come along and he might've lost me forever. He had to lock me down early:laugh:

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Hi cookie, I think the quetionn posed by you is more hypothetical than anything else. There may be a few men of the kind that you have in mind but I would they would be the exception rather than the rule. Besides, these men appear to be more in the ranks of players rather than the common run of good decent men. Men like that are going to be cheating on their'perfect' wife a few years down the line once the inevitable staleness in the marriage sets in. Such men are shallow, possibly narcissistic and of course very selfish. In fact once they feel they have their version of the perfect wife locked in by marriage, their eyes start roving again. All one can say is be careful in making your selection of a life partner( for women and men) before you tie the knot. If there are men of this predatory kind then there are also women of the same kind. This is a characteristic which is not limited to men alone. Cheers.

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