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Single for the rest of my life or settling for someone I'm not attracted to?


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normal person
Which would you choose? I feel at this point these are my 2 choices. Which option is better?

 

Stay single. I don't see much sense in ruining someone else's life by inserting yourself into it when you'll ultimately become resentful and miserable as a result.

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Stay single. I don't see much sense in ruining someone else's life by inserting yourself into it when you'll ultimately become resentful and miserable as a result.

 

Good point, so staying single it is. I guess I'll just have to come to terms with that I'll never get to have what most others get to experience. It's a shame since I'm always going to feel horrible about it. But at the same time as you said, I couldn't ruin someone else's life by forcing myself to be with them.

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Make a list of 20 great advantages of being single...then go live it:)

 

I have far more reasons to enjoy single life...

 

It's awesome.!

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Make a list of 20 great advantages of being single...then go live it:)

 

I have far more reasons to enjoy single life...

 

It's awesome.!

 

Maybe if you've had relationships in the past it is, but not when you've been single your whole life.

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Why are these your only options?

 

Because I'm not good enough to have a relationship with anyone I'd be interested in. All the women I'd want likely wouldn't want me so what's the point?

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Because I'm not good enough to have a relationship with anyone I'd be interested in. All the women I'd want likely wouldn't want me so what's the point?

 

"I'm not (good) enough" is the most potent lie we tell ourselves.

 

You're enough, NJ.

 

I am so sorry, NJ, that you've allowed yourself to believe that you're not enough. Because you are enough.

 

Hugs and love.

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"I'm not (good) enough" is the most potent lie we tell ourselves.

 

You're enough, NJ.

 

I am so sorry, NJ, that you've allowed yourself to believe that you're not enough. Because you are enough.

 

Hugs and love.

 

I'm not enough. I have to just accept that. With the way my life has gone & how I feel my window has passed me by to meet anyone I'd like to be with. It pains me to say it but the odds are not in my favor at all.

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I'm not enough. I have to just accept that. With the way my life has gone & how I feel my window has passed me by to meet anyone I'd like to be with. It pains me to say it but the odds are not in my favor at all.

 

No, you don't have to accept that. But you're choosing to. How's that working out for you?

 

There is no circumstance, no life event, no person, nothing that can take your worth from you.

 

You have the power to choose what you believe. You're believing that you are only worthy if you are in a romantic relationship. When you were just born, were you enough despite not being in a romantic relationship? The same for when you were two years old? Five years old? Ten?

 

Are you going to say to a five-year-old boy, "Sorry, but you're not in a romantic relationship, so you're not enough. In order to be enough, you need to have a girlfriend. It's the only way..."?

 

I am so sorry that you choose to believe in something that has been causing you so much harm.

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No, you don't have to accept that. But you're choosing to. How's that working out for you?

 

There is no circumstance, no life event, no person, nothing that can take your worth from you.

 

You have the power to choose what you believe. You're believing that you are only worthy if you are in a romantic relationship. When you were just born, were you enough despite not being in a romantic relationship? The same for when you were two years old? Five years old? Ten?

 

Are you going to say to a five-year-old boy, "Sorry, but you're not in a romantic relationship, so you're not enough. In order to be enough, you need to have a girlfriend. It's the only way..."?

 

I am so sorry that you choose to believe in something that has been causing you so much harm.

 

There's a huge difference between being say a teenager & alone than spending 3 decades of being alone. The odds are not good that I'll ever meet anyone where there's mutual interest. It sucks but it's just reality. Life isn't like the movies where most of the time things work out for everyone, some people are just destined to be alone in real life. I'm unfortunately highly likely one of them unless a huge miracle happens where I meet someone by chance out somewhere randomly.

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Single rest of life. Already chosen. If you get married someday, it clarifies a lot of things. Good luck!

 

I don't care about marriage really though. Having a relationship would be nice, but I need to be realistic that the odds aren't in my favor at all. I just will never have what women want. I can't just change into some outgoing guy with the life of the party type of personality that women love.

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Guess what, NJ? You can be in a romantic relationship and still feel alone. You can be in a romantic relationship and not be happy.

 

You have such romanticized thoughts about being in a relationship that you don't realize that it's not rainbows and puppies for in many, many cases. Have you actually read other people's threads in the various break-up/dating/separation/divorce/jealousy/infidelity forums?

 

I've known many people who have lived long happy lives... and were single.

 

You are choosing to make your life ALL about a relationship.

 

Again, how's that working out for you?

 

You seem completely miserable, and that energy is very overpowering. Might be a sign to work on changing your beliefs, no?

 

What have you learned about yourself through therapy?

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Guess what, NJ? You can be in a romantic relationship and still feel alone. You can be in a romantic relationship and not be happy.

 

You have such romanticized thoughts about being in a relationship that you don't realize that it's not rainbows and puppies for in many, many cases. Have you actually read other people's threads in the various break-up/dating/separation/divorce/jealousy/infidelity forums?

 

I've known many people who have lived long happy lives... and were single.

 

You are choosing to make your life ALL about a relationship.

 

Again, how's that working out for you?

 

You seem completely miserable, and that energy is very overpowering. Might be a sign to work on changing your attitude, no?

 

What have you learned about yourself through therapy?

 

Yeah, but that's because so many people are choosing the wrong person to be with for why those things happen. If someone cheats they obviously weren't the right person for them. Unless they're a complete sociopath than someone in a completely happy relationship/marriage wouldn't cheat. It's why I have my own deal breakers to weed out the people I wouldn't be happy with to begin with. But it seems if I want to be with anyone at all I'd have to have no deal breakers or any sort of standards.

 

Yeah, they were happy but they likely had a bunch of relationships in the past at least. They got to at least experience being wanted by others. I just wish I could experience that. It sounds cheesy, but I just want to be wanted by someone that I like back.

 

Really not much. Therapy doesn't really do much for me to be honest.

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You want someone to want you?

 

Then CARE about yourself. Practice kindness towards yourself. Compassion. Then it'll extend towards others. Instead of telling yourself, "Okay, I guess I'll just have to force myself to get some magnesium from the store," tell yourself, "Even though I'm not feeling well, I'm going to get myself to the store anyway to get some magnesium because it will help my body relax, and I care about my body and want it to heal."

 

NJ, you don't even seem to care about yourself. You don't respect your body, your mind, nothing. Why should you expect a woman to be your partner when you're not even willing to take care of yourself?

 

If therapy isn't working for you, then it's very likely it's just not a good match. Find someone else. Like I said before, make choices that are right for you. Hone your capacity to discern what is right for you and what isn't.

 

This will be my last comment in this thread. Good luck.

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You want someone to want you?

 

Then CARE about yourself. Practice kindness towards yourself. Compassion. Then it'll extend towards others. Instead of telling yourself, "Okay, I guess I'll just have to force myself to get some magnesium from the store," tell yourself, "Even though I'm not feeling well, I'm going to get myself to the store anyway to get some magnesium because it will help my body relax, and I care about my body and want it to heal."

 

NJ, you don't even seem to care about yourself. You don't respect your body, your mind, nothing. Why should you expect a woman to be your partner when you're not even willing to take care of yourself?

 

If therapy isn't working for you, then it's very likely it's just not a good match. Find someone else. Like I said before, make choices that are right for you. Hone your capacity to discern what is right for you and what isn't.

 

This will be my last comment in this thread. Good luck.

 

Positivity is only out of many basic requirements needed for a good relationship. Than there's the whole mutual attraction thing among other different things. I just can't stand the fact I've went 30 years without a relationship. It's pretty much destroyed me & I'm so far behind the curve of almost everyone else. It's either settle for someone or stay alone. I don't have any other option at this rate.

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Positivity is only out of many basic requirements needed for a good relationship. Than there's the whole mutual attraction thing among other different things. I just can't stand the fact I've went 30 years without a relationship. It's pretty much destroyed me & I'm so far behind the curve of almost everyone else. It's either settle for someone or stay alone. I don't have any other option at this rate.

 

Those false belief's have become your cage.

 

I'll put it to you a little differently though.

 

What would happen if you allowed yourself to hope?

 

What would happen if you challenged those thoughts?

 

Thought instead "Nah, there's one out there for me, I just have to keep trying"?

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if you allow yourself to hope? Disappointment? Hardly fatal. Setbacks are part of life. You can move past them, you can rebuild.

 

When you figure out why you can't even bring yourself to hope anymore, spend your energy addressing that.

 

Because without the belief that some day things can get better, you've got a long, lonely walk to the grave ahead of you.

 

There's only one person you need to convince to change your life man. Yourself.

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Those false belief's have become your cage.

 

I'll put it to you a little differently though.

 

What would happen if you allowed yourself to hope?

 

What would happen if you challenged those thoughts?

 

Thought instead "Nah, there's one out there for me, I just have to keep trying"?

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if you allow yourself to hope? Disappointment? Hardly fatal. Setbacks are part of life. You can move past them, you can rebuild.

 

When you figure out why you can't even bring yourself to hope anymore, spend your energy addressing that.

 

Because without the belief that some day things can get better, you've got a long, lonely walk to the grave ahead of you.

 

There's only one person you need to convince to change your life man. Yourself.

 

I honestly would try to be positive, thinking I'll find someone eventually. It's not just going to randomly come to me out of nowhere though. I wish I could be out somewhere & randomly meet someone, but usually it never works that way. It seems most people meet through friends or online these days.

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Cookiesandough

I'm in this same boat. It does suck. I'm sorry. Single for sure imo. Single can be great. At the very least it's better to be miserable alone than with someone else

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I'm in this same boat. It does suck. I'm sorry. Single for sure imo. Single can be great. At the very least it's better to be miserable alone than with someone else

 

I think I would be more fine with never having a relationship if I wasn't constantly reminded of it every time I'm out somewhere. All I constantly see day after day are couples together. It's like what the hell is wrong with me where everyone manages to find someone they like while I've never been with anyone.

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Here are my final words of advice. Do with it what you will.

 

The only reason you'll end up alone your whole life is because you've decided that's what's going to happen, spent time justifying why it's going to happen and carefully built up resistance to the opposite happening.

 

I think Ive counted four threads [?] you've started now and read all your replies and guess what? The above is exactly what you are doing. Congratulations you are on track to realise your own fears. You don't have to, but at the moment you are so actively focused on that goal and so resistant to any negation of it, I have no doubt you will create this outcome in your life. :(

 

It's not magic or hoo doo. It's simple human nature. You are focusing on a goal right now, and you are actively rejecting anything that stands between you and that goal. That is exactly how all successful people reach their goals. But I don't think you realise that you goal you are focusing on is........being alone.

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Because I'm not good enough to have a relationship with anyone I'd be interested in. All the women I'd want likely wouldn't want me so what's the point?

 

Find someone your equal. That's the solution. and learn to love, respect and appreciate that person, just like you need the same.

 

Yes, everyone attracted to a model, but if you are 5 feet tall and poor, then your attraction will lead you nowhere. Not so attractive people deserved to find someone who like them too.

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Because I'm not good enough to have a relationship with anyone I'd be interested in. All the women I'd want likely wouldn't want me so what's the point?

 

How do you know?

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Find someone your equal. That's the solution. and learn to love, respect and appreciate that person, just like you need the same.

 

Yes, everyone attracted to a model, but if you are 5 feet tall and poor, then your attraction will lead you nowhere. Not so attractive people deserved to find someone who like them too.

 

The problem a lot of the women I'm on the level of looks of likely think they're still above me. I consider myself to be above average in at least my facial features, maybe around a 7 out of 10 if I had to base it on a scale, which is why some of the women I've chatted with on OLD wonder why I've always been single when they ask me about it through OLD. I guess I'm an idiot for always telling them the truth, but I don't want to lie either since starting off with lies isn't a good thing at all. I just don't know if I can force myself to be with someone I'm not attracted to since I'd be hurting that person a lot pretending to like them while they might be crazy about me.

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