ilovedd Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Meaning, not every one is a torrid, horrible experience. Some contain actual feelings of love and possibilities, don't they? Is there a place for those people? Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 There are, i know of some myself. Not in my case though. It takes a lot of will and genuine love on both sides, not games, cake eating or lies. You know when youre being treated right and when not, even if we often choose to not see what is plainly obvious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 It's just a question of the fact that there ARE happy endings. Not really, since someone is always getting hurt in the end. The betrayed spouse, the OW/OM. Someone is going to lose out. And that is NOT a 'happy ending'. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Not really, since someone is always getting hurt in the end. The betrayed spouse, the OW/OM. Someone is going to lose out. And that is NOT a 'happy ending'. TBf you could use that analogy in any situation. If you get a new job for e.g. someone will be upset because they missed out. I doubt you'll find many happy endings here. If they're truly happy why would they be on a forum looking for support? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Sure, I think there are cases where marriages have run their course and people meet (or reconnect with) someone they'd be more compatible with. The problem is in having a secret relationship with the AP while trying to maintain and decide what to do with the marriage to the spouse. That's like saying, "I'm not ready to say I'm done with the idea of finishing law school" while skipping classes and not doing the work, putting all your energy into something else. The grass is greener where you water it. IMO starting a secret sexual relationship while still married is never a healthy option that will result in a good relationship on either side. Sure, people grow apart and there's no law that you have to stay together. But introducing deceit and betrayal into a marriage just does not end well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Always assume you are the rule not the exception. Until you see otherwise. Even people who have ended up together. Don't just ride off into the sunset. Because there is always pain and hurt caused to the other parties. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 TBf you could use that analogy in any situation. If you get a new job for e.g. someone will be upset because they missed out. But then losing out on a possible job and finding out your spouse is banging someone else behind your back aren't really comparable are they? Losing out on a job can be disappointing and upsetting. Finding out you're married to a cheater is rather more soul destroying. Equally, pinning your hopes on a life with a person who's already married, waiting around for them to leave their spouse only to find out that he or she wasn't ever going to has sent many OW/OM into despair. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 My MM and I are now both divorced, very much in love, and are exploring what it's like to be together in a more traditional way. However, I agree with other posters that 99% of situations don't work out this way. And even when they do, you by necessity utterly devastate and destroy some of the most important people in your life. That is soul-crushing and it dooms many relationships that begin as affairs. He and I are extremely well-suited for each other and I hope our relationship is the exception, but I'm also realistic about the complications. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I expect it happens, but from what I can tell, it's not an easy road to follow. My brother left his first wife for his mow , and they got married and are now divorced. While they may have ben more compatible that he and his first wife were, it takes more than that to build a marriage or relationship. In his case, he and his ow needed his marriage to exist as a couple. they needed that as the "glue" between them, and also as something they could blame their problems on. When that was gone, they were left with their own issues that they hadn't faced. If they had done the work needed to address their own personal issues, maybe that marriage would have worked out. As it stands, they both chose to blame their first spouses, and that never happened. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I expect it happens, but from what I can tell, it's not an easy road to follow. My brother left his first wife for his mow , and they got married and are now divorced. While they may have ben more compatible that he and his first wife were, it takes more than that to build a marriage or relationship. In his case, he and his ow needed his marriage to exist as a couple. they needed that as the "glue" between them, and also as something they could blame their problems on. When that was gone, they were left with their own issues that they hadn't faced. If they had done the work needed to address their own personal issues, maybe that marriage would have worked out. As it stands, they both chose to blame their first spouses, and that never happened. So true you just never know. My own parents who were both M'd at the time they met and left their BS's immediately. They have been M'd for over 40 years now but it is not a 'Happily Ever After' my mom went on to have 3 more A's. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Always assume you are the rule not the exception. Until you see otherwise. Even people who have ended up together. Don't just ride off into the sunset. Because there is always pain and hurt caused to the other parties. Very few last, very very few. When they do its usually a case where both would have left the marriage anyways. More often then not it's the woman who usually pulls the plug on affairs turned relationships...a sort of buyers remorse if you will. OP there are thousands of stories here with/by women just like you, only two or three have ended up with MM for any significant time. Let's just say you'd have better odds at the casino. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Life is unpredictable and until one dies it is hard to have an assessment of it. Yes, mine was more what you have defined, we are happily married and have a baby together. It was years ago, everyone has moved on, we all are amicable, and the kids are doing well. Loveshack is not going to give you this side of things outside of a few of us, those happy in the affair or afterwards have tended to be run away. I know I did not post here during the affair due to the general climate at that time. There are sites out there that support the OP, in or out of the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 (edited) Might it work out? Yes! Might you win the lottery? Yes! But both are unlikely. Good luck. [] Edited October 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to off-topic content redacted 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I mean..in most cases, SOMEBODY loses. SOMEBODY ends up miserable. Whether it's the BS or the AP or the MP or all three, and it's a million times worse if kids are involved. Someone ends up getting hurt. If your happy ending has to hurt someone else..it's not really all that happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Actually I think we are both pretty special...who are you to say we are not. ! Because just about every person in an affair who has posted here thought they were "special", that their affair was "unique" at one time - that is until they wised up and realised it wasn't. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I used to think mine was special. he really loves me because he said so He really wants to be with me because he said he wanted to marry me we are special because we have such a great connection such a great chemistry we are meant to be together bla bla all of it was naive wishful thinking and it was so helpful coming here and sharing with others, it has shown me it wasnt special at all but completely ordinary bunch of cr*p 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I used to think mine was special. he really loves me because he said so He really wants to be with me because he said he wanted to marry me we are special because we have such a great connection such a great chemistry we are meant to be together bla bla all of it was naive wishful thinking and it was so helpful coming here and sharing with others, it has shown me it wasnt special at all but completely ordinary bunch of cr*p what's the saying about how talk is cheap but action is dear... words are easy, but the part that really matters, the action, is not. some can back up their word with action, others can't Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Just ask him to leave his wife you'll soon see how special it all is 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Lots of affairs result in the end of the marriage so I suppose that could make for a happy affair ending. I have lots of BWs crying about their husbands leaving for the OW, but it's usually the single OW. Breaking up 2 marriages tends to be more difficult, but without children, if you're really truly in love and see it as lasting forever ... What's stopping you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 My sister spring boarded from an abusive marriage to life with her AP. And it was a good thing for her. Was it an ideal way for her to end her first marriage? No, it wasn't. However, the abusive ex had eroded away her self esteem to the point that she couldn't see a way out. The AP built her up and allowed her to see a better future. And I supported the affair from the outset. Within weeks of leaving her marriage for the AP, she became a different, stronger person. It may not be a high percentage which happens like this, but it can certainly happen. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 OK, with the thread starter departed, let's get back to the topic, a general question about support for affairs. "Some contain actual feelings of love and possibilities, don't they? Is there a place for those people?" I noted some personal remarks and advertising of other web sites so will get that cleaned up. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Sandylee #19 I have lots of BWs crying about their husbands leaving for the OW, but it's usually the single OW. I would go along with this. Of the 4 cases I know where the WS left for the OP (and I mean left of his own volition, not kicked out) the OP was single. They left within 2 months of meeting the OP and 3 are still together (in one case the WS died after a year) Breaking up 2 marriages tends to be more difficult, but without children, if you're really truly in love and see it as lasting forever ... What's stopping you? ^^^ this would be my question. None of this means I would support an affair of any kind. IMO most of them are just a cake-eating exercise. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Meaning, not every one is a torrid, horrible experience. Some contain actual feelings of love and possibilities, don't they? Is there a place for those people? Our EMR always enjoyed support from family and friends, and colleagues. I think people who knew and cared for him were just happy to see him in a "normal", respectful and loving R at last, and wanted the best for him; and people who knew me saw how happy we were together, and how positive an experience it was for us both. If his then-W had been a nice person, it may have been different, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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