Am I too Demanding?

[cherie88]

I've been talking to this guy and kind of hit it off the first date, but its been 3 months now and ive only seen him three times. I just feel like hes not putting enough effort. He has a car yet he says I live too far (Im only 25 min drive awy) and he always suggests i meet him downtown before he meets me. i do have a sister that lives there but he always wants me too stay at my sisters so he can see me, not to mention he squeezes me in his schedule when hes doing events downtown. for example after hes doing a shoot he will tell me to come downtown and then leave cause he has another thing to do. He constantly flops on dates when it has anywhere to do with the suburubs in which i live in (20 mins away) I feel like im not valued, and my time is not valued, in these instances its usually easy to drop the person however he constantly calls me and gets angry when i dont reply on time.

I got fed up so i distanced myself and then he promised me a trip to newyork and i thought it was his way of making it up to me, i booked off the days from work and then he cancelled claiming it cause he was working a particular event my friend happened to be involved in. what he didnt know was i knew the particular dates of when that event ended and it wasnt adding up. I told him how i felt and how i knew that the event hes saying isnt real, and how he never makes time for me and i believed him this one time , he proceded to defend himself, and then i felt bad because i thought i was accusing him

so now its the day of this event and he casually invited me to see his friends band, again which i have to commute to downtown (which takes me 2hrs and a half) to see, and he forgot about his own lie, because he was suppose to work an event that evening.

What should i do?

I know the answer sounds easy but hes making me come off as someone who is cold when i want to distance myself, and often calls me a heartbreaker

[JewelD]

So you live 20mins away from him or 20mins away from downtown? Bc you then go on to say it takes you 2.5hrs to get downtown.

 

Just stop. Who cares what he thinks of you, obviously you're one of several women he's dating which is why he doesn't see you very often. He doesn't come to your neck of the woods because you are all too willing to go to his. In this case, the saying is true that men will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. If you want him to come to the suburbs, tell him you're not going to go downtown bc it's too far. If he says no, then you move on. You don't have to cave and do whatever he asks.

[angel.eyes]

I feel like im not valued, and my time is not valued

 

That's an accurate assessment.

 

Three dates in three months, with lots of flaking, lying, and last minute cancellations in between. It's going nowhere. If you're looking to spend time with someone or an actual relationship, start by kicking this one to the curb. He's wasting your time...actually you're wasting your own time since he's been crystal clear through his actions about where you fall on his list of priorities.

[basil67]

Cherie, you are spending far too much time worrying about what he thinks. If you don't like his schedule, just move on and forget him. If he doesn't like the reasons you give for ending it, well that's his bad luck.

[SammySammy]

"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce."

There's nothing wrong with wanting a person to keep their promises and to respect you and your time. You should expect that and more.

This guy is wishy washy at best. Some would say he's a manipulative liar who's not really into you.

 

We tend to get what we expect - IF we reinforce those expectations. You have to be willing to let a person know that you expect to be treated well and anything less is unacceptable. Be willing to walk if they can't or won't meet those bare minimum expectations.

[Arieswoman]

OP I didn't read any further than this

 

I've been talking to this guy and kind of hit it off the first date, but its been 3 months now and ive only seen him three times

 

You're wasting your time, sorry, but he's not that bothered.

 

I once knew a guy like this. We had 3 dates in 3 months as well (!!) each one ending with him saying "I'll ring you". I let it ride because he's just been made redundant from work and was sorting his life out.

 

In the end I got fed up, rang him and asked him straight if he wanted to date or not. He ummed and aahhed and said "I'll ring you" ( !! ) I told him not to bother.

 

After that I learned not to wait by a 'phone for some guy who couldn't decide whether he wanted to see me or not

 

Move on, you deserve better that this half-a$$ed guy.

[Els]

I think you should move on, he clearly isn't that interested in you.

[Redhead14]

I've been talking to this guy and kind of hit it off the first date, but its been 3 months now and ive only seen him three times. I just feel like hes not putting enough effort. He has a car yet he says I live too far (Im only 25 min drive awy) and he always suggests i meet him downtown before he meets me. i do have a sister that lives there but he always wants me too stay at my sisters so he can see me, not to mention he squeezes me in his schedule when hes doing events downtown. for example after hes doing a shoot he will tell me to come downtown and then leave cause he has another thing to do. He constantly flops on dates when it has anywhere to do with the suburubs in which i live in (20 mins away) I feel like im not valued, and my time is not valued, in these instances its usually easy to drop the person however he constantly calls me and gets angry when i dont reply on time.

I got fed up so i distanced myself and then he promised me a trip to newyork and i thought it was his way of making it up to me, i booked off the days from work and then he cancelled claiming it cause he was working a particular event my friend happened to be involved in. what he didnt know was i knew the particular dates of when that event ended and it wasnt adding up. I told him how i felt and how i knew that the event hes saying isnt real, and how he never makes time for me and i believed him this one time , he proceded to defend himself, and then i felt bad because i thought i was accusing him

so now its the day of this event and he casually invited me to see his friends band, again which i have to commute to downtown (which takes me 2hrs and a half) to see, and he forgot about his own lie, because he was suppose to work an event that evening.

What should i do?

I know the answer sounds easy but hes making me come off as someone who is cold when i want to distance myself, and often calls me a heartbreaker

 

I feel like im not valued, and my time is not valued -- There's a reason that you feel this way . . .

 

This is just some guy you know . . . not a dating partner. Paleeze! I don't understand why you are here? What's the issue?

 

You've only met him 3 times, why are you stressing over him at all? Were you intimate with him on one of these three "dates"?

 

If you were, I'd say, now he's just keeping you on a string by keeping any contact at all until such time as he doesn't have anyone else to hang out with or have sex with.

 

I know the answer sounds easy but hes making me come off as someone who is cold when i want to distance myself, and often calls me a heartbreaker -- That is typical deflection -- he's knows he's not that interested in you, you are calling him out, he wants to keep you on a string, so he says things that spin the issue around back on you and keep you feeling off balance . . .

 

OR, he just sees you as a friend but can't even treat his friend's right . . . he's a jerk. Ditch him. Go no contact and move forward. Delete and block his number. Done.

[cherie88]

He told all his friends about me, and he calls obsessively. I'm not sure what to do for this reason ..I just don't want any drama I understand he works a 9-5 on weekdays and does events on the weekends but he barely squeezes me in..

[CarrieT]

I'm with the others - three dates in three months? Who cares how often he calls. He hasn't put in the effort and essentially wasted your summer.

 

Move on....