Dealing With Bf's Possible Psychosis

[McConaughey]

I’ve posted before on my boyfriend and his odd behavior, compulsive habits, and a bit of an introduction to things going on in his mind at the time in these topics below.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/591418-boyfriend-emabrrassed-nothing-gross-behavior

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/591455-delusional-bf-not-coping-well#post7017690

 

I’m only starting a new topic because I don’t want to drag the others off course. I’ve been scouring medical forums and mental health forums as well as other relationship forums as well as talking with my friends, college counselor, ect. I want to get as much information or opinions as I can.

 

To restate, yes I am young, I am 19 and very busy school-wise, and yes I am aware many people tell me to abandon the relationship but right now that’s off the table.

Last night I ended up taking my boyfriend to the hospital and he is undergoing a psych evaluation. He had recently lost his father to suicide and had witnessed most of it himself. Aiding the trauma, his mother has been in and out of mental institutions since he was 5 for Schizophrenia and Split Personality Disorder. That being said it is very likely he is susceptible to mental illness.

 

The reason I took him to the hospital is my bf has been struggling to accept the death of his father, even though it has been 3 years. And recently has been calling his father’s old number, speaking about him in present tense, and giving the vibe that he thinks he is still alive, as well as inviting me to go hang out with his dad. Yesterday he told me he had just finished speaking with his father and when I told him he hadn’t he said he would put me on the phone with him. He has been involved with drugs in the past and I am also wondering if he may be taking something again as he doesn’t seem all there all the time or doesn’t seem connected.

 

Right now I'm waiting for the news or update on how he is, and planning for how I would be able to help, support, or handle someone with a mental illness or back into drugs. I'm looking for advice from anyone I can reach out to and reading stories from those who have been in relationships with people with mental illness or addiction. I really want to be there for my boyfriend as not many other people are. If anyone has tips or advice I'd love to hear, I'm staying open minded even if the best thing for him is a break between us.

Edited August 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add paragraphs and move to GRD

[deep_night]

i dont know what advice to give you, but i just want to say that you're wonderful girlfriend. be there for him as much as you can handle, its ok if at some point you feel you want out. but its still admirable how you want to hang in there. i think psychosis sometimes can be something temporary? maybe that's the case, and your boyfriend will get well soon

[BaileyB]

I'm glad that you took him to the hospital, his behavior was indeed concerning.

 

It's nice that you want to support him, but be aware that you can't save him. you have done what you needed to do - you have taken him to get some help! Now, you need to ensure that you are safe and focused on your school/your life. Please, don't invest so much in your boyfriend that it affects your own education and your life.

 

The sad reality, having worked with people who have serious mental health issues, is that this may just be a life long struggle for him. It may really affect his ability to hold a job and a relationship. It can pose a threat to your emotional and physical health, in the worst case scenario. The truth is, it could destroy your life if you insist on caring for him in an attempt to save him/heal him.

 

You are so young and you have so much ahead of you. I'm not saying this to be unkind, but be aware that at your age and with limited life experience, you need to be really careful about this man and this relationship. It scares me, and I think you may be too kind and caring to put your own well being/interests first. Take care.

[basil67]

I'm wondering if you've mentioned your boyfriend's lack of care/awareness of social norms to the Psychs. We've put it down to him being juvenile - but with more information now about his history, I think it could well be symptomatic of a mental health problem.

 

Good luck. And look after yourself.

[BaileyB]

Edited to add... The fact that he has a past history of drug use... My goodness. I know you don't want to abandon him at this difficult time in his life, but you have to know that is is a very unsafe relationship. Just about as unsafe and high risk as you can get.

 

When all is settled and he is more stable... When you have some distance and make some decisions (and let it be said, I think the wisest thing for you to do is end the relationship)... I think you need to spend some time reflecting on the man you have chosen and why you have tolerated his behavior. Please spend some time thinking about what you should be looking for in a stable, long term relationship partner.

 

All the best to you! He is very fortunate to have you right now and you have done right by him to try and get him some medical care. Please take care.

[preraph]

You are a young woman with her whole life in front of her. My advice is this: You only get to live this life once, so you better figure that into everything you do and every big decision you make, and you should always choose happiness, what makes you happy.

 

Now, your bf has serious mental illness, delusions and he's likely inherited the schizophrenia, and there's not any cure for that. You wouldn't want to have kids with him, would you? Subject them to that chaos and knowing that they too will inherit a terribly miserable illness.

 

My advice is you need to turn him over to his family and leave him there. You shouldn't let him become dependent on you. You can still try to be a friend sometimes, but right now he shouldn't be worrying about maintaining a gf because his mental needs are too extreme. If you break off with him, you need to notify his family and have them notify his psychiatrist beforehand and maybe even talk to the doctor about what would be the best approach. But I think he needs to get used to you not being around to lean on and immerse himself in treatment. To me, it sounds like he should be an inpatient, based on his delusions. Then if they think it's safe, you could maybe check up on him as a friend once in awhile unless that just made him miserable.

 

You have to think about the long term. You can't have kids with him! And he may not be safe. Good luck.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Ms. McConaughey, having read what little you have said in your current post, ( I am sorry I have'nt yet read your previous posts), all I can say is to reinforce what Preraph has to say. You are not Jesus Christ and you do not have to take on the problems of the World or even that of one other person on your shoulders.

 

You are young and idealistic and I know that you somehow feel that you are responsible for your BF's welfare. The fact is that if you were not aware of his proclivities for mental illness and had married him, and then his problems had surfaced, I would have advised you to stick around and help him through his ordeal. However, you are NOT married to him and you do not have to carry him on your shoulders. It is NOT your responsibility. There are agencies and institutions much better equipped to do that. Let them do their job. Yes you can be a supportive friend but no more. If, inspire of the advice you are receiving here, you go ahead and solidify a relationship with him, you are likely to end up like his Dad, committing suicide, or at the very least suffering a mental breakdown of your own. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Ms. McConaughey, having read what little you have said in your current post, ( I am sorry I have'nt yet read your previous posts), all I can say is to reinforce what Preraph has to say. You are not Jesus Christ and you do not have to take on the problems of the World or even that of one other person on your shoulders.

 

You are young and idealistic and I know that you somehow feel that you are responsible for your BF's welfare. The fact is that if you were not aware of his proclivities for mental illness and had married him, and then his problems had surfaced, I would have advised you to stick around and help him through his ordeal. However, you are NOT married to him and you do not have to carry him on your shoulders. It is NOT your responsibility. There are agencies and institutions much better equipped to do that. Let them do their job. Yes you can be a supportive friend but no more. If, inspite of the advice you are receiving here, you go ahead and solidify a relationship with him, you are likely to end up like his Dad, committing suicide, or at the very least suffering a mental breakdown of your own. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

[ChickiePops]

Do you want kids? You cannot in good conscience have them with him as the possibility of them inheriting his mental conditions and/or of him harming them is too great. 19 is awfully young to give up on having a family.

 

You're not doing him any favors by staying with him. All you're doing is making him get more and more dependent on you when instead he should be working on getting well. This is a seriously unhealthy relationship for both of you.

[spiderowl]

I just want to say that I think your post shows such insight for someone so young. You clearly love your boyfriend and want the best for him. You are doing research to find out more. You are doing your best.

 

You can really love someone but not always be able to help them. Your boyfriend has suffered a terrible trauma and his father may have had mental illness. His mother did. It is quite likely he has an inherited vulnerability. Hopefully now he is having this assessment, he will get some help. It is tragic really what this guy is coping with. It is also tragic that you are having to cope too.

 

I know you want to support him - and probably will do - but bear in mind that this is the kind of illness that could go on and on or could go with treatment and recur later. How do you feel about coping with recurrences, with being the one who has to hold down a job and keep everyone else going while you partner is ill on and off? I know it is not his fault; it is just a big deal to expect yourself to take this on.

 

Hopefully he will get help now and suitable therapy to help him to deal with this trauma (if that is possible). I just wish you all the best with your efforts to help and find the best way of doing so. Forgive yourself if you have to opt out, even if you opt out because you just want a normal life for yourself again.

Edited August 20, 2016 by spiderowl

[Gloria25]

'Till death do us part, in sickness and in health' starts after he puts a ring on your finger.

 

If you weren't in his life, where would he be?

 

I'm sure he has a family. He's their responsibility. If he indeed was mentally ill, he would have been locked up long time ago and/or under treatment.

 

Some people need to "label" a person's behavior cuz it not only excuses that person's behavior, but gives us hope that we can "fix" them. And, some people are so desperate that they want a puppy with a broken ear cuz not only do they look so cute and pitiful, but they believe that poor little puppy will never stray.

 

My last FWB? He believed his wife was mentally ill. Ok, whatever? She doesn't insult and go off on all her co-workers and 'woman power' buddies she does her fight against cancer walks with...but, somehow uses him for her emotional punching bag. Oh, and she refuses to get treatment when he wants to go with her. According to him, she was molested and had a drunk dad - but come on, she's a grown woman - seek help and move on - don't use your past to give you permission to be a jerk to people.

 

What I'm trying to say is, your bf has to take care of himself. He is a legal adult. If he doesn't, he's not your problem. Call 911 on him if he indeed is skitzo. If he's a harm to himself or others, they'll hold him for 72 hours and will make that diagnosis.

 

If you wanna help people, search for volunteer opportunities in your community. I think it's a beautiful thing for people who want to help people - WHO REALLY NEED IT.