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Is your partner making you into better person?


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So yesterday this guy I have been low key seeing asked me what's charming about him and I couldn't come up with one thing. That got me thinking.

 

Usually in my relationships I have grown into better person. Or at least learned something. Is the relationship doomed if I don't get that feeling? Should the other person make me wanna be better? I am not exactly sure what I am getting from this "relationship". Should there be something I am "getting"?

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I think it varies and there's no fixed rule. Yeah, it would be great if every single person who comes into our lives made them better in some way, but sometimes we just have people in our lives who simply make us smile. People who are there for us when we're down. People who we just want to chill with. And then certain people who we fall in love with and just want to be with forever.

 

If this guy makes you happy, you enjoy his company and feel good when with him, then surely that's enough isn't it? You say past relationships have made you a better person, well maybe you therefore are now better enough and don't need to be made any better... I know that sounds odd but you get what I'm saying. Maybe this relationship is simply making you happy.

 

I also feel that people better themselves from within and it's other people who encourage that or support that, rather than make it happen. Just my two cents.

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^ That's basicly what I meant. Inspired me to be better and supported me. Im not ready at all or good enough. I don't even know if he is making me happy or unhappy or if I am just screw up.

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So yesterday this guy I have been low key seeing asked me what's charming about him and I couldn't come up with one thing. That got me thinking.

 

Usually in my relationships I have grown into better person. Or at least learned something. Is the relationship doomed if I don't get that feeling? Should the other person make me wanna be better? I am not exactly sure what I am getting from this "relationship". Should there be something I am "getting"?

 

Well a man can certainly be charming without him necessarily adding anything of value to your life.

 

Hell I've known many super charming guys... who were great fun and lots of laughs, but as far as adding anything of value to my life, other than some laughs and good fun, no not really.

 

You say you have been "low-key" seeing him. Not sure what that means but I presume it means casually?

 

Perhaps if you kicked it up a notch and started seeing him more than casually, you would see a side of him that you admire and respect and are attracted to (beyond the physical), and he would add some value to your life.... enhance your life.

 

Just a thought Fruitee.... good luck! :)

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RecentChange
. I don't even know if he is making me happy or unhappy or if I am just screw up.

 

Why bother being with someone who isn't bringing joy to your life?

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You're supposed to be happy in a healthy relationship, so in the end it probably makes you a better person. I can speak from experience and people around you 'feel' your happiness and positivity.

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So yesterday this guy I have been low key seeing asked me what's charming about him and I couldn't come up with one thing. That got me thinking.

 

Usually in my relationships I have grown into better person. Or at least learned something. Is the relationship doomed if I don't get that feeling? Should the other person make me wanna be better?

 

I am not exactly sure what I am getting from this "relationship". Should there be something I am "getting"?

 

Fruitee, why did you put "relationship" in quotes?

 

Is this an on-line thing?

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DrReplyInRhymes

Every relationship, I feel, is about what you give and take,

The trick is finding balance rather than just being a rake.

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If you're just 'low key seeing' someone, I'm not sure what you're expecting. Yes all my Rs have made me a better person but only after we were actually in a R for some time. If you're just dating casually, they're basically just an acquaintance and I think you're expecting too much of them.

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Well a man can certainly be charming without him necessarily adding anything of value to your life.

 

--

 

You say you have been "low-key" seeing him. Not sure what that means but I presume it means casually?

 

Perhaps if you kicked it up a notch and started seeing him more than casually, you would see a side of him that you admire and respect and are attracted to (beyond the physical), and he would add some value to your life.... enhance your life.

 

Just a thought Fruitee.... good luck! :)

 

Well low-key I mean basicly no one knows we see each other. And we never do anything except play video games, have sex and cook and go shopping.

 

When he asked me I couldnt think of anything else but his body and he is always telling me not to look at him like piece of meat.

 

Anyway I am not sure if I really should give him a real change because he seems like casual guy to me.

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Why bother being with someone who isn't bringing joy to your life?

 

And that is a good question! I am not sure if I am unhappy with him or unhappy in general.

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Fruitee, why did you put "relationship" in quotes?

 

Is this an on-line thing?

 

Because he says we are in relationship but I do not believe him. :D And I have this feeling Im not only woman in his life. Even he says I am.

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This is one of the best topics ever,

 

Because people dont ask this question often

 

WHile its very important.

 

Someone should bring the best out of you and grow with you. Support you.

And sure add something. And appreciate the good in you. You should go forward.

 

If you see you going backward, its time to break it off.

You dont go out looking for what you can get out of people , but sure you

have to look if this person is a good match for you on all levels of things money cant buy first.

 

Even if its just a fling i think you should be able to say what is charming about him.

Even when you just walk in a room of strangers you can notice a cute guy and say what is charming about him.

If you cant........ maybe you just around him because you feel lonely?

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^ Yes of course. I am not looking for someone to benefit from. Like thinking what this person can give me. I have also spent time figuring out what it is that I have to offer and give other people. E.g. I have good listening skills, I can give others advice about their work and education, I have kind of stabile life: I have job and my place so I dont need a man to support me. I am pretty and smart. I have good sense of humour. Stuff like that.

 

I dont think people in general think what they have to offer and what they want to give out or receive. This guy says I always have his back but when I asked him what he thinks Im getting he just said partner.

 

I kind of like the idea that eventually I can be at peace with someone. But I also think that being with someone should lift me up.

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--

Even if its just a fling i think you should be able to say what is charming about him.

Even when you just walk in a room of strangers you can notice a cute guy and say what is charming about him.

If you cant........ maybe you just around him because you feel lonely?

 

I can say he has nice smile, pretty face and awesome body. But I cannot think of anything that is not physical. Sometimes he is funny.

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... and he is always telling me not to look at him like a piece of meat.

 

 

Hmmm... sounds vaguely familiar.

 

Follow your gut Fruitee and proceed with caution.

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compulsivedancer

One of the things I like best about my guy is that he loves me for who I am and isn't trying to change me. It's exhausting to be with someone and try to become "better" while you're with him.

 

I probably have changed some while I've been with him, but I don't feel any pressure to change in any way.

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compulsivedancer

Sounds to me like you're asking the wrong question. The question I'd be asking: is this relationship enough for you? Doesn't sound like it's very fulfilling.

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I dont mean that the other person would go and try to change you. But like in general people usually grow during life. And I just feel stuck. But I have kind of come to the conclusion that it is my general attitude and how to say it maybe state of mind right now.

 

I decided to give this guy a real chance during this weekend and he has been real bf type of dude now. But I just kind of feel like something is missing. And I think it is what I am was worrying and wondering in the beginning of this topic.

 

I think I just need someone bit more challenging and open to grow and grind with.

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