Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Ok, have you ever asked your SO about his/her past and/or most recent bf/gf/SOs? If so, how did it come up in conversation? Did you flat out ask them to tell you about their past? Also, on the receiving end, how did you respond and feel about being asked about your past? Lastly, should we be asking someone about who they dated in the past? Why/why not? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I know about her past SOs but I don't care because I am the one she wanted to marry and she never cheated on a single one of them so I know she has integrity. One guy she was engaged to and he ended up cheating on her. That was his loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
azlightsout Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I always avoid the question or never answer it ... it actually works better for me ... Im not sure why that would be important anyway... If a chick asked me about any of my ex's (i think of it as a red flag) ... just seems like drama .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 I always avoid the question or never answer it ... it actually works better for me ... Im not sure why that would be important anyway... If a chick asked me about any of my ex's (i think of it as a red flag) ... just seems like drama .. Well, what if she wants to know cuz you're still in communication with your ex and/or people in the same circles (friends, family, coworkers) of your ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I will ask and disclose. I'd like to know if a girl has been with 100+ guys. Some people don't care, I do. I feel they have every right to know about my past as well. If it scares them off then oh well. And not a first date question. Only when getting serious 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 (edited) I mean, I'm watching "Kingdom", and the lead guy was sleeping with this lawyer and one day he wanted to see more than of her and she was like 'No, not ready for that till we get ro know more about each other...so, tell me about your past marriage, etc' And, it's a good thing they had the discussion cuz although he claims he was over his ex (who lost his baby), his ex isn't over him and now she's back in town and them working together is resulting in her pulling him back in. So far he's dissed his current gf (the lawyer) cuz his ex keeps on pulling these stunts where she needs him to drive her home cuz of her panic attacks and seems like he isn't so over his ex like he thinks he is. So, I'm trying to say, you need to know about the exes, so you know where you stand in this RL. Cuz, now lawyer gf is starting to back off cuz ex is back and I don't blame her...but, he should have been honest about his unresolved feelings foe his ex instead of wasting lawyer gf's time. Edited July 28, 2016 by Gloria25 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Ok, have you ever asked your SO about his/her past and/or most recent bf/gf/SOs? If so, how did it come up in conversation? Did you flat out ask them to tell you about their past? Also, on the receiving end, how did you respond and feel about being asked about your past? Lastly, should we be asking someone about who they dated in the past? Why/why not? 'People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.' For myself it has only come up organically and as an exchange of intimacy. Gloria, you are caring for the dude you are with.....is he causing you trouble? If two people are exchanging body fluids...some conversation/testing should occur, beside protection. You are asking more about psychological/emotional, I think. Yes, any sexual partner I have had....I would not if we could not speak plainly with each other about the sexual/romantic journey that led us to each other. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 'People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.' For myself it has only come up organically and as an exchange of intimacy. Gloria, you are caring for the dude you are with.....is he causing you trouble? If two people are exchanging body fluids...some conversation/testing should occur, beside protection. You are asking more about psychological/emotional, I think. Yes, any sexual partner I have had....I would not if we could not speak plainly with each other about the sexual/romantic journey that led us to each other. My current guy isn't causing me trouble. I'm just finding it hard to believe he remains in communication with his ex's family alone. This came up "organically" when he was telling me why he has a WhatsApp account. He said he talks to the family of his ex and a friend of his overseas. His ex also sent him double hearts upon a recent "like" of his picture on Fakebook. Why don't people just be upfront? Yes, some people are friendly with an ex's friends/family....but for me that's like you see them walking down the street, you exchange polite "Hellos"...not calling, texting, emailing them on the regular. I'm done with him and his poop. Too much headache dealing with him. I'm glad I put off sleeping over with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I've discussed dating/marriage history with all of the women I've dated for any length of time. One sort of gave 30 second recap and didn't care to discuss it at length, but everyone else has been quite interested in the dynamics. Of course, it's not first-second date conversation but if you're interested in someone then how can you not discuss the history? If someone flat out refused I'd consider that to be a huge red flag. Once the it's discussed then you can move on and it won't be like a conspicuously absent part of the overall picture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 'People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.' I like that and kinda follow that mindset… As far as asking, must longer answer but I read people very well and can get a pretty good sense on their overall personality and being. Also (and don’t know why this is) generally people reveal much more detailed stuff about their past without me going there. I’ve had people reveal some serious stuff, stuff that frankly I did not want to know. Don’t know if they were just comfortable talking to me or what. I’m very open and will answer anything that is asked of me short of my SS#. LOL! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 My current guy isn't causing me trouble. I'm just finding it hard to believe he remains in communication with his ex's family alone. This came up "organically" when he was telling me why he has a WhatsApp account. He said he talks to the family of his ex and a friend of his overseas. His ex also sent him double hearts upon a recent "like" of his picture on Fakebook. Why don't people just be upfront? Yes, some people are friendly with an ex's friends/family....but for me that's like you see them walking down the street, you exchange polite "Hellos"...not calling, texting, emailing them on the regular. I'm done with him and his poop. Too much headache dealing with him. I'm glad I put off sleeping over with him. Ha, good because I would kick his...for messing you. If your gut feeling is 'something is off' Gloria, your gut instinct is right on. You are highly intuitive....that said Gloria, at times a bit paranoid. There isn't anything wrong with dude keeping in touch with people who are important to him. If his friendships are not effecting your relationship and he/they are respectful....why not? However, bolded....I agree. You have feelings for this guy and he is not relationship material. Trust yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I like to know generalities about past relationships, and how it affects their views and perceptions of what they want and expect in a relationship now. Particularly, if any kind of abuse happened, I think that's important to know, as it could have a major bearing on how THIS relationship will work. It can sometimes be useful to know how many relationships and how long they lasted, and how/why they ended. It gives insight into their ability to commit, deal with issues, and their level of self-esteem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I have always disclosed my past...its better than the guy i am dating finding out by me being outed.....i think people do have aright to know who you have dated in the past or if you have a high sexual past.i dotn believe graphics or numbers are necessary.i am not really bothered by a guys past....i do however believe in honesty...so if a guy is going to tell me about his history.....all i want is truth...deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 'People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.' It's a pop psych phrase made famous by Dr. Phil. Though he adopted...did not invent it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 I never ask anyone about their past, ever. If they want to tell me something, I will listen. Thats as far as I'm willing to go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 I never ask anyone about their past, ever. If they want to tell me something, I will listen. Thats as far as I'm willing to go. I don't ask either, but he volunteered the reasons why he has a WhatsApp account - which doesn't make sense. Seems like his guilt made him utter that silly lie. But why lie? I'm not his girlfriend? I don't get why people are so shady. My last FWB was upfront on where things were going with his wife (whom he divorced after he met me) and if he was seeing other people (which he did upon his divorce). See, that's why I didn't wanna mess with someone younger. Flipping kid who wants to play silly games. And, when I lay my cards on the table it's like "too much" for him and why? We're both adults here. I don't believe in let's just hang out and whatever. You should know what you want. If you want fun while you're sorting things out with your ex, then don't get pissy when I keep you at a distance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 'People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.' To that I'll add "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”. Understanding what your partner has experienced gives you a clearer understanding of their expectations... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
azlightsout Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Well, what if she wants to know cuz you're still in communication with your ex and/or people in the same circles (friends, family, coworkers) of your ex? yeah good point - i would just be honest then --- if she isn't mature enough to handle the situation then at least i was honest --- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Gloria- I don't know how old this "kid" is, but I think for some people it is quite common to remain friendly with their ex's. It's going to happen more frequently the more people who have babies without getting married. They may have had periods of anger, but that can definitely mellow with time. I'm in contact with many of my ex's. We have common interests, we have common history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 Gloria- I don't know how old this "kid" is, but I think for some people it is quite common to remain friendly with their ex's. It's going to happen more frequently the more people who have babies without getting married. They may have had periods of anger, but that can definitely mellow with time. I'm in contact with many of my ex's. We have common interests, we have common history. **pffft** Well, my period is coming so maybe I need to hide in my little box till the storm blows over. I was driving today and I was just angry. It's like I'm on fire. So, lemme chill out before I breathe fire on him over nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 We all learn from relationships, even bad ones, and most of them leave some kind of mark on our lives. I don't go into detail about my past partners but I do talk about them and experiences we shared when it's relevant. The ability to assess your past relationships with maturity and honesty is important. It can also tell you a lot about a person (e.g. if they hate, blame or demonize all their old partners, that's a huge red flag). I would be nervous about someone who was a total basket case with regards to their exes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 Neither of us ever asked, we just volunteered information of our own (not graphic/detailed, just basic) and reciprocated. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 I find hte way a person speaks about their past relationships to be an interesting insight into the way they've handled processed loss and relationships gone wrong. If someone can't talk about an ex without bitterness, that's a red flag in my book. A person's past is part of them. One of the most troubling aspects of dating for me is the way people like to "edit" their history, to pretend this person, who they shared a bed with, no longer exists and no longer matters. I haven't ever gotten back to together when an ex. It's always been clear to me why things ended and that it wasn't worth repeating. But those women, those relationships left their mark on me. While I don't bring it up in conversation often, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to talk about my past. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 The last thing I want to know is the sexual past of my SO. It seems to always turn into WAY too much information. My approach is "Don't ask, Don't tell." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
azlightsout Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 The last thing I want to know is the sexual past of my SO. It seems to always turn into WAY too much information. My approach is "Don't ask, Don't tell." Way too much --- im honestly not even interested --- and if she starts babbling about one of her ex's i usually change the subject as quick as possible 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts