Unemployed. Can relationship survive?

[sdj1991]

I have been with my girlfriend almost 15 months, we get on really well, this is my third relationship and she is the closest gf I have felt connected with.

 

I have been unemployed for 5 months, at times it gets very difficulty for us, I get frustrated that I can't be the boyfriend I want to be for her, I want to do things for her and I just can't at the moment with no income. I have had a a few interviews where I almost got the job but have just fallen short on a couple of occasions. I am currently waiting for the outcome of an interview I had On Tuesday, should know by tomorrow if successful. My girlfriend is from a wealthy family and at the moment she is providing the majority for us, I hate feeling like I am not doing my part at the moment. She says that she Loves me and this will be worth it once I get a new job, it just gets hard for us both at times.

 

I am just wondering if anyone has been in this position or if you were the partner of an unemployed person. Did you make it work or does it become too much in the end? I am worried that I do not find any work soon then it will become too much for us.

 

Even if you haven't experienced this, any advice on what I can do to try and keep this relationship going? Thanks

[Redhead14]

I have been with my girlfriend almost 15 months, we get on really well, this is my third relationship and she is the closest gf I have felt connected with.

 

I have been unemployed for 5 months, at times it gets very difficulty for us, I get frustrated that I can't be the boyfriend I want to be for her, I want to do things for her and I just can't at the moment with no income. I have had a a few interviews where I almost got the job but have just fallen short on a couple of occasions. I am currently waiting for the outcome of an interview I had On Tuesday, should know by tomorrow if successful. My girlfriend is from a wealthy family and at the moment she is providing the majority for us, I hate feeling like I am not doing my part at the moment. She says that she Loves me and this will be worth it once I get a new job, it just gets hard for us both at times.

 

I am just wondering if anyone has been in this position or if you were the partner of an unemployed person. Did you make it work or does it become too much in the end? I am worried that I do not find any work soon then it will become too much for us.

 

Even if you haven't experienced this, any advice on what I can do to try and keep this relationship going? Thanks

 

I am currently waiting for the outcome of an interview I had On Tuesday, should know by tomorrow if successful -- If I were you, I'd just wait for the outcome of this interview and, for now, not be stressing about the future of the relationship.

 

But, if you've been putting in a real effort to find a job and she's seeing that, you just have to trust. However, it's been 5 months . . . I'd simply take any job and continue interviewing, even if it's just at McDonalds. Some money is better than no money in the interim and a clear demonstration of desire to contribute to the household and keep financial stress to a minimum at least.

[sdj1991]

Yeah, hopefully I get some good news tomorrow. I feel the majority of our problems are because of me being unemployed, they would all go away.

 

In terms of applying for any job, yes I have been fussy, I am 25 and been stressing about career and not sure what to do so don't want to be jumping from job to job. But I will stop being so fussy if I am unsuccessful with this interview, I will take a job and like you say keep applying elsewhere.

 

I don't want to ruin the relationship, at times I have thought about ending it because I feel bad about not being able to offer her much at the moment, but she is who I want to be with.

[Redhead14]

Yeah, hopefully I get some good news tomorrow. I feel the majority of our problems are because of me being unemployed, they would all go away.

 

In terms of applying for any job, yes I have been fussy, I am 25 and been stressing about career and not sure what to do so don't want to be jumping from job to job. But I will stop being so fussy if I am unsuccessful with this interview, I will take a job and like you say keep applying elsewhere.

 

I don't want to ruin the relationship, at times I have thought about ending it because I feel bad about not being able to offer her much at the moment, but she is who I want to be with.

 

don't want to be jumping from job to job. -- On a resume, a big space in employment is a flag. It's better to have a couple of jobs that are outside of career choice/preference, than a big chunk of no employment.

[Toodaloo]

don't want to be jumping from job to job. -- On a resume, a big space in employment is a flag. It's better to have a couple of jobs that are outside of career choice/preference, than a big chunk of no employment.

 

Seconding this...

[Redhead14]

When you are unemployed, you need to be working as hard looking for a job and working at anything in between, as you would be if you had the job you really want . . .

 

And, the minute you become unemployed you should start cutting out all unnecessary expenses. You don't need the sports package or all 5000 channels in your cable system. Hell, drop cable all together and rent dvds for a while, read more books, the newspapers, listen to music, you shop around for car insurance plans with lower premiums or talk to your current provider about ways to reduce, analyze electric/utilities, downgrade your phone plan, start using coupons for groceries, changing your lifestyle and when you're in the job you want, you add those things you've cut out back into your budget. And, then when you are employed again, you take X amount each week/month and put it into an account that is untouchable so that you have a buffer if you are ever unemployed again. This is outside of your regular savings account/checking account. Everyone should have an account that can sustain them for a period of unemployment for a few months at least.

Edited July 21, 2016 by Redhead14

[Mr. Lucky]

But, if you've been putting in a real effort to find a job and she's seeing that, you just have to trust. However, it's been 5 months . . . I'd simply take any job and continue interviewing, even if it's just at McDonalds. Some money is better than no money in the interim and a clear demonstration of desire to contribute to the household and keep financial stress to a minimum at least.

 

Second this, you've already let this go on way too long as this should have been your plan at the 30-day mark. At 5 months, I'd be questioning your desire to work...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gloria25]

How 'bout "underemployed"?

 

I mean, I feel ya for several reasons.

 

I, for the past recently years suffered a big salary and career drop. I've been in the process of getting it back. But, I'm underemployed and with me trying to help family, I'm short on money most of the time...which is embarassing.

 

I pray my current guy doesn't look down on me cuz I'm not in this situation from being lazy, dumb, and/or irresponsible. But yes, it still bothers me and that's one reason why I've put off dating, cuz while I'd expect a guy to pay and try to make first dates cheap, I still like to pay half/all and/or be able to reciprocate and my budget is just too tight right now. And, I'm embarrassed of where I work and what I do for a living now.

 

My current guy is a student and studying stuff that requires his full attention to gettrr done as soon as possible. So, he doesn't have a lot of things, is on a tighter budget than me, and now is trying to decide to job search, go for his masters, etc. So, I'm very understanding, but I think he's very self-conscious about it.

 

I was also wondering if we should break it off until he's "made it" cuz a lot of guys studying what he's studying dump the women they were with in their struggling period cuz they wanna fresh start with a woman who sees him as accomplished - not living in a apt with three guys and on a budget. And, I don't wanna be the girl who gets chucked once he's "made it" cuz he's embarrassed that I met him when he was struggling.

 

IMO, I think it would be different if we were married, cuz you're supposed to be a team and support each other. A lady I know took a backseat while her husband went to school and, in return he's remained faithful and a provider to her and the kids. She, now is back to her studies and pursing her own career interests (eh, and the kids are all grown).

 

So, I don't know. I don't have an issue with my guy and where he's at. I'm sure if he was in a better place, he'd do sweet things and I'd see more of him. Guess it depends on who you're dating? But I'm still self-conscious about what he thinks of me...so, I get where you're coming from. So, I guess it's also important to not be so self-conscious about it. A good and wise person knows you and your intentions and IMO, if they're willing to stick with you at a low point, shows deep and profound care than someone who blows you off until you've made it. You know who your best friends are when you're down.

 

Oh, and job prospects? I understand that it's bad to have a gap on your resume, but trust me. If you jump too soon and have several employers in a short period, it looks bad too. IMO, job searching is like a catch -22. One time I got let go cuz at one job I was really, really just there till I found better and when they saw I kept on asking for time off here/there to interview, they let me go. Also, a few years ago I jumped and left one job before they actually laid us off, got another one, but only spent a few months there cuz my "dream job" came. Well, two years into "dream job" my life turned into hell, and the jumping I did between those three jobs is haunting me till this day. It sticks out like an eyesore on my resume. So, sometimes it's better to choose wisely when taking a job.

Edited July 21, 2016 by Gloria25

[sdj1991]

No luck with the job interview i had, last three interviews had the same feedback nice friendly enthusiastic person but wasnt as strong as others. I have an offer to go back to my previous job but i left there in the first place 5 months ago as i had been there three years and was tired of it, i feel if i go back itl be a step back but will think about it, having no job is the worst.

[lucy_in_disguise]

In the future you should not leave a job until you've another one, unless you have a lot of money saved up and want to be funemployed. It's much easier to job hunt when you're already employed.

[SevenCity]

No luck with the job interview i had, last three interviews had the same feedback nice friendly enthusiastic person but wasnt as strong as others. I have an offer to go back to my previous job but i left there in the first place 5 months ago as i had been there three years and was tired of it, i feel if i go back itl be a step back but will think about it, having no job is the worst.

 

Wait, you left a job without another one lined up? That is reckless and immature.

 

Most people are tired of their jobs (except every girl on Match.Com who "Loves it!"). That's called life. To quote Red from That 70's Show: "That's why they call it "work', not "happy happy fun time".

 

I understand you are young but with the economy the way it is if you plan to quit your job you need to have savings that will carry you for at least a year.

 

Take the job and be happy you have one. Patch things up with your GF and don't quit until you have another job lined up.

[SevenCity]

Second this, you've already let this go on way too long as this should have been your plan at the 30-day mark. At 5 months, I'd be questioning your desire to work...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

At the OP's age I agree with this. However, it is not realistic to find an ideal job in 30 days. I was out of work for 6 months before I found another job (and it is far from ideal and less than I was making).

 

The higher you get up in your career, the harder it becomes to find a replacement. Taking a lower paying job could impact your ability to get close to what you were making.

 

That said, you need to have savings so you can ride out times of unemployment. If you have none, then yes, start flipping burgers.

[carhill]

In general, women like, and love, a man with a plan and these periods of unrest can focus on that feeling for those who find it pivotal to their emotional involvement in a relationship.

 

If this lady comes from a wealthy family, it's highly likely they didn't become wealthy by accident, rather from a plan and path to wealth. That's what she's used to. The lifestyle is normal for her. IMO, sure, work diligently to find new employment, moonlight off the career track if you must, but do it for you and your life path as a person, not because of a wealthy girlfriend you want to keep by taking some specific action. Either she'll be there with you or she won't. There are no guarantees at all in this realm.

 

Having been married, money and sex loom large as buzzkills. In general, commitment glue is increasingly tenuous. People change partners many times throughout life. If your current milieu finds you single, well you're 25 and have long life and many women ahead of you. Sure, a lovely young lady from a wealthy family seems like a real prize but in reality she's just another fragile human like you are. If she's standing next to you down the road, that's one answer. If not, another.

 

Good luck in the job search and do keep an open mind regarding your past employer if you left on good terms. Like people, jobs change too, because, well, workplaces are people.

[sdj1991]

Yeah i left 5 months ago as i was fed up with it, was there for three years and wanted to progress but was no room to. Thought i would spend couple months unemployed but a lot harder then i thought it would be. Have learnt my lesson, being fed up at work is better then being fed up unemployed.

 

I will consider going back to my old job, i just dont want to get stuck there like i felt i was before, i will continue to look for work if i do go back there, its what i should have done before instead of just quitting but like i said learnt my lesson and wont do that again.

[Redhead14]

How 'bout "underemployed"?

 

I mean, I feel ya for several reasons.

 

I, for the past recently years suffered a big salary and career drop. I've been in the process of getting it back. But, I'm underemployed and with me trying to help family, I'm short on money most of the time...which is embarassing.

 

I pray my current guy doesn't look down on me cuz I'm not in this situation from being lazy, dumb, and/or irresponsible. But yes, it still bothers me and that's one reason why I've put off dating, cuz while I'd expect a guy to pay and try to make first dates cheap, I still like to pay half/all and/or be able to reciprocate and my budget is just too tight right now. And, I'm embarrassed of where I work and what I do for a living now.

 

My current guy is a student and studying stuff that requires his full attention to gettrr done as soon as possible. So, he doesn't have a lot of things, is on a tighter budget than me, and now is trying to decide to job search, go for his masters, etc. So, I'm very understanding, but I think he's very self-conscious about it.

 

I was also wondering if we should break it off until he's "made it" cuz a lot of guys studying what he's studying dump the women they were with in their struggling period cuz they wanna fresh start with a woman who sees him as accomplished - not living in a apt with three guys and on a budget. And, I don't wanna be the girl who gets chucked once he's "made it" cuz he's embarrassed that I met him when he was struggling.

 

IMO, I think it would be different if we were married, cuz you're supposed to be a team and support each other. A lady I know took a backseat while her husband went to school and, in return he's remained faithful and a provider to her and the kids. She, now is back to her studies and pursing her own career interests (eh, and the kids are all grown).

 

So, I don't know. I don't have an issue with my guy and where he's at. I'm sure if he was in a better place, he'd do sweet things and I'd see more of him. Guess it depends on who you're dating? But I'm still self-conscious about what he thinks of me...so, I get where you're coming from. So, I guess it's also important to not be so self-conscious about it. A good and wise person knows you and your intentions and IMO, if they're willing to stick with you at a low point, shows deep and profound care than someone who blows you off until you've made it. You know who your best friends are when you're down.

 

Oh, and job prospects? I understand that it's bad to have a gap on your resume, but trust me. If you jump too soon and have several employers in a short period, it looks bad too. IMO, job searching is like a catch -22. One time I got let go cuz at one job I was really, really just there till I found better and when they saw I kept on asking for time off here/there to interview, they let me go. Also, a few years ago I jumped and left one job before they actually laid us off, got another one, but only spent a few months there cuz my "dream job" came. Well, two years into "dream job" my life turned into hell, and the jumping I did between those three jobs is haunting me till this day. It sticks out like an eyesore on my resume. So, sometimes it's better to choose wisely when taking a job.

 

There are exceptions that can't be anticipated. Your situation was a little extreme and not really the norm. Bottom line, is you need to survive and not allow yourself to get into a financial position that becomes unmanageable/unrecoverable or will take a long time to recover from while you are unemployed.

 

Eyesores on resumes can be addressed in the cover letter briefly.

[SevenCity]

Yeah i left 5 months ago as i was fed up with it, was there for three years and wanted to progress but was no room to. Thought i would spend couple months unemployed but a lot harder then i thought it would be. Have learnt my lesson, being fed up at work is better then being fed up unemployed.

 

I will consider going back to my old job, i just dont want to get stuck there like i felt i was before, i will continue to look for work if i do go back there, its what i should have done before instead of just quitting but like i said learnt my lesson and wont do that again.

 

Good you learned the lesson. I went to a company sponsored "transition" service that was offered. They didn't find jobs for you but taught you skills to get a new job (like how to prep your resume, act on an interview, etc.).

 

One of the women there said something that really struck home. She said in everyone's eyes you are all unemployed losers. Wow, talk about kicking someone while they are down. But she was right - society looks at you as a loser if you are unemployed. I felt like a loser as well. I would look at people less polished / less smart than me and think "They have a job but I don't????".

 

It really messes with you. But you are young so good to learn the lesson now. In my case I was part of massive layoffs so didn't have a choice. I remember one guy I worked with years ago who did the same thing you did. The market crashed shortly thereafter and he found himself commuting to a much suckier job in a different state then staying with his sister and husband. He really regretted that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

How 'bout "underemployed"?

 

I mean, I feel ya for several reasons.

 

I, for the past recently years suffered a big salary and career drop. I've been in the process of getting it back. But, I'm underemployed and with me trying to help family, I'm short on money most of the time...which is embarassing.

 

I pray my current guy doesn't look down on me cuz I'm not in this situation from being lazy, dumb, and/or irresponsible. But yes, it still bothers me and that's one reason why I've put off dating, cuz while I'd expect a guy to pay and try to make first dates cheap, I still like to pay half/all and/or be able to reciprocate and my budget is just too tight right now. And, I'm embarrassed of where I work and what I do for a living now.

 

My current guy is a student and studying stuff that requires his full attention to gettrr done as soon as possible. So, he doesn't have a lot of things, is on a tighter budget than me, and now is trying to decide to job search, go for his masters, etc. So, I'm very understanding, but I think he's very self-conscious about it.

 

I was also wondering if we should break it off until he's "made it" cuz a lot of guys studying what he's studying dump the women they were with in their struggling period cuz they wanna fresh start with a woman who sees him as accomplished - not living in a apt with three guys and on a budget. And, I don't wanna be the girl who gets chucked once he's "made it" cuz he's embarrassed that I met him when he was struggling.

 

IMO, I think it would be different if we were married, cuz you're supposed to be a team and support each other. A lady I know took a backseat while her husband went to school and, in return he's remained faithful and a provider to her and the kids. She, now is back to her studies and pursing her own career interests (eh, and the kids are all grown).

 

So, I don't know. I don't have an issue with my guy and where he's at. I'm sure if he was in a better place, he'd do sweet things and I'd see more of him. Guess it depends on who you're dating? But I'm still self-conscious about what he thinks of me...so, I get where you're coming from. So, I guess it's also important to not be so self-conscious about it. A good and wise person knows you and your intentions and IMO, if they're willing to stick with you at a low point, shows deep and profound care than someone who blows you off until you've made it. You know who your best friends are when you're down.

 

Oh, and job prospects? I understand that it's bad to have a gap on your resume, but trust me. If you jump too soon and have several employers in a short period, it looks bad too. IMO, job searching is like a catch -22. One time I got let go cuz at one job I was really, really just there till I found better and when they saw I kept on asking for time off here/there to interview, they let me go. Also, a few years ago I jumped and left one job before they actually laid us off, got another one, but only spent a few months there cuz my "dream job" came. Well, two years into "dream job" my life turned into hell, and the jumping I did between those three jobs is haunting me till this day. It sticks out like an eyesore on my resume. So, sometimes it's better to choose wisely when taking a job.

 

Your situation was a little extreme and not really the norm

 

 

On the contrary, it is quite the norm.

 

I have to second this, if anything people are more UNDER-employed than unemployed. Considering the economy can be tough that employers are paying peanuts to employees...some are even pulling benefits packages.

[todreaminblue]

I have been with a guy who was unemployed when we first started going out..i knew hsi history though and he was a work horse...holding three jobs at a time at one stage.....

honestly i supported him until he got a job because i loved him......i wrote his cover letters and i helped him hunt jobs.......i was a motivator and i was motivated for him......when he got knock backs...my job was helping him feel good about himself and go for the next job confident ........when the job hunt went on too long ....i went out and worked night shift for a while(i had babies at the time two in fact) till he eventually got a job.....

 

if you love someone career setbacks are temporary...love is not temporary..

 

i dont feel you should go back to the job once you have quit...in my opinion..its always been stay in a job till you find another one....and transition that way...or go from unemployment into a job you will love......if you dont have the qualifications to do the job you love...get them....dont go back to a dead end job you were unhappy in before......

 

as far as your relationship goes....struggles will always be part of any good relationship...if it were all easy street how would you appreciate the good times......doing it hard...can strengthen a relationship ...define your strengths together and seperate....some of my best memories in my previous relationships were when ...we could still smile when we had no money....30 cent ice creams were special.....and to me now...50 cent ice creams and a walk along a beach......are still special times.....with or without.....cash...even on my own...1 dollar is all i need...i can have two ice creams .i happen to also love that song....:0)

 

i wish you well in your employment endeavors and hope you find a job that one you love and two you excel at...good luck...deb

Edited July 22, 2016 by todreaminblue

[sdj1991]

I just feel like i wasted three years in my previous role, was limited progression and i had no responsibility. Then i started seeing my girlfriend and it made me think i wasnt doing enough for her.

 

Of course i want to be earning, i just feel that going back there is a step back and so many people were telling me for ages to leave and if i go back there i just feel they will all feel i cant do better and am making a mistake. BUT what would be different this time around is i will look for work whilst working there, i dont want to be there forever and that is why i quit, but it would be good to get some kind of income whilst i look for work rather then nothing.

 

I feel i underachieved in college, should have went onto university and every year i put it off becuase i am just not sure what career to pursue. But i think i will look into university now, i just want to feel like i am working towards something and my previous role i never had that.