Jump to content

Are some guys just gonna have to settle for a 'not so attractive' woman?


Recommended Posts

I've been doing some analyzing, and while in reality there will more than likely always be a time that an attractive woman is single...what if some fairy godmother gave every guy on the planet the confidence that he knew he could get any woman he wanted just as long as his game was solid. And so with time, eventually, all the attractive women in the world were taken by these motivated and game-solid guys. Well...what would happen to the guys who were single and just by chance couldn't get an attractive woman just because they all were taken by their boyfriends or whatever? In that case, those guys would HAVE to settle for a not so attractive woman right? And don't get me wrong I know that attraction is mostly subjective and doesn't always come first when it comes to mate selection (both physical AND internal beauty are important, for most people anyway), but for the most part if a guy can get a woman that's 'objectively' attractive, fit, and healthy, he will as opposed to a non attractive and non healthy woman. For women, attraction isn't as big a factor. Women usually place resource availability, confidence, and intelligence above attraction. At least, from the research I've done that seems to be the case. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me...

 

I hope I'm not sounding too ignorant here. Attraction alone isn't going to seal the deal when it comes to choosing a partner. I would rather be with an average looking girl who's intelligent than a really hot girl who isn't intelligent. But any competitive and driven man would try to find both and (again just from research I've done) most men use physical attraction to kinda filter out the girls that he would choose to be his new mate. Women usually use intelligence and resource availability as a filter (she will talk to a guy and if the guy presents himself as smart and/or driven, she will use that as a means to choose if she wants to be with him or not). For guys, attraction>intelligence/confidence/resource availability, and for girls, resource availability/confidence/intelligence>attraction.

Edited by ZayKayWill
Link to post
Share on other sites

Whew! Selling the male gender short, aren't you?

 

I'm guessing you're under 30.

 

Beauty fades.

 

I realize I'm old and that people nowadays aren't getting married as early as they used to. I'm of an age where several people ( I think 5 couples from my class) did get married out of high school.

 

Some, maybe most, but certainly not all pretty girls aren't going to be good mates, life partners, wives and mothers. It takes me about 45 minutes to get ready to go out. Shower, hair and makeup. It can take longer if I have clothes to iron.

 

I had a pretty girl for a roomie six years ago. One night a group of us were going out. She stood around visiting with one person (we were meeting at my house), then took TWO HOURS to get ready. She kept seven of us waiting two hours...I wanted to leave the hair straightening, raccoon eyed, selfish [......].

 

It takes a LOT of time and money to be beautiful. Having children cuts into both time and money. I've known women who spend $500 a month on hair, facials, nails and waxing. That's $6000 a year. That's not including makeup, skin care and hair products. If pretty girl has to stay home from work after a baby is born and the income is reduced, she won't look so pretty by the time the baby is walking.

 

Maybe a man who doesn't want kids and doesn't mind carrying much of the grown up expenses won't mind it so much. Or maybe men who don't want to live together, get married or have kids will be attracted to looks only.

 

A friend of mine is 33 and he is very overweight, But he has an awesome job, great personality and is generous. He works a public job and is constantly being given phone number from pretty girls. He's had a lot of fun in his life. He thinks he's bedded over 100 pretty girls in 15 years. Yet, the best sex he had was with an older woman who wasn't as tight as the young ones. She was also his best relationship and the one he pines for.

 

Guys my age (around 50) may fantasize for the cute, tight, young thing and they may even be able to score one for a while. Rarely do they wife them.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Humperdinck
Whew! Selling the male gender short, aren't you?

 

I'm guessing you're under 30.

 

Beauty fades.

 

<snip>

 

Guys my age (around 50) may fantasize for the cute, tight, young thing and they may even be able to score one for a while. Rarely do they wife them.

 

I think as we get older, we stop sweating the superficial stuff. I know in general I try to put my self in the other person's shoes as much as possible

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of immediately preceding post
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Uh yeah. No. Women and men both value physical attractiveness fairly equally. Which is why couples are almost always fairly evenly matched in terms of pure looks. Just Google the matching phenomenon. If you're a good looking guy, you'll likely pair up with a good looking woman. If you're average looking (like most of us) you'll pair up with an average looking woman. If you're unattractive...well, you see the pattern....

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I don't necessarily agree that beauty always fades as you get older. I've seen some very good looking people that were in their 50s.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Attraction is so different in everyone's eyes...

 

Also, looks aren't everything.

 

I think it's sad people are so preoccupied on attractive women and men...it seems a lot of men will choose being attractive as a more important quality than having morals or a decent personality.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Humperdinck
Attraction is so different in everyone's eyes...

 

Also, looks aren't everything.

 

I think it's sad people are so preoccupied on attractive women and men...it seems a lot of men will choose being attractive as a more important quality than having morals or a decent personality.

 

Right. Everyone has their own measure of what is attractive and it is not based just on looks

Link to post
Share on other sites
Uh yeah. No. Women and men both value physical attractiveness fairly equally. Which is why couples are almost always fairly evenly matched in terms of pure looks. Just Google the matching phenomenon. If you're a good looking guy, you'll likely pair up with a good looking woman. If you're average looking (like most of us) you'll pair up with an average looking woman. If you're unattractive...well, you see the pattern....

 

Maybe in your area.

 

I notice this a lot when I go out to eat. It's rare that I do, but I want good food, so I'm at nice restaurants. More often than not a couple will come in to eat and she's dressed up, coiffed, looks good, is attractive. He is wearing a baseball cap, grungy t-shirt and shorts. He's put no effort into his appearance and clothing. He may not even be shaved.

 

And I've seen it when I go to clubs/bars as well.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Well...what would happen to the guys who were single and just by chance couldn't get an attractive woman just because they all were taken by their boyfriends or whatever? In that case, those guys would HAVE to settle for a not so attractive woman right?
Sure, if he didn't want to be alone or snatch an attached woman away from their husband or boyfriend (happens!)
And don't get me wrong I know that attraction is mostly subjective and doesn't always come first when it comes to mate selection (both physical AND internal beauty are important, for most people anyway), but for the most part if a guy can get a woman that's 'objectively' attractive, fit, and healthy, he will as opposed to a non attractive and non healthy woman.
I'd generally agree but attraction is tricky. Yeah, it's easy to lust after a beautiful woman but man some of those otherwise forgetable (by men in general) ones can sure sneak up on a guy. Ran into a few of those in life. Heh, drats they turned out to be married :D
For women, attraction isn't as big a factor.
IDK, it has been for the women I dated and the one I married. Right up there. It might not be as visual as with men but it's still there in manner, demeanor, personality and, yeah, looks too.
Women usually place resource availability, confidence, and intelligence above attraction
Some do, yeah. They're usually pretty easy to suss out if that's a turnoff. Some guys like being the go-to guy, whether that be for money, leadership, solutions, whatever. They bask in that kind of need and want. Some don't.
At least, from the research I've done that seems to be the case. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me...
I don't think it's so much right and wrong as individual.

 

I hope I'm not sounding too ignorant here. Attraction alone isn't going to seal the deal when it comes to choosing a partner. I would rather be with an average looking girl who's intelligent than a really hot girl who isn't intelligent.
That's a personal preference. IMO, it's good to be clear in one's mind about that stuff so as not to waste one's time and energy, or another's, on interactions going nowhere.
But any competitive and driven man would try to find both and (again just from research I've done) most men use physical attraction to kinda filter out the girls that he would choose to be his new mate.
Again the individual thing. It all depends on the guy's psyche. Some really hot and driven men like the rock, always there for them, no wandering, care approaching worship, no other guys looking to steal while he's out roping the world. Others, different.
Women usually use intelligence and resource availability as a filter (she will talk to a guy and if the guy presents himself as smart and/or driven, she will use that as a means to choose if she wants to be with him or not). For guys, attraction>intelligence/confidence/resource availability, and for girls, resource availability/confidence/intelligence>attraction.
Interesting comparison. I'd say it worked out pretty much that way for my parents. Roles and expectations were clear. These days, who knows? Everything seems to be out the window.

 

Back to your original premise, personally I've never seen any woman I found attractive, whether she was widely attractive or not, as settling. If we were in each others presence and connected, well that's pretty much that. Sure, you and me forever stuff is more complicated than that, definitely for marriage type partnerships are, but the basics were pretty much the same. The psychologically interesting question is was that attraction conditioned or natural? IDK. Mystery of life. Been a good ride. Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Attractive women are constantly on the lookout for a better partner whose social level will match their attractivness (which they measure trough the amount of sexual opportunities presented to them by horny males).

 

Nice guy ? Good father ? If your woman is too hot compared to you, there is a mismatch and it will cause problems nonetheless. All the alpha-wannabe males will snif her out and try to take her from you. Depending on her level of respect for the situation of their man, they will or will not answer to those proposals.

 

When we see a beautiful woman on the street, me and my friend have one code word : "problems".

 

Give me a normal woman who won't be full of herself and constantly being hit on by other men because she won the lottery of physical appearance when she was born, over a hot blonde, anyday.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Everyone has their own measure of what is attractive and it is not based just on looks

 

"Looks" is 4th on my list, right behind "good cook" :cool: ...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77
for girls, resource availability/confidence/intelligence>attraction.

 

Not sure about the relevance of the above.

 

For most people I know:

 

open-mindedness + intellectual curiosity + kindness + humility + sense of initiative + honesty + courage + sense of humour + overall sexy appearance (personal judgement) = attraction.

 

It's the sum of all that makes you attracted to someone.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, men value looks above all else. As a sort of primeval dominance. Which is why men are such bad pickers. Women are smarter, and look for a good partner, not just good arm candy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Are some guys just gonna have to settle for a 'not so attractive' woman?

 

yes.

 

...and some women are also gonna have to settle for a "not so attractive" man.

 

Truth is, truly attractive people aren't that common, but most of us when we fall in love, see the attractiveness in the object of our desire. Whether the rest of the world sees it, is another matter entirely.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Wookin Pa Nub

I would say I am of average looks for a guy. I have a pretty "plain" look - not macho biker, stud player, etc. I am an accountant. In college I hooked up with a couple girls out of my league but also many I would not want to be seen in public with.

 

 

Although I was avg looking, was a nice guy, had a good job, etc I had A LOT of trouble gaining interest from avg to above average looking girls (the 6,7 and maybe 8's). I wouldn't even try with the very attractive hot girls.

 

 

Most of my opportunities to meet girls was at bars, parties, social situations. I have social anxiety and not the best conversationalist in those situations. IMO girls definitely like guys with outgoing personalities, good senses of humors and confidence as well as looks. Probably was my personality and sense humor was apparent until I was comfortable and social situations are out of my comfort zone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Women and men both value physical attractiveness fairly equally. Which is why couples are almost always fairly evenly matched in terms of pure looks.

 

I agree. In my experience, I find that women prioritize physical attractiveness. How many hot chicks have you seen walking arm-in-arm with a Melvin (who was not a millionaire)?

 

 

Study concerning preference in height: http://archive.mid-day.com/relationships/2012/may/280512-Why-women-like-tall-men.htm

 

"Multiple studies have shown that women find tall men more attractive."

 

Study concerning preference for facial hair: http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(13)00022-6/abstract

 

Study concerning preference for "V" body shape: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201207/which-body-shapes-are-most-sexually-attractive

 

Study concerning preference for a deep voice: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-10/mu-lml101613.php

Edited by OneLov
Link to post
Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle
I've been doing some analyzing, and while in reality there will more than likely always be a time that an attractive woman is single...what if some fairy godmother gave every guy on the planet the confidence that he knew he could get any woman he wanted just as long as his game was solid. And so with time, eventually, all the attractive women in the world were taken by these motivated and game-solid guys. Well...what would happen to the guys who were single and just by chance couldn't get an attractive woman just because they all were taken by their boyfriends or whatever? In that case, those guys would HAVE to settle for a not so attractive woman right? And don't get me wrong I know that attraction is mostly subjective and doesn't always come first when it comes to mate selection (both physical AND internal beauty are important, for most people anyway), but for the most part if a guy can get a woman that's 'objectively' attractive, fit, and healthy, he will as opposed to a non attractive and non healthy woman. For women, attraction isn't as big a factor. Women usually place resource availability, confidence, and intelligence above attraction. At least, from the research I've done that seems to be the case. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me...

 

I hope I'm not sounding too ignorant here. Attraction alone isn't going to seal the deal when it comes to choosing a partner. I would rather be with an average looking girl who's intelligent than a really hot girl who isn't intelligent. But any competitive and driven man would try to find both and (again just from research I've done) most men use physical attraction to kinda filter out the girls that he would choose to be his new mate. Women usually use intelligence and resource availability as a filter (she will talk to a guy and if the guy presents himself as smart and/or driven, she will use that as a means to choose if she wants to be with him or not). For guys, attraction>intelligence/confidence/resource availability, and for girls, resource availability/confidence/intelligence>attraction.

 

Interesting...I'd like to see your findings to prove your point :rolleyes:

 

 

And don't think for a moment that women don't find themselves settling for less than attractive men.

 

We ALL end up settling for something at some point in our lives. It's called life.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Humperdinck
Interesting...I'd like to see your findings to prove your point :rolleyes:

 

 

And don't think for a moment that women don't find themselves settling for less than attractive men.

 

We ALL end up settling for something at some point in our lives. It's called life.

 

Also, as you get closer to someone, you get attracted more and more, even if the person is not your type per se

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
In that case, those guys would HAVE to settle for a not so attractive woman right?

 

Actually no, they can always choose to not have a woman.

 

For women, attraction isn't as big a factor. Women usually place resource availability, confidence, and intelligence above attraction. At least, from the research I've done that seems to be the case. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me...

 

You are most definitely wrong. I wish men would quit spreading this lie. Women are attracted by looks first and then everything else follows. Women want sex with a man who looks good to them.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been doing some analyzing, and while in reality there will more than likely always be a time that an attractive woman is single...what if some fairy godmother gave every guy on the planet the confidence that he knew he could get any woman he wanted just as long as his game was solid. And so with time, eventually, all the attractive women in the world were taken by these motivated and game-solid guys. Well...what would happen to the guys who were single and just by chance couldn't get an attractive woman just because they all were taken by their boyfriends or whatever? In that case, those guys would HAVE to settle for a not so attractive woman right? And don't get me wrong I know that attraction is mostly subjective and doesn't always come first when it comes to mate selection (both physical AND internal beauty are important, for most people anyway), but for the most part if a guy can get a woman that's 'objectively' attractive, fit, and healthy, he will as opposed to a non attractive and non healthy woman. For women, attraction isn't as big a factor. Women usually place resource availability, confidence, and intelligence above attraction. At least, from the research I've done that seems to be the case. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me...

 

I hope I'm not sounding too ignorant here. Attraction alone isn't going to seal the deal when it comes to choosing a partner. I would rather be with an average looking girl who's intelligent than a really hot girl who isn't intelligent. But any competitive and driven man would try to find both and (again just from research I've done) most men use physical attraction to kinda filter out the girls that he would choose to be his new mate. Women usually use intelligence and resource availability as a filter (she will talk to a guy and if the guy presents himself as smart and/or driven, she will use that as a means to choose if she wants to be with him or not). For guys, attraction>intelligence/confidence/resource availability, and for girls, resource availability/confidence/intelligence>attraction.

 

Yes, I suppose if you can’t get what you want, you have to settle. It’s sad, and even sadder for the person that you settle for.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
...and some women are also gonna have to settle for a "not so attractive" man.

 

Truth is, truly attractive people aren't that common, but most of us when we fall in love, see the attractiveness in the object of our desire. Whether the rest of the world sees it, is another matter entirely.

 

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

 

Physical appearance is something what we first notice but if there is no substance beyond the superficial , the same attractive looks become ugly very quickly.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Women want sex with a man who looks good to them.

 

Exactly, and it is often the first thing on her mind, and the first filter.

Can I kiss, make out with and have sex with this guy?

 

No! - friend-zone maybe, ignore probably, reject...

Yes! - OK, let's see where this goes.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm getting wound up again...

 

If you don't want a woman sexually, for whatever reason it is, be honest with her.

 

For goodness sake, it's better for your progress and hers.

 

Please don't mess around like this. I'm seeing too much of this lately.

 

I'm not even entertaining the concept anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You, as an outsider to the relationship, may consider the woman unattractive.

 

But does he? Probably not. He probably sees a beauty you do not.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...