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Does this still exist? it seems like all you hear about is how he/she cheated it seems like everyone is destined to just get cheated on is this true or am i being just dramatic?

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Monogamy does exist but it's becoming increasingly more rare to find. There are many reasons why people cheat but it always comes down to a lack of fulfillment. That's why it's so important to communicate and have clear expectations to keep the passion alive.

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The internet and cell phones, which did not exist when I was first dating or married, have only made it a million times easier communicate so you can talk, IM, text and video chat 24/7 plus instant access to social media, porn, dating and cheating websites only increases the temptation. There are unlimited opportunities / possibilities today and the heart wants what it wants.

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Sunlight72
Does this still exist? it seems like all you hear about is how he/she cheated it seems like everyone is destined to just get cheated on is this true or am i being just dramatic?

Sure monogamy still exists. Yes, this is an overly dramatic viewpoint. Stop watching so much TV. Get off the internet.

 

If all you hear about are cheating people, hang out somewhere else or with different people.

 

Put yourself in places where people are more conservative socially - family settings, school settings, service clubs, volunteer groups, meditation or prayer groups, groups with more couples and married couples, people who seriously seek or are in long-term careers.

 

Be around people who think long-term, and you'll meet more people who choose commitment and stay committed.

 

That is, if you want to be surrounded by a higher percentage of longer-term, more stable couples.

 

Just my experience.

Edited by Sunlight72
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Yes, people that don't cheat do exist. I am one of them. I cheated once as a teenager. I was immature and curious. I've never done it again. I wouldn't ever do it again.

 

I would say that if you are dating someone that admits to you they have cheated on multiple occasions, that that is a huge red flag. people who are compulsive cheaters do not stop cheating until they deal with their issues professionally. usually it's some abandonment issue or other childhood trauma issue. these people dont stop cheating when they fall in love or get married, so unless you are into being in an open relationship, you should definitely avoid them.

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Lois_Griffin
Monogamy does exist but it's becoming increasingly more rare to find. There are many reasons why people cheat but it always comes down to a lack of fulfillment. That's why it's so important to communicate and have clear expectations to keep the passion alive.

Yeah.

 

No.

 

That's a very simplistic but incorrect answer.

 

There are many relationships that are filled with passion and intimacy and lots of good and fulfilling things and one of the spouses has still cheated. Sometimes it simply comes down to weak boundaries, the desire for sexual variety, not being able to resist temptation, having a fetish they're too afraid to share with their spouse, being disordered in some way or having been sexually abused as a child, and the list just goes on and on.

 

The simple answer isn't always 'lack of fulfillment.'

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Yes it does. Many of my dearest friends have started celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversaries these past few years. All have marriages that are still going strong.

 

 

When I think about all the couples I know, I don't know any cheaters. One of my friends dated a guy for a while who cheated on her. Other people in our circle found out; she was told & she dumped him. No fuss. No muss. She's happily married to someone else now.

 

 

Yes, we have all had problems but infidelity is not one of them.

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The internet and cell phones, which did not exist when I was first dating or married, have only made it a million times easier communicate so you can talk, IM, text and video chat 24/7 plus instant access to social media, porn, dating and cheating websites only increases the temptation. There are unlimited opportunities / possibilities today and the heart wants what it wants.

It might be easier to cheat, but with today's technology it's way easier to get caught too.

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Thanks to everyone who replied. I guess my biggest issue is i dont hang around with people that are long-term oriented and thats why this i guess fear is bothering me so much that and like everyone said with technology and apps today its so easy and people my age do nothing but use social media and phones. I guess it just something i need to get over.

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Dork Vader

Very much so, I know numerous couples who have been loyal to each other over the years. My parents have 44 years together and have never cheated. My brother has been married for 13 years and never cheated on his wife. All but 1 of my 22 neighbors have been married for 25+ years and never cheated.

 

The statistics for cheating have remained unchanged i believe it's still around 52%. I think it may seem like more people cheat because it's what is in the headlines these days. People are also much more open about their relationship and communication seems to have improved. This leads to more gossip and more people knowing.

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I can only speak of people I know, but it definitely seems that people in all kinds of relationships are less likely to be monagamous these days.

 

After works drinks, I'd say 1/2 the married guys are checking girls out and hitting on them, and would cheat in a minute if they thought they would get away with it (and they might well be for all I know)

 

Guys I know in relationships, some are super faithful and some cheat whenever their partner is out of sight.

 

I know of a married woman that is "sleeping" with another guy at work during work time.

 

52% sounds about right - that number to me means monagomy isn't really working.

Edited by joseb
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TunaInTheBrine

I have been grappling with this same issue the last couple of years. I'm in my early thirties, and of all the relationships I've had up until a couple of years ago I was only cheated on once in my teen years. The last couple of years though, every one of my three serious attempts at an LTR resulted in the woman cheating and after a very short period of time. In one instance, it was literally two days after we 'committed'.

 

I've never cheated. Never will. I believe in commitment - not staying only until I'm momentarily unhappy or tempted to stray. I feel those lackluster moments are what lead to a more solid relationship when they can be worked through. Obviously, a doomed or abusive relationship needs to end, but this seems to be far more the rare case for leaving/straying than people simply giving into impulses.

 

The fact that there is so much temptation is only half the problem. The other half, and in my opinion the more concerning factor, is a matter of character. People who cheat by definition lack the ability to remain loyal to a relationship they claim to be dedicated to and are acting on the basis of impulse and instant gratification. All relationships inevitably go through peeks and valleys. Remaining loyal throughout the process requires character and creates character. When people have no character or are not interested in improving their own, they are likely to do all sorts of things without consideration for how their behavior impacts other people.

 

When the world begins to value character and people relearn the skills to have relationships (God, that sounds scary to even say is an issue) then monogamy could stand a chance. But even non-monogamy requires setting boundaries and rules, and people I know who try these arrangements typically say their partner cheated on them anyway by going outside the rules. People just don't know how to have relationships anymore, regardless of the structure. How sad.

 

Where the hell is the public call to action on these issues? That's what I want to know. So many people are complaining and unhappy with how culture is going these days and no one is doing a damn thing about it. Everyone just stares at their phone as the world around them crumbles. I'm not sure people are fully realizing what this is doing to us as a society and where it is going.

Edited by TunaInTheBrine
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Does this still exist? it seems like all you hear about is how he/she cheated it seems like everyone is destined to just get cheated on is this true or am i being just dramatic?

 

I've never cheated, and can't see myself ever doing so. The idea holds zero interest or appeal to me, and I just have naturally high personal boundaries.There are lots of people in my position.

 

Just based on personal experience, there seems to be a continuum of personality types when it comes to this.There are some who will never cheat and find the idea unappealing, there are some who will cheat no matter how great their primary relationship is, and then there are people who might or might not cheat, depending on the circumstances they are experiencing. From what I can tell, these people in the middle don't plan on cheating, but they do have weak boundaries, don't like conflict, hae self esteem issues or may have trouble saying "no" or standing up for themselves. They might be none of those things but be in a vulnerable position in their life, etc.

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I can only speak of people I know, but it definitely seems that people in all kinds of relationships are less likely to be monagamous these days.

 

After works drinks, I'd say 1/2 the married guys are checking girls out and hitting on them, and would cheat in a minute if they thought they would get away with it (and they might well be for all I know)

 

Guys I know in relationships, some are super faithful and some cheat whenever their partner is out of sight.

 

I know of a married woman that is "sleeping" with another guy at work during work time.

 

52% sounds about right - that number to me means monagomy isn't really working.

 

And then the question is- of the less than half who are faithful, how many are happy? Or happy enough to where they don't want to cheat?

 

I fully accept that we grow and change as individuals, which is why people in relationships grow apart. I think the key is to find someone who is able to grow with you. Or maybe learn how to be happy in an open relationship :bunny:

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