Stalker?

[Babygirlxoxo]

A little over a year and a half ago, I started working at target. There was this guy that quickly developed a huge crush on me. I gave him a tiny chance and went to the mall with him once and he just went crazy. I worked at target for 2 months as a seasonal and I left. I blocked this guys number. He began finding new ways to talk to me, making profiles on Facebook and dating sites and sometimes even pretending to be a friend of his apologizing to me for whatever he did wrong. I got a boyfriend, and months later we broke up and this guy asked if I was okay and I told him "I guess so" and he immediately asked me to hook up, I blocked him. One day he showed up at my work (A DAYCARE) and walked back and forth multiple times. I Quickly unblocked his number and lied about why I hadn't texted him, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I was pretty frightened and agreed to let him drive me home. On the way home he asked if I wanted to stop for food and we did, after ordering he asked me to pay for it and I asked him to take me home and he was reluctant. I stopped talking to him. After making more than one new profile to contact me I told him I would get a restraining order. About once a month or so he will find a way to talk to me, and I'll threaten a restraining order every time. The last time he contacted me, he told me he was suicidal, and I had no choice of course to tell him that even though I do not want to be his friend I do not want him to die and he doesn't deserve that and he began offering me money and to come over. I fear that he will show up at my work again as it's still the same place and I don't know if this even sounds like I should get a restraining order.

[Gloria25]

Restraining orders sometimes makes them angry and/or escalate, but IMO, it's hard to get the authorities to do something unless there's a paper trail of you reporting him and seeking protection from him.

 

I say find out what your state/city/county's laws are on stalking and how good they are in enforcing it. Maybe a battered women's shelter or non-profit organization might also be in your area to help you find resources and support.

 

Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to not cower and show fear, you must be aware of your surroundings. Install a security system, nany cam (in case he's breaking into your place and like stealing your underwear). Learn self defense, carry mace/a tazer (if it's legal in your state) and get some male relatives and friends to show by unannounced at your home, job, etc....Cuz, restraining order or not, we don't know what he's capable of, but if you are less of a target, you'll probably deter him or be ready for if/when he escalates.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I find stalkers more annoying than scary. I wanna beat the living crap out of them, but it's hard cuz they creep. They're cowards who take advantage of creeping on you.

[ChickiePops]

He's obviously not deterred by idle threats..you need to stop threatening and get the restraining order.

 

The suicide threat was just to get your attention. If he actually planned to kill himself he wouldn't be telling anyone, and you couldn't stop him. Suicide is nobody's fault except the person who commits it.

 

You also need to stop engaging him..block him and keep him blocked. Tell your boss what's going on, and if you see him outside of your work again, call the police ASAP. It's really dangerous to have this unhinged man around children..please don't put them at risk by not taking any action.

 

I'm SO sorry you're going through this..I have been there. The woman my ex was cheating on me with stalked me for a good couple of months..she hacked his phone and computer, hired a PI to trail me, sat outside of his place and mine, dyed her hair to match mine and began dressing like me, threatened violence multiple times...the list goes on. It's scary as hell and I felt violated. I had to go onto anxiety medication for a good year afterwards.

[preraph]

I know all about stalkers, so please listen to me. First I want to congratulate you for realizing this is serious. He is a stalker, and stalkers are a very potentially dangerous group of criminals. He has no regard for what YOU want. He only cares what he wants. That's why he's doing this regardless of your wishes. He has crossed the line. Now he is pulling out suicide because he thinks that will get you to give in.

 

You MUST do these things at once and in this order:

 

If you have any texts of you telling the guy to leave you alone or that you'll get a restraining order, show those to the police. Otherwise, record or save the text of you telling him in writing or on a video "I don't ever want you to contact me again." You have to have something that shows you've told him.

 

Next, sit down and make a log (dated if possible) of every incident with this guy and how you've handled it, how he has contacted you, how he followed you, showed up at work, made fake accounts, etc.

 

Make a copy of that list for the police. Call 911 and have the police come to you (unless you're in a small town, in which case maybe they will have someone to take a report if you walk in). Here in a big town, they don't do walk-ins and have to call a car.

 

Tell them you have a genuine stalker who you have told to leave you alone. Give them the list, tell them "I want to file stalking charges on him," give them his info, and ask them the next step to getting a restraining order. You may have to insist upon filing a report. But if you don't file the complaint, they do not have to do anything. Depending which police dept you have, some will take this seriously and others will try to ignore it. So insist on a report because they have to follow up if you insist on filing a complaint, by law.

 

Then go ahead and get an order of protection or restraining order. You have to do this because then once he violates it, they have justification for arrest. Otherwise, they probably won't arrest him. First he has to violate the order, which he probably will do. Also, try to get photos of him and save any recordings or texts and as soon as you see or hear from him after the restraining order, call 911 immediately. Let your close friends and family and employer know you have this order on him and not to talk to him because stalkers will try to butter up your family or friends to get info of your whereabouts or for them to influence you.

 

Please keep us in the loop. This guy is a nut. Be careful!

[PinkElephants]

I'll threaten a restraining order every time.

You unblock him to tell him to stop talking to him and you make empty threats. It's not really a wonder that he doesn't take you seriously. You've rewarded every single attempt he's made and he'll continue to contact you as long as you keep giving in.

 

Unblocking him to tell him to stop talking to him IS TALKING TO HIM. You're giving him exactly what he wants.

 

Threatening him with a restraining order while doing absolutely nothing isn't going to scare him at all.

 

The last time he contacted me, he told me he was suicidal, and I had no choice of course to tell him that even though I do not want to be his friend I do not want him to die and he doesn't deserve that

His suicide threat is pure manipulation and probably without merit. When my ex figured out he was losing his grip on me he threatened suicide. I turned off my ringer and went to sleep. I woke up to a string of pathetic voicemails detailing his slow, lingering death and telling me how guilty I'll feel when he's gone.

 

Guess what? The idiot is still alive. He didn't want to die; he wanted me to respond. I called his bluff and ignored him instead of giving him any more of my time or attention.

 

After you do everything peraph said you block him and never look back. Never unblock him. Never respond. He'll continue harassing you as long as you continue rewarding him so take the rewards away.

[Babygirlxoxo]

I apologize. You misunderstood.

I have not unblocked him.

He harassed me, I blocked all forms of contact, he made new accounts and messaged me. Blocked again. He made more new profiles. Blocked again. He made more new profiles, I told him I would get a restraining order, he will dissapear for weeks or even months so I don't feel the need for a restraining order and then he suddenly creates new profiles.

[ChickiePops]

I apologize. You misunderstood.

I have not unblocked him.

He harassed me, I blocked all forms of contact, he made new accounts and messaged me. Blocked again. He made more new profiles. Blocked again. He made more new profiles, I told him I would get a restraining order, he will dissapear for weeks or even months so I don't feel the need for a restraining order and then he suddenly creates new profiles.

 

Doesn't matter..threatening a restraining order is not the same as taking action. Next time he contacts, take action.

[Gloria25]

I apologize. You misunderstood.

I have not unblocked him.

He harassed me, I blocked all forms of contact, he made new accounts and messaged me. Blocked again. He made more new profiles. Blocked again. He made more new profiles, I told him I would get a restraining order, he will dissapear for weeks or even months so I don't feel the need for a restraining order and then he suddenly creates new profiles.

 

And, that's why I hate stalkers...They are more annoying than scary.

 

Cuz, they do stuff underneath the radar that really law enforcement/the courts wouldn't consider dangerous when for all you know, he may have a shrine in his basement of a picture of you that he throws darts at.

 

And, that's why I recommended what I did to you, cuz you do need to familiarize yourself with the laws in your area and regardless if you can take the legal route, you need to learn to protect yourself incase he decides he wants to escalate and harm you.

 

Again, I'm sorry...

[Jabron1]

he told me he was suicidal, and I had no choice of course to tell him that even though I do not want to be his friend I do not want him to die and he doesn't deserve that and he began offering me money and to come over.

 

The same thing happened to me. Except that I ignored the 'suicidal' talk, and then it changed to buying gifts, and then I didn't accept them, etc.

 

It's all complete bullsh*t. Don't believe a word this chump is saying. He's just trying to find a way to have some power over you.

 

You are encouraging him. Whether you like it or not.

 

Block him, and give him absolutely nothing to go on. The more things he does that aren't reciprocated, the stronger this will look to the police - if you need to take it that far.