Guys wanna move really fast or not at all?

[Fruitee]

Not sure if this is right place for this discussion. But I am interested to hear other peoples opinions.

 

Because to me it seems like guys either wanna move really fast like they straight away tell how wonderful I am and they want me to be their girlfriend or I dont get past 1st date at all which is kind of the same state of mind "no sparks" so no future, next one from line. Or then guys take months to make up their minds on what they want.

 

To me it seems like two ends of spectrum. You need to know straight away if its gonna lead to relationship and act fast or string the other person along for months to make up the mind.

 

Any thoughts?

Edited May 26, 2016 by Fruitee

[mikeylo]

Best relationships are those where it's taken slow. Pace that is comfortable for both. It gives both a chance to get to know each other better and when the initial hormones have settled down , to see how each deals with disagreements. There should be those moments ! When you rush , you crash faster.

[Buddhist]

Whatever gene pool you're dating in, give it up immediately.... Sounds like pretty typical behaviour for the 20 somethings.

[Fruitee]

^ Then I need to leave the country. Because my sample has been quite wide. From 25 to 42. From Black to Asian. From jobless to CEO. From Tinder to friends of friends.

[Gaeta]

^ Then I need to leave the country. Because my sample has been quite wide. From 25 to 42. From Black to Asian. From jobless to CEO. From Tinder to friends of friends.

 

It's been my experience for a few years till I met the right man. It's not suppose to work till it does. And even when you meet the right man you don't know he is the right man. It took me 3-4 dates to make up my mind about my boyfriend. Just keep an open mind.

 

Just do what Fruitee does. If Fruitee is comfortable with a long slow burn than look for it. If you like to get to business right away then by all means enjoy. There is no right or wrong.

[NTV]

^ Then I need to leave the country. Because my sample has been quite wide. From 25 to 42. From Black to Asian. From jobless to CEO. From Tinder to friends of friends.

 

 

 

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to find the perfect guy. I vote for relaxing and taking a year off of dating anyone. Become more comfortable with yourself by yourself, and then see where you're at.

 

 

There's so much more to this world than just finding a great partner.

[Fruitee]

I have actually stopped dating and looking for mr right. Im not looking even for mr wrong. I am too busy with many other things. But this is just something that has been puzzling me. Like I just met this one guy who seemed to be straight away so into me.

[Audacious]

I don't think it applies to all guys ,

but you have to remember something , that there is no guy wants to be just friends or wants to be lead on ,

If you tell a guy you wanna take it slow , it doesn't really mean taking it slow

it might be interpreted as you're keeping your options open , or stringing him along ,

 

any self-respecting man would run from these things like his a#4 is on fire ,

 

guys do have feelings you know , most women pretend that they're the only ones who do

[Larryville]

The thing is especially in the OLD world, guys get shot down or ignored so much that when they do get what they perceive as a "good catch" they act as if they will never get another chance at anything better and rush into proclaiming love and marriage. I see it here all the time, dudes talking about having children on the first freaking date…. Ridiculous.

[SwordofFlame]

I have to say my online dating experience has been the same with women. It's either we have sex by the third date or it's going nowhere.

[Fruitee]

Allright so it seems to be problem on both sides then.

 

I guess the amount of possibilities has kind of messed people up.

[joseb]

I have to say my online dating experience has been the same with women. It's either we have sex by the third date or it's going nowhere.

 

I don't see the problem there really. Sex on a third date is hardly offering marriage? By three dates you should know if it's worth taking it to the next level, and seeing if you are sexually compatible, or call it a day.

[alwaysgreener]

Fast guy here.

 

I've made that mistake too many times, usually I meet a girl after a long slump, she's showing a lot of upside and I get immediately smitten with her and I'm happy to have finally met someone after a few dead months. Instead of playing it cool, I messed it up.

 

I had met a girl that I though was my soulmate, like we had the same favorite movies, we could finish each other's sentences, it was magical... but... both of us moved too fast and things fizzled out in weeks. Shame because I still wonder about that woman...

[preraph]

It's the influence of the internet and OLD. They begin with a "dream girl" in their head and then go shop on OLD for the closest thing to it and assume the rest will be just like their dream girl. I knew someone like this once even before OLD. I would say, How do you know you even like her? All you've done is check out at her cash register? And he's say basically her being "his type" meaning physical type and his type being "girl next door" to which he'd use beautiful actresses as examples of "next door" types (crazy, huh?) and that was basically all he thought would matter. It was enough. Like he has no clue that you have to get along and she has to also be attracted to you back. It's craziness and honestly, anyone who comes out of the gate like that, you are best not going on a second date. They are either very inexperienced and that's why they're delusional or they are just delusional and often obsessive.

[NTV]

Just a thought... I think if you're looking for 'sparks' on the first date, then you're probably setting yourself up for failure. The instantaneous physical and sexual attraction is great if your plans involve specifically sex.

 

 

Just like an interview, there's two many ways for a person to make themselves charming or a shining beacon of happiness or whatnot to truly expect that that's who they are.

I think you should re-check your list of what you're trying to accomplish on that first date... i.e. "are they attractive?" yes/no; "are they obviously crazy? yes/no; "are there immediate dealbreakers? (i.e. drug use, etc)" yes /know. And the rest is just to find out if you can have fun with them. Some people just aren't fun people. It's true. Some people are too serious about appearance or jobs or materialistic things etc etc; and the strange thing is those folks tend to do best on first dates but do worst in real relationships.

 

 

I guess all this was just said on the assumption that you wanted a real relationship and not a summer fling. If you want seasonal play, then yeah, definitely hunt for sparks.

[preraph]

Fast guy here.

 

I've made that mistake too many times, usually I meet a girl after a long slump, she's showing a lot of upside and I get immediately smitten with her and I'm happy to have finally met someone after a few dead months. Instead of playing it cool, I messed it up.

 

I had met a girl that I though was my soulmate, like we had the same favorite movies, we could finish each other's sentences, it was magical... but... both of us moved too fast and things fizzled out in weeks. Shame because I still wonder about that woman...

 

But at least you had talked to her at length and has a couple of common interests. There's guys out there who just decide they're going to try to marry someone right away based solely on whatever fiction they've built about what they'll be like all based on their looks.

[joseb]

But at least you had talked to her at length and has a couple of common interests. There's guys out there who just decide they're going to try to marry someone right away based solely on whatever fiction they've built about what they'll be like all based on their looks.

 

Yip it's true - and it goes both ways too.

Look at all the threads on here that start with "I met someone and I've really fallen for them etc etc" only to see later that they have not even met yet - it's all in their head based on some pics and messages.

[Fruitee]

That is actually something I have been thinking as well^. I dont even wanna see guys anymore who already based on 4 well adjusted photos and couple of jokes think I am their dream woman and should make babies for them.