Kate1988 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 So I've got big issues, I left my ex in 2014 because he wasn't coming home and I couldn't deal with the no communication and disrespect (had already left him once prior due to seeing dating sites on his emails). During 2015 I couldn't stand him due to putting girls in our house before I got bought out etc I was very jealous & so angry. Anyways I've started talking to him again and I'm def not over him (I've seen different guys but nothing compares to what we had when times were good). Anyways I told my parents the other day that we are friends and they went mad stating that if I choose to be in contact with him or see him then they want nothing to do with me! I was shocked because I didn't think they would feel that strongly about it, & plus who I want to see and be friends with should be my own decision or mistake to wear. I know they feel this way due to everything I told them when I was upset & hurt but I feel awful that there trying to make my decisions. My mum recons he will never change and he's not welcome ever. I'm really torn, I know he was ****ty but I also know there was things I was doing wrong too hence the failed relationship but at the same time I feel like parents should only give advice & not make u choose. I don't want to just give in to what they want because I do feel no one will ever come close to what I feel for my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 How old are you? Do you live with your parents? Personally I agree with your parents opinion. You are crazy to be friends with this guy. He treated you like dirt and will continue to do so. Your parents saw how much he hurt you and they just want to protect you from that happening again. But the threat of disowning you is totally out of order! It's a really hurtful thing to say but they mean well. They are trying to protect you, by forcing you to accept their opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 You don't want to hear it but your Mum is right. Leave your ex in the past and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 The parents can't tell you what to do, though I would give them a listen. They can, however, demand you keep him away from them and decide they don't want to hear you complain about him ever again, having I'm sure sat through plenty of it in the past. It's good you are acknowledging your part, but does all that really add up to a compatibility to try it again? Isn't the damage already done? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Sounds like they have good reason to have that stance. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 How old are you? Given her username, I'd guess she's 28. I know they feel this way due to everything I told them when I was upset & hurt but I feel awful that there trying to make my decisions. If you want your family to keep their opinions to themselves, don't involve them in your drama. You were, are and always will be their daughter and they'll continue to be concerned about your physical and emotional well-being. Either keep them out of the loop or deal with their disapproval, can't have it both ways. And I agree with the poster(s) advising caution. I'm betting Mom's right about him... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Your parents are absolutely right to feel so distressed. Your ex treated you very badly and he should not be in your life in any shape or form. You will not be able to recover fully from this failed relationship and his bad treatment of you if you keep in touch. Listen to your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate1988 Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Thanks for all the posts! I am 28 that's correct. I understand there concerns completely but I feel like they would actually cut me out of there life if I see him again. I own my side of this and wish I never told them so much but at the time I was so angry & needed to vent; I regret this. I feel like in stuck between a rock & a hard place as I want a good relationship with my parents but don't want to be told who I can & can't see with them on the line. I feel like I played my part in the relationship ending as there's always two sides to a story but I can't help but think what if I walk away from this feeling and never fully meet anyone that I actually want a relationship with. I have never gotten over him no matter how many others I've been on dates with. He said if I move away he would join me also regardless Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 The danger is that, as you admit you're not over him, you will get drawn into the dysfunctional toxic merry-go-round that you were on before. If he hauls you in, and you rekindle a relationship with him, it will send a twin-bladed message, to him and to your parents: To him: "I am a pushover, you can treat me any way you want; I may protest, kick and scream a little, but in general, I will take it if you kick me when I'm down, because I shall always return." To your parents: "He is wrong for me in every way imaginable; you gave birth to me, brought me up and gave me life, yet I'd rather go against everything you hold valuable, precious and dear - including myself - and succumb to something harmful, because it's what I want to do, even if it means ruining my life." That is what you are saying. Those are your messages. Like it or not, you choose to convey them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Thanks for all the posts! I am 28 that's correct. I understand there concerns completely but I feel like they would actually cut me out of there life if I see him again. I own my side of this and wish I never told them so much but at the time I was so angry & needed to vent; I regret this. I feel like in stuck between a rock & a hard place as I want a good relationship with my parents but don't want to be told who I can & can't see with them on the line. I feel like I played my part in the relationship ending as there's always two sides to a story but I can't help but think what if I walk away from this feeling and never fully meet anyone that I actually want a relationship with. I have never gotten over him no matter how many others I've been on dates with. He said if I move away he would join me also regardless Have you ever done counselling to explore why you remain attached to someone who is toxic to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverAlone2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Your parents have let you make that decision once - they have seen you wear that mistake. Your parents have protected you from day one so its naturally instinctive for them to do protect you in this situation. Before communicating with an ex always always question your agenda. Is it to get back together? Will it create a new sense of hope for you? If yes, then have you seen any remarkable improvements in his behaviour or are you basing your judgment on the good times you had with him whilst being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaTjacks Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I do understand your struggle. It's hard when you miss the good times you had with your ex, but at the same time he has caused a lot of hurt in the relationship. On the other hand, I can understand where your parents are coming from too. They love you. You are their baby and don't want you to go through the pain and heartache again. All they see is what he did and as far as they know, he is still the same. I'm curious to know have you both talked about the past and ways to avoid going down the same path? I hope that you do consider getting some counseling. It will take both of you to make it work. I believe that if he really wants to change, he will and your parents will see the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 The parents can't tell you what to do, though I would give them a listen. They can, however, demand you keep him away from them and decide they don't want to hear you complain about him ever again, having I'm sure sat through plenty of it in the past. It's good you are acknowledging your part, but does all that really add up to a compatibility to try it again? Isn't the damage already done? I agree with this. Although they are right to feel distressed and worried about your wellbeing, I don't agree with them trying to make that decision for you. You should talk to them, calmly, and explain that while you understand their concern, they can't make that kind of threat, as it is not helpful. However, maybe do stay away from your ex, if you're really not over him. Being friends with exes, particularly BAD ones, as this one seems to be, if you're not over them, can only lead to more drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate1988 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Share Posted May 28, 2016 Thanks, I do agree with all comments on here & yes I would beleive I'm still in love with my ex. He has said things will be better & different but I haven't seen it because we don't live together so it's hard to know if behaviour had changed (he would often not return home when he would go out as if he wouldn't want the party to end). It's really hard I feel like I won't feel this way with anyone else & then I think what if I just do as my parents say & stay away & then I miss out on him and his better side. I feel like eitherway I loose. & no I haven't been to councilling, maybe u should.. I should also note when I left it was end of 2014 November FYI Link to post Share on other sites
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