Lucianna Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Hello. I have been in a relationship for more than two years but I am having problem to talk to my partner as I don't know what to talk him. Most of the time, I just talked 10 to 15 minutes (having a real conversation) but then, I don't find anything to say and sometimes start talking nonsense making him feel bored or I remained quite. In the 10-15 mins, i talked about my day and his day or any important things (that all). Most of the times, he starts the conversation and i just listen to what he says or adds to what he is saying. I really don't how to start a conversation or what i can tell him as all these years he was the one talking. It would be grateful if you could help me out, as i really want to have conversation with him. I had tried but failed as i kept taking nonsense that is things that have no connection with us like gossiping about others. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 What do you want to talk about? Just ask him a Q or tell him something that you feel he needs to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seamos Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I don't think you can force an intelligent conversation if it is just to fill up time. Maybe jot down a few ideas from during your day that seem like they might be of mutual interest and then use them for conversation starters. Kind of like writers block, I think that once you cross the mental hurdle of self doubt in your ability to converse w/ him things will go a lot easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 I really don't have any idea what to talk about. Once i asked him about his day or talked about important things, i don't have anything to say. It feels like there is not enough communication in our relationship and it is killing our relationship gradually. Link to post Share on other sites
seamos Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Maybe talk to him about your concern about not having anything to talk about. I mean, it's something that you're concerned about, and that affects both of you, and that's something that should be discussed in relationships... Do you think he would take you seriously if you told him about this? If he knew that this bothers you then it seems like he might have some suggestions too about it or at least be understanding. Just an idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 We did talked about that. He is really understanding but concerning this matter he wants me to figure out the solution as most of times he had helped to solve lot of problems. He waits for me to talk and if i don't say anythings, we don't talk for a day just because of this problem. Any idea to solve this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 Hello, I was reading other people thread having similar problem related to mine. I came across a book that someone opted as a solution to communication problem. The book named is "People Skills" by Robert Bolton. Nice book indeed and very helpful to understand communication problem and how to sort it out. I hope it will help anyone facing similar problem. I thank everyone for their advice and concern to my problem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Are you shy introvert reserved ? That could be something to look into. But maybe not as I've heard that once shy introverts become comfortable and trust someone, that have enough to talk. Do you feel or does your bf judge you ? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 You don't have a communication problem you just lack general knowledge. Just look what's on the news these days and you won't run out of things to talk about, election, Trump, Clinton, Panama papers, air planes disappearing, the economy, the environment etc. Start buying the newspaper and follow current affairs. Subscribe to CNN. Get interested in something, soon you'll think your boyfriend is the one with boring conversations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 Are you shy introvert reserved ? That could be something to look into. But maybe not as I've heard that once shy introverts become comfortable and trust someone, that have enough to talk. Do you feel or does your bf judge you ? I'm not a shy or introvert person as socially interact with people around me. I trust and feel comfortable with him. I don't feel judge but he always complain that i don't communicate with him. I agree, I don't listen to what he says and always forget things he told me, maybe this create a hurdle in communicating with him. I really don't know what could help in having a good conversation as I remain silent or haven't anything to say Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 You don't have a communication problem you just lack general knowledge. Just look what's on the news these days and you won't run out of things to talk about, election, Trump, Clinton, Panama papers, air planes disappearing, the economy, the environment etc. Start buying the newspaper and follow current affairs. Subscribe to CNN. Get interested in something, soon you'll think your boyfriend is the one with boring conversations. I agree with you that I lacked general knowledge. I tried to look for some information but still what I learned from the news haven't help me much as he is always one step ahead of me (Its what I feel). I even start asking him questions to make conversation but it ended badly. Later, I learned asking too much questions lead to nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I'm not a shy or introvert person as socially interact with people around me. I trust and feel comfortable with him. I don't feel judge but he always complain that i don't communicate with him. I agree, I don't listen to what he says and always forget things he told me, maybe this create a hurdle in communicating with him. I really don't know what could help in having a good conversation as I remain silent or haven't anything to say RED RED alert ! I have a strong feeling that he feels not respected , because if you do you would have remembered what is he talking about ... Do you consider his advises on ways to do things negatively ? Do you confess about desires , opinions , dreams ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 RED RED alert ! Do you consider his advises on ways to do things negatively ? Do you confess about desires , opinions , dreams ? The problem is, I rarely takes his advises into consideration, and if I take into consideration, I have difficulty in implementing it. I barely confess about desires, opinions and dreams. Things have been going so badly, that I felt that i have drifted apart from him and felt like strangers due to lack of communication. As a result, we don't talk about these things. I really would like to fill in the gap between us that was caused by lack of communication. Whenever, I tried to talk to him, I end up in complaining. I would appreciate some solutions to fill in the gaps between us. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 The communication problems lie with you, not him. First you have to take more of an interest in what he says. Make an effort to remember things he tells you. Since you like books, read more about the art of conversation. I don't have a specific title to offer you. I agree that you need to do a much better job educating yourself about current events. Then you can have a conversation. Yesterday DH & I talked about the verdict in the Freddie Grey trial in Baltimore. Ask questions but be prepared to contribute. If you ask him where he'd most like to go in the world for vacation, be prepared to answer that Q yourself. Also note his answer. In a few weeks perhaps suggest you go to a restaurant from that region to continue dreaming about a future trip together. It will show you are paying attention. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 eventually in any close relationship, friend or romantic, there is a point where you know each other so well that there just aren't any more real stories to tell. It happens. It doesn't mean you aren't friends or partners or don't care about each other. It's simply there is nothing to say at the moment... and that's okay. I'm not sure when/where the idea that silence had to be filled with words came to being, but it simply isn't the truth of things. There are many many times that I felt connected to my wife that involved no words at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I agree, I don't listen to what he says and always forget things he told me, Why do you think you don't listen to what he says? is it boring to you? of no interest? If you don't listen to what he says of course you will not retain the information but I am seriously curious as to why you don't pay attention when he speaks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 I thank everyone for all the good advises. I am working on it Thanks a lot for the support and encouragement too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucianna Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Why do you think you don't listen to what he says? is it boring to you? of no interest? If you don't listen to what he says of course you will not retain the information but I am seriously curious as to why you don't pay attention when he speaks? Its no boring at all. I am really interested what he tells me but its just i get distracted sometimes and I had a forgetful mind. I forget important things. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Just out of curiosity, how old are the two of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Its no boring at all. I am really interested what he tells me but its just i get distracted sometimes and I had a forgetful mind. I forget important things. Would you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder? If you forget things on regular basis, if you have a hard time keeping concentration I think you should talk about this to your doctor. If you have ADD they may be able to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
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