Define Cheating !

[Phoenician]

I am A bit confused nowadays about the definition used by People !

 

things which used to be normal in our old days are now considered fishy !

 

-I recall playing Volleyball with friends on the beach where some looks like Pamela Andersan , yet we guys didn't have any bad intention .

 

-i recall taking a female colleague of mine to search for a new apartment and inspect the jacoozie joking about wether it can fit three without thinking about her nude.

 

-I recall hugging a female friend on the road , because it has been long time we didn't see each other .

 

-I recall visiting a female friend while on travel, sleeping at her house , without any intention of sleeping with her though she can rock my world .

 

 

People are becoming awkward nowadays !

 

if you sleep with a women with the knowledge of your wife : it is not cheating !

 

If sex happens with strangers everyday in form of open marriage : it is NOT CHEATING !

 

But if you sleep again with that person without the knowledge of your partner , it is cheating !

 

 

I have my own standards now in relation to sins , cheating , and all this BS:

 

-What is good for me ,any action , that doesn't hurt anybody ( or put family at risk )= GOOD

 

-What is good for me but hurts anyone = BAD .

 

I Define cheating now as : an actual intercourse between 2 outside the vows; hence anything else is not cheating .

 

Your Opinion .

Edited April 5, 2016 by Phoenician

[PrettyEmily77]

Cheating = anything you do behind your partner's back that you wouldn't want them to find out for fear of consequences.

[Phoenician]

in this definition fantasizing and MB is cheating !

 

having a dance with a stranger is cheating .

 

looking at a nice butt passing by is cheating .

 

everything is cheating !

[PrettyEmily77]

 

having a dance with a stranger is cheating .

 

looking at a nice butt passing by is cheating .

 

 

How can either of these ^^^ have any serious impact on a relationship?

[cocorico]

Cheating = anything you do behind your partner's back that you wouldn't want them to find out for fear of consequences.

 

Hmm, that seems a bit broad. By that token, organising a surprise party for your partner would constitute cheating - even though the intention is good, and the "consequences" you are fearing relatively minor (spoiled surprise...)

[PrettyEmily77]

Hmm, that seems a bit broad. By that token, organising a surprise party for your partner would constitute cheating - even though the intention is good, and the "consequences" you are fearing relatively minor (spoiled surprise...)

 

 

Yeah, I meant serious 'bad' consequences

[Who_took_my_name]

Very open question and very subjective. For me fantasising about someone, flirting with someone, hugging a friend (my best friend is a girl, I'm a guy) don't constitute cheating. I goes for me it broadly comes down to it getting physical / sexual, again a very open statement.

[Phoenician]

How can either of these ^^^ have any serious impact on a relationship?

 

 

This is the trend nowadays !

 

I though only my wife is borderline and if it was at her hands she would like to keep me in a Jar ; surprisingly even here on LS , I saw so many threads about considering simple things cheating ; especially from those who were bitten in a previous relationship .

[Phoenician]

How can either of these ^^^ have any serious impact on a relationship?

 

impact is jealousy ...

 

and why you omitted MB ?

is it cheating ?

[PrettyEmily77]

impact is jealousy ...

 

and why you omitted MB ?

is it cheating ?

 

Because I have no idea what MB could be.

 

Either way, if they're jealous of you doing these things, you can show them consideration and stop it or you leave them and carry on - assuming you're talking about a partner. Neither I or my partner are the jealous type so I can't really help much further.

 

Depends on how much you value your relationship, I suppose...

[Phoenician]

Because I have no idea what MB could be.

 

Either way, if they're jealous of you doing these things, you can show them consideration and stop it or you leave them and carry on - assuming you're talking about a partner. Neither I or my partner are the jealous type so I can't really help much further.

 

Depends on how much you value your relationship, I suppose...

 

 

MB =masturbating :eek: .

 

most partners claim to each other they don't do it .!

[Arieswoman]

How long is a piece of string?

 

Let's go back to what agreement the parties made when they first got together formally.

 

What was the contract, what were the rules/conditions they each willingly signed up for and what would be the consequences (if any) if either party reneged the agreement?

 

That's where we need to look IMO

[Who_took_my_name]

MB =masturbating :eek: .

 

most partners claim to each other they don't do it .!

 

If she thinks I don't give that we never have sex she's mad...I've thought about buying shares in Kleenex.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Any kind of physical or emotional contact with another person that you wouldn't feel comfortable with your spouse seeing firsthand or even knowing about - and especially if you pro-actively keep it from them.

 

Your thread about going to night clubs to grind on women that you meet there - yes, cheating.

 

I don't have any idea where you got the notion that people don't know that their SO's masturbate. I've never heard that before.

[Phoenician]

Any kind of physical or emotional contact with another person that you wouldn't feel comfortable with your spouse seeing firsthand or even knowing about - and especially if you pro-actively keep it from them.

 

 

Your thread about going to night clubs to grind on women that you meet there - yes, cheating.

 

I don't have any idea where you got the notion that people don't know that their SO's masturbate. I've never heard that before.

 

I am not getting any new friend from night clubs

 

that was a big bubbles, the taboo.

 

Danced and watched dancing yes ; never slept with a woman from the street or pub .

 

I have many friends ; with whom I am dancing , hugging and sometimes cuddling ; does my wife know ?

 

-Yes ; but no details are given to her ; The alternative is to divorce !

 

which is much way destructive .

 

 

What you call cheating here I consider as an alternative of destroying a family .

 

I have promised my wife that if one day I sleep with a women I will tell her on the spot ;

she trusts this , and I trust myself .

[Phoenician]

They know that their partner MB ,

some denies it , some ignores it ;

certainly when they are never interrested in taking a role .

[ShatteredLady]

MB (I didn't know what you meant either) must be a cultural thing...not the doing it, the keeping it secret, cheating stuff.

 

I'm English. We openly joke about it....you know how the English are with bodily functions being funny?!? Anyway, I always thought that everyone did it...alone, together, for eachother, too eachother, oh I'm making the English sound like a load of wankers!!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Cheating = anything you do behind your partner's back that you wouldn't want them to find out for fear of consequences.

 

I add the caveat to this that it is a hidden action / lie about fidelity / exclusivity within the relationship.

 

Such as including other parties or human-like stimulation to the mix.

 

I.e. I would NOT want to be with someone who had a collection of "Real Dolls" that they screw. That would totally weird me out, on so many levels.

 

The degree of the physical / emotional contact allowable for the relationship is up to the parties involved.

 

Now I don't consider "hugging" or "meeting a female friend for lunch" cheating. Or dancing. Although with my current relationship I would question the dancing because I think my husband is allergic to it.

 

But yes, outside of the physical / emotional / fidelity / exclusivity thing I don't consider other behaviours to be cheating. I know there's talk about such heinous crimes as "financial infidelity." I don't consider it "infidelity" as such. It's just garden variety lying and being an asshat to me.

[dreamingoftigers]

MB =masturbating :eek: .

 

most partners claim to each other they don't do it .!

 

Blah ha ha. Yeah right.

 

A couple times my husband has woken up beside me, concerned, asking, "are you okay? What are you crying about?" And I've looked at him like he's stupid. He just says "oh" and laughs a little a rolls back over. He's not "helpful" in the morning.

[jen1447]

Agree with Dreaming - Emily's definition is good, with the added context of sex-romance-fidelity. Gossiping about a partner isn't cheating forex.

[carhill]

Cheating, or infidelity by deception, in a relationship or marriage is whatever the partners in that relationship or marriage define cheating to be and agree on its terms or, if they disagree, whatever each partner determines it to be for any partner they might have.

 

It's individual.

[serial muse]

I have promised my wife that if one day I sleep with a women I will tell her on the spot ;

she trusts this , and I trust myself .

 

Yeah, I'd call this 100% cheating if you tell her after the fact.

 

Don't agree about masturbating. Lots of married couples talk about it.

 

To me, cheating is engaging is emotional or physical intimacy with another person instead of with your spouse. I think it has to do with prioritizing. If you create an emotional intimacy with a female friend and keep that from your spouse, you're venturing into EA territory, for example. Especially if you talk about your marriage with that person.

[wmacbride]

How long is a piece of string?

 

Let's go back to what agreement the parties made when they first got together formally.

 

What was the contract, what were the rules/conditions they each willingly signed up for and what would be the consequences (if any) if either party reneged the agreement?

 

That's where we need to look IMO

 

Each couple needs to define cheating and what it means to them, preferably before they get married.

 

What one person doesn't mind can be really hurtful to someone else. If the spouses know ahead of time what behaviors are not acceptable to their partner, then that behavior can be avoided.

 

If the behavior is too extreme or not something both parties agree to, then don't get married.

[wmacbride]

MB (I didn't know what you meant either) must be a cultural thing...not the doing it, the keeping it secret, cheating stuff.

 

I'm English. We openly joke about it....you know how the English are with bodily functions being funny?!? Anyway, I always thought that everyone did it...alone, together, for eachother, too eachother, oh I'm making the English sound like a load of wankers!!!!

 

When I was little I heard the term "wanker" on a britcom. I called my brother a wanker, and got into trouble form my mom.

 

When I asked her why, she did her best to explain. Not a comfortable conversation for either one of us:D

[wmacbride]

I add the caveat to this that it is a hidden action / lie about fidelity / exclusivity within the relationship.

 

Such as including other parties or human-like stimulation to the mix.

 

I.e. I would NOT want to be with someone who had a collection of "Real Dolls" that they screw. That would totally weird me out, on so many levels.

 

The degree of the physical / emotional contact allowable for the relationship is up to the parties involved.

 

Now I don't consider "hugging" or "meeting a female friend for lunch" cheating. Or dancing. Although with my current relationship I would question the dancing because I think my husband is allergic to it.

 

But yes, outside of the physical / emotional / fidelity / exclusivity thing I don't consider other behaviours to be cheating. I know there's talk about such heinous crimes as "financial infidelity." I don't consider it "infidelity" as such. It's just garden variety lying and being an asshat to me.

 

Agreed.

My husband regularly goes to lunch with woman he works with. I know her and her husband, and if our schedules allow, sometimes he or I or both of us will go along too. Sometimes she and I will go for lunch.

 

That is not cheating. It is not hidden in any way, shape or form.