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Regrets anyone?


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I'm curious if anyone has any regrets for not pursuing a relationship that got away from you. Do you have that special someone whose impact on you seems to be forever etched in your mind and soul but they got away and you wonder...what if?

 

I'd love to hear your stories.

 

I'll start...

 

Of all the relationships I have had, there is one woman in particular that I will never forget. I will always remember her as an amazing woman who had such a huge impact on me. I remember her almost like it was yesterday, though it was over 15 years ago.

 

There are just those special relationships we have that stand out and this was one of them. It was a very deep connection - my first and probably my only experience of feeling so profoundly close to another woman. I don't know quite how she did it, but she had a way of getting me to open up (not an easy task). And she, in return, was very open with me. She is the most accepting person I have ever known and so I didn't feel I had to put on any act. I was there for her and she was there for me. She may be the only person I have ever met that truly knows me. It was the most profound sharing of souls and deep acceptance I have every experienced. It had such a huge effect on me that to this day, I am not the same person.

 

How did it end? I moved away for a job offer (jobs don't come easy in my profession). It hurt her deeply. My job was very demanding and I didn't give enough time to her.

 

The rest is history.

 

Any others?

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THe only regret I have is starting smoking...

 

The rest? Yeah I have made a fool of myself, yes I have taken wrong turns. Its life.

 

Whats the saying?

 

I had so much fun making mistakes that I thought I would make some more! :D

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I can't think of any huge regrets other than a couple of bad break ups and getting cheated on. But I had no real control of that. So, no, nothing really to report.

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understand50

No regrets, I think in general they are counter productive, as you can not really do anything about them. You only have what is in front of you, and you can use the past to try and not make the same mistakes or learn, and do better going forward.

 

If you think you "lost" a good person and had a chance at a good and loving relationship or marriage, look at it and try and find what happen and what needs to be change, you, the situation, the other person, so you can find what you are looking for.

 

My two cents.....

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Michelle ma Belle

I subscribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason. I try not to live in regret as a result.

 

That doesn't mean I don't feel pain or hurt or sadness as a result of whatever broke or ended, because I do/did, very much. It just means I'm able to see past it and realize that it all unfolded like it had for a reason and now it's time to move on armed with a new lesson learned from yet another experience in love.

 

Living in regret can be very toxic if you're not careful. Live and learn and grow is how I choose to see things.

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No regrets, I think in general they are counter productive, as you can not really do anything about them. You only have what is in front of you, and you can use the past to try and not make the same mistakes or learn, and do better going forward.

 

If you think you "lost" a good person and had a chance at a good and loving relationship or marriage, look at it and try and find what happen and what needs to be change, you, the situation, the other person, so you can find what you are looking for.

 

My two cents.....

 

Thank you for the comments understand50. I do agree with you that regrets can be counterproductive. And I am overall, a very happy person. BUT, now and then, not constantly or anything, but now and then I can't help but think to my self - Wow, how young and foolish!! I think it keeps things in perspective with a good dose of humor.

 

Now that I am older, and wiser (hopefully) I realize that these types of relationships don't happen often and maybe never will again. Which is OK because at least I did experience it once in my life, which in a way is almost enough for me.

 

I subscribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason. I try not to live in regret as a result.

 

That doesn't mean I don't feel pain or hurt or sadness as a result of whatever broke or ended, because I do/did, very much. It just means I'm able to see past it and realize that it all unfolded like it had for a reason and now it's time to move on armed with a new lesson learned from yet another experience in love.

 

Living in regret can be very toxic if you're not careful. Live and learn and grow is how I choose to see things.

 

Yes, thank you for the reminder!

 

But let's be honest for a moment....Do you never has ANY thoughts of regrets Michelle ma Belle? Never, ever?

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2.50 a gallon

Six months into my marriage I caught my Ex cheating and walked away. Naturally I was devastated.

At that time I was working for a company owned and ran by women. Other than my super, I was the only one on the floor who knew how to set up and operate the dozen or so different types of machines they had on the floor. Therefore I was a valuable employee, I am short and skinny guy, so my co-workers quickly noticed that I was rapidly losing weight from the infidelity diet. Some of the office woman decided that they would make it a point to share their lunches with me. Once a week one of them would bring something special for all to share.

This in turn led to us becoming close friends and later to some of them having sex with me. They wanted to try oral, which their husbands denied them.

One of the owners who was not a part of the group was a hot looking 26 year old, who had been married coming up on five years.

One of the shocks of my life was one Saturday night she showed up at a club we occasionally frequented and straight out propositioned me. It was actually her fifth wedding anniversary, and her husband had decided to spend that weekend in Reno with a buddy, watching a poker tournament. She was so mad that if it wasn't me, she would find another guy.

We hit it off. Three months later the L word came up, and listening to others who claimed rebounds never worked, I ran.

A year later, she still was alone, but other then her Ex, I was the last person she wanted in her life.

It was another 13 years later before I once again found some one special. And she too was a rebound as she had just broken up with her live in BF of five years. This time I did not run, and we have now been together for 20 plus years.

Which makes me wonder whether I might have screwed up 34 years ago. Especially since I never had kids.

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Yes, my relationship with sleep. How I miss it and how little I truly appreciated it.

 

 

 

Life of a mom of a 4 month old. :(:p

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Michelle ma Belle

 

Yes, thank you for the reminder!

 

But let's be honest for a moment....Do you never has ANY thoughts of regrets Michelle ma Belle? Never, ever?

 

I used to have loads of them and they ruled my life!

 

These days I have trained myself not to see them as regret so much as life lessons, good or bad. Some are harder than others but living in regret serves no purpose at all and only keeps you wallowing in the past rather than moving forward. It takes time to train yourself to think this way but if you can, it definitely improves the quality of your life.

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Oh my gosh yes, lots of them.

 

 

In my youth I was pretty shy and introverted and no where near as assertive or aggressive as I should have been. Looking back I definitely had some self confidence issues.

 

 

There were lots of girls and women that I wanted to ask out but never thought in a million years they would go out with a guy like me.

 

 

I did date and did have a number of girlfriends and FWBs and such over the years but what I regret are the missed opportunities where I just sat on my hands and did nothing and the window of opportunity closed.

 

 

Today in the age of Facebook and such, I come across a number of the women that I admired in my youth and in shoot the breeze with them and getting caught I have had several tell me that they had big crushes on me and wanted to go out with me but they thought that I was out their league or thought that I wasn't interested in them or thought that I wouldn't be interested in them.

 

 

In some ways it makes me feel a little better that I wasn't a pariah, but in other ways it's knife in the gut knowing that the opportunity was there but wasted by my own inaction and my own indecision.

 

 

For the most part I don't regret anything I did. I regret the things I wanted to do, but didn't.

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To be a little more specific, if I could go back in time and change one thing, it would be that I would not let the fact that some gal I was interested in was dating someone stop me from asking her out.

 

 

In my youth if a gal that I liked was dating someone, I would barely talk to her let alone ask her out.

 

 

If I could go back in time, If I liked someone I would make my interests known and I would make my best offer and leave it up to her if she wanted to give me a try or stay with whoever she was dating at the time.

 

 

Now I need to make clear that I am not talking about pursuing or poaching married women or continuing to pressure someone that has turned me down because they were seeing someone and was remaining faithful.

 

 

I am saying that I wouldn't let the fact someone was dating someone keep me from at least putting it out there. Many dating scenarios are no where near as serious or as exclusive as people think they are. Serious is as serious does. If someone wants to go out with you and thinks that you are a better option, they will. If they are satisfied with their current suitor and think that they are a better option that you, they won't.

 

 

My point is it is up to them to decide, don't eliminate yourself as an option just because they have already had some dates with someone.

 

 

It took me many years to learn this lesson but the most desirable people are never completely free and single. They are always seeing someone to one degree or another and never completely free and single, or if they are it won't be for long.

 

 

If you are waiting until they are completely free of any entanglements, you are going to spend your life waiting on the sidelines watching.

 

 

If nothing else, by putting the offer out there, even if you are turned down at that time, you have at least thrown your hat in the ring for when they do dump their current suitor. There were times I got phone calls out of the blue YEARS after I asked someone out and I was asked if the offer was still open.

 

 

Moral of the story is if you like someone, make the offer even if they are seeing someone. It's up to them to accept or decline the offer.

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Regrets?

 

Wish I hadn't gotten involved with a couple women. One being my wife. Wish I had never dated her, much less married her.

 

Wish I had gone after the career I wanted. My dreams in general. Earlier.

 

Other than that, I have no regrets. :D

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A few... one of my favourites (if that's the right word) was a girl who was so into me and she was the sweetest, kindest and cutest girl I'd ever seen... yet I was infatuated with someone else so just kept her as a friend. The infatuation ended up just treating me like dirt and by the time I was over that, the perfect girl had left. Bummer!

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PrettyEmily77

Thinking it was a good idea to go to my martial arts class on a very full stomach + bladder.

 

Not getting a new car before having to rack up an exorbitant bill for this one, only to be told I'll have to get a new one anyway.

 

Giving advice to one of my partner's teenager boys on girls - didn't end well, he sulked for weeks.

 

etc...

 

None on the more important things, though.

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Marco Valerio
A few... one of my favourites (if that's the right word) was a girl who was so into me and she was the sweetest, kindest and cutest girl I'd ever seen... yet I was infatuated with someone else so just kept her as a friend. The infatuation ended up just treating me like dirt and by the time I was over that, the perfect girl had left. Bummer!

 

That really sucks :(

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GoodOnPaper

Sure, lots of regrets. In general, I was a late bloomer who wasn't patient enough to give myself time to bloom, so to speak. I wish I had understood that the "let's be friends" line I got all the time really meant "let's be friend-ly" and didn't expect me to commit to some BFF thing. And of course, there is this kind of thing:

 

To be a little more specific, if I could go back in time and change one thing, it would be that I would not let the fact that some gal I was interested in was dating someone stop me from asking her out.

 

In my youth if a gal that I liked was dating someone, I would barely talk to her let alone ask her out.

 

If I could go back in time, If I liked someone I would make my interests known and I would make my best offer and leave it up to her if she wanted to give me a try or stay with whoever she was dating at the time.

 

For someone who was always dumped for another guy, you'd think I would have learned that you don't have to be ultra-respectful of others' relationships unless they're marriages.

 

Looking at my relationships, I've learned that in every case, I wanted the relationship as much or more than the girl/woman herself - even the college LTR whose breakup totally crushed me - so there's no one I'm pining over.

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Who_took_my_name

Totally, I tend to think someone is lying if they say no. There's what you think are regrets like when I wonder if I should have stayed with so and so ex if I'm having a bad time in my marriage but that's not real, I broke up with that person for a reason but you forget that when you reminisce on something.

 

For me it's an odd one. I'm not in love with my best friend but I do love her (I think). We've slept together in the past and are very close even though we don't each other as often as we do. In the past people thought we were together and should have been together but we've never actually been a couple. I often wonder how it might have turned out, but then I guess it could have ruined our friendship if it hadn't worked and I can't imagine her not being a part of my life. We have said if we both end up old and lonely we'll get married so maybe I'll hold onto that thought! :laugh:

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loveweary11

We aren't lying. We just don't care.

 

Joking aside, I find that regrets (and worrying) both come from living and thinking in the wrong time zone.

 

Regrets come from living in the past. Worry comes from living in the future.

 

The key to freeing yourself from both is living in the present.

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Hopeless_Romantico

Not being more selfish and looking after myself more when I was a teenager. I never understood the term "lookout for yourself" until much later unfortunately. If I didn't put a lot of the non-sense I was dealing with, with certain relatives, I KNOW I could have been a much happier place in my life right now. Granted, things can be much worse for me at the same time and I definitely learned some trades that most of my peers can't even begin to handle. However, I would have stopped procrastinating and stopped making excuses to why I would have to deal with my family.

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The one time I felt like making a crazy leap I did, with my girlfriend and I'm glad I did. We're closing in on a year together now and I wouldn't trade my life with her for anything.

 

Most people are way too conservative and risk averse in the wrong areas nowadays.

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