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Breakup Troubles


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taylornicole015

Hey Guys. I am going though a break up and could use some support :(

 

I was with my boyfriend for two and a half years. After the first year and a half it was one and off because we would break up for the same reasons... Which was that he stopped putting effort in, couldn't be affectionate anymore and couldn't communicate with me. Needless to say, I kept coming back to him because I loved him and wanted to be with him and thought with improvement this could be the one for me.. However, after we got back together this time he just started to become worse than usual. It was like he was a changed person and I didn't recognize him anymore. He started not caring about me and the relationship (it was physically showing), he would say mean things and just not care about what he was saying, he began to miss important events and not think twice, when we hung out it just felt like there was tension and it wasn't really a good time anymore. Plus physical intimacy had stopped. Things just weren't good. So I felt the need to sit him down and talk to him and as I did he just kept making jokes out of the situation and he kept coming at me with mean things he would say. So I ultimately just knew he was going to put me in a tough decision to have to leave him but part of me didn't want to so I told him that I love him and want to be with him but he has to start putting in effort. I told him it's his decision that I will stay and continue to be with him as long as he will begin to show some type of effort daily or if he can't then I will have to leave and this will end, for good. His answer was "he can't" and that "putting in effort requires too much work and he has more important things to focus on then this relationship" so I ended up telling him to get out of the car and I drove away and that was that.

 

I feel like deep down I know this was the best decision and he wasn't treating me right so why stay? But then another part of me is just missing him or maybe the him I first met two years ago who he just wasn't anymore :( I don't know. Breakups are hard. Did I make the right decision?? Does this get easier?

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My first love was my senior year high school sweetheart who I was with for 1 1/2 years (which is like a lifetime when you are 17) She was a year older than me and had graduated the year before. I loved her and I treated her like a queen and I was having visions of our future and what our kids would look like and what kind of life we would have etc etc

 

 

See started dating some guy that was a couple years older and had a nicer car and had some older friends that she liked. After they had been seeing each other for awhile and had that relationship in place, she got around to telling me about it and dumped me.

 

 

A few years later I was dating another girl for a couple years that I ended up truly falling in love with and did want to have a home and family with and while I had not actually proposed, I did start to talk about our future together with her.

 

 

She dumped me because I did not drink and party and she wanted to drink and party and run around with her drunk and promiscuous friends.

 

 

And at various other times before and after those incidents, I dated a variety of girls that just didn't really go anywhere or didn't work out or were dead ends etc and the reason things didn't go anywhere was I wasn't tall enough or good looking enough or didn't have a glamorous enough job or my car wasn't cool enough etc etc etc

 

 

So where I am going with this is - throughout the world chicks are walking away from dudes by the millions every day because the guy isn't tall enough or has a shiny enough car or not good looking enough or a glamorous enough job etc etc.

 

 

I think if you put your mind to it, you can find it within yourself to detach from a guy that is mean to you, rude to you, doesn't want to be with you and isn't willing to put in any effort to being nice to you and treating you like a decent human being.

 

 

You may shed a few tears into your pillow for a night or two, but I think you can do it. Millions of women have left perfectly decent guys that treated them well and didn't shed a single tear or give it a moment's thought, so I think if you try you can muster up the strength to not chase after a guy that treats you bad and doesn't want to be bothered with you.

Edited by oldshirt
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Breaking up with him for good was the right decision. You tried multiple times but nothing ever improved

 

 

Kicking him out of the car may have been a little harsh, depending on where you parked. In his driveway, fine. If you left him off on the side of the road that was bad. No matter how upset you are it's not OK to leave the other person in a unsafe situation.

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I think he became resentful of your efforts to 'improve' him.

 

Maybe he likes being who he is more than he likes the idea of becoming your 'improved' version of him.

 

 

Take care.

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