Tressugar Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I have a hypothetical question that I would like to pose for LS. If a guy, who is well off, is in love with a woman, who he's not dating, but would like this woman to be the mother of his kids... this woman who is in the middle of an eviction process losing her driver's license, doesn't have any food to eat, her lights are in the process of being turned off....she's is basically on skid row... wouldn't you think that this guy would help the person he's in love with with a little financial means to assist her? Or should he sit back and let her suffer and deal with the consequences on her own? I often think back to a famous quote Will Smith put so eloquently... if you're not making someone else's life better you're wasting your time. You life will become better by making someone's life better. I tend to evaluate if someone they're relationship worthy if they can make my life better and don't want to see me suffer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I'm confused. The situation is told in the 3rd person, but ends in the first, "me". It sounds like it's a mismatched couple. If someone, er, you? is in such a disfunctional state- down to having the electricity shut off and unable to purchase groceries- they (you?) probably shouldn't be in a relationship until they learn some basic life skills. and forget being a mother right now, eeek, what kind of example would that be? This guy is actually doing you a favor by making you step up and become an adult. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 It's not about me. But a question of do you help someone you love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I would not help her. I reserve this sort of help for mutual love situations. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 If a guy, who is well off, is in love with a woman, who he's not dating, but would like this woman to be the mother of his kids... Obviously not. In fact he should try to minimize contact with her so he can get over his unrequited crush and be with someone who actually loves him instead. What kind of question is that even??? How could you expect someone who isn't even in a R with you (because you don't want one with him) to help you out financially?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Can not buy love. Time for tuff love. Man can not buy love/relationship. Woman getting money will not get head straightened out. Messed up head will never make good relationship material. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 If you are not dating somebody you can't possibly love her. Why you would want somebody who made such a mess of their own life to be the mother of your children is beyond me. This situation sounds more like sugar daddy arrangement then anything else. But if that floats your boat & she's amenable, go ahead & offer but speak to a really good lawyer 1st & get a prenup otherwise this woman is going to take all your money & your kids. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 How in the world did this woman get in this position in the first place would be my question. Was it through bad decision making, laziness, etc. My help would depend on the answer to those questions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 A "Damsel in Distress", when rescued remains a "Distressed Damsel" If someone can't get their life straight, why do you think you rwscuing them is gonna stop them from making the same poor decisions in life that got them there in the first place? When we date, we have a responsibility to bring our best selves forward. That means taking care of your bills, mental and physical selves. Once you make your vows, then yes, you should be there for your spouse...but even then you have some spouses who abuse of the other spouse. This woman sounds like a train wreck. If you're the type of person who wants to help, go volunteer at a batterd woman's shelter and let this one figure out her own stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 If it's really about charitable, there's a lot of people who can use the help. Why not put that money toward a cause you care about? Donating it to a woman you're in love with, when she doesn't feel the same, isn't the best use of that cash. The problem is that you're going to hope for to develop feelings for you. Then when she doesn't, you'll end up feeling resentful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tillwemeetagain Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 If I will be in that situation I will definitely help her if I have the ability to help her. but ofcourse I will also teach her how to fish to make a living. so she can also help her self out of the troubles that shes in right now... I don't actually believe that if a person is full broke they can always drag down those people whos trying to help them. but it still up to you if you wanted to help her since you know to your self what is she capable off since you are the one who really knows her at all. maybe you will be the one to give her second chance to better her life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I tend to evaluate if someone they're relationship worthy if they can make my life better and don't want to see me suffer. You evaluate potential partners based on what they can do for you? Seems at best self-serving with entitled and mercenary overtones. I can think of a number of better ways to judge relationship worthiness... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I generally help people out when I can, no matter what form the relationship takes. I consider myself lucky to have the resources to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I have a hypothetical question that I would like to pose for LS. If a guy, who is well off, is in love with a woman, who he's not dating, but would like this woman to be the mother of his kids... this woman who is in the middle of an eviction process losing her driver's license, doesn't have any food to eat, her lights are in the process of being turned off....she's is basically on skid row... wouldn't you think that this guy would help the person he's in love with with a little financial means to assist her? Or should he sit back and let her suffer and deal with the consequences on her own? I often think back to a famous quote Will Smith put so eloquently... if you're not making someone else's life better you're wasting your time. You life will become better by making someone's life better. I tend to evaluate if someone they're relationship worthy if they can make my life better and don't want to see me suffer. The guy in question shouldn't support someone like her as she'd be using him and his fondness for her. He could make other people's lives better through donation or ya maybe her - to help her get on her feet. I'm a firm believer that if someone can't take care of themselves s financially they arn't ready for an adult relationship. She should establish independence, he should find a eoman who loves him for who he is. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I've helped people out before but I don't think I'd move in a whole family or pay all their bills. I might watch their kids for cheap if they needed to pick up a second job though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 So, I've been thinking about this for a few hours. It's an interesting hypothetical. First of all, I'd have to reverse it. And the only way I'd help a man who was destitute, the only way I'd be in love is if it were a previous boyfriend or someone that I once loved. The help needed in your scenario can't be cured with a simple loan for $100-200. We're talking close to $1000 for a decent cushion, maybe more. So, I'd want to know how someone got to this point. I mean, if they aren't working or haven't been willing to work or are turning down jobs that are beneath them then I'd be less likely to help. Add to that, any addictions or poor spending habits and I'm also not interested in helping. I know the economy is bad, not as bad as it has been, but you can always get a second job. Male or female. You can earn extra money doing yard work for neighbors, people you know, going door to door or even babysitting, dog walking etc. If I loved this person....I'd give up the idea of making this a loan. I would help anonymously. In my case, it would be a man, but flowers could still be delivered with a card attached and money in the card. Groceries or gift cards to local grocery store or Super Walmart can still magically appear. Again, this isn't a simple fix. I'm still not convinced the person hasn't behaved in a manner that didn't put them in the position. I suppose the reason I thought about this was because I have a former foster daughter who has been destitute ever since she aged out of the system. She always gets fired from jobs...or the newest thing is to have her hours cut until she quits. According to her, it is never her fault. She hasn't worked for ten years. Her excuse for many years was she absolutely had to be there to put her daughter on and off the bus. She didn't have money for the after school program. She couldn't work weekends because she didn't have anyone to watch her daughter....but she could go out to the bar... Her maturity level and thought process is stuck at age 17-19. She's now 36. She does have a learning disability and an IQ that is barely average. I've tried to help her. But, it is like pissing in the wind. The only real way to help her is buy her a house, buy her a car and pay all her bills and give her a stipend to burn through. I just don't have an extra $200,000 lying around. She will never be self sufficient. Any other kind of help is a barely substantial band aid. If I send her and the daughter Christmas or birthday presents that she asks for, she sells them or trades them. We are 2000 miles apart now, so I can't physically go to the grocery store and buy the food. She'd just swap it for whatever. At some point, I gave up - and I told her this. When she calls, I answer the phone, "whatever you want, I don't have any money." I accepted the fact years ago that my "loans" would never be repaid. But I also accepted the fact until she is truly willing to help herself, I can't fix the problem. I could get her a reliable car and into a nice apartment and probably pay for it for a few months. BUT, there is no point if she doesn't even look for a job. She can't afford the registration, insurance, rent or utilities. Someone mentioned teaching the person "how to fish". They have to be willing to bait the hook by themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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