jsmith92 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I am 26 next month and I have only been single for six months since I was 18. My first girlfriend was my first for everything, that started few months before my 18th and that lasted till i was 20. I was single for 6 months where I slept with one girl a few times. From the ages of 20-24 i was with my second girlfriend, which lasted almost 3 and half years, that ended and was single for a few months and during that time i was sleeping with my current girlfriend who i have now been with almost a year. Ive lately just been feeling that im getting to an age where Im going to want to settle down properly soon. I am happy with my current gf, out of my three girlfriends i feel is she is the one i am most suited to. I am just thinking though, i havent really had the typical young person experience, being single and sleeping around, i have only slept with 4 girls. Is anyone else in a similar position? Is it bad for me that i havent got more experience of being on my own? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think the most important aspect of giving yourself a time out from being partnered up isn't so you can sleep around but so that you can live by yourself without someone else's constraints and influence and find out exactly who you truly are when left on your own. Usually, that will bring a leap of maturity and self-sufficiency and even an increase in self-esteem knowing you can do it and be okay so that you never have to hesitate to leave a bad relationship if one comes along. Try being single living alone for a year and feel the freedom at least once in your life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Sleeping around is not all it's cracked up to be. Sex is better with people who know you & your likes & dislikes. First sex is often awkward. There is nothing wrong with serial monogamy. Your desire for some lifestyle you have never tried which you think is better, is classic GIGs. I invite you to remember a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Don't throw away a sure thing for the lure of something better; it rarely is. Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Ive never understood such thinking and never experienced it. As for not ever single, it isn't particularly healthy imo. I can't quite understand how someone could move on so quickly unless they didn't care much to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 I dont feel like i have ever moved on quickly. My first gf ended it with me, was single for 6 months before i started seeing my next girlfriend. My second relationship was one where i have a regret of staying in it too long, i wasnt properly happy the last year my ex just had no one else, lived at mine and i cared more about her then myself until i finally called it the end for good. I dont want to end my current relationship, im happy, but what i have learnt is to not waste time when im not, to put myself first and if i was to be single again i will try and experience the single life a bit more then i ever have. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I've been with my H since I was young & if I could back, I would have had my time to be single. If you're thinking like that, maybe you should give yourself some alone time bc you don't want to get married with any regrets. They'll sneak into your marriage & you don't want that. You're not yet married so that comes with the freedom of doing what you need to do for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Being single is awesome because you have your long leg hairs to keep you warm in winter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 There's nothing wrong with being in multiple relationships. You seem like you've gone out or hooked up with a fair amount of girls so it's not like you dated one girl your entire youth and are wondering what else is out there. That being said, I have a friend who like you also was always in a relationship. From the time we were 16 till his mid 20's he was always dating someone. He recently got married to the girl he had been with most recently obviously. My only question, is if you can date girls for long periods of time, or say you've been in love with each long term relationship... Then how do you know that the girl you're with now is the right one to marry, and not just the next one in line that you'll date for a while and love. Might not make a lot of sense but if she magically disappeared tomorrow, do you think you'd be able to find someone else within a relatively short time period and get into another long term loving RS? If so then this girl might not be any different then the girls in your past. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I have been with my wife since I was 20, and she's the only woman I've ever had sex with... sometimes I wish I'd dated a little more when I was back in high school, but i'm with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and that is what is really important. Fact is most people are in relationships most of the time. I'm not sure it's really the norm to have huge amounts of time single. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I don't think it's categorically "bad" to not have spent much time being single. I think it depends on what kinds of relationships you're having and whether you feel you are growing in all the ways you want to grow. If you start feeling tied down in your relationships, or like you're playing out some pattern ad nauseum, then maybe you need some time alone to introspect and get back in touch with yourself. I've been single now for 2.5 years. It's not what I wanted, but I made the best of it, and came to find it necessary given all my adult romantic relationships proved dysfunctional and left me feeling very unhappy. In my case, it would have done no good to just hop into another long-term relationship if it meant yet another iteration of this pattern. I had to get off the horse completely in order to do some real self-examination and re-orient my "man-picker." If what you are getting out of all your relationships matches what you feel you WANT to get out of a romantic relationship, then there's nothing to be concerned about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Is anyone else in a similar position? Is it bad for me that i havent got more experience of being on my own? IMO, if you find your relationships healthy and beneficial and to add positive content to your life, being constantly coupled is your path until it isn't or you die. Some people live their whole lives in romantic relationships, whether with one partner or a series of them. Each of us has differing perspectives, desires and needs and all can be expressed in ways which are healthy for us. Looking back, as most of my friends were married by the time I was 25, I felt as equally at home with being single as I did with them being married and having children, which all did by that age. It was only when those differences found them trending to socialize with other married couples versus single friends that I noted a disparity, combined with the tug of reproduction, where peaceful single living became a bit uncomfortable. Having done the gamut, being single for long periods, having LTR's, and being married, I'd opine all paths are valid and worth a look/try. You may find aspects of life when uncoupled which have eluded you while constantly coupled; you may not. It's really hard to know unless giving it a shot. Same with any other path. If fulfilled on the current path, well, keep on keeping on. Way down the road, while occasionally entertaining thoughts of intimate relationships, I'm overwhelmingly comfortable being retired from them. They were OK in total and made for some good memories. Perhaps that's the gift. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 It's not a problem unless you find that it is. So if you keep worrying about not having had more time single, then maybe it IS a problem for you, and it might be worth reconsidering things. I'm a couple years older than you and have only been single for less than a year in total since I was 18, too. It's not an issue for me. I don't feel any regrets about how I spent my youth, and I definitely don't feel any desire to be single. Sure I'd be fine with being single if the choice was between being single and a bad or even lukewarm R, but I'd take a happy LTR over being single any day, at any age. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything, but then again I haven't really had to hold back on anything due to being in a LTR either. I've always been my own person regardless of whether I was single or in a R, and have only stayed in Rs with guys who respected that. If someone's R were holding them back from doing the things they love, then I would question if that R is right for them. So it really depends on how you feel about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 My first relationship was my first at just over 2 years. I learnt a lot with it being my first serious one and dont have any regrets. The regrets i do have are from relationship number 2. I met her and was attracted to her yes but never thought we would be suited in a relationship, but she kept on insisting we give it a go and affer 6 months of just being causal with each other we did. I was with her for 3 and half years but id say a year to a year and a half i wasnt entirely happy. This girlfiend had no close family, was living with me and mine and i just couldnt end it as i cared to much about her and what it would do to her if i did. We broke up twice and i said one more time and that would be it for good and it was, she just kept lying to me and the love and trust was gone. I wish i didnt waste so much time being unhappy and used some of that time being single instead, it has been a learning experience though so not all bad. Now in my third relationship i am happy, our year anniversary next month and i get on better with her then any one else before. As long as we are happy then i am happy being in a healthy relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 The regrets i do have are from relationship number 2. I met her and was attracted to her yes but never thought we would be suited in a relationship, but she kept on insisting we give it a go and affer 6 months of just being causal with each other we did. Ah, this sounds like a fairly normal learning experience, we all make mistakes and that is how we get better. 3 years does sound like a rather long time to stay with someone you'd never really intended to be with in the first place, but at least both of you learnt something important from it and can carry that lesson into your future relationship(s). Now in my third relationship i am happy, our year anniversary next month and i get on better with her then any one else before. As long as we are happy then i am happy being in a healthy relationship. Happy to hear that! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) The truth is, it's probably not in your psyche to sleep around with multiple people. It may seem like an interesting idea in your head but if you really were driven to do that, you would have. Just because there's a "typical" form of behavior for the majority doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you for not fitting into that. It means that you're distinct and different. I personally don't have a lot of respect for [promiscuous men], and neither do a lot of women. Be proud of who you are. Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 This could come back to bite you when you are older. On the other hand, you may not find another woman like your girlfriend. Only you can resolve this OP Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 It's a thing, but good or bad is only for you to decide. I've probably been single a total of ~2 years in my whole life since my first girlfriend at ~14 and I'm over 60. It's always worked fine for me and if, heaven forbid, my wife were to turn me out I doubt it would be too long before I was attached again. Just how things have always worked out for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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