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Trouble adding spice to the relationship..


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I just finished speaking to my boyfriend just now...

 

Ok here's the deal.. I didn't know this but it hurt me when he mentioned that our sex life isn't all that great because there's no spontaneity in it.. We FaceTime each other and sometimes he wants me to do "things" and almost all the time I can't because my family usually likes to barge into rooms without knocking whether you lock your door or not. For the most part it's my family and honestly... I'm just not into the whole talking dirty, phone sex, cyber sex or showing your stuff over technology.. I mean I'd rather just physically do it.

 

But yeah he would mostly ask me to flash him, I've done it a couple times but sometimes I don't. He told me to a little while ago but I just wasn't up for it and I'm always paranoid of someone busting into my room. He got annoyed and all and we just left it as it is..

 

I know it could get annoying of how "unsexual" I could be... But I just don't know how to talk dirty or do sexual things with him. He says in person I'm great but I guess over the phone I suck..

 

Any ideas?? I don't want him to get bored of me..

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Do. Not. Do. It.

 

Please understand that ANYTHING you do via a cam or online can be recorded and uploaded to any cheap porn site.

 

I can't tell you how many videos there are out there of unsuspecting girls who didn't know they were recorded.

 

Seriously, please don't. The guy isn't worth it who asks this of his partner.

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treelife,

My question to you would be why you want to stay with a guy who complains and puts you down like this?

 

IMO he's tactless and insensitive.

 

Maybe you should just accept that you aren't compatible in this area and move on to someone who is sensitive to your feelings?

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Also, you have another thread - here - of not trusting him!?!?

 

Listen to your gut on this one. He sounds like the kind of guy that would do exactly what I described. Don't be one of those unsuspecting girls whose images are shared all over the 'net.

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Do. Not. Do. It.

 

Please understand that ANYTHING you do via a cam or online can be recorded and uploaded to any cheap porn site.

 

I can't tell you how many videos there are out there of unsuspecting girls who didn't know they were recorded.

 

Seriously, please don't. The guy isn't worth it who asks this of his partner.

 

I know! I've never done videos EVER. I did FaceTime him flashing but that's about it. Besides me being paranoid of any of my family members barging in my room, I was never interested in any of those...

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treelife,

My question to you would be why you want to stay with a guy who complains and puts you down like this?

 

IMO he's tactless and insensitive.

 

Maybe you should just accept that you aren't compatible in this area and move on to someone who is sensitive to your feelings?

 

He doesn't force me to do it, he would ask a couple times but I would be vigilant to say no.. And idk im thinking that most men are this way who wants to add spice to the relationship. This may be TMI but I'm on my period and I guess I'm just not feeling all too sexual when I'm flowing like a river... I'm sure most women can understand.. Should I talk to him or do I just flat out leave?

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Why are you using Face Time instead of meeting in person (i.e. dating)?

 

I see him 3-4x a week, due to school and exams coming up we never really have the time to actually be alone, plus I'm on my period this whole week regardless..

 

And we FaceTime on days we don't see each other, that's about it

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dreamingoftigers

Two things:

 

1. This doesn't feel like a very good situation because of how vulnerable it could make you. Don't flash him / do stuff like that over tech. It goes everywhere especially if you are both in HS etc.

 

2. If you do want increased privacy, why not get a lock?

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And idk im thinking that most men are this way who wants to add spice to the relationship.

You would be wrong.

 

Should I talk to him or do I just flat out leave?

Sounds like you should just leave - based on this and your other thread....

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Everyone has their own set of sexual preferences. It sounds like the two of you have different ones. Having different sexual desires does not make you unsexual. Even if your family wasn't around, it doesn't sound like showing him the goods on camera turns you on at all. A GOOD partner would respect your boundaries and preferences and not complain like a baby for not getting his way.

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He doesn't force me to do it, he would ask a couple times but I would be vigilant to say no.. And idk *im thinking that most men are this way who wants to add spice to the relationship. This may be TMI but I'm on my period and I guess I'm just not feeling all too sexual when I'm flowing like a river... I'm sure most women can understand.. Should I talk to him or do I just flat out leave?

 

*No.

 

Most men are not like that.

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Don't do it. It sounds like he just wants you to be his personal porn. That is NOT a relationship.

 

If he wants a more sexual relationship, he needs to build the trust and intimacy and find a way to see you in person. Not ask you to do things you are uncomfortable with.

 

Plus sex isn't about fulfilling one person's needs. It's about BOTH people having their needs met and their boundaries respected. You should NEVER feel like you have to be something you aren't in order to keep someone. A good lover listens and respects and is kind and gentle - NOT pushy and insulting.

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