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Musings of a Recovering Cheater/Player


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I'm 28, I broke up with my girlfriend (26) this past weekend, it really sucked doing it and I feel like the karma from what I have done during that relationship has finally caught up with me.

 

I cheated on her with multiple women over a lengthy time, one of which whom I ended up in love with (22). I told her that I had a girlfriend and I ended up losing her, and she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I guess the confidence that I had gained with finally having a long term relationship inflated my ego to the point where I started using women for my own self gratification and approval. Before I started dating my ex of 2 years I had never been in any type of relationship at all, going in the relationship with my ex I was a 26 year old virgin. I never tried to get girls up until this point because I was in love with one and only one from 20-26, none others seemed to compare. I never got attention from girls in middle school or high school mostly because I lacked the confidence due to severe cystic acne and I was incredibly underweight and was mostly an outsider and was picked on quite a bit. Things changed over the years however, my face matured, I got facial hair, and I increased my muscle mass by 80 pounds from where I started. Most girls I have talked with say that I'm a 9, I have heard the word "perfect" as my description more times than I can recall. All of that vanity that I worked towards because I never got attention from girls has turned out to be bull**** and more of a burden than I care to deal with.

 

I became an expert manipulator. I'm also pretty good with words, so I was able to bend the minds of these girls to suit my own selfish desires, sexually and emotionally. I feel like a part of me got off on just how much I could get as many girls as I could to fall for me, and then after that happened, they would never hear from me again. I don't know how I lost my way so bad. I'm a caring person and a nice guy, I feel like a have more empathy than most people out there do, but it's like a part of my mind would block out the fact that I was in effect tormenting girls emotionally. All those years of being by myself and thinking that I wasn't going to end up with someone I really loved and who loved me back made me lash out to the point where I ended up hurting a lot of good girls. One of those good girls was my ex-girlfriend, with me entering into that relationship because I was tired of feeling lonely and down all the time, not because I was really in love with her. One of those good girls turned out to be the one I ended up in love with, and now I'm dealing with what I dished out.

 

I guess the saying you reap what you sow is really true. I feel immense guilt and am paying the price for what I have done in a big way in probably what is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to accept in my life. I found and lost someone I truly loved and who loved me back because of my infidelity and inability to see beyond what was right in front of me, and this ****ing haunts me every time I lay down to go to sleep at night. I have to start clean now and I have to try and clear my conscience of this, I can't keep living in this hole that I have dug myself in.

 

It is going to take me a long time to forgive myself for what I have done, but I have to start that path now, and hope that there is some kind of redemption and light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, maybe I'll even find that woman again one of these days. Maybe I don't deserve it for what I have done, I'm not really sure. All I know is that none of it was worth it. After what seemed like an eternity of trying to find a girl that loved me as much as I loved her, I found her, and I lost her. She was an incredibly loving and gentle person, very beautiful, we would just lay around at times and I would hold her for hours on end, and now she sees me as the equivalent of a cockroach. I haven't been eating or sleeping, and the weight of this has become an anchor on my soul.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to try and get this out. I just had to have some place to put down my thoughts and maybe even receive kind words from others to reassure myself that there is still hope for me. Has anyone been here or could give me some advice on how to go about things from here? I feel like ****, and the thought of finding a girl again like this one seems impossible now. I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life, and I don't want to pick the bottle back up this time.

 

Thanks for reading.

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You're not the first guy I've ever heard who had a hard time attracting women at first and then started screwing them over as soon as it became possible . That's why I don't listen to all this good guy/bad guy stuff. Just because a guy is hard up and undesirable for whatever reason doesn't make them a good guy. And just because one is handsome and things come easy doesn't make him a bad one.

 

I remember a couple years after I'd finally moved on past an unrequited love, that guy came over upset about his unrequited love and was literally blubbering on the floor of my apartment about it. Now, I am an empathetic person, but he almost put me in the nuthouse by hanging around even though I wasn't "his type," so that was one time I hit the wall emotionally, sitting down there propped up against the wall with him. You could say the blood ran cold. And when I didn't respond as he'd hoped, he instantly had his epiphany, started crying all over again and said, "Oh, my God, this is what I did to you, isn't it?"

 

Yep.

 

So now let's hope you're a better man and got both enjoyment and wisdom from your choices and can be a little discriminate going forward and take care not to unnecessarily hurt anyone or have them hurt you. Good luck.

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You'll survive.

 

 

So will they.

 

 

This happens to everyone at some point or another. People enter into dating relationships and then something happens and it comes to an end all the time. This really isn't all that unique.

 

 

You were a little bit of a late bloomer so it happened to you in your upper 20s where as for some people it's in their teens or early 20s and others in their 30s, 40s and beyond.

 

 

You may feel bad about it now because it's happening to you currently but this stuff happens all the time. Next week it may be some chick screwing you over. Noone is immune and no one is a saint that never does something crumby at some point.

 

 

These chicks have all be played before and they have all played someone else at some point so don't get all guilt ridden over it. They are big girls and they have likely had a lot more experience in the dating world than you and have been through this before so don't feel like they are some kind of delicate petal that can't take it.

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Thanks for the replies. It is really hard for me right now dealing with the fact that I messed up so bad. Right now I don't understand how I could have done this. I was in such a bad way for so many years because of someone that didn't feel the same about me as I did her. Then only just 3 months ago I found a girl that loved me like I loved her, and I threw that all away. The anger that I have towards myself because of that is difficult to put into words. I finally had what I was looking for after so many years, and I ruined it.

 

She told me the other day that I was bothering her, that she felt I was harassing her and to leave her alone. Hearing those words from someone you love so much is crippling. When I read that from her I just stared at it for 3 hours straight and didn't move, my heart sank and I just started shaking. By far the most difficult thing I have endeared. It hurt so much.

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You screwed up the first time by hurting innocent people.

Are you going to screw up a second time by sitting around feeling sorry for yourself?

 

 

You're not helping anyone, you're not healing anything, you're just pitying yourself..

 

 

Sorry if that's harsh but at the end of the day we all make mistakes, we all have done things we regret. You cant change the past and you cant prove you've learnt and are a better person by sitting around thinking about what you've learnt. Its your actions people will always judge you on in the end not your thoughts.

 

 

I've done some things id regret, if I was to keep looking back then yeah I could find enough things to beat myself up over. But I prefer to look back and see the good things I've done since I've grown up a bit. Now is the time for you to start cracking on with the good things.

I imagine this womanising took up some time? So now use it for something else, go teach sports to kids, go save the sea turtles, go build a school in Africa. Something. Whatever. Something you can be proud of.

 

 

You've woke up. You've seen the error of your ways. So go do something about it now. Go and start being the man that you want to be.

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