that "knowing" feeling.

[minimariah]

so my dear friend has been with her darling for almost seven years now. she's 33 years old and says this is the first time she was ever in love. she had some previous relationships but says they fade in comparison to what she has now. i ask her about their possible break up - she completely rejects that possibility, telling me she knew from the beginning they will last. she just knew; she tells me it's a specific feeling of certainty, almost as some kind of intuition - unmistakable, she says.

 

i wanted to ask all of you, happily in love and involved with your darling -- did you experience that feeling when you meet your SO or at all, during your relationship? do you have that feeling right now or do you take it one day at a time? is there such thing as knowing you'll last anyway or is that something we feel when we're madly in love and life is good... some kind of love fog?

[Methodical]

I think most ppl who are madly in love also wear blinders. I can't imagine all the ppl who post in the infidelity and divorce forums ever thought they'd find themselves there; otherwise, they wouldn't have married or subjected themselves to that kind of deception and pain.

 

Sometimes we see what we want to see and choose to ignore things we don't want to see. I hope life is full of blissful events for your friend and she's right. Unfortunately, there are NO guarantees in life and that's why many ppl get hurt so badly. They never dreamed their SO would do X, Y, and Z.

 

Life is a continuum of ever changing circumstances, and nobody can *know* how they'll react in advance. We may *think* we know, but until we face those challenges, it's all speculation .

[ASG]

I've never known a relationship would last. But I've always known it wouldn't. Even when everything was seemingly great, I was always wary of making long term plans, because I knew, in my heart of hearts, things weren't gonna last *that* long.

[jen1447]

Your friend's probably projecting her present on her past a bit too mimi - it's easy for her to 'know' at this point bc she's got 7 years under her belt. I bet she didn't say that 7 years ago.

 

That said I will say that there are certain ppl you have more feelings of assuredness with. I felt extremely confident in my newest GF the moment I laid eyes on her and it hasn't turned out wrong so far.

[Satu]

Nobody knows what the future will be.

 

Absolutely nobody.

 

I find that fact quite liberating.

[minimariah]

so basically, it's the feeling that comes from being in love and feeling right at THAT moment. i agree with all of you - we can't know for sure.

 

i just found it odd - my friend isn't the first person who said she just knew it would last. you know, just like when people say they knew when they found their one.

 

we can debate about how really is no such thing as the one but where is this feeling really coming from? why do feel it with one person and not with the other? especially if all relationships end the same way -- with a break up?

[jen1447]

so basically, it's the feeling that comes from being in love and feeling right at THAT moment. i agree with all of you - we can't know for sure.

 

i just found it odd - my friend isn't the first person who said she just knew it would last. you know, just like when people say they knew when they found their one.

 

we can debate about how really is no such thing as the one but where is this feeling really coming from? why do feel it with one person and not with the other? especially if all relationships end the same way -- with a break up?

 

I think it's just brain chemicals urging us to carry out our primary function in life - to mate - by whatever means necessary, even deception. It's like a huckster telling you whatever you want to hear about the used car he's trying to sell you.

 

I had that feeling w/my GF too and I didn't try to poo-poo it, but I've been around long enough not to really buy into the fairytale. At least not w/out a safety net.

[Whoknew30]

I think the feeling is knowing that that's the person you want to be with above all others...my H said when he saw me for the first time he knew I would be his wife. Mind you I stood him up on our first date (I just turned 16 that week) I wasn't into him at all. He kept on trying & trying & one day, I said ok we're dating. I had no clue he was going to be my H & 20 something years later, even after all our crap, we're still together. It's taking that many years to be "sure" we'll end up together but there was definitely a time where I had no idea if we were going to make it.

[Satu]

so basically, it's the feeling that comes from being in love and feeling right at THAT moment. i agree with all of you - we can't know for sure.

 

i just found it odd - my friend isn't the first person who said she just knew it would last. you know, just like when people say they knew when they found their one.

 

we can debate about how really is no such thing as the one but *where is this feeling really coming from? why do feel it with one person and not with the other? especially if all relationships end the same way -- with a break up?

 

 

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

 

—C. G. Jung

[Satu]

*I think it's just brain chemicals urging us to carry out our primary function in life - to mate - by whatever means necessary, even deception. It's like a huckster telling you whatever you want to hear about the used car he's trying to sell you.

 

I had that feeling w/my GF too and I didn't try to poo-poo it, but I've been around long enough not to really buy into the fairytale. At least not w/out a safety net.

 

*I agree. Here's an old journal entry:

 

 

"Being 'In Love' is a time-limited neurochemical event.

 

Love on the other hand, is not time-limited, and can grow and grow, over a whole lifetime.

 

Some relationships can progress from being 'in love' to love, but some can't.

 

It depends on what remains after the euphoria has worn off."

 

 

And another:

 

 

"Being 'in love' seems much, but is little.

 

"The slow discipline of love seems little, but is much."

[nauticalpoem]

I've never known a relationship would last. But I've always known it wouldn't. Even when everything was seemingly great, I was always wary of making long term plans, because I knew, in my heart of hearts, things weren't gonna last *that* long.

 

Hmm. I wonder if this was sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. Or if you "knew" it wouldn't last because you really didn't have interest in it lasting...

[Midwestmissy]

I met my h when I was 18. I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I just did. We would break up, get back together, move to foreign countries, break up, start careers in the big city, get back together - for 8 yrs. a lot of adventures, a lot of other dating, sex, fun - but more fun together than with others. Married and very successful at 26, babies starting at 29, he cheated when I was 42. Never saw it coming. Our oldest is leaving home this year at 18 - full circle. No drama until the affair, always on the same page. He hid fears and needs so he wouldn't appear weak or needy to me, wanted to be seen as big provider in control of everything and stepped out instead of dealing. She was happy to view him as big provider since her future didn't depend on it actually happening. She wanted my life (which ironically sucked at the time). Very unfortunate affair partner. I became the enemy. All of that was 6mos or so out of a 28 yr relationship. We are working on it. He is doing all the hard work. I still don't see my future without him, but I have looked into what my life would be without him. And I'd be ok, I've taken those naive blinders off. He's been proving his commitment to me and doing what I require in order to reconcile. I'm glad because I need him to be a better person for our kids whether we stay together or not, and he wants to fix those parts of himself.

 

I still believe you just know. I've never come close to being in love with anyone else, and it wasn't for lack of looking. I traveled the world and dated and slept with and was wined and dined beautifully - but I always wanted him and knew that's where my future was. Always. My girlfriends would roll their eyes, but they still tell me that I always knew, and they stood up with us at our wedding. My eyes are more open now, and so are his. If he hurts me again, and it was really just the once (not to minimize), I'll be more aware of my life without him. More importantly, he's aware that I can and will walk away, which is something that never crossed his mind. Ever. Or mine. the loss of the unconditional is hard, but no one should ever trust unconditionally. It's too vulnerable. I hadn't been mislead by family in my life, he had. He expected those close to him to let him down, so when his life went downhill he pulled the trigger first so I wasn't the one to hurt him. It was self sabotage that could have been avoided by communication and showing vulnerability.

 

I didn't expect to have life lessons about my marriage smacked into my head at my age after 40+ yrs drama free. But there it is.

[todreaminblue]

i think marriage is hard work..that needs to be done by both partners to succeed.a marriage has to be top priority over everything else...job house car....other people.......it might be well and good to feel that you will last forever the power of positivity....but if it isnt both who feel that and who are willing to work every single day towards forever even on the hardest days.. not just expect it to be forever like a fairytale come true...it wont be forever nor will it ever be a fairytale that is the outcome......marriage is work....and people who work...can get sacked...divorced...same diff......deb

[Emilia]

Of course every time I think it will last... Then I get proven wrong around the 3 months to 10 years mark. I'm sure if I succeed one day to stick with one for good, I'll tell everyone that 'I knew it!'

[central]

so my dear friend has been with her darling for almost seven years now. she's 33 years old and says this is the first time she was ever in love. she had some previous relationships but says they fade in comparison to what she has now. i ask her about their possible break up - she completely rejects that possibility, telling me she knew from the beginning they will last. she just knew; she tells me it's a specific feeling of certainty, almost as some kind of intuition - unmistakable, she says.

 

i wanted to ask all of you, happily in love and involved with your darling -- did you experience that feeling when you meet your SO or at all, during your relationship? do you have that feeling right now or do you take it one day at a time? is there such thing as knowing you'll last anyway or is that something we feel when we're madly in love and life is good... some kind of love fog?

 

Of course we can't know the future, or how someone may change with time. If you're a good observer of other people AND yourself, and have good intuition, your odds of being right do improve, IMO.

 

 

By the third date with my wife, I was sure that she was a considerably better match for me than anyone else I'd met or dated (which was over 50). And I'd had some good matches, but only a couple I'd have seriously considered marrying. The thing is, SHE felt the same way about me.

 

 

Sixteen years later, and both of our intuitive confidence in our match has been confirmed again and again. I've never doubted we'd stay together and be happy. So, was it good intuition, luck, or simply being a good partner and her being one as well? Maybe all of those.