I need reassurance from my fiance

[BeeRose]

Dear all,

 

 

I am an Indonesian girl who is getting married with an Aussie guy on July. But something has been playing around my mind. Its about strippers in bucks/bachelor party.

When I carried with this thing to be discussed with him, he said that its male Aussie culture. Thats a common thing. They are all there dont have a sex with the strippers. He told me that he never been to a strip club joint by his own way. Only to his friend bucks party. He said theres only lots of shouting and cheering thats all about it, bit a laugh and bit fun, nothing else. When I asked him what kind of fun is that? He didnt tell me anything or give some explanations to make all the things cleared.*

 

 

I dont concern about "have a sex" like what he told me as kind of reassurance for me. No, its not about it, because its extremely the thing that has no excuse to do. The best way is finish relationship. Thats is nothing to be discussed about it. I concern about physically sex activities contact between stag and the strippers.

 

 

He told me that the guy who is getting married always have strippers in his bucks party. Then tried to convince me that really good friend of him will get married on June and there will be strippers in his bucks party for sure. But he told me he wants will miss that party because he prefers to stay with me unless I prefer him going to that party. His words made me glad and so happy at that time. But...

 

 

When I asked him that is he going to have strippers in his bucks party then? He answered its up to his best man what he organized.

I asked him would he say no to his best friends to have the strippers? Or would he say no to get directly involved with the strippers in that party? I told him that I know what kind of services in bucks night party with the srippers there. A stag is tempted and stimulated by the strippers. Rub their boobs to a stag face, sit on a stag's lap, grinding her fanny to his (Im sorry to say this) c*ck. Kneeling under him then spread his legs to tease his c*ck. Or furthermore a stag is allowed to eat off of a food on the stripper's breasts and lick off cream of her butts. Oooh nooo, isnt it a form of foreplay? How can I let this happened to my beloved one? He said that its not like that and asked me to please trust him, he wouldnt worry about it or stress over it. Its only a laugh and fun thats all nothing else, he said it again to me.

 

 

I believe Im not alone, there are lots of women out there have the same feelings with me. When I tried to give the same condition to him, I asked him would it be okay for him if there was another guy doing this (physically sex contact), he has me laying on my back on the floor then spread my legs, his lips tease my fanny, tummy, breasts, and neck in front of so many persons? Or even bent me over *grab my ass then do simulating that the guy is f**king the girl? He said that he would never like if another guy doing this to me. But if I wanted to have male strippers in my hens party, its up to me, he said he is okay with that. OMG! His answer made me feel so upset and down. These two points are significantly different. How does it work? If he would never like another guy tempting or touching me then why would he be okay for me to have male strippers in my hens party?

Is it the sign that he will not let me to forbid him to have the strippers in his bucks party?*

I figured out that he sacrifice his girl to be touched or to be tempted by another guy only for not to be prohibitted to have the strippers in his party? eventhough he doesnt like another guy doing it to me? As long as he can keep going to have the strippers in his party?*

 

There are lots of questions appear in my mind.

 

 

For me, overall theres only slightly difference between all the things and the ways the stripper/male strippers do to a groom and bride to be and "have a sex" I.e : theres no real dick sucking. The rest is no difference at all. By having this way of thinking makes me never would ever let my half one doing this with the stripper.

 

 

For the first its absolutely big no way from me to him going to this kind of party but in the end I tried to move closer to the way he think, and I said okay I would not forbid him going to his friend bucks night party or have the strippers in his bucks party as long as he will not take a part to have sex activities contact directly with the strippers. I need him giving me reassurance and care or respect to my feelings in regard to this. But he only finally said that I blow the whole thing out of the water and made a big deal about nothing and so worry over nothing. He said the reason why I feel like this is because its not in my culture. I dont think its about Im from the country where has no kind of this party, but its about the girl's feeling to her beloved guy.

 

If I would move my mind closer to reach his mind thoughts why wouldnt he do that for me? Seems that he wants to keep standing on his shoes and doesnt want to move even only one step closer to my mind. If he would do this I think both of us can meet in the middle then can find better solutions.*

 

 

Listening to his words made me telling him that its better for us to finish the relationship and no communication forever then cancel the wedding. But he didnt want it, he said that its not okay because he doesnt want to lose me, doesnt want relationship ends because he loves me. But... oh well, my heart asked if he loves me then why he doesnt care to my feelings?

 

 

What should I do? I really need some advices...

[Gloria25]

IMO, regardless of differences in cultures, beliefs, etc. it just doesn't make sense to have a wild "Bachelor's/Bachelorette's" night/party/whatever...

 

I mean, if someone feels that they have to go all out before getting married then I must wonder why they are getting married?

 

Do they believe that they can't go out on a nite on the town with their SO and have a good time after the wedding day?

 

Also, if someone spent all your RL with your soon-to-be spouse w/o cheating, why do some people feel they're entitled to have sex with someone other than their soon-to-be spouse before the wedding day? Again, then why are you with your spouse if you feel you still need to have sex with someone else?

 

I mean, I've never been married and/or engaged - but when I'm dating someone, sex, good times, etc is all I can think about doing with that person. No stripper, parties, etc could get my attention.

 

Also, that's one reason why old fashioned peeps hold off sex before marriage - cuz it builds up the anticipation of that special night where you two turn into each other...but that's not what we have now. We have premarital sex, so by the time we're rolling up to the big wedding day, people have treated sex so casually that it's easy for them take a last time shot at having sex with someone else before their marriage and that's just sad.

[Arieswoman]

BeeRose,

I am sorry you are in this position.

 

 

Despite what your fiancé says this is not "Male Aussie Culture".

 

 

You should be glad that this difference in your basic moral values has come to light now, and not after you are married.

 

 

The pages of LS are full of posts from girls who are feeling very insecure about this activity and are wondering what they should do.

 

 

My advice is that if your fiancé is not respecting your feelings or making you feel secure then you should re-asses your relationship with him.

Ask yourself, honestly, if there are other occasions when he has disregarded your feelings or put his own needs before your relationship?

 

 

And then ask yourself, honestly, if you want to live the rest of your life with a man like that?

 

 

I'm sorry x