How would you describe your relationship without the affair element

[norudder]

I know a lot of people live in the fog or fantasy or whatever you want to call it and somehow forget what they're doing is in fact cheating, but if we follow that through and pretend there is no BS, what would your relationship have been by normal dating standards? A bf/gf, a fwb, ldr, friendship/crush with unverbalized love, significant other, or marriage (it happens, some have entire second families they spend time and money on)?

[Popsicle]

It would have been GREAT for a while (which is the part I used to focus on) but I think he's kind of a negative person, and I would have gotten tired of that.

[Popsicle]

It's funny because I think that he and his wife are much more compatible in terms of lifestyle than he and I, but they are just lacking in passion and romance and seemingly always have been. I was pleasant surprise for him in that way and could have taught him a thing or two. Too bad he's married.

[Lady2163]

Great question!

 

There was so much I liked about the MM. Truly, having an affair was just so out of character for him. I think I was the one thing he couldn't kick, his one addiction, his one downfall. He really had great self control when it came to all other of life's temptations.

 

Had he been single. Whew, I don't know. He's a well-respected figure in his field. He's a bit of a public figure. I would have had to be the relegated spouse and the one handling 99% of the domestic duties.

 

I would have done okay with that, as long as he didn't take me for granted. He's also a bit of a workaholic and I would be concerned he would take on extra side ventures.

 

So, there would have been some adjustment. But, I think he could have been my one great love. And I never let myself go there. Obviously, I never lived with him, the longest I ever spent with him was about 90 hours straight and I didn't want it to end and I missed his presence the next day. He said the same the next time we talked, without me prompting.

 

So, I think had we met when both of us were divorced and took it slow emotionally and commitment wise, we would have married and lived close to happily ever after.

 

We were together long enough that the novelty of sexual compatibility would have worn off if we weren't suited for each other personality wise.

[Poppy47]

I have known him for 10 years.

 

We have spent lengthy periods of time together. He has, oddly enough, always proven to be one hundred percent reliable , courteous and loving over that long period of time.

 

I loved all the times we shared together. Some were really fantasy and a lot were doing very ordinary things like gardening and cooking.

 

We were compatible in a lot of ways for sure.

 

I could have predicted problems with one of his daughters and probably mine.

It will never happen but overall I think we would have had a lot of love and happiness to offer each other.

 

Poppy.

[lemondrop21]

Ha, our "relationship" was friends with benefits at best. There was a month where his wife and kids were away, and even then I only ever saw him between 9pm and 6am... So who knows. I've been telling myself that maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed his company much over time.

 

We were good work friends, but that's a totally different domain. He enjoyed the fact that he could talk to me about work in a way that I don't think he can with his wife; however, I don't think that's critical to a great relationship in any way.

[cocorico]

I know a lot of people live in the fog or fantasy or whatever you want to call it and somehow forget what they're doing is in fact cheating, but if we follow that through and pretend there is no BS, what would your relationship have been by normal dating standards? A bf/gf, a fwb, ldr, friendship/crush with unverbalized love, significant other, or marriage (it happens, some have entire second families they spend time and money on)?

 

During the A, we were LDR, so it was (and would have been, sans BW) just like any LDR. When we were together, we were together like any other live-in couple; when we were apart, it was calls, texts and Skype all through the day and night.

 

Now, it's just another M - perhaps a little more intense, as we both mostly work from home.

 

The BW wasn't a factor during the A. She only really became an issue during the D, and since - though that's getting better since she found her substitute.