spiderowl Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Guys, how do you know if a woman is flirting with you? I know guys often say the problem is they can never tell and they wonder if she's interested or just being friendly. Presumably though, sometimes you get enough of an impression that the woman is interested in more than friendship and you want to take it further. What is it that makes you feel she's flirting? I ask because I don't flirt overtly, I just behave in a friendly manner. Often it's because I am not physically attracted to the guy and so I don't want to give the impression I am. Other times I just feel shy if I'm attracted to him and just behave as a friend would. So I guess I'm giving the same message to all. I'm not interested in anything blatantly seductive, just maybe tipping the balance slightly when I'm genuinely interested, without being too blatant. What has made you think in the past that a woman might be interested as opposed to just friendly and it has proved to be the case? Link to post Share on other sites
DaveHammer Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 When she looks at me and smiles. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Physical contact Constant or deliberate looks and smiles 'Picking me out from a crowd'/going out of her way specifically for me Talking about sexual things or making dirty jokes Putting stress on certain words Abnormal amounts of compliments When I see her checking me out Note that any of the above are disregarded if she does these for everyone, as it means she's likely more for the 'bubbly' type. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 I've never had a woman flirt with me, so I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 deleted due to a passing whim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thanks, that's interesting. I know some women have no difficulty in letting a guy know they are interested, though whatever they do it is not not blatant or obvious to other women. I'm just curious as to how these women subtly let a guy know they like him. I like that just a smile made such a difference Link to post Share on other sites
bu2002 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 If you're sexually attracted to man, your natural body language will give away certain things. You'll likely be playing around with your hair a lot, you'll find your hands cupped around the back of your neck, motioning your feet around. If you're sitting side by side, you'll slowly be inclined to have your chest facing him. From an intentional standpoint, just finding ways to playfully touch him, just here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
Stereotypical11 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 From a female perspective and what I've been told I tend to fidget a lot, I'll get shy and look away or get flushed and say embarrassing things. My biggest give away is I will tap on something or pick something up and pretend to look at it. I think guys are harder to read that girls. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Yeah, if you're not the kind of guy who regularly attracts women for short-term things, it can be a real minefield. If you get the sense that most guys have trouble reading signals, then it's a sign that for them, being friendzoned is a primary occupational hazard. I can recall only one time in my entire life when I was fairly certain I was being flirted with -- and it wasn't by my wife. This is what made the difference: From an intentional standpoint, just finding ways to playfully touch him, just here and there. Of course, after starting to date this girl, as intoxicating as the whole magnetic, bubbly thing she had going was, it didn't take long to learn that she was quite manipulative and this wasn't any more real than all of the other emotional connections I made with women who viewed them in a "just friends" way. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 There's no rules, but I'd say that this works to zeroth order. Not nervous and open: she's just being friendly Nervous and open: she's attracted to you Nervous and closed: she's uncomfortable/creeped out/wishes you'd go away Open would entail body language, desire to share, interest in being in the same place as you. People project that they want to be closer to you by being open, both literally and metaphorically. Nervous would entail fidgeting, blushing, looking away, etc. Again, this can either be a really good thing or mean you're seriously overstaying your welcome. Not all "looking away" is the same. Its hard to put words to the difference but like porn I know it when I see it. As an aside, I don't think being mindful of all these things is "playing games". Human beings are hardwired to communicate in more ways than just one. There's nothing shameful or wrong about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 From a female perspective and what I've been told I tend to fidget a lot, I'll get shy and look away or get flushed and say embarrassing things. My biggest give away is I will tap on something or pick something up and pretend to look at it. I think guys are harder to read that girls. I don't know you, so obviously I could be wrong. But I think this is survivorship bias. Being difficult to read for a guy is a symptom of having other attractive traits. If he is confident, even-keeled, and has options in life in general, he will be 'harder to read' because he'll let things come to him more. Whereas a guy who is desperate is always showing his hand. Be it because he acts like a wreck around girls or because he's trying to push for things. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Guys, how do you know if a woman is flirting with you? Heh, one question, so many answers. TBH, I've seen all the stuff but never have seen enough consistency to declare I 'know'. I know guys often say the problem is they can never tell and they wonder if she's interested or just being friendly. Presumably though, sometimes you get enough of an impression that the woman is interested in more than friendship and you want to take it further. What is it that makes you feel she's flirting? Probably 90-95% of women I've interacted with in life and who gave me an inkling of flirtation ended up in three main categories..... married seeking an affair; looking for attention; looking for a friend and forgetting to turn off the flirtation when seeking platonic friends. The ones who did end up as relationships or married to me were generally subtle and consistent, with emphasis on consistent. They took an interest and kept showing up. However, that's, heh, four out of thousands so as you can see, perhaps not a dataset worth forming any conclusions about. I ask because I don't flirt overtly, I just behave in a friendly manner. Often it's because I am not physically attracted to the guy and so I don't want to give the impression I am. Other times I just feel shy if I'm attracted to him and just behave as a friend would. So I guess I'm giving the same message to all. Yeah, I can see your point. If you've been in relationships, one avenue is examining your behavior when in a relationship or while married, where you feel 'safe' in being freely expressive. Would you say you get more attention when in relationships or when single? If so, why do you think that is? If not, same, why? I'm not interested in anything blatantly seductive, just maybe tipping the balance slightly when I'm genuinely interested, without being too blatant. What has made you think in the past that a woman might be interested as opposed to just friendly and it has proved to be the case? Again, limited experience, only being married once but I recall the main area with my exW was she consistently made obvious efforts to be sexually attractive for me and focused her attention on me, tuning out others and, while not an obvious flirt, there was always an undertone of sexual tension, more of a simmering pot than a boiling one. Other women had flirted far more obviously but without the consistency and focus and, generally, with good reason....heh, they were married to someone else! Clear as mud? Yeah, that's how it goes. Same for we guys, well some of us anyway. Some guys are real good at flirting and others are just lousy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You can't always be sure, but if she keeps putting herself right in front of you or talking to you, then she has an interest which could be friendly or otherwise. And, as we say in Texas, only one way to find out, Cowboy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You can't always be sure, but if she keeps putting herself right in front of you or talking to you, then she has an interest which could be friendly or otherwise. And, as we say in Texas, only one way to find out, Cowboy People are unreliable witnesses though. If they're interested they interpret everything tiny thing as interest, and if they aren't they don't notice a thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Thanks, I am learning from you! I manage to do exactly the wrong things and avoid guys I find attractive. I don't know why, just feel I can't show it. Something going way back. It's great to hear what others have felt though. I know the woman being more assertive seems to make a difference but that can't be all. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Thanks, I am learning from you! I manage to do exactly the wrong things and avoid guys I find attractive. I don't know why, just feel I can't show it. Something going way back. It's great to hear what others have felt though. I know the woman being more assertive seems to make a difference but that can't be all. I think its less about being assertive, as it is about being agreeable. No one will describe it this way (and trying to think your way through it in this frame would be miserable and exhausting) but flirting at its core goes like this: do something -> get a reaction out of her -> evaluate it and keep going or back off Guys operate like that without thinking about it. If you don't throw them any positive reactions then they'll decide you aren't interested. That's why the bubbly girl always has a ton of guys who think she is into them. Because she incidentally gives off positive reactions. That's also why the reserved and stoic girl has a disproportionately hard time. Because she incidentally gives off closed-off vibes. You don't have to be "assertive" but you have to respond favorably to someone if you want them to keep going. If you put up a tough girl front, and don't respond to flirting warmly, you'll only get the dudes who are willing to blow through your red lights anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Honestly, I couldn't really tell. I have seen women approach me just to ask me a question but I can't tell if they are approaching because they are interested in me or because they just want to be friendly and/or ask the question in general? I hasn't seen anything that would signal me that she is attracted to me......but then again, it is a possibility that I am just clueless as well when it comes to women. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I mostly just walk around thinking most girls want me and I am God's gift to women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HillValley Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 People are unreliable witnesses though. If they're interested they interpret everything tiny thing as interest, and if they aren't they don't notice a thing. This is me to a T. Wish it was as simple as sending a note with mark yes or no like in 1st grade. The worst part is when a girl gaslights the situation about what she actually wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted February 2, 2016 Author Share Posted February 2, 2016 I think its less about being assertive, as it is about being agreeable. No one will describe it this way (and trying to think your way through it in this frame would be miserable and exhausting) but flirting at its core goes like this: do something -> get a reaction out of her -> evaluate it and keep going or back off Guys operate like that without thinking about it. If you don't throw them any positive reactions then they'll decide you aren't interested. That's why the bubbly girl always has a ton of guys who think she is into them. Because she incidentally gives off positive reactions. That's also why the reserved and stoic girl has a disproportionately hard time. Because she incidentally gives off closed-off vibes. You don't have to be "assertive" but you have to respond favorably to someone if you want them to keep going. If you put up a tough girl front, and don't respond to flirting warmly, you'll only get the dudes who are willing to blow through your red lights anyway. This is interesting, thanks. Just out of curiosity, could you give some examples of what a guy might 'do' to get a reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
sunking101 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Some girls act really shy when they fancy a guy and yet others can be extremely flirty, give bags of eye contact, smile, play with their hair and they're just being friendly. In truth it's impossible to tell unless either of you takes it further. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 People are unreliable witnesses though. If they're interested they interpret everything tiny thing as interest, and if they aren't they don't notice a thing. I heard about a study on the radio last year that found that the more attractive a woman was, the more the guys thought she was interested in him. Just goes to show how far wishful thinking can take you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts