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Thrill Seekers – and relationships.


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The other night I was pulled over on a mountain road (I don’t text and drive!) – when a supped up mustang went blasting by. I immediately thought, I’ll play – and gave chase. We had a fun climb up the mountain (he pulled me on the straights, I pushed at the turns). I got to my destination, pulled off, and enjoyed the slight shakiness and rush from the adrenaline.

 

My sport of choice, while “highfalutin” equestrian variety – is also the most dangerous sport in the Olympics – galloping a 1,200 horse at high speeds over large cross country jumping obstacles takes some guts, and some crazy. It wasn’t a good course unless I have some serious adrenaline shakes when my boots hit the ground.

 

I in no way keep it a secret on these boards that I have been a “cheater” – and I am still going over the whys of that. I do realize that a big part of it all is the “thrill” that comes with something illicit. Back before I embarked into a life of monogamy - I was a thrill seeker when it came to sex too I suppose. And PDA’s…. again, its illicit, risky, and perhaps thrilling… Its kinda my thing…

 

Sometimes I wonder if I can be happy without a “thrilling” sex life. If that excitement can somehow be recreated in the comfort and normalcy of a monogamous relationship. Maybe some crazy PDA will scratch the itch, who knows…

 

Any other thrill seekers on this board? Can you identify? How do you manage?

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Lol...

 

Your "car chase" story made me smile as I have had instances with dude and I driving around each other and yes, I did sort of get a rush and wonder if he did too :p

 

Quite frankly, first guy ever that I had that experience with...:eek: And, I think that he loves the thrill of the chase - hence why he seems to love playing games and has no intention of stopping. I think if/once he gets me, he's gonna lose interest, cuz the games are exciting for him.

 

Me, on the other hand, like excitement too, but don't feel I need to cheat on someone, get involved with an involved person, do drugs, have sex w/o condoms just for thrills and chills.

 

I believe that I have and can keep it exciting in the bedroom and RL in other ways.;)

 

I have some ideas, but will leave that to the imagination of others ;)

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Yeah luckily I left the drugs behind in college, and none of them really ever got their talens in me.

 

I LIKE risk.... But very calculated and controlled risks...

 

Love sex, but always use a condom. Love galloping a tough course.... After training for years. Love spirted drive, but I am going to really hammer down on a road I know well.

 

And cheating, didn't really set out to do it, bit realize the risk and thrill were part of it. And only went there after I concluded the risk of getting caught was very low.

 

But I am not sure how to make sex with the guy I have been with for so long "thrilling". For me first times are thrilling, " we shouldn't" is thrilling.....

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thrill seeking is one thing... usually done to push oneself to experience a challenge or a goal, such as catching a wave . What you are delving into is pushing towards self destructive behavior . When a skier is challenged by a mountain side... the risk is thrilling his skills honed. When a person risks their social morals and that of others... well lets say, you are skidding down a mountain and certainly aren't building but rather corroding. Self destructive behavior and taking hostages along the way...

Has this thrill produced long term positive rewards in career or social awards?

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But I am not sure how to make sex with the guy I have been with for so long "thrilling". For me first times are thrilling, " we shouldn't" is thrilling.....

 

Well like anything else, you gotta do stuff to shake up the routine...

 

Like cooking...go online and just try a different recipe. Put on your calendar to go out once a week to a restaurant by Groupon.

 

When it comes to sex, OMG, so much to do...

 

Like, play hooky...one morning tell him to call in sick and both of you stay home and "mess around"

 

Go out to a nite club, dress sexy...get wild and have a few drinks, go make out in an alleyway.

 

At home, go on your patio and make out...

 

Be spontaneous...like text in the middle of the day..say dirty stuff...at lunch break go in your car, masturbate with him listening on the line...

 

"Surprise him. At Xmas dinner, ask him to help you take out the trash or something and go do a quickie or give each other a handy...

 

I can't run out of things to do/say...lol....besides, I'm a perv

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Any other thrill seekers on this board? Can you identify? How do you manage?

 

 

Yes, I can relate. I do and have done lots of risky things... when it involves just me.

 

 

I think that is where I draw the line. When I perceive that my actions are or would negatively affect someone else, I rein it in.

 

 

How do I manage? I do things that challenge me... and I exercise myself to a pulp when I feel the urge to do something stupid. Endorphins are a great thing.

 

 

I also have a job that is pretty high adrenaline... I'm not a stunt woman or anything like that... but what I do gives me that kick.

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I don't like reading about the horse runs - if you're pushing them like that they can trip and break a leg...which is death. So, there someone else is at risk from your hobby.

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^^ This.

 

 

You can be a thrill seeker, and still have a conscience. I'm thinking of the sky diving teacher my ex-H jumped with... 1000's of jumps he had. We heard one day about an incident the teacher had with a parachute that didn't open. He made sure he was on the bottom when they hit the ground so that the student had a chance of living. Thrill seeking with a conscience.

Edited by RedRobin
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Any other thrill seekers on this board? Can you identify? How do you manage?

 

Love your racing story OP:)

 

I am an adrenaline junkie ...always have been so that's what I identify with.

 

How do I manage? When it comes to sex...I'm a spur of the moment girl...out for a drive and feeling the moment, let's pull over...oh the places I've done it with my SO...fun fun fun. I dated a private pilot for several years and we used to fly into little airports for a little fun. I'm not a cheater though and prefer to kick it up a notch in my relationship in lieu of the excitement of a fling with someone new. That's just me.

 

For the adrenaline junkie in me...I ride dirt bikes, ATVs and Rzrs in the dunes...amazing. I'm also a double black diamond skier, mountain biker, river kayaker and cross country ski racer. When I was a teenager, I was the only girl that I knew that rode a skateboard. I'm totally afraid of horses OP (just not horsepower) so I'm impressed:)

Edited by StBreton
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Well like anything else, you gotta do stuff to shake up the routine...

 

Like cooking...go online and just try a different recipe. Put on your calendar to go out once a week to a restaurant by Groupon.

 

When it comes to sex, OMG, so much to do...

 

Like, play hooky...one morning tell him to call in sick and both of you stay home and "mess around"

 

Go out to a nite club, dress sexy...get wild and have a few drinks, go make out in an alleyway.

 

At home, go on your patio and make out...

 

Be spontaneous...like text in the middle of the day..say dirty stuff...at lunch break go in your car, masturbate with him listening on the line...

 

"Surprise him. At Xmas dinner, ask him to help you take out the trash or something and go do a quickie or give each other a handy...

 

I can't run out of things to do/say...lol....besides, I'm a perv

 

While I cosign in all of this, and have and do participate in much of it (only I don't stop at making out in the alley)...

 

The picknick table in the backyard, the booth at the cocktail lounge, the BE READY as soon as I get home texts are all fun.... But after 14 years, it doesn't get my heart racing.

 

And I am not saying what I have done is right or justifiable, its not about that. Maybe I am wondering how people redirect or substitute for that " thrill".

 

Exercising is a great suggestion, and I have upped my running to 6-7 days a week which feels like its helping, and I find I am craving more.

 

And as for social / career consequences? At the moment none! I am quite successful career wise, and ironically a huge part of my job is looking for, and eliminating risk. Socially, I have never been outed for anything risque, I have quite a "good girl"persona.

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Well, I've done those same type things. That's about all there WAS to do where I grew up -- race cars and ride horses (I rode bareback and did it) and motorcycles. I was always pretty adventurous but I never considered myself a thrill seeker, though maybe I was. To me, a thrill seeker is someone who climbs mountains or something like that where they'd have to send LifeFlite if something went wrong. I always felt like I was pretty skilled and careful and not taking impulsive unnecessary risks at what I was doing.

 

I never related it to my sex life. Though it is true I fought boredom through most of my 20s and 30s even though I led a very exciting life on all fronts. I never thought it would keep me from being monogamous because to me, if love kicks in, I'm perfectly capable of monogamy. But when love wasn't around, I usually made sure my plate was full with just having fun.

 

I never did end up marrying. I never wanted a domestic life, though that is basically what I have now, but it's just me so it's on my own terms.

 

Your life is to do with as you wish. If you don't let life push you around like a piece of driftwood on a lake and you are proactive about making your own choices, I can at least tell you that at 63, you won't have any regrets, because you did what you wanted to do at the time. No one can see into the future, so that's about all you can do. Good luck.

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The other night I was pulled over on a mountain road (I don’t text and drive!) – when a supped up mustang went blasting by. I immediately thought, I’ll play – and gave chase. We had a fun climb up the mountain (he pulled me on the straights, I pushed at the turns). I got to my destination, pulled off, and enjoyed the slight shakiness and rush from the adrenaline.

 

My sport of choice, while “highfalutin” equestrian variety – is also the most dangerous sport in the Olympics – galloping a 1,200 horse at high speeds over large cross country jumping obstacles takes some guts, and some crazy. It wasn’t a good course unless I have some serious adrenaline shakes when my boots hit the ground.

 

I in no way keep it a secret on these boards that I have been a “cheater” – and I am still going over the whys of that. I do realize that a big part of it all is the “thrill” that comes with something illicit. Back before I embarked into a life of monogamy - I was a thrill seeker when it came to sex too I suppose. And PDA’s…. again, its illicit, risky, and perhaps thrilling… Its kinda my thing…

 

Sometimes I wonder if I can be happy without a “thrilling” sex life. If that excitement can somehow be recreated in the comfort and normalcy of a monogamous relationship. Maybe some crazy PDA will scratch the itch, who knows…

 

Any other thrill seekers on this board? Can you identify? How do you manage?

 

 

I've done similar stuff to this. The last girl I dated nicknamed me SpeedRacer. And my vehicle just isn't that fast :laugh: Meanwhile I do CrossFit and I love putting myself under a heavy barbell.

 

I think evolutionarily, a sign of fitness is being able to handle risk and danger. So we are drawn to partners who demonstrate this (over more cautious people) while developing that quality in ourselves. Hell in college I once inspired chemistry in a girl I was on a date with by driving really really fast on this deserted highway near us.

 

Of course there are healthy and unhealthy ways to go about this. It isn't a problem if you aren't putting others at risk and aren't putting yourself in too much risk. Seeking out adventure I think is a great thing, and I think it is something that would do a lot of guys on here (especially the Nice Guys) some good.

 

Anyway as for sex, what if you were to work out w your partner (say lifting weights) and then having sex right after. The endorphins and testosterone will indeed ramp things up.

 

Horse-jumping does require a lot of both skills and stones. Kudos to you for doing this RecentChange...

Edited by Imajerk17
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I guess when I say thrill - I am talking about a "rush" like an adrenaline rush..... And when it comes down to it, its something that REALLY enhances sex for me, but I find hard to recreate after so many years.

 

Velvet cakes, you event!? Cool! I haven't been competing for the last year and a half or so. Got burned out on certain aspects (and the time consumption!), but I still enjoy training as if I was competing, and I never miss a cross country school :) (so wish we had team chasing here, I would be all over it).

 

I don't know, the thrill seeking is "fun" but when it comes to thrilling sex, I don't have any sustainable options at the moment....

 

- the cars stuff, thats in my blood, dad builds and races cars, I grew up on a road that is a sports car club mecca (with dear ol' pops giving tips on how to get the most out of every bend).... love love love a spirited drive. Hahaha maybe I have to remind myself next time I am climbing the walls to go find the twisties..

Edited by RecentChange
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I guess when I say thrill - I am talking about a "rush" like an adrenaline rush..... And when it comes down to it, its something that REALLY enhances sex for me, but I find hard to recreate after so many years.

 

There is actually research that indicates that there is a correlation between levels of adrenaline and attraction and arousal. If you and your partner were to do adrenaline promoting activities together, you could possibly reap the benefits.

 

Do you ever do risky things together? Bungee jumping, abseiling.... etc? Apparently even rollercoasters can work!

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There is actually research that indicates that there is a correlation between levels of adrenaline and attraction and arousal. If you and your partner were to do adrenaline promoting activities together, you could possibly reap the benefits.

 

Do you ever do risky things together? Bungee jumping, abseiling.... etc? Apparently even rollercoasters can work!

 

I doubt that's ironclad tho ....I hate rollercoasters for ex but when it comes to sexual thrills I'm all in. :D

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There is actually research that indicates that there is a correlation between levels of adrenaline and attraction and arousal. If you and your partner were to do adrenaline promoting activities together, you could possibly reap the benefits.

 

Do you ever do risky things together? Bungee jumping, abseiling.... etc? Apparently even rollercoasters can work!

 

I like this suggestion! We both enjoy risky things (his is MX racing / downhill MT racing) but always do them separately. And I LOVE roller coasters.

 

Maybe including something else that gets my adrenaline kicked into gear will help create that rush...

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Sky diver/scuba diver/rock climber/rappeller/Hunter and shooter here.

 

I think the key thing you mentioned was risk management.

 

I never considered myself a risk taker, but rather a calculated risk manager. As a risk manager I have to figure into the calculation that boredom and stagnation can carry just as dangerous of risks as jumping out of airplanes.

 

In the arena of relationships and sexuality, I think that principle is just as applicable. Laziness, boredom, lack of creativity, taking for granted etc etc can be just as hazardous and cause just as much problems as anything else.

 

For me swinging provided the variety and excitement that I/we needed, while still maintaining the security and stability of our marriage.

 

Yes, swinging carries a variety of risks, but so does getting fat and lazy and taking your partner for granted. With swinging you absolutely have to discuss the risks and benefits and be aware of what can go wrong and what to do about it if things go south.

 

Swinging met the primal needs for variety and new adventures while still maintaining a marriage and home and family life.

 

I will be the first to admit it's not for everyone......not for the vast vast majority actually. But for us it worked and from your descriptions of yourself and your temperaments, it may be something for you to research and gather info about as well.

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FortySomethingGuy

Have you considered swinging or joining a BDSM community?

 

I think these things push the envelope and are 'dangerous' and thrilling. Even if you do not plan on swinging, just going to a swinging club or party can be a rush because of the inherent 'danger' that one of you will be seduced by a vixen or stud.

 

Moreover, competition is exciting and alternative lifestyles create opportunities for competition - like who can score faster or have the most partners one night (at a swinger party) or who can get tougher with the whip or endure the most punishment (at a BDSM community dungeon).

 

Sex in public places is also dangerous and thrilling, if the risk of being arrested is acceptable to you.

Edited by FortySomethingGuy
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I like this suggestion! We both enjoy risky things (his is MX racing / downhill MT racing) but always do them separately. And I LOVE roller coasters.

 

Maybe including something else that gets my adrenaline kicked into gear will help create that rush...

 

 

You should try riding a Rzr or sand rail in the dunes...like a personal roller coaster. Best aphrodisiac ... for me anyway:)

 

Lots of jumping...no broken horse legs but an occasional broken axle

Edited by StBreton
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BDSM doesn't appeal to me, swinging... Eh, I don't know, perhaps if he was into it - but he is more of a "one woman" and sex = emotional connection kinda guy.

 

Add to it he is struggling with depression which is affecting his libido and weight - It gets difficult for me.

 

And for me, while "casual" sex carries some thrill, seduction and chemistry are also highly important.

 

I still like the idea of thrilling activities to get the blood pumping, and hopefully carry over to greater arousal.

 

Hahaha I am totally down for the public thing, and it seems like I have been able to talk my way out of just about any trouble I have ever had with the law.... So that part doesn't scare me. But again, its getting him to be a participant. Heh, if I get him drunk enough I might have a chance :p

 

Hummmmmm we are going to a concert tonight, might have to plan something "naughty".

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FortySomethingGuy
but he is more of a "one woman" and sex = emotional connection kinda guy.

 

Sure about that? Take him to a strip club, buy him some dirty lap dances and see if he still subscribes to that notion.

 

If you have a hot girlfriend that is up for it, maybe you can both seduce him into having a threesome.

 

Hummmmmm we are going to a concert tonight, might have to plan something "naughty".

 

Lol. Have fun tonight!

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I have taken him to strip clubs, and it does get him going to see me getting attention from the girls.... But he really is wired a bit differently than many guys I have known.

 

I constantly find myself in "role reversed" relationships. I am the horn dog ready to hump legs, while he tends to end up being the emotional softie.

 

No crazy GFs to pull into the scene, all are getting old and settling down now!

 

Never had "group" sex, but we have had sex while another couple in the same room did at the same time. Ya know, that did check the "thrill" box..... But its been a while (maybe another trip to Vegas with his party friend is in order).

 

Hahaha again, role reverse, I need to get my "uptight" guy drunk tonight so I can get him to follow along with a crazy plan....

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