Bobbi7 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Yeah, I know, keep yourself occupied, with hobbies/friends, but I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied! And at the same time, I feel like speeding things up meeting guys and not wasting time. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 It sounds like you're desperate and the men that you're meeting can figure that out and take advantage of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Really??? But I really want a man in my life! Hmm..desperate how? Being too available??? Being the pursuer? Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Really??? But I really want a man in my life! Hmm..desperate how? Being too available??? Being the pursuer? By deriving your sense of self worth from the presence of a man in your life. Any decent, self-integrated man won't search for a woman who needs male validation in order to function. She'd consume all his time and emotional energy, and I question what sort of value a woman like that could bring into his life. Quick story. A year or so ago my childhood best friend got remarried. The bride was trying to set me up with one of the bridesmaids. This woman screamed desperation; she had no idea who I was, and yet was calling me her "hot date" and was over the top with her hints that she's looking to settle down. Her need for a man seeped out of every pore of her body. I ran like the wind. It was really unattractive. She seemed like a nice girl, I just don't want to play the "Allow me to validate your existence" game. She was the type of lady who would say the L-word after a few weeks, pick out curtains after a few months, set a marriage date within a year, and have our babies' names picked out at the same time. I can barely commit to which value meal I want. There's no way I could keep up with that...and nor would I want to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Yeah, I know, keep yourself occupied, with hobbies/friends, but I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied! And at the same time, I feel like speeding things up meeting guys and not wasting time. Sounds like you got 99 problems......but a man aint one.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Yeah, I know, keep yourself occupied, with hobbies/friends, but I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied! And at the same time, I feel like speeding things up meeting guys and not wasting time. I've been single for three years, you don't always need a man. My guess is you are either in high school or college. Learn to live for the moment. Don't focus on guys and maybe they will come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 The best way to find a man is to love yourself without one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Really??? But I really want a man in my life! Hmm..desperate how? Being too available??? Being the pursuer? Desperate because you said it yourself: "I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied" If any woman told me this I would run a mile. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me because of who I am, not because she can't function without a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Yeah, I know, keep yourself occupied, with hobbies/friends, but I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied! And at the same time, I feel like speeding things up meeting guys and not wasting time. You take a break by taking a break. You are not defined by who you date. You have value as a single individual. But you seem to think you don't have value unless you are part of a couple. Life does sometimes feel like Noah's Ark -- everybody 2x2 -- but that's not true. Give yourself a shorter challenge. Tell yourself you are going to be single & not even looking until say, summer. Then pursue all sorts of new things. Take a class. Immerse yourself in your favorite hobby. Catch up with old friends. Redecorate your living space. Volunteer somewhere. Read the classics. Do things that feed your soul so you can figure out who you are as a person. When you do that you will be more at peace with yourself & more comfortable in your own skin. Then you will radiate happiness & be more attractive all the way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 I've been single for three years, you don't always need a man. My guess is you are either in high school or college. Learn to live for the moment. Don't focus on guys and maybe they will come to you. I'm 34 years old and I'm NOT getting any younger. I need to take advantage of it now because who is going to want me at 45? Although, I do need to take a breather, it ain't the same for men. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Like everything in life, save for death, dating and 'guys' is a choice. To take a breather, simply make the choice to take a breather. Choose other life pursuits. If you're young and reproductive urges control, this can be difficult, but possible. Think of it as a challenge to adapt to and overcome and with full knowledge that you can change your mind, and go back to dating, at any time before you're dead. Pretty empowering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 There are times when I'm fine being single, enjoying things or what not, but other people ruin it for me. Like some a-holes constantly ask me my marital status-which I don't mind. But then they start harassing me why I am, and that I need a man, I need to get married, that I'm too old, that they pity me, that they want me to be happy. I'm like wth? To make matters worse I'm surrounding with couples-whether it be at work, at home, conversations come up. Beside of this-they make me feel bad for not having a man! Then I constantly sign back up on OLD and deal with jerks just to keep other people happy. What is it with these damn people concerned about marital status? It's basically pressure to lock someone down Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) My advice to you is to just be patient. I don't think you have anything to lose by taking a break, focusing on other interests and activities, and not thinking about guys, for the simple fact that you are a woman and we have certain gender roles in our culture when it comes to mating. In our culture, only the men are expected to actively pursue, while the women just wait for the appropriate suitor to approach. If a man takes a break, nothing happens, at least in my experience. If a woman takes a break and doesn't focus on guys, she can still find a bf at any time, because they aren't expected to be the aggressors anyway. That's why you have so many women saying they found a relationship when they least expected it.So just wait, go out and do activities you enjoy, be happy and open to the world i.e. approachable, and some dude will take notice. Edited December 2, 2015 by oberkeat Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 There are times when I'm fine being single, enjoying things or what not, but other people ruin it for me. Like some a-holes constantly ask me my marital status-which I don't mind. But then they start harassing me why I am, and that I need a man, I need to get married, that I'm too old, that they pity me, that they want me to be happy. I'm like wth? To make matters worse I'm surrounding with couples-whether it be at work, at home, conversations come up. Beside of this-they make me feel bad for not having a man! Then I constantly sign back up on OLD and deal with jerks just to keep other people happy. What is it with these damn people concerned about marital status? It's basically pressure to lock someone down I too was single at 37 & those types of Qs annoyed me too. I'd often turn it around on them & say things like * when I find somebody I want to spend more than 5 minutes with I'll let you know * why are you so fixated on my love life? * why do you ask? Do you know anybody I won't chew up & spit out? Turn these busy-bodies into your own personal dating service. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I too was single at 37 & those types of Qs annoyed me too. I'd often turn it around on them & say things like * when I find somebody I want to spend more than 5 minutes with I'll let you know * why are you so fixated on my love life? * why do you ask? Do you know anybody I won't chew up & spit out? Turn these busy-bodies into your own personal dating service. Yeah, I'll turn the tables on them! Make them feel dumb for asking. I'll tell them I have a **** buddy and give them details about my adventures in the bedroom! They ask personal questions, I'll give them a personal answer! Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a relationship and intimacy in your life. I too am not passive, and I refuse to sit around and wait for life to happen to me. Working from a scarcity mentality is not the way to go though... And usually isn't true. What most people run from is people who will suck them into a relationship simply to avoid being alone, or treading water with someone who doesn't really love them. Lots of guys say they are tired of hearing women say they don't need a man... Then here you are saying "I need a man" and get told you are desperate. You can't win, lol. As for me... Yea. I want a man in my life. Yep... I am happier overall when I am in a loving relationship. Lots of studies show that most people are. Nothing to feel ashamed about or even frantic about. Take a break if you need one to remind yourself what is so great about your life and why you want to share it... Continue to put yourself in situations where you can meet people and do your best to stay positive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a relationship and intimacy in your life. I too am not passive, and I refuse to sit around and wait for life to happen to me. Working from a scarcity mentality is not the way to go though... And usually isn't true. What most people run from is people who will suck them into a relationship simply to avoid being alone, or treading water with someone who doesn't really love them. Lots of guys say they are tired of hearing women say they don't need a man... Then here you are saying "I need a man" and get told you are desperate. You can't win, lol. As for me... Yea. I want a man in my life. Yep... I am happier overall when I am in a loving relationship. Lots of studies show that most people are. Nothing to feel ashamed about or even frantic about. Take a break if you need one to remind yourself what is so great about your life and why you want to share it... Continue to put yourself in situations where you can meet people and do your best to stay positive. True..... I guess, though when someone says "I cant function without a man in my life".....well....that just sounds a little too needy... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Yeah, I'll turn the tables on them! Make them feel dumb for asking. I'll tell them I have a **** buddy and give them details about my adventures in the bedroom! They ask personal questions, I'll give them a personal answer! Haha. Hahaha Love it! Would love to see the expression on their faces. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 True..... I guess, though when someone says "I cant function without a man in my life".....well....that just sounds a little too needy... TFY true... I would never actually SAY that, but I sure do feel it. Yea, I feel like one of those baby monkeys in that cruel experiment back in the 60s when I am not in a healthy, loving relationship. It's not so bad that I would settle for unhealthy or unloving... But damn... It is that feeling that motivates me to keep looking when I want to stop. It's that feeling that makes me put up with all the BS that goes with dating. It doesn't help maybe that I know what a healthy, loving relationship feels and looks like... And I want that again. Not sure why our culture thinks it is so cool to be sooooo independent. Man or woman. We need other people to be our best. We do. I agree there is a balance though... Even while in a relationship, one needs to be their own person. Maybe the OP hasn't found that balance yet, and it is scaring off the good ones. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vilgefoz Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) I might need a breather from guys or what not, but how does someone actually "do that?" Yeah, I know, keep yourself occupied, with hobbies/friends, but I can't seem to function without a man keeping me occupied! And at the same time, I feel like speeding things up meeting guys and not wasting time. I think it's normal to need somebody in your life. Anyway, it's in you head. You think of it - you need it. Find a passion, focus on it. It also needs a bit of habit, so don't expect change too quickly. Give it a time. If you feel you are constantly pursuing someone, just take a couple of month of break. You won't loose anything. Edited December 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I agree there is a balance though... Even while in a relationship, one needs to be their own person. Maybe the OP hasn't found that balance yet, and it is scaring off the good ones. Yeah I think a lot of people struggle with this, and it eventually causes problems. I think that's why you need to be able to be happy alone first. OP, dont worry about other people trying to get you into a relationship. A lot of them are probably in unhappy relationships themselves (I'd argue that's the majority of people). I agree a happy loving relationship is great, but I'd take single over an unhappy (or even mediocre) relationship any day. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I know a girl who sounds a lot like the OP in terms of being REALLY eager to find a man. She's actually pretty attractive, but she has no ability to mask how desperate she is to be in a relationship. She burns through "relationships" the way a hardcore smoker goes through a pack of cigarettes. The caliber of guys she attracts is low because her clear desperation and neediness drives away any guy worth a damn. This girl is rarely "alone," but it's not because she's found her Prince Charming. It's because when you're a woman and you live your life with the mindset that you need a man, there will be no shortage of slimebags ready to pounce on you for easy sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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