Is this the girl for me?

[abroham]

So I've been dating this girl for about 5 months now and things have been getting kind of serious, way faster than I've very been used to. I think this is partly down to the fact that we are both in our mid/early 30's and its that time for us to think about kids and settling down(as we are both kid-less).

 

Now I consider myself to be a rare bread of a good man (comparing myself to all of my male friends I've had over the years). I have good morals, a good heart, I don't cheat, I respect females, I know how to be a man, never done 1 night stands, have been in long stable relationships, take care of my self physically, spiritually and mentally. I make good money too, but am far from materialistic (Plus I'm a handsome man LOOL). So in turn I I'm picky about the person I want to settle down with.

 

I am a man with morels and would never wife a hoe, but don't want to be judgemental either, as we have crazy chemistry, we click like crazy and make each other hAppy. I don't want to fall for the wrong girl and end up getting taken advantage and end up being cheating on and played for a fool.

 

So I thought I just post some of my concerns or doubts I've been having about this girl and wanted your honest feedback to see if I'm over exaggerating things because I could very well have a great girl in front of me.

 

LIST OF MY CONCERNS

 

HER BEAUTY WOULD HAVE ATTRACTED A LOT OF ATTENTION, DOES THAT INCREASE THE CHANCES, THAT SHES SLEPT AROUND IN THE PAST?

1- she is super pretty and has modelled in music videos. But never in a slutty way(she's always had her clothes on and always asured me that things were always professional). Plus she knows I know most of the music industry so she knows word could get back to me, even though I stopped associating in those circles. However she has done tasteful style suggested nudity(so never naked but covering up her breasts) Is that a bad thing? And oh I almost forgot she did do 1 shoot once in a swimming suit where she bent over and stuck her bum out (she wasn't wearing a thong or anything though, just thought I'd mention.

 

SHOULD I JUDGE HER BY HER FRIENDS?

2- her friends on the other hand have done glamour style nude modelling with their asses out in thongs and from stories she's told me, many of them conduct themselves like low life hoes and some are the gold digger sugar baby type(however she fell out with the worst sounding ones and no longer speaks to them. But you know the saying goes, sometimes you can work out who a person is by who their friends are. (In her defence she said she stopped talking to 1 of her old friends because she advised her to try and marry her ex for his and then divorce him).

 

 

SHE USED TO CREAP AROUND BEHIND HER EX's BACK

3- She used to have controlling ex who wouldn't let her be herself. Now I can understand a man not wanting his girl to be in music videos. But by the sounds of it he was emotionally abusive to her. she in turn would sneak out behind his back to be in music videos. Where she would act in roles pretending to flirt with music artists in the videos. If she would CREAP behind his back, should I worry that she might do the same thing to me?

 

She also let it slip that at the end of her relationship with her ex, she started seeing someone else towards the last 6 months after she found out her ex was cheating on her. But said her ex kept stopping her from leaving every time she did.

 

I'm against any sort of cheating PERIOD! Should I be worried?

 

HER EX WAS OLDER (50's) AND USED TO BUY HER LOADS OF GIFTS AND GIVE HER POCKET MONEY TO LIVE

4- Now she always tALks about how against sugar babies she is but as I said in the above her ex who she was engaged to stopped her working and she relied on him for everything financially plus he brought her loads of expensive gifts and took her on expensive holidays. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT 1?

 

(Plus she always wants to drink champagne)

 

5- COULD SHE BE A POTENTIAL GOLD DIGGER?

- in her defence she has always said love comes first

 

 

6- SHE MIGHT HAVE SLEPT AROUND A LOT IN THE PAST AS SHES SO PRETTY AND IN HER 30's

- I don't want a girl with too much mileage for my wife

 

On the plus side she's funny, seems good hearted, religious, wants to settle down keeps taking marriage and kids. Always wants to b with me, says she's in love with me, cooks, cleans and keeps me sexually satisfied.

 

Should I be worried about this girl?

 

I could have said more but this is already like an essay LOOL

Edited December 1, 2015 by abroham

[d0nnivain]

If all of those things are red flags for you, especially her past, she may not be the one for you. You will always hold it against her & that's not fair. Just because she is beautiful does not mean she gave it away to everyone but I read your thread to suggest that she did just that.

 

If you are not controlling & you are both open & honest in your communications, there would be no reason for her to sneak around. The fact that she did not tell her BF at the time how she was earning money by doing the modeling & the videos, doesn't really bother me because how she earned a living wasn't the BF's business. As a grown adult she was free to do anything legal she wanted. He had no right to tell her what to do. If he didn't approve he was free to break up with her but that's all

[abroham]

If all of those things are red flags for you, especially her past, she may not be the one for you. You will always hold it against her & that's not fair. Just because she is beautiful does not mean she gave it away to everyone but I read your thread to suggest that she did just that.

 

If you are not controlling & you are both open & honest in your communications, there would be no reason for her to sneak around. The fact that she did not tell her BF at the time how she was earning money by doing the modeling & the videos, doesn't really bother me because how she earned a living wasn't the BF's business. As a grown adult she was free to do anything legal she wanted. He had no right to tell her what to do. If he didn't approve he was free to break up with her but that's all

 

She said she never slept around, and the reasoning didn't have anything to do with morals but was because she suffers from OCD. And would become put off by little things to do with male hygiene( does that sound like bull****?)

 

And most of her friends come across loose.but the thing is, most girls will lie about the number of guys she's slept with& I get that every girl has a past but I would have a problem if she had slept around like crazy.

 

Do you think her characteristics sound alarming?

[d0nnivain]

Her characteristics don't sound alarming to me, but I'm not dating her, you are. The OCD / hygiene thing is a new one If it's not affecting your sex life with her, then it shouldn't be a problem, right?

 

Although there is something to be said for the company a person keeps that is not the only criteria. I know a lot of unsavory people but that's not who I am.

[StBreton]

I don't know your lifestyle but she doesn't seem like executive wife material. I don't personally know any woman/mom in my demographic with such a history. She was basically a sugar baby. Her friends appear questionable. If you feel she'd be ok sitting up all night with throw up on her or being PTA mom material ...maybe she's the one for you. What if you run into people from her past? I'm pretty picky ...sorry for the pessimism. I have 2 kids

[abroham]

I don't know your lifestyle but she doesn't seem like executive wife material. I don't personally know any woman/mom in my demographic with such a history. She was basically a sugar baby. Her friends appear questionable. If you feel she'd be ok sitting up all night with throw up on her or being PTA mom material ...maybe she's the one for you. What if you run into people from her past? I'm pretty picky ...sorry for the pessimism. I have 2 kids

 

Please don't be sorry for the pessimism, I need your honest feedback so I can make the right decision.

 

So from what I've said would you definatley say that she's probably slept around?

 

I also wanted to add that she said she had a weakness for good looking men as a tag on one of her model photos& yes that was something she wrote herself

Edited December 1, 2015 by abroham

[loveflower]

HER EX WAS OLDER (50's) AND USED TO BUY HER LOADS OF GIFTS AND GIVE HER POCKET MONEY TO LIVE

4- Now she always tALks about how against sugar babies she is but as I said in the above her ex who she was engaged to stopped her working and she relied on him for everything financially plus he brought her loads of expensive gifts and took her on expensive holidays. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT 1?

 

Isn't this sugar baby?

 

otherwise why would a super pretty girl with someone who's 20 years older than her?

[MoreAmore]

I respect females,

 

I am a man with morels

and would never wife a hoe

never in a slutty way

she did do 1 shoot once in a swimming suit where she bent over and stuck her bum out (she wasn't wearing a thong or anything though, just thought I'd mention.

- I don't want a girl with too much mileage for my wife

 

cooks, cleans and keeps me sexually satisfied.

 

 

On the first line, we will have to agree to disagree given the items currently in evidence. It's possible the atrocious grammar and spelling threw me off, but you very much do not seem like a person who truly respects females as autonomous beings.

 

The morels are interesting though. Do you sell them or keep them for personal cooking, mainly?

 

 

Still, judge whether you trust, enjoy being around, and love this girl. You should know this without a lot of hemming and hawing about an imagined possible past.

 

You don't sound like you're in love with her, though, so I'd probably give her a pass to move on to someone more deserving.

[sandylee1]

So I've been dating this girl for about 5 months now and things have been getting kind of serious, way faster than I've very been used to. I think this is partly down to the fact that we are both in our mid/early 30's and its that time for us to think about kids and settling down(as we are both kid-less).

 

Now I consider myself to be a rare bread of a good man (comparing myself to all of my male friends I've had over the years). I have good morals, a good heart, I don't cheat, I respect females, I know how to be a man, never done 1 night stands, have been in long stable relationships, take care of my self physically, spiritually and mentally. I make good money too, but am far from materialistic (Plus I'm a handsome man LOOL). So in turn I I'm picky about the person I want to settle down with.

 

I am a man with morels and would never wife a hoe, but don't want to be judgemental either, as we have crazy chemistry, we click like crazy and make each other hAppy. I don't want to fall for the wrong girl and end up getting taken advantage and end up being cheating on and played for a fool.

 

So I thought I just post some of my concerns or doubts I've been having about this girl and wanted your honest feedback to see if I'm over exaggerating things because I could very well have a great girl in front of me.

 

LIST OF MY CONCERNS

 

HER BEAUTY WOULD HAVE ATTRACTED A LOT OF ATTENTION, DOES THAT INCREASE THE CHANCES, THAT SHES SLEPT AROUND IN THE PAST?

1- she is super pretty and has modelled in music videos. But never in a slutty way(she's always had her clothes on and always asured me that things were always professional). Plus she knows I know most of the music industry so she knows word could get back to me, even though I stopped associating in those circles. However she has done tasteful style suggested nudity(so never naked but covering up her breasts) Is that a bad thing? And oh I almost forgot she did do 1 shoot once in a swimming suit where she bent over and stuck her bum out (she wasn't wearing a thong or anything though, just thought I'd mention.

 

SHOULD I JUDGE HER BY HER FRIENDS?

2- her friends on the other hand have done glamour style nude modelling with their asses out in thongs and from stories she's told me, many of them conduct themselves like low life hoes and some are the gold digger sugar baby type(however she fell out with the worst sounding ones and no longer speaks to them. But you know the saying goes, sometimes you can work out who a person is by who their friends are. (In her defence she said she stopped talking to 1 of her old friends because she advised her to try and marry her ex for his and then divorce him).

 

 

SHE USED TO CREAP AROUND BEHIND HER EX's BACK

3- She used to have controlling ex who wouldn't let her be herself. Now I can understand a man not wanting his girl to be in music videos. But by the sounds of it he was emotionally abusive to her. she in turn would sneak out behind his back to be in music videos. Where she would act in roles pretending to flirt with music artists in the videos. If she would CREAP behind his back, should I worry that she might do the same thing to me?

 

She also let it slip that at the end of her relationship with her ex, she started seeing someone else towards the last 6 months after she found out her ex was cheating on her. But said her ex kept stopping her from leaving every time she did.

 

I'm against any sort of cheating PERIOD! Should I be worried?

 

HER EX WAS OLDER (50's) AND USED TO BUY HER LOADS OF GIFTS AND GIVE HER POCKET MONEY TO LIVE

4- Now she always tALks about how against sugar babies she is but as I said in the above her ex who she was engaged to stopped her working and she relied on him for everything financially plus he brought her loads of expensive gifts and took her on expensive holidays. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT 1?

 

(Plus she always wants to drink champagne)

 

5- COULD SHE BE A POTENTIAL GOLD DIGGER?

- in her defence she has always said love comes first

 

 

6- SHE MIGHT HAVE SLEPT AROUND A LOT IN THE PAST AS SHES SO PRETTY AND IN HER 30's

- I don't want a girl with too much mileage for my wife

 

On the plus side she's funny, seems good hearted, religious, wants to settle down keeps taking marriage and kids. Always wants to b with me, says she's in love with me, cooks, cleans and keeps me sexually satisfied.

 

Should I be worried about this girl?

 

I could have said more but this is already like an essay LOOL

 

She sounds a little high maintenance TBH.

 

Being good looking doesn't mean she's slept around.

I do think she was a bit of a sugar baby from what you say.

Her friends....do her friends still do the nude stuff or is that in the past?

 

She sounds like a girl who's done a lot... but has changed as she's gotten older.

I don't think it would harm to discuss the qualities you want in a life partner.... The things you consider to be dealbreaker and things from the past you want to know if you were to marry someone. I've seen too many stories recently of men that have found out about their wives or GFs past and can't get over it.

 

Her current behaviour seems to indicate a changed person...but I think her past may be an issue for.

[abroham]

She sounds a little high maintenance TBH.

 

Being good looking doesn't mean she's slept around.

I do think she was a bit of a sugar baby from what you say.

Her friends....do her friends still do the nude stuff or is that in the past?

 

She sounds like a girl who's done a lot... but has changed as she's gotten older.

I don't think it would harm to discuss the qualities you want in a life partner.... The things you consider to be dealbreaker and things from the past you want to know if you were to marry someone. I've seen too many stories recently of men that have found out about their wives or GFs past and can't get over it.

 

Her current behaviour seems to indicate a changed person...but I think her past may be an issue for.

 

 

I know most girls all have a past especially with the ages we are. But it's hard to determine exactly what a girls past really is. I've been dying to ask her the magic question of how many men she's been with in the past, but wonder if any girl would really give an honest answer.

I have been in a long serious relationship for over 11 years before I got with this girl and all of the other serious girls I've been in serious relationships with have been near virgins with little to no mileage on the clock before I came along.

 

Now as I am in my 30's it feels wrong for me to date anyone else younger than 25, so I'm going to have to deal with any girl having some kind of past. But does anyone have any tips on getting a girl to be truthful about the number of men she's been with?

 

And as far as I know, out of her friends she still talks to, none of them are still doing nude modelling.

 

The sugar baby thing might bother me, I don't want to break her heart, but I need to work out who she is before I find myself trapped with her and it's too late to get out.

 

When you say "she sounds like a girl who's done a lot". Do you mean a girl who has been overly sexually active? Or were you referring to something else? I'd really appreciate it if you could go into more detail on what you meant.

 

Thanks

Edited December 2, 2015 by abroham

[Gloria25]

Dude, stop being so insecure already...

 

She sounds like she's sowed her wild oats and is ready to settle down. Are you and others gonna hate on that?

 

And so what if it's going so fast between you two right now? Hello? Her biological clock is ticking.

 

Stop being so insecure and lock her down (marriage and kids) before another guy swoops her up.

 

Geesh, some men don't know a good woman even if she slapped him upside the head.

[alphamale]

Geesh, some men don't know a good woman even if she slapped him upside the head.

indeed, but that applies to women also

[abroham]

Dude, stop being so insecure already...

 

She sounds like she's sowed her wild oats and is ready to settle down. Are you and others gonna hate on that?

 

And so what if it's going so fast between you two right now? Hello? Her biological clock is ticking.

 

Stop being so insecure and lock her down (marriage and kids) before another guy swoops her up.

 

Geesh, some men don't know a good woman even if she slapped him upside the head.

 

It would bother me if her past was too wild & I need to make I'm not about to try and turn a hoe into a housewife. Plus I need to be sure she's with me because she loves me and not just because I have things going for me.

 

I'm not an insecure man. I just feel that my wife should be respected by everyone who's ever known her. I should never have to feel embarrassed if I met anyone from her past& and no1 should ever be able to think they've got a 1 up on me because they think they know something I don't about my woman.

 

That's not too much to ask

[loveflower]

If you can figure out why she was with her EX (50's), then you probably have your answer.

 

Was her in it for love? he is good looking(her weakness)? if not, then his characters and/or he is nice to her? if not, then what else is left? must be money then. if so, does it sound like she puts love first? if not, then why she claims love comes first to her? isn't it lying/hypocritical?

 

It is possible that one made mistakes and become a changed person, but at least one should have the courage and honesty to admit so.

[Gloria25]

It would bother me if her past was too wild & I need to make I'm not about to try and turn a hoe into a housewife. Plus I need to be sure she's with me because she loves me and not just because I have things going for me.

 

I'm not an insecure man. I just feel that my wife should be respected by everyone who's ever known her. I should never have to feel embarrassed if I met anyone from her past& and no1 should ever be able to think they've got a 1 up on me because they think they know something I don't about my woman.

 

That's not too much to ask

 

Well, you won't know until you marry her and have kids...so, stop with the cold feet already...geesh

 

You have no idea what you're gonna miss out on cuz you're getting cold feet...I think you should seriously give her a chance. If it doesn't work out, that's why divorce exists.

[d0nnivain]

You claim not to be judgmental but your posts get more & more judgmental. You present such a negative view of her without any good points other then her beauty. I have to wonder why you are with her at all.

 

 

You want your potential future wife to be respected by everyone who has ever met her. Are you kidding? Everyone? What difference should it make to you what people you may never meet or even some you may never heard of thought of your SO? Do you often make life changing based on other people's opinions?

 

 

As for her magic number, do a search on these boards. There are dozens of threads on this very topic. It's polarizing at best.

 

 

I would strongly urge you to evaluate the woman you know now based on her present actions. People's past is a combo of factors. As a 30 year old woman are you really determined to judge her on how she acted as an immature 20 year old or based on how her friends behave?

[Gloria25]

It would bother me if her past was too wild & I need to make I'm not about to try and turn a hoe into a

 

And of her "past"? Pleeze, she's a hottie, so if anyone comes around starting trouble, you and her can dismiss them as "haters" cuz they are jealous you got a hottie on your arm and she's got a stand up dude like you.

 

What more does she need to prove? She explained everything to you already (controlling ex, her not being like skanks and terminating contact with chicks who went bad). If you don't believe her, you're already starting off this RL on a bad foot. Don't ruin this man, don't.

[bubbaganoosh]

What bothers me is the ole dude who was nothing but a sugar daddy. That doesn't sit well with me.

 

Honestly you two are not a match. You need to find a girl with the same values that you have. I got a feeling that with this one that there's more to come out. Look elsewhere.

[abroham]

If you can figure out why she was with her EX (50's), then you probably have your answer.

 

Was her in it for love? he is good looking(her weakness)? if not, then his characters and/or he is nice to her? if not, then what else is left? must be money then. if so, does it sound like she puts love first? if not, then why she claims love comes first to her? isn't it lying/hypocritical?

 

It is possible that one made mistakes and become a changed person, but at least one should have the courage and honesty to admit so.

 

Well she said people could clearly see she was out of his league in the looks department. He was nice to her at first and then the mental abuse started. She said she liked the money at first and then it meant nothing after a while. And she has said in passing that she has always preferred older men& I am one of the youngest people she's been out with. (Id probably start feeling sick if I thought about the old men LOL).

 

I've noticed that has asked me for certain things that she should pay for. nothing too expensive but she has an expectation that I should pay for things. Now as a man that's fine but I'm not used to this just being expected all the time.

Edited December 2, 2015 by abroham

[abroham]

What bothers me is the ole dude who was nothing but a sugar daddy. That doesn't sit well with me.

 

Honestly you two are not a match. You need to find a girl with the same values that you have. I got a feeling that with this one that there's more to come out. Look elsewhere.

 

She was engaged to this 50 year old for 5 years. Does that change your opinion at all ?

[abroham]

It would bother me if her past was too wild & I need to make I'm not about to try and turn a hoe into a

 

And of her "past"? Pleeze, she's a hottie, so if anyone comes around starting trouble, you and her can dismiss them as "haters" cuz they are jealous you got a hottie on your arm and she's got a stand up dude like you.

 

What more does she need to prove? She explained everything to you already (controlling ex, her not being like skanks and terminating contact with chicks who went bad). If you don't believe her, you're already starting off this RL on a bad foot. Don't ruin this man, don't.

 

Thanks Gloria25, I am taking on yours and everyone's opinion✌?️

[Gloria25]

She was engaged to this 50 year old for 5 years. Does that change your opinion at all ?

 

My point, exactly...she wasn't using this older guy, they were in a committed RL and why should she turn down a guy who wants to take care of her?

 

Check out RobertZ's threads about his sugar baby. She really wanted RobertZ and had true feelings for him, but she had to move on..

 

Give this chick a break already!!!

[Gloria25]

 

Thanks Gloria25, I am taking on yours and everyone's opinion✌?️

 

I'm glad that you are taking my opinion. I think she'll make you happy and there's a lot of haters out there who are just jealous. Don't let them bring you down

[loveflower]

And of her "past"? Pleeze, she's a hottie, so if anyone comes around starting trouble, you and her can dismiss them as "haters" cuz they are jealous you got a hottie on your arm and she's got a stand up dude like you.

 

What more does she need to prove? She explained everything to you already (controlling ex, her not being like skanks and terminating contact with chicks who went bad). If you don't believe her, you're already starting off this RL on a bad foot. Don't ruin this man, don't.

 

Does hot trump everything else?

 

Suckerburg can have all the hotties in the world, but instead he stays with his long time, plain looking wife. I admire the guy for that.

 

Some people are more into spiritual and mental compatibility than looks.

 

Do you believe everything you were told? if so, he should marry her already.

[loveflower]

why should she turn down a guy who wants to take care of her?

because she was not physically and mentally attracted to him?

 

personally, no amount of money could make me being physically intimate with someone I am not physically attracted...well, maybe except if I didn't I am going to die.