Jump to content

Never had a relationship. Feeling hopeless.


Recommended Posts

I am a man in my 30s and have never been in a relationship. I've dated, but nothing seems to materialize into anything serious. This is due to me never having learned how to be in a relationship and not understanding simple mechanics of taking things to the next level.

I'm somewhat attractive, have lots of friends, am active and successful in my career. I'd like to think I look good on paper. As time goes on, more and more friends are coupling off. I feel like I'm going to be left alone since at my age, I should have had a serious girlfriend at some point.

Is there any hope for somebody like me? I'm worried that the fact that I've never had a girlfriend at my age will scare everybody away.

Any insight would be appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JustGettingBy

You seem to have all the pieces, but are having trouble putting them together. Probably best you ask your friends for advice. The right woman will still tkae you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

What exactly do you have trouble with then? You say that you have gone on dates. Do you date often? What's the most dates you've been on with 1 person? Why do they usually end or not progress? Are you a virgin?

 

Need some more info in order to offer advice.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This has nothing to do with your situation, but I would like to bring up the fact that relationships are effing hard work.

 

It's romanticized all the time, so we can pro create and fall into the "system".

 

Can't finish thought, finally getting sleepy. Yay!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have social skills?

 

How attractive are u, from 1 to 10?

 

What places (real or online) do you use for meeting people?

Link to post
Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217

Seems there is a large epidemic of guys in these generation, yes I've said it before, well into their 20s and 30s who have never had a girlfriend before

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm over 30 and never even went on a date. It is kind of pathetic that most 15-year-old boys have way more dating experience than someone twice their age.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Seems there is a large epidemic of guys in these generation, yes I've said it before, well into their 20s and 30s who have never had a girlfriend before

 

Why do you think that is?

Link to post
Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217
Why do you think that is?

 

Technology in this generation, texting, Internet, videos games, have made people less social, a decline in social-skills, and what irritates and I detest the most, too many people say guys have become feminized in this generation, that we live in an emasculated society today, that's why I've said this phrase and I agree with it even though it is controversial, it is "women are born, men are made", it takes a while to explain the meaning behind it

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm a pretty social person. I've met girls everywhere from parties, bars, playing in sports leagues, going to sporting events etc. sometimes I can be very outgoing and there are other times I'm reserved. I've also tire online dating sites and those have been horrible. Friends have tried setting me up but that never goes well.

I've slept with a decent amount women, but nothing seems to materialize into a relationship . The longest span of dates has only lasted about a month or so. I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm somewhat good looking based on the caliber of women that have hit on me. I'm not the player time and I'm out every weekend sleeping with strangers, but I have had enough sex to know what I'm doing.

 

It comes down to not knowing how to take things to the next step. I literally do not know how to make any sort of transition. I need written instructions or something. I'm horrible at showing interest even though interest is there. I think that kills it every time.

I also have horrible luck with people swooping in and taking girls. I'll be the getting to know you phase with a girl , then she starts dating a friend or acquaintance and has a long lasting relationship with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm over 30 and never even went on a date. It is kind of pathetic that most 15-year-old boys have way more dating experience than someone twice their age.

 

My niece was making out with boys by age eleven,

using the pill by age twelve.

She does seems more mature than me but

I'm not sure she is happier though.

Is it so wrong to remain somewhat innocent

about dating until a higher age?

When people do everything so fast, then what's left?

They already know everything,

tried everything, nothing surprises them anymore.

There's no childlike wonder of the world for them,

I find myself still learning things.

Be curious, explore.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217
I'm a pretty social person. I've met girls everywhere from parties, bars, playing in sports leagues, going to sporting events etc. sometimes I can be very outgoing and there are other times I'm reserved. I've also tire online dating sites and those have been horrible. Friends have tried setting me up but that never goes well.

I've slept with a decent amount women, but nothing seems to materialize into a relationship . The longest span of dates has only lasted about a month or so. I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm somewhat good looking based on the caliber of women that have hit on me. I'm not the player time and I'm out every weekend sleeping with strangers, but I have had enough sex to know what I'm doing.

 

It comes down to not knowing how to take things to the next step. I literally do not know how to make any sort of transition. I need written instructions or something. I'm horrible at showing interest even though interest is there. I think that kills it every time.

I also have horrible luck with people swooping in and taking girls. I'll be the getting to know you phase with a girl , then she starts dating a friend or acquaintance and has a long lasting relationship with him.

Well if you had been getting laid with women but no girlfriends yet, you are doing something right

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm similar to the OP, but probably more introverted. 32, with "my sh*t" together, but never had an interaction last longer than 2 months. I lie on my POF account to say "longer than one year" because... how hard could it really be, right?

 

Oh well. I've never been able to solve a Rubik's cube either.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mystikmind2005

My observation of what guys often do wrong is they continually try to 'adapt' to what they think women want.

 

I am even guilty of doing that myself. But what i discovered is that women are all very different individuals, what puts one woman off attracts another, it is all so complex.

 

So the only real solution is to just be the best version of yourself that you can be.

 

Stop wasting time chasing women that don't fit,, accept rejection, go with it, it is a gift to move you along fast to find the right woman!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you can get dates & have sex, I don't understand why you can't form a relationship. At bottom a relationship is having more dates & more sex. What's the problem?

 

 

To identify the problem you probably need an analysis. So try this. Write down the names of every woman you ever had a date with across the top of a piece of paper. One page for each woman. Now detail the progression of your interactions with them.

 

 

Met. When out on a date & describe what you did. Note if you had sex & what happened after. Include any post sex dates. Describe any key conversations. Conclude with your last encounter. If you know why things ended write that down too.

 

Now put the pages away & pull them out a week later. See if you can detect any patterns.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been dealing with this same issue. I went on dates with 8 different women this year, probably messaged, approached or conversed with dozens more than that, even had sex, and no relationship came of any of it. Of course, some of those women I didn't like, but some of them I did like and they didn't feel the same way. It's frustrating.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If you can get dates & have sex, I don't understand why you can't form a relationship. At bottom a relationship is having more dates & more sex. What's the problem?

 

 

To identify the problem you probably need an analysis. So try this. Write down the names of every woman you ever had a date with across the top of a piece of paper. One page for each woman. Now detail the progression of your interactions with them.

 

 

Met. When out on a date & describe what you did. Note if you had sex & what happened after. Include any post sex dates. Describe any key conversations. Conclude with your last encounter. If you know why things ended write that down too.

 

Now put the pages away & pull them out a week later. See if you can detect any patterns.

 

That's a very good idea. Thank you.

 

Off the top of my head a theme I see as to why things don't progress is that I've been told I take too long to show physical interest and/or I'm not myself. Going on a date with somebody from the internet makes me kinda nervous and it goes more like a business meeting so I don't think sparks fly.

The times where I've had sex, it has been with friends of friends who were in town visiting, girls coming off a major relationship (who just wanted a one night stand) or another situations where it couldn't blossom.

There's been two times in the past year where me and somebody else hit it off, we talk every day, things get flirty or semi physical, then I get friend zoned and she ends up dating a friend or acquaintance.

I have had wives/girlfriends of friends tell me that if they were single, they'd date me. These same girls also tell me that I don't come out of my shell fast enough and once they get to know me, I'm really great.

 

It's all very confusing

Link to post
Share on other sites
mystikmind2005
That's a very good idea. Thank you.

 

Off the top of my head a theme I see as to why things don't progress is that I've been told I take too long to show physical interest and/or I'm not myself. Going on a date with somebody from the internet makes me kinda nervous and it goes more like a business meeting so I don't think sparks fly.

The times where I've had sex, it has been with friends of friends who were in town visiting, girls coming off a major relationship (who just wanted a one night stand) or another situations where it couldn't blossom.

There's been two times in the past year where me and somebody else hit it off, we talk every day, things get flirty or semi physical, then I get friend zoned and she ends up dating a friend or acquaintance.

I have had wives/girlfriends of friends tell me that if they were single, they'd date me. These same girls also tell me that I don't come out of my shell fast enough and once they get to know me, I'm really great.

 

It's all very confusing

 

Its the fast food society. Everyone expects everything to happen fast.

 

Ever noticed how many posts there are on this forum that say if there is no spark on the first date move on? That is exactly the problem rite there!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Its the fast food society. Everyone expects everything to happen fast.

 

Ever noticed how many posts there are on this forum that say if there is no spark on the first date move on? That is exactly the problem rite there!

 

Agreed. I'm not good with first dates, but I can be myself more nice somebody gets to know me. Problem is that they want instant chemistry.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217

Ya the women you have had sex with, I'm shocked none of those women became your girlfriend, because sex is usually more emotional for women than it is for men, having sex for the first time normally brings the woman emotionally closer to the man, but yet, sounds like it was just casual, one-night stands, etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in the same boat but now that I am in my 30's I was able to identify that when I go on date I don't flirt, ask questions, or do any light touching. Which is why I didn't give off a romantic vibe and ended up not seeing the girl again. So I do feel better that my next date will be a lot better since I know the problem. I wasn't talking much due to my shyness, I wasn't smiling, or looking her in the eye so it's kind of hard for any woman to be attracted to a guy like that on a date.

 

I had a date 2 nights ago and she wants to see me again even though I forgot to flirt on the date. But I did ask questions and maintain good eye contact so I am getting better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
I am a man in my 30s and have never been in a relationship. I've dated, but nothing seems to materialize into anything serious. This is due to me never having learned how to be in a relationship and not understanding simple mechanics of taking things to the next level.

I'm somewhat attractive, have lots of friends, am active and successful in my career. I'd like to think I look good on paper. As time goes on, more and more friends are coupling off. I feel like I'm going to be left alone since at my age, I should have had a serious girlfriend at some point.

Is there any hope for somebody like me? I'm worried that the fact that I've never had a girlfriend at my age will scare everybody away.

Any insight would be appreciated.

 

Well. I had same problems, and I am a girl. I always end up being the bestfriend of guys, when I liked them they use to say things like, who they like, why and ask for help them to get these girls that are actually never like me, I am not ugly and I am cool, but I do not wear make up or things, I was loosing hopes in relationships til I meet a guy like you, he said had same problem as me, always alone, he is 35 and I am 30, we got together everything was fine til I saw he was liking every girl he sees, no matter who, even i have couhgt him looking his brother s woman ass, he actually admited he did, he see them and make noises that he likes them, i feel terrible, I told him my problem and he said I am wrong but he still do it. I am thinking to leave him, maybe he was alone so long that he cant have a good relationship with me or I dont know, maybe I am just not good enough to make a man like me, feel terrible. I though he wold be perfect because we had same problem and he is a good man but still want to **** around and it breaks my heart. I would like to be alone again, sometimes regret to have look for a relationship, no good to feel the last option of your man, I feel like he is with me, only because I was the first one to say yes.

So,. my advice is stay alone, enjoy yourself, you re lucky, people do not always know what they really want and you pay for, relationships are hell, its a trap.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Technology in this generation, texting, Internet, videos games, have made people less social, a decline in social-skills, and what irritates and I detest the most, too many people say guys have become feminized in this generation, that we live in an emasculated society today, that's why I've said this phrase and I agree with it even though it is controversial, it is "women are born, men are made", it takes a while to explain the meaning behind it

 

Too much internet porn. Why try to get laid when you can have 10,000 vaginas open in multiple tabs? Notice how a lot of men degrade women yet simultaneously put them on a pedestal?

 

You can thank internet porn for that.

 

Well if you had been getting laid with women but no girlfriends yet, you are doing something right

 

Not really. Getting laid is a primal level act. Anyone can get laid. By virtue of being human, you are pretty much able to get laid.

 

A good, solid relationship is the pinnacle of all human expression. If you can get one of those, your life will change in profound ways.

 

Relationships do not equal sex and visa versa.

Edited by Camaro Guy
Link to post
Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217
Too much internet porn. Why try to get laid when you can have 10,000 vaginas open in multiple tabs? Notice how a lot of men degrade women yet simultaneously put them on a pedestal?

 

You can thank internet porn for that.

 

 

 

Not really. Getting laid is a primal level act. Anyone can get laid. By virtue of being human, you are pretty much able to get laid.

 

A good, solid relationship is the pinnacle of all human expression. If you can get one of those, your life will change in profound ways.

 

Relationships do not equal sex and visa versa.

 

And yet, people say its never too late for dating and relationships, sex, which irritates me

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...