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White Lies: good or bad?


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First of all I am really not a lier but I did and I got caught because I suck at it and turned myself in. How mad would you be:

 

Spent a few days with my GF and her family. We hardly slept and we were both exhausted. Shortly before leaving to go pick up my kids for the weekend they texted and asked if they could stay with their mom. Feeling wiped out I left pretending to pick them up but really spent a quiet night at home relaxing in front of the tv. On the way out GF says "dont take this wrong but im glad you are leaving, I am so tired and need to get some sleep"

 

Long story short she called a few hours later asked how the kids were doing. i said fine then a few minutes later ratted myself out. She is furious and is calling off our relationship because I am a lyer and lying is a deal breaker for her.

Edited by Otter2569
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I'm not one to overreact, and this sounds a bit extreme, but fundamentally she's prob right. It was a harmless lie but indicative of your willingness to lie when it suits you. (Not trying to bash, just being plain.) Personally I'd have a pretty hard edge heart-to-hearter to straighten it out, but maybe she has diff priorities.

 

Who's this GF btw, the old one again? Don't remember hearing about a new one.

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OP, its those "silly" lies that unsettle people the most.

 

I have a nephew that once had me run out to by a bunch of supplies to a "science project" when all he really wanted to was to get a bag of marshmellows to munch on. Needless to say, it didn't go over well.

 

Why did you lie? Please don't say it was to get some sleep. Was it to avoid have to say something that would start a fight? Avoid answering a string of questions? This is probably indicative of a problem in your communication styles.

 

Maybe you can sit down and explain why you lied and she will see more of a reason than it being something you just do on a whim.

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I agree that lying is a bad thing in general no matter what the intent is so I deserve some crap for even doing it.

 

Basically I left and lied to avoid a potential argument. She would have had me stay over. Doesn't sound bad but we had a fight the night before because I was snoring and she couldnt get any sleep. No matter what I did i couldnt stop snoring so neither one of us really got much sleep. On top of that her daughter heard her crying / yelling at me and I find that incredibly embarrassing.

 

I really needed to get out of there and back to my own place

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Jen, you have a great memory. Remind me never to lie to you :)

 

This is the on again, off again GF, on again now maybe off again GF

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Jen, you have a great memory. Remind me never to lie to you :)

 

This is the on again, off again GF, on again now maybe off again GF

 

Otter, it was my first thought as well so thanks for confirming that it was the previous chick...

 

Honestly, A good relationship is one where there is no need for any kind of lie. The fact that you felt you needed to lie to get some alone-time is a relationship that is destined to have more lies in the future and will - again - ultimately fail.

 

As it appears to be doing. Again.

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I agree that lying is a bad thing in general no matter what the intent is so I deserve some crap for even doing it.

 

Basically I left and lied to avoid a potential argument. She would have had me stay over. Doesn't sound bad but we had a fight the night before because I was snoring and she couldnt get any sleep. No matter what I did i couldnt stop snoring so neither one of us really got much sleep. On top of that her daughter heard her crying / yelling at me and I find that incredibly embarrassing.

 

I really needed to get out of there and back to my own place

 

It's not the lie itself that's terrible. It's the avoidance that's destructive, and the relationship that you can't manage without lying that's really bad.

 

Yes, it's bad.

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All you need to do is have a talk with her where you explain that you were absolutely exhausted from the day/night before and on top of the you knew she wasn't able to sleep because of your snoring which was starting to lead to crankiness on both your parts and not how you wanted the weekend to end. She herself said she was glad you were leaving so that she could get some sleep.

 

Let her know that this wasn't pre planned and only happened when your kids told you last minute that they were staying with their mom. So instead of telling your gf that you don't actually have to go, you didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying you were going to leave anyways in order to get some rest and relax. Admit that you shouldn't just came out and told her because you know now that she would've been fine with you leaving anyways Bc she was exhausted as well, but at the Time you felt like she would be hurt or insulted if you said you wanted to leave even though you didn't need to pick up your kids anymore.

 

You felt bad about it and you're not the kind of person who makes little things up which is why you told her about it and confessed very shortly after. It wasn't like she found out or you were caught. Your honesty shows that you realize you didn't need to make up a little lie so that says something about your character.

 

If she makes a big deal about this and is angry because you lied about wanting to leave and get some rest when in fact she wanted you to leave as well so she could get some rest. Then she's just looking for an excuse to argue because this is one of those "pick your battles " instances where she can easily say "well I appreciate you telling me the truth on your own, but please don't do that again or make up white lies because you're scared of how I'll react or worried it'll start an argument. The only thing I will be mad at is if you lie to me. Telling me your exhausted and wanted to head home was totally fine. Always tell the truth from now on."

 

That should be the end of it. If she's harping on it then you can at some point call her out and say "listen, you wanna make this a federal case and into something bigger than it needs to then fine, but I spent a nice few days with your family and thought we could get closer because of that. Instead you're upset about both of us wanting to get some sleep."

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