Stupid feelings

[Inflikted]

I hate myself for still being hung up on a girl I never even dated, a girl I haven't even seen in a couple years. But, she was the only girl I've ever liked, and she was practically my dream girl.

 

I occasionally look her up on social media, and she's doing so well right now. She's advanced to a great career, she has a fun social life, and she has a man that she's totally in love with.

 

And here I am, still with a throwaway job, no social life, definitely no romance. On some level, I'm happy for her, and she deserves all the best. But man, it pains me to my very core that it couldn't have been me, that my dream girl is out there with an great life that I'm not a part of.

 

It kills me inside. And on top of that, it bothers me that it bothers me. But it does. Knowing that she's i out there, knowing she's so much better off without me, knowing that I can never be a part of that...

[casey.lives]

go have some fun... life is for the living... and dying ..hehe.... *wink *wink

[Inflikted]

go have some fun... life is for the living... and dying ..hehe.... *wink *wink

 

I don't know what that even really means. I've never been a "fun" guy. I'm extremely introverted and reserved, I'm totally socially inept and can't connect with people even on a basic level, and I've never had anything resembling an active social life.

 

I have no idea what "fun" even means. For me, there's just varying degrees of stress.

[Qboro90]

You just feel this way because you haven't met anyone else so this girl has become more and more perfect and built up in your head over time. You need to put yourself out there and meet new people. Get on online dating, tinder, go out with your friends and socialize. Step out of your comfort zone and you will start to think about this girl less and less until you realize she was just some pretty girl you went to school with.

[Inflikted]

You just feel this way because you haven't met anyone else so this girl has become more and more perfect and built up in your head over time. You need to put yourself out there and meet new people. Get on online dating, tinder, go out with your friends and socialize. Step out of your comfort zone and you will start to think about this girl less and less until you realize she was just some pretty girl you went to school with.

 

Well, for what it's worth, I'm in my late 20s, and this wasn't some teenage high school crush that was based on superficial things like looks. I've tried online dating, but I've never had any success with it, and it doesn't feel any easier to connect with people on there than it does in real life. As I said, I don't have friends, I don't have an active social life, and I generally can't connect with people at all.

[Qboro90]

Well, for what it's worth, I'm in my late 20s, and this wasn't some teenage high school crush that was based on superficial things like looks. I've tried online dating, but I've never had any success with it, and it doesn't feel any easier to connect with people on there than it does in real life. As I said, I don't have friends, I don't have an active social life, and I generally can't connect with people at all.

 

You can't expect things to turn around at the drop of a hat. There's no downside to creating profiles on dating sites or matching with girls on tinder. What's the worst that can happen? You match with someone who wants to go out with you?

 

Realize that it might take weeks, months, years to build up to the social person you want to be. But there are little milestones and goals you can work to progress that will give you confidence. Matching with a girl on a dating site or tinder... Let's you know that there are girls out there who find you attractive. Being proactive with asking a girl to go on a date then following up to make it happen.

 

Understand that dating is a game of rejection. Even the people who have tons of partners and are social butterflies get turned down countless times throughout their lives. It only takes 1 yes to change that around. It's a marathon, not a sprint .

[Inflikted]

You can't expect things to turn around at the drop of a hat. There's no downside to creating profiles on dating sites or matching with girls on tinder. What's the worst that can happen? You match with someone who wants to go out with you?

 

Realize that it might take weeks, months, years to build up to the social person you want to be. But there are little milestones and goals you can work to progress that will give you confidence. Matching with a girl on a dating site or tinder... Let's you know that there are girls out there who find you attractive. Being proactive with asking a girl to go on a date then following up to make it happen.

 

Understand that dating is a game of rejection. Even the people who have tons of partners and are social butterflies get turned down countless times throughout their lives. It only takes 1 yes to change that around. It's a marathon, not a sprint .

 

Generally speaking, I'm not attracted to people very often at all. I suppose one could say I'm "picky" or "overly selective", but I don't have some checklist of standards that people have to meet perfectly, and I'm not expecting to date gorgeous supermodels or anything. But I just never really see anything in most people that makes me feel attracted.

 

I've been on and off a handful of dating sites for several years, now. I don't think I've ever found someone on there that I was really attracted to. Nobody ever presents themselves in their profile in a way that catches my attention. And on the flip side, I'm not particularly good at making myself seem attractive, on dating sites. I don't like trying to sell myself or talk myself up. I've "forced" myself to attempt to contact dozens and dozens of girls on these sites, "just because", but no one ever responds, and no one ever contacts me, and honestly, I never really care because, like I said, I'm never really attracted to any of them to begin with.

 

My social ineptitude has plagued me my entire life. I've tried many, many times to overcome that problem over the course of my life, and I've been completely unsuccessful. Regardless of how much I want people in my life, I'm just simply not cut out to have any kind of human companionship, on any level.

 

Either way, I fear that I'll never really "get over" the girl I had feelings for. Perhaps some day, if I'm really lucky, I *might* find someone I can settle for, but in the back of my mind, I'll always be wishing for someone that wasn't just "good enough...", and that's pretty depressing.

[Qboro90]

Generally speaking, I'm not attracted to people very often at all. I suppose one could say I'm "picky" or "overly selective", but I don't have some checklist of standards that people have to meet perfectly, and I'm not expecting to date gorgeous supermodels or anything. But I just never really see anything in most people that makes me feel attracted.

 

I've been on and off a handful of dating sites for several years, now. I don't think I've ever found someone on there that I was really attracted to. Nobody ever presents themselves in their profile in a way that catches my attention. And on the flip side, I'm not particularly good at making myself seem attractive, on dating sites. I don't like trying to sell myself or talk myself up. I've "forced" myself to attempt to contact dozens and dozens of girls on these sites, "just because", but no one ever responds, and no one ever contacts me, and honestly, I never really care because, like I said, I'm never really attracted to any of them to begin with.

 

My social ineptitude has plagued me my entire life. I've tried many, many times to overcome that problem over the course of my life, and I've been completely unsuccessful. Regardless of how much I want people in my life, I'm just simply not cut out to have any kind of human companionship, on any level.

 

Either way, I fear that I'll never really "get over" the girl I had feelings for. Perhaps some day, if I'm really lucky, I *might* find someone I can settle for, but in the back of my mind, I'll always be wishing for someone that wasn't just "good enough...", and that's pretty depressing.

 

I'd suggest getting a online dating coach who can edit and tailor your profile in ways that market yourself to potential matches better. Clearly you are a bit socially behind when it comes to dating so that leads me to believe that the impression that women get of you when looking at your profile at first glance isn't something that warrants any attention or may have things that jump out to them as "weird, odd, not attractive" .

 

There are tons of online dating coaches that you can run this by for relatively low costs and it seriously could make a world of difference.

[Inflikted]

I'd suggest getting a online dating coach who can edit and tailor your profile in ways that market yourself to potential matches better. Clearly you are a bit socially behind when it comes to dating so that leads me to believe that the impression that women get of you when looking at your profile at first glance isn't something that warrants any attention or may have things that jump out to them as "weird, odd, not attractive" .

 

There are tons of online dating coaches that you can run this by for relatively low costs and it seriously could make a world of difference.

 

I guess, but that doesn't help the other major problem of me not being attracted to anyone I come across on dating sites. I'd even say this is the biggest problem, because if I'm not actually attracted, I'm not going to be contacting anyone anyway, and if I do, it's going to be a forced, half-assed attempt because I'm just writing to someone I'm not actually interested in.

 

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I'd like to think that there have to be other ways to move on from this girl I'm hung up on, given that dating is a complete longshot for me. But I can't fathom what. Like I said, even if I did date people and whatnot, I'm pretty sure I'd still be thinking about her, and all the things I liked so much about her that I wish I could find in a partner.

[Qboro90]

I guess, but that doesn't help the other major problem of me not being attracted to anyone I come across on dating sites. I'd even say this is the biggest problem, because if I'm not actually attracted, I'm not going to be contacting anyone anyway, and if I do, it's going to be a forced, half-assed attempt because I'm just writing to someone I'm not actually interested in.

 

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I'd like to think that there have to be other ways to move on from this girl I'm hung up on, given that dating is a complete longshot for me. But I can't fathom what. Like I said, even if I did date people and whatnot, I'm pretty sure I'd still be thinking about her, and all the things I liked so much about her that I wish I could find in a partner.

 

 

I think that the lack of attraction you describe is just a subconscious mechanism to prevent you from letting yourself move past this girl from your past. Plus when you use OLD you are just basing attraction on a photo and profile description. I sense that your attraction is based on what you view and encounter in person and that's something you won't get until you go on a couple dates with these people. The girl you're Hung up on has just become this "perfect ideal and model image" of what you want. Since you've never been with her or known her intimately that means you don't really know what kind of person she is or if you'd even get along with her in a relationship. However you've built her up to make yourself believe she's perfect for you and she's the one that got away when in fact you never had her to begin with and she's just the image of what you want to be able to attain in a girl.

 

You're not gonna stop thinking about her all of a sudden. You need to stop looking at her social media or checking up on her life, and start eliminating what she does or might be doing from your routine. Set small goals for yourself in dating and socializing .

- tonight when I go out im going to meet 2 girls, introduce myself, find out what they do and a "fun fact" about them.

 

That's a line I always used when meeting girls and trying to get a date. Once we get past the mundane "hey, what do you do, where are you from, who what where when why" questions, I liked to make it fun and unique by asking the girl "ok so tell me a fun fact about yourself" . This can open up the convo to so many possibilities. Also make sure you have something interesting to say about yourself as well. CAn even make something up just for the sake of being social and interesting . I.E- " I did a commercial once for ____ when I was a kid".

 

Lol, it's gonna be random but it's never failed me when trying to talk to girl and progress the convo. Also separates you from the dime a dozen guys and the same things they ask.

[Inflikted]

I think that the lack of attraction you describe is just a subconscious mechanism to prevent you from letting yourself move past this girl from your past. Plus when you use OLD you are just basing attraction on a photo and profile description. I sense that your attraction is based on what you view and encounter in person and that's something you won't get until you go on a couple dates with these people. The girl you're Hung up on has just become this "perfect ideal and model image" of what you want. Since you've never been with her or known her intimately that means you don't really know what kind of person she is or if you'd even get along with her in a relationship. However you've built her up to make yourself believe she's perfect for you and she's the one that got away when in fact you never had her to begin with and she's just the image of what you want to be able to attain in a girl.

 

You're not gonna stop thinking about her all of a sudden. You need to stop looking at her social media or checking up on her life, and start eliminating what she does or might be doing from your routine. Set small goals for yourself in dating and socializing .

- tonight when I go out im going to meet 2 girls, introduce myself, find out what they do and a "fun fact" about them.

 

That's a line I always used when meeting girls and trying to get a date. Once we get past the mundane "hey, what do you do, where are you from, who what where when why" questions, I liked to make it fun and unique by asking the girl "ok so tell me a fun fact about yourself" . This can open up the convo to so many possibilities. Also make sure you have something interesting to say about yourself as well. CAn even make something up just for the sake of being social and interesting . I.E- " I did a commercial once for ____ when I was a kid".

 

Lol, it's gonna be random but it's never failed me when trying to talk to girl and progress the convo. Also separates you from the dime a dozen guys and the same things they ask.

 

My lack of attraction doesn't have anything to do with her, though. I felt that way even before I'd met her. It bothered me and frustrated me that I wasn't ever attracted to anyone. After all, how does that make sense? Guys, especially in their teens and young adult years, are typically drooling over pretty girls and wanting to get laid. Not me. Imagine how frustrating that is, and how it makes you wonder about yourself.

 

When this girl came along, I didn't even understand what I was feeling. It threw me for such a loop, and I had no idea what to do with it. But it felt good to actually feel something for someone, for a change. When it all went downhill, I think what bothered me most is that I knew I'd be returning to a world where I wasn't attracted to anyone, and that was very depressing.

 

So no, this didn't start after her. It just always was. I thought being attracted to her would've changed that in me, would've done away with that lack of attraction. But it didn't. She was a singular exception.

 

As far as taking to people, as I said, I'm so socially inept that I cannot connect with another person even on the most basic level. And believe me, I've tried many many times to learn and to break out of that, but I've been unable to do that. I've never had friends or a social life, I don't approach new people, I can't talk to people at all, and I don't go out anywhere because I don't have people to go out with.