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Girlfriend Dancing Sensually with Another Guy?


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Hey everyone,

 

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years now. Last weekend, my girlfriend went to a birthday party. Afterward, she went to a club with her group of friends.

 

After two days, while we were talking by phone, she admits she danced with another guy in the club. I was okay, and asked her, "What type of dance did you do?"

 

She tried to avoid telling me. She only claimed that it was a normal dance and she only told me for me to not think anything special happened between her and the other guy.

 

However, in that same day I started thinking... Afterward, I realized she danced kizomba with another guy. If you don't know what kizomba is, well it's an African dance that is very sensual and physical.

 

Afterward, I asked her and she admitted. I got extremely mad with her because I consider that type of dancing disrespectful. I am also pretty certain she wouldn't like if I did the same to her with another woman.

 

She told me she wouldn't do it anymore and she was just trying to have fun. She didn't even think about it.

 

But honestly, I still feel hurt. Just the thought of probably having another guy grinding on my girlfriend makes me feel disgusted. Even though she admits nothing happened. However, that music is known for such and she also said, she found the other guy attractive.

 

I would like to hear some opinions? Do you think this behavior is acceptable? Am I overacting?

 

Best Regards,

Brian

Edited by BrianSmith
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You are over reacting.

 

Unless you were at the club with her and she ingored you to go dance with this chump, you should leave iut alone.

 

This is what girls do when they go out in a group.

 

 

Hey everyone,

 

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years now. Last weekend, my girlfriend went to a birthday party. Afterward, she went to a club with her group of friends.

 

After two days, while we were talking by phone, she admits she danced with another guy in the club. I was okay, and asked her, "What type of dance did you do?"

 

She tried to avoid telling me. She only claimed that it was a normal dance and she only told me for me to not think anything special happened between her and the other guy.

 

However, in that same day I started thinking... Afterward, I realized she danced kizomba with another guy. If you don't know what kizomba is, well it's an African dance that is very sensual and physical.

 

Afterward, I asked her and she admitted. I got extremely mad with her because I consider that type of dancing disrespectful. I am also pretty certain she wouldn't like if I did the same to her with another woman.

 

She told me she wouldn't do it anymore and she was just trying to have fun. She didn't even think about it.

 

But honestly, I still feel hurt. Just the thought of probably having another guy grinding on my girlfriend makes me feel disgusted. Even though she admits nothing happened. However, that music is known for such and she also said, she found the other guy attractive.

 

I would like to hear some opinions? Do you think this behavior is acceptable? Am I overacting?

 

Best Regards,

Brian

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I understand but I wouldn't get mad if it was another type of dancing. But why out of all dances, she chose this one. Basically, she is letting the other guy be all over her, rubbing his leg against her joints.

 

But hey you know what, I already made my decision. This weekend I am going to a club with her, and I'll dance kizomba with other women. Let's see if she likes the ball rolling her way.

 

Thanks for the comment.

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Even though she admits nothing happened.

She says nothing happened.

She also said she was doing "a normal dance" at first.

She lied about one thing. What makes you so sure she's telling the truth about the other?

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As I said before, I don't get mad if she decided to dance salsa, or another fun music with another guy. But I asked her several times and she just replied, it was a normal dance.

 

I had to come to the conclusion myself. If it was so normal, and there wasn't anything wrong then why didn't she immediately told me. Why did she hide the facts from me.

Edited by BrianSmith
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This is what girls do when they go out in a group.

 

 

Yup, just got old girl fun. Grinding on the dance floor with other guys. And not being truthful. Now throw in a little alcohol, and you will see why their are so many on the infidelity forum that started at a GNO.

 

maybe you should forget going to the dance club and go to a strip club and get a few lap dances and see how she likes it. Just good guy fun. thats what we do when we go out as the other poster put it for women.

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You're right haha... The other thing is, I asked her if she would like me doing the same to her, she of course replied, no.

 

So if there wasn't anything wrong then why would she have problems about me doing the same thing.

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This is what single girls do when they go out in a group.

 

An attached woman acting like a single one, you have a problem my friend.

 

If you don't like what she did then you should have a mature, adult conversation abut it rather than playing immature revenge games.

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You're right haha... The other thing is, I asked her if she would like me doing the same to her, she of course replied, no.

 

So if there wasn't anything wrong then why would she have problems about me doing the same thing.

 

 

Brian,

 

Of course she would not like you doing the same thing. But there is this bull **** narrative out there these days that if it just fine for married women and those in committed relationships to go out and act like they are on Spring Break, and if their husbands are not thrilled with it then we are controlling and pig headed.

 

You do not have to do the same thing for revenge. That is childish. You need to have a serious conversation as to why she cannot spend time with her girlfriends at other venues other than clubs and pick up spots.

 

now if this was an unusual thing, it is different then if she regularly goes out like this. She needs to explain rationally why she needs to go get this external validation from other guys under the guise of girl time in a club where they cannot hear each other talk.

 

Lastly, Id be asking about these "friends" just to make sure she is not getting encouragement or peer pressure to act inappropriately. She had the option of refusing to do this and chose to do it. She needs to explain why, and why she will not do it again

 

if this bothered you enough to post here, then you need some answers.

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I understand Peg, I seriously do. I'll sure have a conversation with her today.

 

But you know what bothers me is exactly the words she used. One it was just a normal dance, two nothing happened. Also she passed the last two days feeling so mad and nervous that she even vomits in the bathroom.

 

Now if nothing special happened then why does she feel so terrible about it all, after all, it was just a normal dance.

 

So it's a series of things which are bothering me. Where there is smoke, there is fire. And I see a lot of smoke coming from her way.

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Brian,

 

What you just wrote should be a BIG ALARM. If all this was was a dance, there is absolutely no reason for her to be vomiting and being so distraught.

 

my guess here is that you do not have the whole story, but you do not appear to have gone off the deep end so badly that she should be feeling this guilty or throwing up in the bathroom unless she is scared crap to tell you the truth.

 

my suggestion is you calmly tell her you need the truth and that you will not make any rash decisions but that if you find out she is lying you will leave her for sure.

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Definitely what Frisky one said.

 

That was a big part of the story to leave out.

 

Her behavior indicates a much bigger problem.

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Nope nope nope.

 

One tall and hot cup of nope.

 

Then I'm gonna put on my big nope tie, drive my nope car to nope-town and work in the nope factory.

 

Acting single while attached and then lying about it. :sick:

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There are so many things that I found weird. For instance, she told me he was from her group of friends. But didn't even know the guy's name. She also was extremely nervous when I asked her, "How he danced with her?"

 

She tried to dodge the answer saying, she didn't know how to dance; or it was just a normal dance. Never really explaining what he did or didn't do. As I said, there's a lot of smoke; a lot of confusion and dodging from her part.

 

The truth is commonly simple and direct, there's not so many confusions in between.

Edited by BrianSmith
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I agree there is ALOT more to this story.

 

Yah she's feeling major guilt ....and NOT about the dance.

 

>>>"she even vomits in the bathroom."<<

 

Hmmm, morning sickness perhaps?

 

I wouldn't assume it's yours either.... me thinks whatever she feels guilty about has been going on for awhile...

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I understand but I wouldn't get mad if it was another type of dancing. But why out of all dances, she chose this one. Basically, she is letting the other guy be all over her, rubbing his leg against her joints.

 

But hey you know what, I already made my decision. This weekend I am going to a club with her, and I'll dance kizomba with other women. Let's see if she likes the ball rolling her way.

 

Thanks for the comment.

 

Smart decision!

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Going to the club and doing the same thing to show her how it feels is immature. It sets up a "tit for tat" dynamic that will actually let her off the hook in her mind... "What I did isn't so bad. Look..he's done it now, too. Now we're even. I don't have to feel bad about it anymore, he's just as bad as I am."

 

It's much better to stand by your values and beliefs. Don't throw them out the window just because she sunk so low. That just makes you look weak, IMO. If you are a man with strong character, your character doesn't change just because someone does something to you. Your behavior should remain in line with your beliefs.

 

Tell her what she did is unacceptable behavior and you don't want a GF that's going to behave like that while in a relationship. Tell her you are seriously reconsidering being with her. Say that you thought your relationship meant more to her. Tell her you are now questioning her character because her desire for fun trumped her desire to respect and protect your relationship.

 

Revenge might make you temporarily feel better, but it actually takes the focus off of what she did. It shouldn't be handled with "You did this to me and now I'm going to show you how it feels!" Instead, you need to convey the message that you deserve better, that you need a GF who is going to respect and protect your relationship, and if she can't live up to those expectations, you'll find someone else.

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Quiet Storm, you're so right. I was just mad when I considered that. And If I go down that path then it turns into a never ending cycle of revenge.

 

Thanks for all the replies everyone, I appreciate them a lot.

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Brian

 

You realize I hope that there was a good chance there was no group of girls and no dance club or that they all were covering for her .

 

Every time you post more about her actions and statements more red flags go up.

 

I think you are in for some unpleasant news so brace yourself and do not stop digging

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No, she actually posted photos on Facebook having dinner with more people. She indeed went to a birthday's dinner. Sure, I don't know about the rest.

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I've been to kizomba. It isn't dancing, it's mutual frottage. I'd qualify it as a sex act. Uncultured... disgusting in a public environment IMO. Never seen it done in a club. What club has random kizomba-capable dancers in. Most people would fall over after 3 seconds.

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I don't know what this dance is, but I am assuming it is similar to Latin dances like salsa/merengue/samba/bachata.

 

Depending on your girlfriend it could meaningless and meaningful. If she went to social dancing type things often before you met and rarely mentions meeting an ex while dancing it was just a fun girls night out.

 

If she was going dancing and meeting many suitors, it might be more worrisome. But you should ask her to be more forthcoming and talk it out like adults.

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