lhlk Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I was told today that my sister had an affair 10 years ago, her husband has just admitted that he found letters from her lover to her that where discussing her leaving her husband (boyfriend at time) for said lover, unfortunately just before he found these letters my sister had a stroke leaving her with dysphasia ( speech problems) and brain injuries so when he found these letters he chose to keep this information to himself! They have since got married, had a child and stayed together. My sister will never be the woman she was but she manages day to day life and to look after their child. Now her husband has admitted that he found these letters and she has admitted to having an affair. The thing that is getting me is these 'letters' disappeared her husband says he can't remember the name of the bloke in these letters and has no idea what happened to them! My sister says she can't remember his name and that it was in the past, my brother in law is saying its ate away at him that long that he feels he has been 2nd choice and doesn't know if he can move on from this. I don't know why it's bothering me so much as its there problem not mine, but Ijust feel something isn't quite adding up, or that the mysterious disappearance of these letters where all the proof he had of what was going on, did she even reply to this guy? Is she choosing not remember? Do I feel due to her communication problems I need to hold her council ( even though I think infidelity sucks) do I get in touch with an old friend of hers who was in the know to shed light on how into this guy she really was? Even though my sister doesn't want any light shed on the situation. Look forward to hearing some views or that I'm being to sensitive to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 (edited) My advice would be to not get involved; especially if the OM is no longer in the picture. Her husband knows about the affair now and it's his decision if he can live with that monumental betrayal. The fact that the affair was 10 years ago, or that they were not married yet, doesn't give her a pass. I had a best friend for most of my life who cheated on his wife via Ashley Madison several years ago. Suffice it to say I did not condone his actions when he disclosed to me cheating on his wife ...... someone who I was also close with. IMO, it was not my "right" or responsibility to intervene or disclose to her. We are no longer friends in part because of his actions. Do I think it's right he cheated on her or that she should go the rest of her life not knowing? No, I don't, but sometimes throwing a stone into a pond can create a ripple effect of unintended consequences ...... consequences that can, in fact, be devastating. I lost my friendship, but your sister will always be your sister. I'd let them try and resolve this difficult situation in private amongst themselves. Just my 2 cents. Edited November 21, 2015 by Training Revelations 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Why is this your battle to fight? Has her husband asked you to help dig into it? Why do you need to know? Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Unless you sister asks you to intervene I think you just need to let it go.... they need to work & out .... and will. Link to post Share on other sites
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