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Cheating now before getting serious okay?


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I know most people are going to laugh at this, but I am in a long-distance relationship with someone who could be the one. Before it gets serious I really really wonder if I should have at least one one night stand. Only because I am 30 and have had very little sex, and am worried that i might crack in middle age. I wonder if it's best for both of us, for me to get it out of my system now.

 

I'm not looking for a different girlfriend by any means. I just want to experience something wild, since I didn't have all during college. I feel like most people get it all out during college which helps them settle down afterwards.

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Why don't you ask your LDR gf what she thinks?

 

I think if you feel you need to do this then you do not genuinely care for this girl and are immature. I feel the same way about guys/gals who do silly stuff on their bachelor/bachelorette parties.

 

When the person you're into is the apple of your eye, NO ONE can catch your eye to the point that you'd wanna have sex with them...even if they were the hottest thing on earth.

 

When I'm into a guy, I can't see myself having sex with someone else...I'm busy anticipating all the things I wanna do with him.

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BTW, all those collegd people who slept around to "get it out of their system"? They wasted so much time doing meaningless banging...cuz that's all it was, genital smackin'

 

So, I guess in life we all at some point have random and meaningless sex or have an eternal void in our lives? Ok, I got it now.

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TunaInTheBrine
I know most people are going to laugh at this, but I am in a long-distance relationship with someone who could be the one. Before it gets serious I really really wonder if I should have at least one one night stand. Only because I am 30 and have had very little sex, and am worried that i might crack in middle age. I wonder if it's best for both of us, for me to get it out of my system now.

 

I'm not looking for a different girlfriend by any means. I just want to experience something wild, since I didn't have all during college. I feel like most people get it all out during college which helps them settle down afterwards.

 

Before I even opened this thread to read the actual post, I looked at the title and literally said out loud: "are you ****ing kidding me?".

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... I don't think you are going to make a very good boyfriend.

 

Calling a one night stand something wild to get out of your system sounds pretty dorky to me. You want to experience something wild? Go surprise your girlfriend by flying/driving to see her and bang her like crazy.

 

A one night stand can mean oops she's preg or oops you got an std. And the sex wasn't even that great. Wow, does that sound like mad fun or what...

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'Hey, when we started dating I cheated on you because you were a long way off. Marry me?'

 

Why not do 'something wild' with this girl instead?

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Hi NatWilliams, from what I gather you are now 30 yes old but have not had much sexual experience. Yet you have got into an LDR before gaining what you feel is necessary experience in the sex department. Why did you not take time out to sow your wild oats before getting into an LDR if you thought it was so important? At thirty your hormones are not raging as they are when you are in college and you could have wild sex every night of the week without batting an eyelid. At 30 you are more sedate, your hormones are in check and you are in control of yourself. By now your sexual desires should be slowing down instead of burning brightly.

The point of the foregoing is to now hold your horses and let loose any great sexual fire which may erupt periodically, on your LDR GF. I'm sure both of you will enjoy the experience and your GF will be very appreciative of your passion and enthusiasm! Have fun!

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Have you even met this person? Have you both agreed or implied that you are exclusive? If not, you are free to do whatever/whoever you like, and later decide if you wish to be "official" and exclusive with the LDR.

 

LDRs seldom work out anyway, so being exclusive is usually a bad idea until you can actually be together. If you can work that out and want to continue the relationship, that's the time for commitment.

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I am going to be a bit of a dissenter I guess.

 

I am GLAD I had that meaningless sex in college. I enjoyed myself, learned a ton about my sexuality, preferences, gained experience etc. Zero regrets.

 

My dude on the other hand never "sowed his wild oats" and about 9 years deep into our relationship had a freak out wondering if he should have, perhaps regrets the lack of experiences etc.

 

Some people are perfectly happy having been with only one person all of their life - they choose strawberry flavor, and are happy to stick with strawberry flavor till the end of their days. Others like to try a variety of flavors before deciding which one they like best - and before they commit to that flavor forever.

 

Now, as far as sex, and a long distance relationship - is there an end point here? I am kinda against LDRs unless one can and will move to the others location in a reasonable amount of time.

 

Otherwise what's the point? Go out and date (and bang) people that you can interact with in person, not digitally.

 

I think a choosen life of celibacy while young - for a LDR isn't the best choice for many.

 

Love might make some people blind to all others, but some of us have a lust switch that doesn't turn off. No way I could do a LDR.

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LDR are a waste of time. And of sex. Sorry, mate, even the fact that you're considering to do this is a HUGE red flag. Saw your wild oats and then date a girl whom you can see daily. Cheers

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Michelle ma Belle

The fact that you're even thinking about this speaks volumes.

 

If you feel some deep need to exorcise your NSA sexual desires then go for it BUT have the courtesy and the balls to break up with your girlfriend in the meantime. Then pray she's willing to take you back after you've finally gotten it all "out of your system".

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I really really wonder if I should have at least one one night stand. Only because I am 30 and have had very little sex, and am worried that i might crack in middle age.

What makes you think you won't crack in middle age anyway?

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GunslingerRoland

If it's at a point in the relationship where it's considered cheating, I think that says all you need to know.

 

 

Personally I'd never enter an exclusive LDR, it's all just a fantasy until you live in the same place.

 

 

And how many people exactly do you have to have sex with before your wild oats are sowed? It's a great concept, but I'm not sure if there is any actual correlation between # of sexual partners before settling down and likelihood of cheating.

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Wow thanks for so much varied feedback. It really is interesting to listen to everyone.

I think I didn't communicate how much I care about this person. I feel really really great with her and as we are of the same faith, I could see ending up marrying her, although I'm not there yet at all.

Basically it's because I like her this much, that I wonder if it's better to hookup outside the relationship now only because I never had meaningless hookups and actually only lost virginity at 28. I feel sad sometimes about how frustrated and miserable I used to be from basically age 13-28. I don't want it to come back to haunt me years later. At the same time, I don't want to break up right now either because I know I will not find another one like her soon. Takes me years to find this kind of connection.

I feel she would understand if I told her about this later on - but only if I took the license now. As in during the next 2-3 weeks before I go see her for the holidays. Of course I would do it with someone outside of my social circle.

 

At the same time, I like what one person mentioned about hormones - maybe I will have less and less burning sexual desire as I age, and perhaps I can manage to just accept all the loneliness, difficulty, jealousy I experienced as an inactive young male as history.

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That one little fling could bite you on the butt later in life. Also, social circles are a lot smaller now with things like facebook. I feel like you need to ask yourself if she is worth that risk. True love is better than any one night stand. I don't care how good the sex is. Once you come, you're done. Love goes on and on.

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My view is that one night stands are rarely the best sex. Now if you found a girl or girls locally for short term relationship fun - yes probably you could find some great sexual experiences.

 

However if this girl is "the one" then she is worth waiting a while longer to see it through.

 

Also ask yourself how you would feel if you found out she was considering making similarly choices on her end. Boinking a bunch of amazing sexual guys before settling down with you. Or if she found out later what you were doing.

 

Don't have double standards. If its okay for you, its okay for her, and you should both discuss it honestly like adults. After all if she "is the one" then you can be honest with her right?

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If she was thinking and did the exact same thing and had herself a fling, would you be OK with it???

 

If the answer to that one is NO, then you have answered your own question

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I think in the end, if you go and do this, you will regret it. Even if your G/F never finds out. Things like this can be a real issue later, if she suspects, or finds out what you did. If she is the "one", hold true to yourself and her. You should know from reading here that finding the "one" is not a easy thing, why would you want to mess that up?

 

Myself, I would concentrate on getting the "one" to marry me, by moving closer to her, or working on being with her as much as possible.

 

I wish you luck.

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I know most people are going to laugh at this, but I am in a long-distance relationship with someone who could be the one. Before it gets serious I really really wonder if I should have at least one one night stand. Only because I am 30 and have had very little sex, and am worried that i might crack in middle age. I wonder if it's best for both of us, for me to get it out of my system now.

 

I'm not looking for a different girlfriend by any means. I just want to experience something wild, since I didn't have all during college. I feel like most people get it all out during college which helps them settle down afterwards.

Got it.

 

Because YOU were lame and ineffectual in your youth and women wanted nothing to do with you, that now becomes your girlfriend's problem because you deserve wild monkey sex with a stranger now, to make UP for your lameness.

 

Sounds like a plan. :rolleyes:

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this is why people who think of themselves as inexperienced are scary.

 

oh.........um.........

 

so both sexes should be very experienced before making any commitment? to be fair and square?

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