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Lack of emotions?


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ContradictingParadox

Im a 23yr old male.Been struggling to cope with my own emotions. The only emotion I can freely express is anger and frustration. Those of love and care are forced and only if it benefits me later. I know I come across as manipulative... but I honestly want to feel these things but I cant, not fully anyways. I get involved with people and I know it's just a short term thing. It gets so intense. Way more intense than I am comfortable with and I back off... but the interesting thing is if the other person puts an end to it before I do I'm more invested and willing to work on the relationship even though I know deep down sooner or later it'll all come to an end. It's like I'm in love with what I can't have and attracted to the chase. Any thoughts about this is this normal? I do want someone I can care about on this level but its hard for me.

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mystikmind2005

You just have a keen sense of danger, and the ability to avoid it.

 

There will be plenty of people on this forum including myself whose life experience seems to indicate that your better off. But despite the evidence we all still keep trying, keep hoping, next time the rewards will actually have been worth the risk

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I'm also like that. I feel like I always love and want what I can't have. Also I am an aries. It's like I can't keep a healthy relationship because it doesn't feel right and as if something is always missing. And yet when the other person wants to quit it I suddenly have so much feelings and won't let him go.

I feel like it's always going to be one sided affairs - either I love him or he loves me...

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I'm also like that. I feel like I always love and want what I can't have. Also I am an aries. It's like I can't keep a healthy relationship because it doesn't feel right and as if something is always missing. And yet when the other person wants to quit it I suddenly have so much feelings and won't let him go.

I feel like it's always going to be one sided affairs - either I love him or he loves me...

 

And they say there is nothing to astrology. I spent most of my 30's and a few of my 40's playing that game with an Aries....

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Im a 23yr old male.Been struggling to cope with my own emotions. The only emotion I can freely express is anger and frustration. Those of love and care are forced and only if it benefits me later. I know I come across as manipulative... but I honestly want to feel these things but I cant, not fully anyways. I get involved with people and I know it's just a short term thing. It gets so intense. Way more intense than I am comfortable with and I back off... but the interesting thing is if the other person puts an end to it before I do I'm more invested and willing to work on the relationship even though I know deep down sooner or later it'll all come to an end. It's like I'm in love with what I can't have and attracted to the chase. Any thoughts about this is this normal? I do want someone I can care about on this level but its hard for me.

 

Who's to say what's normal... it's not uncommon, and it's not an emotionally mature, healthy way to be.

 

You probably hold back for fear of losing your autonomous self. It's scary for everyone to allow themselves to be vulnerable, but those who are in touch with their emotions and good at relationships see it for what it is, express their feelings anyway... and get to feel the joy of being in relationship... and of loving and being loved.

 

The solution probably lies in becoming more familiar with the patterns, what triggers feelings, etc. and gaining confidence that you don't lose who you are just because you care deeply for another person.

 

Managing and being in touch with our emotions is a skill we learn as we move through life. It's not necessarily a linear progression, and it's often precipitated by the challenges we face. Joy and suffering are two sides of the same coin––you can't really experience one without the other. The ability to love is equal to our ability (courage) to tolerate being vulnerable. Choosing to love means giving someone the ability to hurt you deeply and trusting that they won't, or at least not maliciously.

 

As you gain experience you realize that learning to rely on internal resources, knowing who you are, believing in your own worthiness gives the strength to face the fear and push on through and experience the joy.

 

At age 23 it's not unusual that you'd be at this place... wanting more out of life and relationships and not quite understanding how it works and why it feels scary. There is a lot you can learn by reading, and a lot more you can learn by talking to a therapist/counselor. And some of it you just have to learn by doing.

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ContradictingParadox
I'm also like that. I feel like I always love and want what I can't have. Also I am an aries. It's like I can't keep a healthy relationship because it doesn't feel right and as if something is always missing. And yet when the other person wants to quit it I suddenly have so much feelings and won't let him go.

I feel like it's always going to be one sided affairs - either I love him or he loves me...

 

This is it exactly.... Im an aquarius though... and when I feel like I'm getting in too deep I hold back. Seems like I'm hot and cold to the other person but I met a girl who's like the female version of me and it's just mind **** after mind ****

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and when I feel like I'm getting in too deep I hold back.

Have you ever tried to get really deep?

I've read a lot about limerence and how it is a "false form of love". If i read the "Signs of Limerence" I see that I've always thought "limerence" = "mad love". So maybe if I'm not feeling the signs of limerence, maybe then the relationship could form into real love if i try hard enough :)

I'm going to try hard this time with my new bf...

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