You Hate All Men/Women

[Shining One]

I've observed this behavior on multiple occasions. Someone complains about something specific to one gender and that person is accused of "hating" that gender. I can't understand the thought process leading to this conclusion, so I'm hoping someone can explain it to me.

 

 

My most recent example was a dinner with some friends/coworkers a few nights ago. A coworker's wife is active in breast cancer fund raising and she asked around the table for donations. I told her that I personally don't donate to breast cancer causes. She didn't say anything at the time, but she later told her husband that I must hate women. Again, I don't follow this thought process.

[TaraMaiden2]

I can't follow the process of NOT donating to breast Cancer causes... but hey, if that's the way you feel..

Doesn't she know breast cancer affects men too...?

 

The American Cancer Society estimates for breast cancer in men in the United States for 2015 are:

 

About 2,350 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed

About 440 men will die from breast cancer

Breast cancer is about 100 times less common among men than among women. For men, the lifetime risk of getting breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000. The number of breast cancer cases in men relative to the population has been fairly stable over the last 30 years.

[Shining One]

I can't follow the process of NOT donating to breast Cancer causes... but hey, if that's the way you feel..

I suppose I should have explained that. Breast cancer receives a lot of funding while other cancers do not. I budget some money to donate to cancer research and I donate that money to the less-funded cancers.

[carhill]

OP, that's simply emotional manipulation and not exclusive to either gender. Simply don't associate with such individuals and thank you so much for your generosity.

[TaraMaiden2]

I suppose I should have explained that. Breast cancer receives a lot of funding while other cancers do not. I budget some money to donate to cancer research and I donate that money to the less-funded cancers.

 

Oh, ok.

Thank you for your clarification. Good on you.

 

I didn't ask for it, and neither did I expect it.

I am of the opinion that if people say 'no' they have a personal reason, and that's their right.

Recently, I was asked to seek donations from the public, to a specific charity in the UK, and I always began by saying to people, "I'm going to ask you a 'Yes/No' question. Just 'yes', or 'no'. Would you be willing to help us raise funds for <said Charity> by buying a lapel pin?"

 

If they answered no, they always felt they had to give a reason, and I'd stop them, thank them., and explain that their choice of 'no' was totally adequate. I neither needed a clarification, nor merited one.

 

Folks were grateful for that attitude....Jumping to conclusions is just damn rude, really....

It may go against the grain to say so, but simply because someone has an illness, doesn't give them the right to be judgemental, rude or to get on their high horse.

People with illnesses are still bound by the social morals and practice of courtesy just like anyone else.

 

For her to make such a cavalier statement is ungracious, and narrow-minded.

[mrldii]

While your response was definitely oddly worded, I don't know why someone - male or female - would have drawn that conclusion; though not as common, men can get breast cancer, too...so it's not like you're secretly hoping that by not making a donation, [more] women will die from it.

 

Since you worded it so specifically, is there a particular reason you specifically won't donate to breast cancer causes, as opposed to being against making donations (at social get-togethers) for any cause?

Edited October 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jay1983]

I've never come across anything like that in person. Just the internet where someone says something or makes a generalization and all the sudden they're painting the whole gender with the same brush.

[Gloria25]

I'm an "equal opportunity hater". I literally have a key chain that says 'I do not discriminate...I hate everyone'

 

I think there's something to say about every gender, race, nationality, culture, etc. People need to stop calling the political correctness polices and embrace reality - there ARE negatives with each gender, race, nationality, culture, etc. And stereotypes just did't appear from the sky - they are based on "something" about a particular group.

[Shining One]

OP, that's simply emotional manipulation and not exclusive to either gender.

I agree. I've seen both genders do it and I'm trying to understand the though process. It's been a curiosity of mine for a while.

Since you worded it so specifically, is there a particular reason you specifically won't donate to breast cancer causes, as opposed to being against making donations (at social get-togethers) for any cause?

I guess you missed this:

Breast cancer receives a lot of funding while other cancers do not. I budget some money to donate to cancer research and I donate that money to the less-funded cancers.

I've never come across anything like that in person. Just the internet where someone says something or makes a generalization and all the sudden they're painting the whole gender with the same brush.

This is the first one that I've experienced in real life. Edited October 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

To me the worst example of this is people who no matter the facts are always seem to side with their own gender but deny they have any bias. I respect people who are honest about it.

[mrldii]

I guess you missed this:

 

Yup, I sure did. At the time that I initially read the OP, there was only one response in the thread and I got called away for a few minutes in the middle of my reply.

 

Thank you for clarifying.

 

My original response still stands...it was an odd conclusion for someone to make, based off what you'd said.

[autumnnight]

Both genders absolutely have their flaws. I absolutely have my flaws. Point out a flaw is not hating.

 

BUT, when people use sarcasm, eye rolls, snarky comments, and actually use phrases like "all women" or "you know how women are" or "women always"...yeah, they are kind of setting themselves of for being accused of not liking the female gender.

 

The same goes for women who make EVERYTHING into a man-bashing, one-upmanship, neofeminist agenda.

 

That kinds of thing says way more about the person saying it than about you.

[Mrs. John Adams]

generalizations of any kind...gender based, ethnic based, religious based...whatever....anger me.

 

Don't lump me into a category...don't declare ALL....

 

I am me and what i believe...what i think...what is important to me is strictly based on me....

 

i give the same consideration to others....

[JustGettingBy]

"All generalizations are bad" is a generalization.

[ManyDissapoint]

generalizations of any kind...gender based, ethnic based, religious based...whatever....anger me.

 

Don't lump me into a category...don't declare ALL....

 

I am me and what i believe...what i think...what is important to me is strictly based on me....

 

i give the same consideration to others....

 

Communication without generalizations is impossible. Trying to always have disclaimers to everything we say is really just some kind of mental prison that the social justice warriors want us to be in for some reason.

[ManyDissapoint]

Some people consider breast cancer gets way too much attention compared to other types of cancer. There is no prostate cancer awareness month.

[TaraMaiden2]

Some people consider breast cancer gets way too much attention compared to other types of cancer. There is no prostate cancer awareness month.

 

You happen to be wrong....

[TaraMaiden2]

Well, it's a UK based charity.... Unless you're in the UK (and it was plenty noticeable here) it may have passed you by.

 

Prostate Cancer is a global issue, of course it is...

However, I will tell you that here, the majority of people buying pins, keyrings, shopping-cart tokens and other associated objects - are women.

 

Maybe it's up to the guys themselves, to make a bit of noise.

It would be worth it. And pertinent.

If you buy a lapel pin - wear it.

All the time.

Edited October 4, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

[autumnnight]

Interesting that this thread turned into a breast cancer defense thread when that is not the topic.

 

I do think women have a bad habit of this. I mean, a man talks about men being abused, and there will invariably by a woman who comes along and shares studies about how much MORE often women are abused, etc.

 

Why must women do this? It is really a contest?

[RedRobin]

Well, she would hate me too, and call me a woman hater...because I am a bit sick of pink everything and my mom had breast cancer.

 

I do volunteer work and don't give any money to charities, for the most part. I had one guy break up with me because I didn't believe in bone marrow transplants for kids with leukemia. I said, only if they were insured never to reproduce in the future. He thought that was very callous. I thought it was more callous to spend so much health care money on one individual who would likely go on to make more unhealthy individuals... If they lived at all...Since cancer and leukemia have strong genetic factors.

[lollipopspot]

I told her that I personally don't donate to breast cancer causes. She didn't say anything at the time, but she later told her husband that I must hate women. Again, I don't follow this thought process.

 

That would have been a big statement for her to make, and thus I kind of doubt that this was accurately portrayed to or interpreted by you (why would the husband throw his wife under the bus like that?)...or, if you came off with an attitude about not donating to breast cancer research and genderized it yourself (which it kind of sounds like)...maybe that brought on the response. It does sound as though you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about it. I understand why you might not want to donate to that cause (I really do), but in your place I wouldn't give the explanation about it to someone who feels passionately about it. That's almost guaranteed to cause some negativity to no real end.

[Shining One]

Interesting that this thread turned into a breast cancer defense thread when that is not the topic.

Thank you!

 

This thread is not about breast cancer. I didn't use the best example, and it's my fault for that. This thread is about the thought process that leads people to accuse someone else of hating a gender when that person complains about that gender.

 

I'd actually like to hear from people who have done this (accused someone of hating an entire gender). I want to understand the flow of thoughts that leads you from Point A (the person's complaint) to Point B (the conclusion that this person hates the entire gender they are complaining about).

[RedRobin]

Thank you!

 

This thread is not about breast cancer. I didn't use the best example, and it's my fault for that. This thread is about the thought process that leads people to accuse someone else of hating a gender when that person complains about that gender.

 

 

Hmm... there are lots of examples here on LS where someone complains about the behavior of an individual (which has nothing to do with gender, but is instead all about the behavior itself), then that person gets labeled a 'fill in the blank' hater.

 

 

Me, for instance... I hate hypocrites and double standards. There are some people (who happen to be men) think it is their right to be hypocrites and have double standards, therefore, I must hate all men... which is not true at all. I hate hypocrites and double standards, if it happens to come from a man or woman. Doesn't matter. But those men who want to defend double standards, will try to change the topic or throw in that old feminism trope to avoid addressing what I consider bad behavior.

 

 

same with your example. You don't like giving $$ to breast cancer. Fine with me. It just so happens to be one that more women get than men... however, if you don't give to well funded charities (just like I don't) then you can't really be accused of hating women. Anyway, not all women get breast cancer, so it really is a retarded statement she made. I'd love to hear what she'd say to why I don't give to breast cancer research. I'm a woman.

 

 

In both of our cases, I think the person throwing out the label of 'fill in the blank' hater, is just creating a distraction or as another poster said, manipulative.

Edited October 5, 2015 by RedRobin

[TaraMaiden2]

Hmm... there are lots of examples here on LS where someone complains about the behavior of an individual (which has nothing to do with gender, but is instead all about the behavior itself), then that person gets labeled a 'fill in the blank' hater.

 

I apparently spout a lot of 'feminist propaganda'..

 

I quote:

"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."

Rebecca West

 

 

......But those men who want to defend double standards, will try to change the topic or throw in that old feminism trope to avoid addressing what I consider bad behavior.

 

In both of our cases, I think the person throwing out the label of 'fill in the blank' hater, is just creating a distraction or as another poster said, manipulative.

 

I did point out to another member that 'feminism' (whatever one might consider it to be) wouldn't exist at all, if historically, men had 'played fair' from the beginning. Feminism exists because of male attitudes, not female ones.

[beatcuff]

My most recent example was a dinner with some friends/coworkers a few nights ago. A coworker's wife is active in breast cancer fund raising and she asked around the table for donations.

 

i find it inappropriate for anyone to 'shake down' persons in a group social setting.

 

and for her to state 'you are a hater' --- well poor character on her BUT that is actually more on her husband for telling you: ouch, nothing like undercutting your loved one.