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Frequency and length of infidelity & reconciliation


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After getting to know some of you through your posts, some of my thinking has expanded and changed a bit. My belief system hasn't changed but I know now that it's so individual.

 

For me, when I was young and not very evolved I agreed to an open marriage which backfired spectacularly.

 

Now I know that as an exEAOW (because after I found out he was M I never saw him again) I now know EA is cheating.

 

If I ever had a relationship again I would immediately end the relationship and never look back after infidelity.

 

For those of you with a different view, would 1 transgression be able to be reconciled? Does duration count? Intensity?

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Mrs. John Adams

First...you are asking people to speculate...and i don't think we can know what we would do until we are in the position a decision has to be made.

 

My husband would have told you that infidelity would end in divorce...period. I on the other hand always said if he strayed...I would forgive him.

 

But when I had a very short affair...he instead chose reconciliation.

 

Two years later he had a short RA....and I chose to stay and continue in reconciliation.

 

Had either affair been more involved....had it lasted for a longer period of time....and been more involved....i don't honestly know if we would still be together.....had one thing been different...would it have affected the outcome of our relationship? I don't know.

 

I am grateful that even though it has been a long hard climb...we have reached the mountain top.

 

There is no one size fits all in infidelity. Each couple must choose what is best for them....and i hope that even though their choice may not be the one i think i would choose...I have to remember that only they know what is best for them....and i offer support and encouragement for their decision.

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First...you are asking people to speculate...and i don't think we can know what we would do until we are in the position a decision has to be made.

 

My husband would have told you that infidelity would end in divorce...period. I on the other hand always said if he strayed...I would forgive him.

 

But when I had a very short affair...he instead chose reconciliation.

 

Two years later he had a short RA....and I chose to stay and continue in reconciliation.

 

Had either affair been more involved....had it lasted for a longer period of time....and been more involved....i don't honestly know if we would still be together.....had one thing been different...would it have affected the outcome of our relationship? I don't know.

 

I am grateful that even though it has been a long hard climb...we have reached the mountain top.

 

There is no one size fits all in infidelity. Each couple must choose what is best for them....and i hope that even though their choice may not be the one i think i would choose...I have to remember that only they know what is best for them....and i offer support and encouragement for their decision.

 

That's the greatness of LS ... All of the different experiences and view points.

 

Maybe I can ask a more pointed question to help..

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Hopefully better question..

 

For me now any infidelity would be a show stopper. What is your thought on what would be salvageable for you (or has been?)

 

I know a couple where there is a 20 year history of infidelity and I've not asked their personal circumstances but they are still together.

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Mrs. John Adams

had you asked ....what did you do...or how did you handle it...it becomes a question based on experience rather than speculation.

 

It is so hard to "guess" what one would do.

 

Had you asked me many years ago....would you ever have an affair...my answer would have been...are you crazy? Absolutely not!

 

and here we are......

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I believe that most people feel infidelity would be the end of the relationship, I strongly felt that way and it lead to divorce. However my inability to disengage emotionally lead us back together.

 

Also, I believe the connection or in our case the lack of a strong emotional connection with the AP played a role in my ability to be back in the relationship. Even though the affair was just shy of two years she never detached from me emotionally so I don't have the memories of nasty words or actions. She never intended on replacing me and the OM was "extra", that helped.

 

I guess from reading so many stories I can conclude that most people feel infidelity would be the end, but once they are in the situations where kids are involved and you are so engaged emotionally, financially and mentally for so many years its hard to just walk away.

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ShatteredLady

I know I believed I could forgive a very drunken ONS but NOT an emotional affair. Ive been with my H since we were very young (21) & I guess I pictured him coming to me distraught if he had even drunkenly kissed another woman. Hahaha! The innocence!!

 

When my H did have an affair he changed so much. I've called him Mr Alien. I seriously doubted his sanity. After about 10 years a lovely, gentle man turned into an abusive monster...for the length of the A. My head was so messed-up by the time I discovered the A I didn't know which way was up!! I rug swept. Had circumstances been different (Not isolated in foreign country etc) I think I would of walked out when he first became cruel. I've often wondered if loosing me & proper R would of made a difference?!?!

 

I SWORE to myself that even the slightest betrayal would result in divorce. No compromise!!

 

When it actually happened again we have young kids. Ugh! I don't know. We are currently in R.

 

You NEVER KNOW. I truly believed how I would act but since we had kids it never really crossed my mind that he would hurt me again like this.

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Midwestmissy

Well it was always a deal breaker for both of us. Then things got rough, he strayed - became so emotionally abusive I barely recognized him, and I have 3 teens begging me to go to mc with him and to try to work it out. The mow was a nothing, they weren't in love, it seems like she was looking for a way out of her lower income marriage. She's not in a good place right now, and I feel for the children she neglected in her selfishness.

 

I struggle because I changed my line in the sand. Also because he knew we both agreed cheating was vile and a deal breaker and he did it anyway with someone he didn't respect or love.

 

It's been a year since full disclosure (as if I'll ever know) and he's been text book remorseful and transparent. Now of course the problem is my inability to open up to him to truly reconcile. I've been burned and I don't want to be vulnerable again.

 

He had a 12 mo ea/6 mo pa with mow in 2013. He confessed to the ea Jan 1 2014, continued to work with her, she lied for him, he confessed to the pa sept 2014. By then she'd been fired and was angry. Then we had a child get sick which destroyed our lives more than any affair ever could. So for now I'm staying put, but I'm ashamed and humiliated and I resent that I went into a bad diagnosis for our child with a broken heart. I wish I had been whole when it all went down, but I was a wreck and only got worse. Child is being treated, no real long term answers about him right now but he's doing well. Our lives were permanently altered. Again.

 

The whole thing sucks frankly. Our kids were so deeply affected by the affair and all the mishandling of it. I feel like I was weak for them too by not protecting them from the crappy truth about their dad. But I had been so beaten down emotionally, I didn't have much left for them besides basics. Keep in mind my life at that point was beyond hell, none of my needs were being met and yet I managed to keep my pants on.

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When I walked in to surprise my first wife( I was 24) and saw......... I was out within 45 seconds. never looked back, never saw or spoke to her again. Divorce was done thru lawyers.

Now married about 30 years, no infidelity, but in any case I would be out in 30 seconds( because there is only one flight of stairs.

 

 

I'd be in the Guinness book at 56. Never would look back, not worth it.

 

 

Dutchman 1

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ShatteredLady

I remember talking to a friend. A mutual friend of ours had just discovered that her H had been having a long term affair with a woman at his work. She had recently given birth to their 2nd child after brutal fertility treatment!

 

Our comment was "OMG! I would hate to be her H!!! She's going to crucify him!". As predicted she dressed herself & her babies up, marched into his prestigious work, announced why she was there, with details & slapped the divorce papers on his desk. She never considered R & took him for everything.

 

Another friend found her H was sexting & having EAs online. She purchased every self-help book on Amazon. Filled their time with mutual projects & followed the 'programmes' to a t.

 

As friends we accurately predicted the response of the BW in these situations.

 

Strange thing is...At the time, discussing A, my friend commented "God help your H if he ever cheats! I can imagine what you'd do!!".

 

Truth is I don't think that anyone who knows me would believe I'd R & tolerate my H's treatment. It's something that haunts me. My friends & family consider me such a strong woman with great self-esteme. Why do I crumble & shatter?? Why do I analyze & 'understand' loved-ones appalling, abusive behavior towards me? Why is it easier for me to predict how friends would respond than myself?

 

My only explanation is circumstances. Isolation has been brutal on me. As my health has deteriorated 'friends' have drifted away. I believe that if I had a strong support system, no health issues, my H was 'himself' & not Mr Alien when he did these things....I don't know! I can't tell you how I'd react if it happened again because I truly can't explain why I've reacted the way I have in the past!

 

I promise myself I'd be out the door if I ever caught a whiff of betrayal again.

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Hopefully better question..

 

For me now any infidelity would be a show stopper. What is your thought on what would be salvageable for you (or has been?)

 

I know a couple where there is a 20 year history of infidelity and I've not asked their personal circumstances but they are still together.

 

 

Like many, like you, I thought it would be a dealbreaker. Then with my WW, it wasn't - nothing to do with a drunken ONS vs. LTA. Now if I had to face another infidelity, I would walk.

 

But this is because I'm not going to do this again. It does not mean I would have done things differently the first time, if I knew what I know today.

 

Only that there will be no second time.

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For those of you with a different view, would 1 transgression be able to be reconciled? Does duration count? Intensity?

 

before the affair had happened -- i honestly thought i'd be able to forgive & work around it. communicate. work on the issues & rebuild. but the moment i found out about it, i was 100% sure there was no going back... and at that time, i didn't even know the extent of the affair.

 

i guess you really never know until you're actually in that situation. also depends on the relationship and the person you're with. i probably would be able to forgive if i actually wanted to keep my then husband in my life.

 

and yeah, duration & intensity counts. i'd be able to understand an affair that had happened during a bad period of our marriage & was a short one, he came clean about it & the emotions weren't strong. everything else would be really hard to get over.

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Hi New Leaf

 

It is SO true that you never know how you'll react to your spouse's affair / infidelity / infidelities! It's going to sound harsh and cold but it's from a loving place, atm imho it would have been better for me and the children if my husband and their father had have died in a car crash that was not in his control. I believe it would have. We would have mourned and missed him as we knew him. We would have believed he loved us and didn't want to leave us. But I guess on further reflection my D DAYS could have been at his funeral. Now I've heard about that. Not fun at all. No its ok he's still alive. I'd rather know the truth. It's just impossible to swallow.

 

The complete earth shattering realizations that he had ONE affair shook us all into the worst places. As one son said "don't tell your family what they never want to hear in a thousand million years!" He was 12yo at the time. A thousand years wasn't long enough. A million years wasn't. It was much much more than that. We never wanted to hear it and know that about him for all eternity.

 

We are merely 10 months out from D Day Number 1. One affair.

22 days out from D Day Number 2, many affairs for YEARS.

 

It was merely 5 days after D Day Number 1 that the same son, who loves and cherishes his father, said "Dad's gotta go. Let him stay for Christmas Day and he leaves on Boxing Day. He's gotta go mum." After ONE.

 

Yep. He does. 10 months of a living nightmare. Confusion. Lies upon lies. A false R IMO. Not in WHs! He thought we were doing well. He's promised to NEVER do it again. He's getting help. Working hard. Blah blah blah. Yeah but that R was based on a lie. A whole SET of lies. It was false. And he is not me. Not us.

 

I'd left my previous WH that moment with a baby girl.

This one has been harder to detangle and detach from for many reasons.

 

My values run deep on the subject of infidelity.

My father left us for his OW.

 

This WH knew all about my history and how it devastated my life at times. He chose to do it anyway. His choice. He knew the consequences. He just arrogantly thought I'd never find out.

 

I wasted my time in R.

I wasted precious healing energy that could have been spent on myself and my children. What a complete and utter waste.

BUT I truly know myself now! Lol. I know so much more about myself since Dec 15. I have an even stronger opinion about persons who engage in this careLESS behaviour.

My focus is on all things forward not wayward anymore.

The good things in life!

Life, love and the beauty in the world.

I'm a little nervous but I'm very excited at the prospect of my future now.

 

It's a good place to be.

 

Wishing you well,

Lion Heart.

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Well it was always a deal breaker for both of us. Then things got rough, he strayed - became so emotionally abusive I barely recognized him, and I have 3 teens begging me to go to mc with him and to try to work it out. The mow was a nothing, they weren't in love, it seems like she was looking for a way out of her lower income marriage. She's not in a good place right now, and I feel for the children she neglected in her selfishness.

 

I struggle because I changed my line in the sand. Also because he knew we both agreed cheating was vile and a deal breaker and he did it anyway with someone he didn't respect or love.

 

It's been a year since full disclosure (as if I'll ever know) and he's been text book remorseful and transparent. Now of course the problem is my inability to open up to him to truly reconcile. I've been burned and I don't want to be vulnerable again.

 

He had a 12 mo ea/6 mo pa with mow in 2013. He confessed to the ea Jan 1 2014, continued to work with her, she lied for him, he confessed to the pa sept 2014. By then she'd been fired and was angry. Then we had a child get sick which destroyed our lives more than any affair ever could. So for now I'm staying put, but I'm ashamed and humiliated and I resent that I went into a bad diagnosis for our child with a broken heart. I wish I had been whole when it all went down, but I was a wreck and only got worse. Child is being treated, no real long term answers about him right now but he's doing well. Our lives were permanently altered. Again.

 

The whole thing sucks frankly. Our kids were so deeply affected by the affair and all the mishandling of it. I feel like I was weak for them too by not protecting them from the crappy truth about their dad. But I had been so beaten down emotionally, I didn't have much left for them besides basics. Keep in mind my life at that point was beyond hell, none of my needs were being met and yet I managed to keep my pants on.

 

((Hug))) I am feeling for you

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Hi New Leaf

 

It is SO true that you never know how you'll react to your spouse's affair / infidelity / infidelities! It's going to sound harsh and cold but it's from a loving place, atm imho it would have been better for me and the children if my husband and their father had have died in a car crash that was not in his control. I believe it would have. We would have mourned and missed him as we knew him. We would have believed he loved us and didn't want to leave us. But I guess on further reflection my D DAYS could have been at his funeral. Now I've heard about that. Not fun at all. No its ok he's still alive. I'd rather know the truth. It's just impossible to swallow.

 

The complete earth shattering realizations that he had ONE affair shook us all into the worst places. As one son said "don't tell your family what they never want to hear in a thousand million years!" He was 12yo at the time. A thousand years wasn't long enough. A million years wasn't. It was much much more than that. We never wanted to hear it and know that about him for all eternity.

 

We are merely 10 months out from D Day Number 1. One affair.

22 days out from D Day Number 2, many affairs for YEARS.

 

It was merely 5 days after D Day Number 1 that the same son, who loves and cherishes his father, said "Dad's gotta go. Let him stay for Christmas Day and he leaves on Boxing Day. He's gotta go mum." After ONE.

 

Yep. He does. 10 months of a living nightmare. Confusion. Lies upon lies. A false R IMO. Not in WHs! He thought we were doing well. He's promised to NEVER do it again. He's getting help. Working hard. Blah blah blah. Yeah but that R was based on a lie. A whole SET of lies. It was false. And he is not me. Not us.

 

I'd left my previous WH that moment with a baby girl.

This one has been harder to detangle and detach from for many reasons.

 

My values run deep on the subject of infidelity.

My father left us for his OW.

 

This WH knew all about my history and how it devastated my life at times. He chose to do it anyway. His choice. He knew the consequences. He just arrogantly thought I'd never find out.

 

I wasted my time in R.

I wasted precious healing energy that could have been spent on myself and my children. What a complete and utter waste.

BUT I truly know myself now! Lol. I know so much more about myself since Dec 15. I have an even stronger opinion about persons who engage in this careLESS behaviour.

My focus is on all things forward not wayward anymore.

The good things in life!

Life, love and the beauty in the world.

I'm a little nervous but I'm very excited at the prospect of my future now.

 

It's a good place to be.

 

Wishing you well,

Lion Heart.

 

 

My experience as a BW are unconventional. My H gave me a choice 8 years into our M. Open marriage or D. We were together nearly 12 years I chose open marriage because I was young and dumb. He had a woman pregnant in months. So D for me

 

Now that I am exOW (didn't know ExMM was M for ages and when I found out I never saw him again but did talk to him in what I know now was an EA)

BS knows now that ExMM has had 4 possible 5 A one that occurred when and through her last pregnancy so has been going on for decades, I couldn't keep Reconcilling with that.

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I'm with fellini on this one.

 

I don't regret my efforts to reconcile. But I'm never going thru that again. Any infidelity at all and I'm outta there.

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I'm with fellini on this one.

 

I don't regret my efforts to reconcile. But I'm never going thru that again. Any infidelity at all and I'm outta there.

 

I am (I hope) among a minority of BS who have endured and survived a LTA (Long Term Affair).

 

WW met OM at work. Became friends. Became more than friends. Fell in love. EA became a PA. PA sort of ran its course. I was finally catching on. WW ended her affair. Cut contact with OM. and confessed. EA's are hard to nail down in terms of how long they last because people kinda slip into them. My guess is that the EA went on for maybe 5 years, could be more, could be less. The PA went on for 3+ years. That's it in a nutshell.

 

People stay in marriages after an affair for as many reasons as there are BS's.

 

LOTS of men stay in the marriage to keep their kids away from the OM - lots of child abuse come from OM's. Women often move away with their next husband or the OM or whatever, and the father looses contact with his kids.

 

Many men stay for financial reasons - IMO divorce is unfair to men. Because of "no fault" laws our wives can cheat emotionally, physically, and financially - heck they can practically be axe murderers - and they will likely still get custody, most of the marital assets, alimony, and child support. And BTW (at least in some states) women don't even have to show that the child support money was spent on the child. And the man pays taxes on the money and the woman who gets the money gets it tax free.

 

Many BS become co-dependent during the affair. It's like - you know something is wrong and you're going crazy to fix it. You're struggling like crazy to hold the marriage together. I think this can become a habit that looks a lot like co-dependency.

 

All that aside - because I'm probably getting off topic.

 

I think that the statistics show that LTA's have a much lower recovery rate than do ONS or short term affairs that are just physical. A fling on a business trip is hard to get beyond, but not as hard as getting through a relationship that has gone on for years.

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I divorced her after at least a 6 month affair by my wife. I know of a least one PA but she came back begging and I told her she would have to prove herself for years. She did for 4 + years and we have been together for over 20 years now. I am glad that I did R but I will never R on a second EA or PA.

 

 

As Mrs. John Adams stated, it is so up to the people involved to R or D. However, I am convinced that long term, multiply affairs, with different people, is 99% certain to sour a relationship so that it is a wretched relationship. A ONS that RESULTS IN TRUE REMORSE PROVEN FOR YEARS is probably one of the infidelity that can have the best chance of a successful R……. IMO.

 

For those of you with a different view, would 1 transgression be able to be reconciled?

Assuming the transgression was not a long term, multiple affairs with different people; sure it would have the possibility of R but it so depends on the two people and their attitudes and strength.

 

Does duration count? Intensity?

Almost always!

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Truth is I don't think that anyone who knows me would believe I'd R & tolerate my H's treatment. It's something that haunts me. My friends & family consider me such a strong woman with great self-esteme. Why do I crumble & shatter?? Why do I analyze & 'understand' loved-ones appalling, abusive behavior towards me?

 

I personally don't think that "crumble & shatter" is synonymous with "stay and reconciliation".

 

It's more probable that my strong self esteem and strength of character got me through dday.

 

That is how I got to the truth about the affair: it was WW abusive behavior of herself not me.

 

My daughter and I are more like collateral damage in her ****storm.

 

Had I thought her A was to abuse me, I would have walked in that second of realisation.

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Well it was always a deal breaker for both of us. Then things got rough, he strayed - became so emotionally abusive I barely recognized him, and I have 3 teens begging me to go to mc with him and to try to work it out. The mow was a nothing, they weren't in love, it seems like she was looking for a way out of her lower income marriage. She's not in a good place right now, and I feel for the children she neglected in her selfishness.

 

I struggle because I changed my line in the sand. Also because he knew we both agreed cheating was vile and a deal breaker and he did it anyway with someone he didn't respect or love.

 

It's been a year since full disclosure (as if I'll ever know) and he's been text book remorseful and transparent. Now of course the problem is my inability to open up to him to truly reconcile. I've been burned and I don't want to be vulnerable again.

 

He had a 12 mo ea/6 mo pa with mow in 2013. He confessed to the ea Jan 1 2014, continued to work with her, she lied for him, he confessed to the pa sept 2014. By then she'd been fired and was angry. Then we had a child get sick which destroyed our lives more than any affair ever could. So for now I'm staying put, but I'm ashamed and humiliated and I resent that I went into a bad diagnosis for our child with a broken heart. I wish I had been whole when it all went down, but I was a wreck and only got worse. Child is being treated, no real long term answers about him right now but he's doing well. Our lives were permanently altered. Again.

 

The whole thing sucks frankly. Our kids were so deeply affected by the affair and all the mishandling of it. I feel like I was weak for them too by not protecting them from the crappy truth about their dad. But I had been so beaten down emotionally, I didn't have much left for them besides basics. Keep in mind my life at that point was beyond hell, none of my needs were being met and yet I managed to keep my pants on.

 

Dear Midwestmissy

 

My heart goes out to you. All healing thoughts and prayers for your son. XXXX

All good thoughts and prayers for your healing too. XXXX

I hope your son makes a full recovery.

And your heart is healed from both traumas.

Lion Heart.

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My experience as a BW are unconventional. My H gave me a choice 8 years into our M. Open marriage or D. We were together nearly 12 years I chose open marriage because I was young and dumb. He had a woman pregnant in months. So D for me

 

Now that I am exOW (didn't know ExMM was M for ages and when I found out I never saw him again but did talk to him in what I know now was an EA)

BS knows now that ExMM has had 4 possible 5 A one that occurred when and through her last pregnancy so has been going on for decades, I couldn't keep Reconcilling with that.

 

Gosh Newleaf what a horrible ride in your M!

Did you mean your exWH? (as opposed to exMM?) Or your exAP who was married unbeknownst to you.

Then a very sad walk up the garden path too! Ugh.

 

It's the addictive behaviours of serial cheaters that blows me away. Is that both your exes "diagnoses" by your estimation?

 

My question to you is are you trying to get an idea of social "norms" re-infidelity? And thereby maybe alter your stance on the subject?

 

I believe we don't know exactly how we will react until a surprise D Day occurs. I used to think that was a crazy notion.

We have our values. Discussed the consequences as a married couple. Done. Set.

But now I think it's mostly true in alot of cases that at least on the 1st experience of infidelity in M (esp with children), we just don't know. Better put, we can't necessarily predict.

 

This is my 2nd marriage experience of infidelity by a WH. My first I left. Attended MC / IC for 2y whilst separated.

The insult was so deep that WH could do THAT when our baby girl was ill.

I had to protect her. Easier to escape - renting. 1 child.

ExWH has been remarried to not his AP for almost 20y. His wife has endured hell. Our DD had been there overnight as a child and the stories of WH being locked out of the house and getting a ladder to break into his own house in the morning. Yeah on an overnight access visit! His three children in the house and he's out all night. My female cousins seeing him out clubbing when he was supposed to be with his own children on other occasions. With OWs and hitting on my cousins! I am so glad I picked up and left.

 

Now this WH. So much time, love, effort. Unbelievable effort to struggle through poverty. Maintain the health of my children esp. I tried to R after my first D Day. It was a horrible time. LS really supported me on every emotional level. Now with D Day Number 2 it means D. The first D Day exposed the last and "only" affair I knew about. The second D Day exposed the previous 4-5y of infidelity. Previous to the last A! Follow? He** I don't sometimes lol. Basically it exposed WH as not only a cheater but a serial cheater. IMO the worst kind. IDK is it? He'd had a vasectomy so it could have been worse IMO had he not but then .... later.

 

We must all have our idea of "deal breaker" but be kind enough to change our minds if we choose. There are no laws saying you must.... after your spouse cheats. It bears weight to attempt to employ rational thinking in one of most difficult emotional times. I've done a lot of research on as many aspects of infidelity as I could since Dec. But then it comes down to two people. Or one in the end on many occasions with D.

 

It's difficult territory to navigate.

 

Lion Heart.

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I am (I hope) among a minority of BS who have endured and survived a LTA (Long Term Affair).

 

WW met OM at work. Became friends. Became more than friends. Fell in love. EA became a PA. PA sort of ran its course. I was finally catching on. WW ended her affair. Cut contact with OM. and confessed. EA's are hard to nail down in terms of how long they last because people kinda slip into them. My guess is that the EA went on for maybe 5 years, could be more, could be less. The PA went on for 3+ years. That's it in a nutshell.

 

People stay in marriages after an affair for as many reasons as there are BS's.

 

LOTS of men stay in the marriage to keep their kids away from the OM - lots of child abuse come from OM's. Women often move away with their next husband or the OM or whatever, and the father looses contact with his kids.

 

Many men stay for financial reasons - IMO divorce is unfair to men. Because of "no fault" laws our wives can cheat emotionally, physically, and financially - heck they can practically be axe murderers - and they will likely still get custody, most of the marital assets, alimony, and child support. And BTW (at least in some states) women don't even have to show that the child support money was spent on the child. And the man pays taxes on the money and the woman who gets the money gets it tax free.

 

Many BS become co-dependent during the affair. It's like - you know something is wrong and you're going crazy to fix it. You're struggling like crazy to hold the marriage together. I think this can become a habit that looks a lot like co-dependency.

 

All that aside - because I'm probably getting off topic.

 

I think that the statistics show that LTA's have a much lower recovery rate than do ONS or short term affairs that are just physical. A fling on a business trip is hard to get beyond, but not as hard as getting through a relationship that has gone on for years.

 

Thank you for your post. You don't mention your reason.

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I personally don't think that "crumble & shatter" is synonymous with "stay and reconciliation".

 

It's more probable that my strong self esteem and strength of character got me through dday.

 

That is how I got to the truth about the affair: it was WW abusive behavior of herself not me.

 

My daughter and I are more like collateral damage in her ****storm.

 

Had I thought her A was to abuse me, I would have walked in that second of realisation.

 

 

 

I think I need to read the back story here to understand

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I think I need to read the back story here to understand

 

 

Well previously I already made the point that it doesn't matter to me if it was an ONS or a LTA.

 

But the gist of the backstory is: a 1-2 year EA turned PA (2 months) with a co-worker at a University where they enjoyed considerable freedom in timetable and lack of routines in order to hook up without drawing attention. NC began on DDay even though they continue to work in the same Faculty.

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