mur4th Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 the girl i'mma talking to cheater once before and now she's with me should i trust her not to cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 is it true once a cheater always a cheater? No. Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 abolutely true. Old habits die hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Some people just make a mistake. I wouldn't call cheating once a "habit". It depends on the person and the situation, but personally I don't think that everyone that has cheated will cheat again. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Originally posted by mur4th the girl i'mma talking to cheater once before and now she's with me should i trust her not to cheat? well it depends, historical behavior is a reliable indicator of future behavior but it is not 100% accurate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teag Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I've cheated on one of my ex boyfriends once, BUT i've NEVER cheated on anyone else since or before that. So I don't think that is nessarily true. It just depends on the person, but I would trust her until she gives you a reason NOT to trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Once a cheater not always a cheater. Sure, habits die hard, but once a smoker not always a smoker? Link to post Share on other sites
Cupcake Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 But you should definately trust until given a reason not to. That's the best advice. It's not easy to predict a person's future behavior by judging the past. There are many things to consider before doing so. How old were they when they cheated? Why did they cheat? For fun? For Pleasure? No reason? The answer to these two questions can clear up a lot of things for you. Try and see what has changed since the time they cheated and the present time. Warnning: If the answer has anything to do with you, for example: "You made me want to be a better person. Your love satisfies me." It's not a good sign. In order for a person to change, they have to change because of something within themselves, not to please another person. You also don't want to carry the burden when they actaully do cheat. Then you will feel like it was your fault for not satisfing them enough, or making them feel important. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 No. There are too many other variables to consider to be sucked in by such a broad generalization. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I share the same take on this as Cupcake. I think it depends on the age and maturity of the person at the time, how long ago it happened, how many times it happened, and what their attitude is in regard to infidelity now. Do they continue to justify their actions - or have they reached the conclusion that it wasn't the best way they could have handled their situation? Anyone can screw up once. Particularly when you're young, inexperienced and naive. But I think if the person in question is thirty or over, then one has to look a little deeper into the mindset/character of that person. Particularly when it comes to how they manage their relationships when issues arise. Do they address the problem head on and look for resolutions? Do they bail out and run at the slightest hint of trouble? Or are they in the habit of looking outside of that relationship to temporarily fill their needs? Sometimes bad habits become so ingrained that it becomes a part of that person's personality. And the older you get, the harder it is to change. They're pretty much set in their ways. You'll also want to consider how much attention and positive reinforcement that person needs. (aka: ego stroking) Some people are very confident in themselves and only require a few strokes and prefer that they come from their primary partner or people they admire and respect - while others require constant affirmation from the opposite sex in order to feel validated and desired as a person. You'll know fairly early on in your relationship just which personality type you're with. All in all, it's a gamble either way. There will never be any way to determine whether or not the person you're with will ever cheat on you. Since there is sometimes a first time for everything, even someone who has never cheated before might present the same exact risk. If you can't trust your gal to do the right thing, and you're afraid of being hurt, then don't take the gamble. You'll make yourself sick worrying every day whether or not she'll remain faithful. If she's WORTH it, then live each day for the moment being thankful for the time you're together, and worry about dealing with tomorrow if and when it happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by Cupcake But you should definately trust until given a reason not to. That's the best advice. It's not easy to predict a person's future behavior by judging the past. There are many things to consider before doing so. Give her a chance. Things could be different with you. You'll never know if you don't try. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by mur4th the girl i'mma talking to cheater once before and now she's with me should i trust her not to cheat? Is this the same girl you talked about in your previous posts? You said she was your best friend's ex, and you wanted to have a relationship with her. Was their relationship really over before the two of you became involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mur4th Posted January 16, 2005 Author Share Posted January 16, 2005 their relationship was over because he broke up with her, but he still wants to hang with her like they are boyfriend girlfriend because if he loses her he might not have anybody. so he keeps trying to talk to her while we wanna go together and yet he's over trying to get back with his ex girlfriend. if it doesnt work out with his ex girlfriend then he's gonna try harder to be with the woman who likes me and not him. Link to post Share on other sites
waspybird Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 i believe that when guys cheat, its because they are womanizers, they love women and how they look, i know a guy who makes groans and other noises everytime he sees a pretty girl or one in short skirt, boots etc on tv or in the street, he has a n obsession with women and i know for a fact he is aquainting with atleast 4 women i know about, so god knows how many more... he is not a nasty person and i think its an illness, he has addiction and i personally dont think he will ever get over it.. one guy had the right answer to teach urself to deal with it, yea thats right control it, without being obvious (what people cant see, they cant critisize-see safe)and treasure the love u have b4 u lose her, its a long time being old and lonely... Link to post Share on other sites
waspybird Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 i also meant to say, this guy will never have my trust, as its not the first time his done it, this is big in my world,Ive walked away, so i guess theirs also a lesson there, control it, before u lose the one u really love.. Link to post Share on other sites
lovephreakout Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 IMO i would be cautious.. if she has done it before and gotten away with it... or with you while she still had another relationship...i wouldnt feel too comfortable trusting 100%.. like everyone else said tho, it may be best to trust until you have reason not to... i guess it really depends on the situation at the time and what kind of person she is... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 i i know a guy who makes groans and other noises everytime he sees a pretty girl or one in short skirt, boots etc on tv or in the street, How attractive. Some people might give in once to the temptation to cheat, become racked with remorse, confess all, try to work things through with their partner and be committed to not cheating again. Others just cheat as a matter of course, and might bother to pretend they feel bad about it (if/when they get caught out)....but only if they've got some investment in staying with the person they cheated on. Most people who cheat probably fall somewhere in between those two categories. That's my helpful analysis. I suppose to work out more usefully what category someone who has cheated on you falls into, it might help to consider how principled they are (or aren't) in other areas of their life. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance. So, yeah, I think the answer is no. However, there are the serial cheats, who, I think, can't get by without cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 hey all, i think people who have cheated can change and never do it again .. as long as they are honest and upfront with all their comings and goings and don't keep secrets from their s/o .. as longs as they are always honest and never tell lies and feel they have to hide stuff.. they can be trusted again but if they will hide stuff from you and not be honest what makes you think they won't do it again.. all in all i think a cheater won't cheat if they are willing to change their habits from the lies and desception Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 I've cheated on one of my ex boyfriends once, BUT i've NEVER cheated on anyone else since or before that. So I don't think that is nessarily true. It just depends on the person, but I would trust her until she gives you a reason NOT to trust her. Me Too! You should always trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Don't judge on past mistakes. People change. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Me Too! You should always trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Don't judge on past mistakes. People change. You have to develop trust over time. You can believe that someone is telling you the truth until they give you a reason to otherwise but that is not trust. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Well, of course trust develops over time, but you shouldn't just start off a relationship thinking your going to get cheated on if she hasn't done anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Personally, I think if it's in your nature to cheat once then it's in your nature to cheat again. That doesn't mean that a person that has cheated once decides that it was the wrong thing for them will not be able to control themselves when the urge arises the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
bellaD Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 I disagree. I cheated on my first bf and would never, EVER cheat on my recent one!! I could never- i dont have it in my heart, thats how you know you really love someone i guess. I've been cheated on too by my first and the feeling SUX. But, im an example of proving the stement "once a cheater aways a cheater" wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Hey Bella, So you are saying that when someone cheats on you is because they don't love you... Link to post Share on other sites
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