Poll: If still together after [you/spouse/partner had] an affair, how long?

[compulsivedancer]

<Moderation note: This poll is for couples who experienced an affair in their relationship and remained together after>

 

If you are still together after an affair, how long has it been?

 

 

1) Just found out.

2) Under 6 months.

3) 6-12 months.

4) 1-2 years.

5) 3-5 years.

6) more than 5 years.

 

Elaborate in the comments if you like. .

Edited June 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RecentChange]

Seems like the poll is working.

 

I choose 5 years. He had, abiet brief (month long), physical (started on a business trip on the opposite coast) and emotional (after the trip) affair about 5 years ago.

 

I had my own, brief, physical affair a few months ago now which has not been discovered / disclosed.

[compulsivedancer]

Seems like the poll is working.

 

I choose 5 years. He had, abiet brief (month long), physical (started on a business trip on the opposite coast) and emotional (after the trip) affair about 5 years ago.

 

I had my own, brief, physical affair a few months ago now which has not been discovered / disclosed.

Yeah, I'd probably count from the first affair, although that DOES get tricky.

[seren]

We are 7 years on from H telling me about the A. We have been together almost 30 years. neither of us discussed divorce. Life is damned good, better than ever in fact. I wonder if the length of time together influences the staying together results.

[Got it]

Oops! I read this wrong as I thought this was geared towards affair partners. We are still together, after the affair, for more than 5 years.

[Starswillshine]

Hard to really pin point. When I first found out? Or the time when I found out they stayed in communication? Or the time when I found out the entire truth?

[RecentChange]

Wow, flash from the past.

 

Soooo now it's been 17 months since my D Day, and 6 1/2 years since his.

 

Still together.

[Mrs. John Adams]

It has been almost 34 years since my affair....we are still together....45 years! and better than ever!!!

Funny...I voted in the poll a long time ago but did not comment.

[compulsivedancer]

Wow, flash from the past.

 

Soooo now it's been 17 months since my D Day, and 6 1/2 years since his.

 

Still together.

 

I replied a couple times yesterday to a post about affairs, after being mostly silent for a long time. I'm guessing someone searched my posts and resurrected these.

[aurelius99]

I have a strange theory about affairs. While what I'm about to say applies to both genders overall, I believe it applies slightly more to women. If a man has an affair, the observable response by MOST women, regardless of how angry they get and how much they condemn it, is to find themselves MORE attracted to the man. The reason for this is complex. It has to do with the fact that women are instinctively (not rationally) attracted to men with status and power. And men with status and power tend to have OPTIONS. And men who have options tend to have affairs. The key phrase here is "tend to". So it doesn't apply to all people.

 

This idea is also, interestingly, tied to the idea of polygamy. What shocked me is that when you examine cultures and societies who practice polygamy, the women are totally fine with it and even like it. This blew my mind. But the reason for this is similar to why women MIGHT be more attracted to a man who has an affair. On an instinctive level, polygamy showed that the man had power and status. And this clearly ranks higher on a woman's instinctive priority list than does monogamy and moral fortitude.

 

That's my theory. Of course I'm expecting women to argue against this. Of course. But this arguing does not reflect their instinct. Instinct does what it does and wants what it wants. I think most women if they're honest will admit to what I'm saying here.

 

For the record I've never cheated. I've just observed human nature.

[somanymistakes]

Cultures vary though - and in the poly community you can find plenty of people in happy one-woman-many-men relationships and they're all cool with it. There are many, many different ways for people to live. 'Moral fortitude' isn't an issue when it's a consensual situation.

[Miss Peach]

That's my theory. Of course I'm expecting women to argue against this. Of course. But this arguing does not reflect their instinct. Instinct does what it does and wants what it wants. I think most women if they're honest will admit to what I'm saying here.

 

I've been cheated on 2 times that I know about and possibly a third but not married to any of the cheaters. It made me lose respect for all of them. I only attempted to stay with one of them and was difficult and he had to do a lot to show me I could trust him again. FWIW the one I tried to stay with bought the attention so it didn't do anything for his 'status' in my eyes.

 

I have the same reaction when married men hit on me who are not in open relationships ... I lose respect.

[MuddyFootprints]

I think we are 5 years. Still feel the need for random strangers' opinion on cheaters.

 

I'm just here for my daily 40 lashes.

[compulsivedancer]

I think we are 5 years. Still feel the need for random strangers' opinion on cheaters.

 

I'm just here for my daily 40 lashes.

 

It's not worth it. Move on, forgive yourself. Build something with your husband, if you can.