Jump to content

Women cope better with being single than men


Recommended Posts

http://howtounderstandpeople.blogspot.com/2015/09/women-better-at-coping-with-being-single.html?m=1

 

"One of the parents in attendance was a single mom who, as it turns out, lost her own mom at an early age. She was the only person in the group who was single, and I couldn't help but notice how well she carried herself. To say she was talkative is an understatement -- this gregarious woman talked endlessly the whole time we were there! One of the things she said was that even though things didn't work out with her child's father, she feels blessed to have her daughter. I couldn't sense any bitterness in her voice at not having a man in her life.

 

A co-worker of mine finds herself in a similar boat. Her two kids are roughly 10 years apart in age. I've never asked her whether both have the same father. Still, she doesn't seem resentful in any way about the fact that she wound up as a single mom. It's as if her two kids are enough, and she doesn't need a man to fill a void or "complete" her life.

 

With men, though, it's a different story. I've noticed that the longer they go without a partner -- whether it's a one night stand or long-term relationship -- the more irritable they become. As I've documented in prior posts, studies have proven that men generally desire sex more than women do.

 

But, if we dig deeper, there's more to it than sex. Men seem more prone to consider themselves failures -- and in turn suffer more frequent bouts of low-self esteem and depression -- when they go a prolonged period of time without a partner.

 

Women are more adept at channeling their desire for sex or male attention into other pursuits, like partaking in activities with their kids or joining book clubs.

 

This is not to say that a woman never frets over being in a dating slump. Many out there hold out hope that Mr. Right will come into their lives sooner or later. After all, human beings naturally seek out the warmth and affection of a partner. It isn't easy to simply resign oneself to the single life, and it becomes especially difficult to be alone on Valentine's Day, Christmas, and other special occasions throughout the year.

 

Still, women generally seem to be better sports about it than men. Even if the men have kids, they're more predisposed to feeling that something is missing in their lives than women in the same situation."

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have noticed that when a couple has been married for many decades and then one of them passes, the widow seems to fare better than when it is a widower. I'm not sure why that is.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree women tend to be better at being single, but, I think there's another reason to it that you don't mention.

 

 

Women are far better able to get their emotional needs met through other women than men are with other men.

 

 

What I mean is that women, generally more so than we men, are able to form deep emotional bonds with other women, their friends. They have close friends and conversations with those friends, in ways that are foreign to us guys.

 

 

IMO, this helps them to be single. They get all the emotional support they need from friends, and especially if they no longer desire the physical needs, makes it much easier to remain single. It's why there are many older women perfectly content to be single, but not so much for the men. Many men would say their wives are their best friends, and without them, they really have no one left to open up to.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

People tend to congregate in groups, which is why we have societies and not billions of people off living on their own in the woods and deserts and plains and mountains. People gather, people are hard wired to propagate the species so they seek out partners to do that with and often remain with those partners so tend to, if doing so, seek out like-minded people to socialize with and prosper with.

 

In general, women are network experts. They're wired that way. They can have a rich and full social life without a permanent partner because they have many partners, in fact a whole network of partners, plus any gratuitous attention they receive from men wanting to reproduce with them, even if such thoughts or desires are not on their mind. That attention results in social interactions, if the lady lets it.

 

In the past, men were socialized to compete and dominate others, both men and women, and seeking out sexual and marital partners was part of their kingdom building. Gaze upon any patriarchal dynasty for clear examples. If faced with an upstart woman leaving the dynasty, or finding a superior example, the man sought out that replacement, both to fill his own needs and to preserve the potency of the dynasty. Without a partner, his social status and potency was diminished. Sure, he could still be successful, but not as successful, and image is important to a man, as is legacy.

 

Today, I think, with the younger folks anyway, the messages of the past have waned a bit. This is reflected in viewing more young women, and men too, remaining single, whether that means truly single as in not having a boy/girl-friend or not getting married young. What was outlier behavior a couple generations ago is increasingly 'normal'.

 

On a more personal note, having been socialized by an outlier woman, one who remained single far beyond the norms of her generation, I noted a behavior I find evident in myself as well, that being, if learning to be single at a young age, as opposed to being partnered or married, it's quite effortless to be that way again if/when partnerships fail. In her case, it was being widowed after a lifetime marriage. In mine, divorce. Regardless, the skills and perspectives live on and are easy to adopt after a relationship ends or fails. I guess you could call it coping; myself, I call it living. I think men and women have equal opportunity to live. How we live is up to us.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
It isn't easy to simply resign oneself to the single life, and it becomes especially difficult to be alone on Valentine's Day, Christmas, and other special occasions throughout the year.

 

Only if you spend the time looking at other couples and dreaming of romance. It's not like hand-holding is the only thing to do on these days.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I largely agree! My wife thinks she needs me but I promise you id be lost without her - I always would of! And I can safely say that my brother, my best friends, my dad, my grandad, would not be where they are without the respective women in there lives!

 

 

Re the single parent thing though, it would be fairer to compare a full custody single mum, with a full custody single dad! He's likely to have a much fuller life than a single every-other-weekend-dad.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint

Men tend to measure themselves by accomplishments. Having a partner, a family, successful career, etc. Centuries of social conditioning and pressure tends to affect a man's view of himself, and be self-conscious that others might be judging him too. Having a penis and being able to urinate standing up anywhere, is probably the only easy thing a man has going for him.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I've observed the same. When my grandmother was widowed in her 60s, she had many widowers trying to make her their next wife. She was having none of it!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Men tend to measure themselves by accomplishments. Having a partner, a family, successful career, etc. Centuries of social conditioning and pressure tends to affect a man's view of himself, and be self-conscious that others might be judging him too. Having a penis and being able to urinate standing up anywhere, is probably the only easy thing a man has going for him.

 

Yeah, I think I'm pretty happy with my life but my current relationship status and the stigma that it entails is kind of downing me for sure.

 

I want a girlfriend that I can grow a relationship with and eventually build a family.

 

Most of my male friends are either working on this with a SO or already have it. The ones that don't, they value the bachelor life above all else.

 

My family always asking me when am I going to find someone again. That I'm wasting what youth I have left. I won't be as good of a father as I could be the longer I wait. That I need to just settle. It's not a lot of fun on that end.

 

Spending 8 years in a failed relationship sure did set me back.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I love my husband and my life with him, but I also know I'd be OK alone. I always thought this was because my childhood made me strong and resilient, but maybe it's just because I'm a woman?

 

My husband's dad died less than a year after his mom, and my grandfather less than a year after my granny. :( I also think my dad would start drinking again if he lost my mom. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
Women are more adept at channeling their desire for sex or male attention into other pursuits, like partaking in activities with their kids or joining book clubs.

 

 

If you can replace sex with book clubs, sex wasn't very important in the first place. On the average, I think men need sex far more than do women. I NEED sex to be happy. I know that now. A book club or playing with kids is no substitute; not even close.

 

Still, women generally seem to be better sports about it than men. Even if the men have kids, they're more predisposed to feeling that something is missing in their lives than women in the same situation."

 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I'll take the wisdom of the ages. My ex was and is still vicious and has taken every opportunity to ruin me, even though I always worried about her well being and asked for much less in the divorce than I was legally entitled to have.

Edited by Robert Z
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't believe men need sex more than women. Not at all.

 

 

Men are socialized to get their physical needs for affection, touch, etc met almost solely through sex.

 

 

Women are not. Women can hug their friends, male or female. Women can touch others without it coming across as threatening. Women are free to be affectionate in ways that men are not. So, women can go without intercourse longer than men, not because they desire sex less... but because they are having their psycho/social physical needs met in other ways... Men... not so much.

 

 

On top of that... men are not socialized to provide much emotional support to women. Usually just the opposite... they are the ones requiring emotional support. So, if a woman doesn't need what many men have to offer (a penis and a paycheck), a lot of women will stay single rather than have one more person tapping into her emotional reserves and making her life a chore.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well most not all woman have more options of men wanting to date them . Men non the other hand only have a few options .

 

Men go for the hottest woman he can afford, women go for the most successful man she can attract.

 

Also woman can not have a job or hold one. Have no ambition in life and still have men lined up around the block to date her.

 

On the other hand men have to work and have it all if they want a GF IMO>

 

BTW I am generalizing so bite me. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, I assure you, it doesn't matter whether a woman appears content to be single or in despair over being single, men will find it unattractive either way, so it doesn't matter, they will say she's behaving unattractively no matter what. They always find everything wrong with women.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I mean it's really not surprising to see this. When it comes to sex, a woman can get laid by accident. Guys get laid on purpose.

So of course the woman will be content with being single. She's a woman. She can go on Facebook post pics, get likes, guys drooling over her. Willing to hop out of home to spend any time with her. Even if she has kids, she'd still get companionship. Either way or any time she'd like. Even on her own terms.

 

Now for guys, it's colder. It's just the way it is. They can sign up on dating sites: get ignored, get mixed signals. It is frustrating. Then, when the man is frustrated, he is whining or being desperate. But he is human. Just like a woman is human.

 

When a woman is in need of companionship, she can make cuddle statuses, or "LMS' posts and garner attention some way or another. Men, he can make the same posts but seen as thirsty, desperate, needy--and we all know a woman doesn't like that.

 

Both men and women want sex. It's just the old stigma behind it all: woman has multiple partners = whore/slut

men with multiple partners = he's the man.

 

But what can solve that for a guy? Money. When your money is long, your game is strong. You can buy you a woman. But the thing is, those women are artificial. Are you content with that, as a man? Rather than searching for a woman who'd really give a **** about you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate it when conversations descend to this level. Makes both men and women look like pitiful creatures.

 

Whether or not they are getting laid is not really the question on this thread though. Is it? Its asking which sex tends to fare better when they are on their own.

 

I have to say I think women. Simply because we tend to be able to talk more than men and we don't have to worry what others "think" if we shed a few tears on a bad day or need a hug. Simple things like that are much harder for many men to ask for or give. The fact that they are less likely to ask, therefore receive that support takes an emotional toil.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...