Boyfriend is always watching football

[Char12]

So my boyfriend has always loved football and I hate it. He's always watched it and gone to the games but there used to be balance. He'd watch the most important games and we'd still go out and do things together. He also would be fine turning down a match every so often to see me.

 

However since football has started again this year he watches pretty much every game. I went to his house this bank holiday weekend, expecting to go out and do something at least once and every night has been something football related. We can't have a day doing something because he has to go to a game in the middle of the day. Even when he's not watching football he's either playing a football game or on his phone texting his mates about football.

 

He said to me "well I've always put football before you and you never used to care" and made it into a joke after he realized how hurtful what he said was, and I let it go.. but he does always put football before me nowadays.. and he didn't always. I just don't feel as valued in general anymore to be honest.

 

He also said that i'm controlling him saying he's not allowed to watch football and that i'm spoilt that I get to see him every weekend because he turns down plans with his friends often for me. This has really hurt me because I thought we both enjoyed spending weekends together and now I feel like a burden. Plus I don't ever tell him what he can and can't do, he's been on two holidays with his friends this year without going on one with me and i've said nothing. He always says that he works all week and should be able to do what he wants in his free time without me nagging. Basically implying that I should do what I want in the day whilst he's working and he should be able to do what he likes after work. Buw where's the time to do things we both enjoy? And I'm starting a new job soon, so do we both just do separate things after we finish work? Now it's just turned into a completely different issue and I left after he said all this feeling awful and that he'd rather be with his mates or watching football anyway. As I was leaving he just said I was overreacting. I do feel like I am overreacting, but I think this is really the last straw in just feeling undervalued in the relationship anyway. I'm feeling confused more than anything.

 

 

Any advice about whether I am overreacting to what he's said?

 

Thanks

[DatingDirection]

I know how annoying it is to watch someone sit and watch television all day. When i was kid, that's all my dad would ever do, especially sports and the news. But he's not your dad, he's your boyfriend.

 

I think it's unreasonable to tell him he can't watch sports altogether. That's controlling. However, there should be a balance. Is he taking you out? Do you two spend time together, without the tv? If so, that's good. If not, then tell him you would like to spend quality time with him, for once, even if there is a game going on. But that you understand he likes these games on tv, that's cool, but you would like to know your a bit more important than a game.

 

If he's just watching sports all day each day, then that's a different story, and he's likely not going to change once you get married, if you want it to go that way, the marriage route.

Edited August 30, 2015 by DatingDirection

[d0nnivain]

I'm assuming you mean soccer rather than American football.

 

 

To me that is a bigger problem because there are waaaayyyy more soccer matches then football games.

 

 

I don't think you are overreacting here but I don't see him changing. I wouldn't start a fight over it. I would say "I have no desire to control you but I'm not content to take a back seat to a stupid game. So congrats you have your freedom. Enjoy your mates & matches. I'm off to find a new BF who values me. Ta ta."

[CarrieT]

So my boyfriend has always loved football and I hate it.

 

You guys need to break up.

 

He needs a girlfriend that will - at least - tolerate his viewing habits and want to watch an occasional game with him, and maybe even enjoy it a bit.

 

And you need a boyfriend who will put you before a sporting event.

[Char12]

You guys need to break up.

 

He needs a girlfriend that will - at least - tolerate his viewing habits and want to watch an occasional game with him, and maybe even enjoy it a bit.

 

And you need a boyfriend who will put you before a sporting event.

 

 

I do tolerate it and I have watched the odd game and tried to enjoy it but the truth is I can't force myself to like it. And the problem is that he watches it excessively, not that he watches the odd match.

[CarrieT]

I do tolerate it and I have watched the odd game and tried to enjoy it but the truth is I can't force myself to like it. And the problem is that he watches it excessively, not that he watches the odd match.

 

That's the point. You tolerate it. He should have someone in his life who enjoys it at least a little bit. "Excessive" is your perspective, but probably not from his perspective if he is that much of a fan.

 

And you should have someone who is more aligned with your interests and, whatever they may be.

 

Look, I'm the same as you; I can't stand sports. When I was doing Online Dating, my profile was pretty emphatic that if the guy was going to spend anywhere close to four hours of our collective weekend watching any type of sports game, we were not compatible and to not even bother chatting with me. I got some flack for that but, eventually, I found a guy who will spend weekends going to concerts, museums, and lectures.

 

In the long run, you can't get your guy to change his passions and interests and complaining about it won't make any difference to your relationship other than get you more upset. Ultimately you will need to move on....

[Clarence_Boddicker]

What are your ages?

[2.50 a gallon]

Me, I am a big American football fan. ExW hated it. Big 49er fan, and we agreed to other than the night games, I watched the 49er game. She is long gone. Current GF while not a football fan, has chosen a team to root for. She has never complained about how much I watch. In fact several years back, when the price fell bought me a large screen TV to watch the games and NASCAR races. So I no longer have go to the local sports bar to see them on the wide screen. That way I now stay at home to watch the games.

[WomenWubber]

Get a new hobby (i.e. dating other people).

[elaine567]

He is passionate about football, you will not be able to change that, he may even get worse as he ages. Many men do.

He puts football and his friends and holidays before you, as that is his priority. Some guys are just like that.

YOU have to put up or you shut up, it is not negotiable. He is already "giving up" stuff he really wants to do, to spend time with you, so be grateful, woman...

 

YOU are not going to be able to change him and if you try, you will have one unhappy man on your hands. Football is addictive and once hooked, many are not willing to give it up.

 

YOU have to accept it for what it is, or you give up and find someone else more compatible, I suggest the latter.

[DatingDirection]

I love this post!

 

 

I'm assuming you mean soccer rather than American football.

 

 

To me that is a bigger problem because there are waaaayyyy more soccer matches then football games.

 

 

I don't think you are overreacting here but I don't see him changing. I wouldn't start a fight over it. I would say "I have no desire to control you but I'm not content to take a back seat to a stupid game. So congrats you have your freedom. Enjoy your mates & matches. I'm off to find a new BF who values me. Ta ta."

[GemmaUK]

I'm from the UK and tend to avoid men who are into football for this very reason.

I don't mind the odd game and have been to see a fair few and enjoyed them too but many UK guys watch it all - every single game, whether they support the team or not.

 

Ditch him and find a man who likes music - there are plenty out there!

[craw]

This is one of the main reasons for me not to go back to my ex. Between gaming, e sport watching, hockey or world cup. Its too much.

 

I remember we travelled to a MLG three day gaming tournament. I got really into StarCraft, ofc he switched to Dota. Extremely frustrating.

 

I understand (or still need to learn) independence in relationships, but when it gets excessive. It's unbearable.

 

 

So either put up with it or get out.

 

 

After reading this post, fook this guy.

[Gloria25]

Does he do "anything" with you?

 

I mean, if he chills on the weekend and watches football but, like takes you out to dinner, movies, etc on another day of the week - then I don't see what the big deal is.

 

Now a days you can ever record stuff. Can't he like record the game, take you out and watch it, fast forward through commercials, etc some other time on the weekend?

 

I don't know, part of me is on dude's side cuz I spend all week (even most of the weekend) running the streets, going to work, etc. On some days off and/or weekend I just wanna sit around and veg. I'm a homebody, but then again, I just can't do that on the regular. Although I'm trying to veg today, I've already had to run a few errand, gotta run more, and did some more chores around the home

 

So, I get where he's coming from and just wanna watch his TV...but, when you're in a RL, you just can't blow off the other person.

 

Lemme ask you this..."what" do you want him to do with you? I mean, football is not on 24/7 on the weekends. If you wanna go on a hike with him, I'm sure it can be done early in the morning. If you wanna eat with him, why not order in and eat and watch the game with him? If you wanna go out, can't he record it and watch it commercial free when you two come home?

 

Also, what is hanging out with you doing for him? Cuz, I don't know, if someone really, really enjoys the time they are spending with you, they'll make the effort to find time for you and even put off other stuff they got going on.

 

I mean, I think things that women perceive as "fun" just aren't "fun" for guys. So, to expect him to drop football to sit down and look at you and talk is not gonna be something a guy's just gonna do.

 

Also, do you give him any incentives for sacrificing his football to treat you? I was listening to the radio once where this woman was mad cuz dude took her out for V-day, bought her flowers, and when they went home, he sat in front of the TV. Well geesh, did she invite him to the bedroom to "reward" him for such a lovely evening? I'm sure if she did, that TV would be "off" in a heartbeat.

[elaine567]

Now a days you can ever record stuff. Can't he like record the game, take you out and watch it, fast forward through commercials, etc some other time on the weekend?

 

Most football-mad guys in the UK go and watch their team live at home and away, and any matches watched on TV are best watched live too. Watching the game non-live is not a good option, as his mates will all be watching and he won't want to miss the score.

Then there are highlights programmes and foreign football, and watching football in the pub too - the list is endless.

He also plays football and his mates are all football fans too, so football will be the main subject of conversation.

If he is one of those obsessed guys, and he sounds very like it, she hasn't a hope in hell really.

[ltjg45]

Just break up with him.

 

He said he will always put sports ahead of you. To him, you will never be the priority in his life. If he is saying this now while you two are dating, it will be more of the same in the future.

 

Find another guy who isn't addicted to sports.

[Els]

Important Q here: DID you actually try to tell him that he's 'not allowed to watch football'? Because that actually IS being controlling. On the other hand he is certainly being a pretty ****ty boyfriend if he spends an entire long weekend watching football and not doing anything with you. Both of you are operating in an extreme manner - there is such a thing as balance.

 

As a side note, I don't buy the "he's just passionate about football and will not change, you just have to accept it or leave" mantra. IMO if someone is being 'passionate' about a hobby to the point where they neglect their relationship entirely for it, it's not about a 'passion' any longer. Either they have checked out of the relationship and aren't interested in investing in it any longer, or they have an addiction and need help. Plenty of us are passionate about our hobbies, and we still make time for our loved ones because we care about them (and aren't addicted).

 

You need to talk to him about a compromise, where you both meet halfway. If he isn't interested in one, you should leave and seek someone who is actually interested in spending some time with you.

[Qboro90]

Why don't you make it an event at your house or his and invite your friends over so that while he's watching the game you can be socializing as well and having a good time.

[Lois_Griffin]

He also said that i'm controlling him saying he's not allowed to watch football and that i'm spoilt that I get to see him every weekend because he turns down plans with his friends often for me.

LOL. This guy is such a tool, acting as though his presence is some kind of reward for you. As if.

 

I'd be SO freakin' gone by now. The fact that he's a narrow-minded fool and can't even find any other interests outside of lame soccer games just shows his limited intelligence.

 

I repeat. Tool.

[Keenly]

LOL. This guy is such a tool, acting as though his presence is some kind of reward for you. As if.

 

I'd be SO freakin' gone by now. The fact that he's a narrow-minded fool and can't even find any other interests outside of lame soccer games just shows his limited intelligence.

 

I repeat. Tool.

Pretty judgmental thing to say there. I don't like soccer either, but that doesn't make his hobby any less valid than any other. This is who he is.

[Diezel]

I do tolerate it and I have watched the odd game and tried to enjoy it but the truth is I can't force myself to like it. And the problem is that he watches it excessively, not that he watches the odd match.

 

Then stop forcing this relationship in the same way you can't force yourself to watch football with him.

 

It's not selfish of you to want a balance. If he can't do that, then that's on him. Obviously you aren't his #1 priority. Stop making him yours.

[stillafool]

When I met my husband I wasn't into football because I didn't understand it. Still, Sunday mornings I would make a big breakfast for him before the games and serve it to him in bed. My husband explained the game to me and now I'm obsessed with football. I no longer cook breakfast on Sundays because I'm too busy looking at the pre football game shows so now guess who's cooking breakfast and serving it to me in bed?

[Male]

I'm from the UK and tend to avoid men who are into football for this very reason.

I don't mind the odd game and have been to see a fair few and enjoyed them too but many UK guys watch it all - every single game, whether they support the team or not.

 

Ditch him and find a man who likes music - there are plenty out there!

 

Agreed.

 

Too many guys are severely OBSESSED with football/soccer. They act like they are actually on the team and the outcome directly affects their life. The guys that are even worse are the ones that are obsessed with the game and they also bet on them. Those guys have serious issues because not only are they emotionally involved, but financially as well.

 

Guys like that will ALWAYS be like that. They have no respect and dont care about anyone or anything except their "team" or the game. He needs to find a woman that is just like him or a woman that can tolerate an hour or two of attention from him a week, while she does her own thing.

[Satu]

I never watch TV, but I do occasionally observe it.