why choose married people?

[truncated]

A question for discussion.

 

Why do some single "predatory" other men and women seek out married people or people in a relationship over single people? ? If so, why would someone act this way.

 

I have an acquaintance who I met at my doctor's office some time ago, and we will often chat with one another while we wait. She mentioned an article she had read about this, and the conclusion it put forth was that most people who are "predatory" ( I don't know if I like that term, but it is the one they used) are one or more of the following;

 

- entitled and very spoiled ( I should get what I want)

- severely lacking in empathy ( who cares if it hurts someone else)

- really low self esteem ( he chose me over her, therefore I have value)

-feel a need to compete with others of their own sex due to FOO issues

- addicted to the "drama" of affairs

 

I'm not talking about the "one off" person who would rather be with someone single but gets involved with someone married and will never do so again,but the person who prefers someone who is already with someone else. I'm also not talking about the behavior of the married person, ans that is a whole 'nother can of worms.

[No Limit]

Why do married people choose single people over their 'one and only'? Low self-esteem/other issues go for both WS and OM/OW.

[guild11]

Because humans are attracted more to something that they cant have, like some taboo stuff.

Also women attracted to married men because they want what the wifes having.

[angel.eyes]

I would add fear of commitment and the responsibilities that go with a "real" relationship. That's a common reason why people will prefer someone who is unavailable. Someone who is already married is the poster child of unavailable with respect to a new relationship.

[Imported]

I think "things" have added value when more than just you wants it. Some "predators" can't compete with/for the free roaming single that is also wanted by everybody.

 

 

People that get involved in affairs are not "predators". They just suck.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Because they can.

 

Remember, no one can get with a married person unless the married person allow themselves to be gotten.

[truncated]

Because they can.

 

Remember, no one can get with a married person unless the married person allow themselves to be gotten.

 

that point is not answering the original question.

 

Why would someone prefer to engage in relationships with someone who has already made a commitment to someone else?

[jen1447]

Why do some single "predatory" other men and women seek out married people or people in a relationship over single people? ? If so, why would someone act this way.

 

Many married/relationship people seek out single "predatory" men and women.

[jay1983]

There might be an element of challenge and excitement, but I think the main reason is that a lot of married men are very attractive and desirable.

Edited July 30, 2015 by jay1983

[Southern Sun]

that point is not answering the original question.

 

Why would someone prefer to engage in relationships with someone who has already made a commitment to someone else?

 

They don't desire the responsibility of a real relationship, especially in the case of a single or divorced man with a MW.

 

They get all the 'trappings' of a relationship without the responsibility.

 

Especially in the case of an affair, where it can be highly passionate and sexual, that man might be really enjoying those benefits.

 

He might consider that to be the perfect situation. He gets what he might consider to be the 'best' of her, without having to deal with the day-to-day stuff. He doesn't even really have to do anything but give lip-service over text or email, just to keep her happy.

 

Of course, at some point he'll realize he's up a sh*t creek without a paddle. But I'm sure many wouldn't mind making the most of it if she's stupid enough to allow it (or convinced herself on some level that she's getting something out of it too).

[Gloria25]

They don't desire the responsibility of a real relationship, especially in the case of a single or divorced man with a MW.

 

They get all the 'trappings' of a relationship without the responsibility.

 

Especially in the case of an affair, where it can be highly passionate and sexual, that man might be really enjoying those benefits.

 

He might consider that to be the perfect situation. He gets what he might consider to be the 'best' of her, without having to deal with the day-to-day stuff. He doesn't even really have to do anything but give lip-service over text or email, just to keep her happy.

 

Of course, at some point he'll realize he's up a sh*t creek without a paddle. But I'm sure many wouldn't mind making the most of it if she's stupid enough to allow it (or convinced herself on some level that she's getting something out of it too).

 

I agree with everything you said except what I put in bold cuz what I didn't put in bold "is" what both the WS and OW/OM "are" getting out of it and it works fine for certain affairs - which is why some survive for years.

 

What I think is stupid is where either the WS and/or OW/OM want to ditch the BS and/or kids based on some delusion that with the OW/OM they are gonna be able to translate all the stuff that kept the affair going (fun, sex, passion w/o care) into the mundane stuff that "is" life with the BS.

 

I mean, granted, some marriages have a decent balance of sex, passion, love and moments of stress, bills, responsibilities. But some just don't and that's where affairs sometimes get started.

 

But, also, there are some affairs that - just like people who don't address practicalities before marriage via actual marriage counseling - fail to evolve into full blown RLs cuz the WS and OW/OM just are fueling the RL off of lust, excitement and when "life" happens, they might get bored, especially when they tried to build a RL with someone they didn't look at on a practical level...Plus, the WS is probably bringing the same issues into the affair-turned-RL that he/she had that messed up their marriage.

[oldshirt]

that point is not answering the original question.

 

Why would someone prefer to engage in relationships with someone who has already made a commitment to someone else?

 

It was answering the question. You just didn't like the answer.

 

There was a several year period in my mid 20s (I'm 51 and married now) where I was with a handful or more of married women. A few of them lasted for a few years of periodic hook ups and booty calls.

 

I was not predatory. I did not prey on them or seek them out. They availed themselves to me and I took the bait.

 

The lure for me was easy, no-strings sex. To put it bluntly, at that time and place in my life, married women were simply easier than single women.

 

Single women had many suitors to choose from. Many of which were taller and better looking than me. Single women also expected to be wined and dined and dated and there had to be at least a chance for a future together.

 

Married women wanted none of that. They wanted attention, flattery and desire and passion. They would show up at my house, get what they wanted and then leave.

 

It was a lot less drama, effort and heartache.

 

A single woman eventually wants it all and wants the whole package. I WW only wants the attention, desire and excitement.

 

I got my dck sucked and my tank drained and had a fun afternoon. Their husbands got to change diapers, keep her car running and pick up tampons for her on the way home from work.

 

A lonely, dissatisfied and frustrated married women is 100 times easier to get in the sack and then send home than a single woman.

 

Single women didn't have any interest in me. Married women did.

 

You have the whole predator vs prey thing backwards. I wasn't preying on married women. They were looking for a side piece and I just happened to be the one (or one of the ones) that got picked. If it wasn't me, it would've been someone else.

 

Cheating lies in the heart and soul of the cheater, not the single person. A single person has no obligation to anyone. Now on a big scale yes, if no-one went to bed with another person's spouse then there wouldn't be such a thing as adultry in the world. But that's not the case unfortunately.

 

It exists and it exists because people cheat. The adultry market is driven by the WS s not the singles.

[Dreamworld]

I was an OW once and it was for purely selfish reasons.

 

All the fun of a relationship without the responsibility of a real one. Attention,sex, but then send him home and back to me time. And married men love this kind of arrangement I have noticed. I basically didnt want the MM beyond a FWB level. It is hard to maintain this with single guys. Basically I didnt want commitment so I never went through the angst of other OW's pining for their MM. I didnt want that kind of relationship.

 

It had nothing to do with his wife. I didnt care to know her or compare myself to her.

 

In due time, the **** hit the fan, I learned my lesson and never walked down the OW road again but married men still come on to me all the freaking time. I even posted about it here wondering if I was some sort of married man magnet.

I think I still have commitment issues to a degree.

[Southern Sun]

Married women wanted none of that. They wanted attention, flattery and desire and passion. They would show up at my house, get what they wanted and then leave.

 

It was a lot less drama, effort and heartache.

 

A single woman eventually wants it all and wants the whole package. I WW only wants the attention, desire and excitement.

 

I got my dck sucked and my tank drained and had a fun afternoon. Their husbands got to change diapers, keep her car running and pick up tampons for her on the way home from work.

 

A lonely, dissatisfied and frustrated married women is 100 times easier to get in the sack and then send home than a single woman.

 

Precisely my point, Oldshirt! And yes, my comment had nothing to do really with predatory men. Some certainly are, and others are simply taking advantage of the offering. Note that I placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of the wayward spouse offering it up.

[Southern Sun]

But Truncated, there ARE some "predatory" people out there who specifically hunt for married men or women because it is a game. Everything is a power play, and they get off on "winning" a married person because they pulled one over on the innocent spouse. These people aren't your standard OW or OM though and would be considered a very small percentage of the population. The no-strings sex and all that is simply a side benefit. They are manipulative and cruel and disordered. They've got issues.